2 new+moon新月-第16部分

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；　
too；　shorter　than　me　and　not　as　beefy　as　Quil。　I　think　any　one　of　us　could　take　him。〃　

〃Tough　guys；〃　I　agreed。　I　could　see　it　in　my　head　as　he　described　it；　and　it　reminded　me　of　something…　a　
trio　of　tall；　dark　men　standing　very　still　and　close　together　in　my　father's　living　room。　The　picture　was　
sideways；　because　my　head　was　lying　against　the　couch　while　Dr。　Gerandy　and　Charlie　leaned　over　
me…　Had　that　been　Sam's　gang？　

I　spoke　quickly　again　to　divert　myself　from　the　bleak　memories。　〃Isn't　Sam　a　little　too　old　for　this　kind　of　
thing？〃　

〃Yeah。　He　was　supposed　to　go　to　college；　but　he　stayed。　And　no　one　gave　him　any　crap　about　it；　either。　
The　whole　council　pitched　a　fit　when　my　sister　turned　down　a　partial　scholarship　and　got　married。　But；　oh　
no；　Sam　Uley　can　do　no　wrong。〃　

His　face　was　set　in　unfamiliar　lines　of　outrage—outrage　and　something　else　I　didn't　recognize　at　first。　

〃It　all　sounds　really　annoying　and…　strange。　But　I　don't　get　why　you're　taking　it　so　personally。〃　I　peeked　
over　at　his　face；　hoping　I　hadn't　offended　him。　He　was　suddenly　calm；　staring　out　the　side　window。　

〃You　just　missed　the　turn；〃　he　said　in　an　even　voice。　

I　executed　a　very　wide　Uturn；　nearly　hitting　a　tree　as　my　circle　ran　the　truck　halfway　off　the　road。　

〃Thanks　for　the　headsup；〃　I　muttered　as　I　started　up　the　side　road。　

〃Sorry；　I　wasn't　paying　attention。〃　

It　was　quiet　for　a　brief　minute。　

〃You　can　stop　anywhere　along　here；〃　he　said　softly。　

I　pulled　over　and　cut　the　engine。　My　ears　rang　in　the　silence　that　followed。　We　both　got　out；　and　Jacob　
headed　around　to　the　back　to　get　the　bikes。　I　tried　to　read　his　expression。　Something　more　was　bothering　
him。　I'd　hit　a　nerve。　

He　smiled　halfheartedly　as　he　pushed　the　red　bike　to　my　side。　〃Happy　late　birthday。　Are　you　ready　for　

this？〃　

〃I　think　so。〃　The　bike　suddenly　looked　intimidating；　frightening；　as　I　realized　I　would　soon　be　astride　it。　

〃We'll　take　it　slow；〃　he　promised。　I　gingerly　leaned　the　motorcycle　against　the　truck's　fender　while　he　
went　to　get　his。　

〃Jake…〃I　hesitated　as　he　came　back　around　the　truck。　

〃Yeah？〃　

〃What's　really　bothering　you？　About　the　Sam　thing；　I　mean？　Is　there　something　else？〃　I　watched　his　face。　
He　grimaced；　but　he　didn't　seem　angry。　He　looked　at　the　dirt　and　kicked　his　shoe　against　the　front　tire　of　
his　bike　again　and　again；　like　he　was　keeping　time。　

He　sighed。　〃It's　just…　the　way　they　treat　me。　It　creeps　me　out。〃　The　words　started　to　rush　out　now。　〃You　
know；　the　council　is　supposed　to　be　made　up　of　equals；　but　if　there　was　a　leader；　it　would　be　my　dad。　
I've　never　been　able　to　figure　out　why　people　treat　him　the　way　they　do。　Why　his　opinion　counts　the　
most。　It's　got　something　to　do　with　his　father　and　his　father's　father。　My　greatgrandpa；　Ephraim　Black；　
was　sort　of　the　last　chief　we　had；　and　they　still　listen　to　Billy；　maybe　because　of　that。　

〃But　I'm　just　like　everyone　else。　Nobody　treats　me　special…　until　now。〃　

That　caught　me　off　guard。　〃Sam　treats　you　special？〃　

〃Yeah；〃　he　agreed；　looking　up　at　me　with　troubled　eyes。　〃He　looks　at　me　like　he's　waiting　for　
something…　like　I'm　going　to　join　his　stupid　gang　someday。　He　pays　more　attention　to　me　than　any　of　the　
other　guys。　I　hate　it。〃　

〃You　don't　have　to　join　anything。〃　My　voice　was　angry。　This　was　really　upsetting　Jacob；　and　that　
infuriated　me。　Who　did　these　〃protectors〃　think　they　were？　

〃Yeah。〃　His　foot　kept　up　its　rhythm　against　the　tire。　

〃What？〃　I　could　tell　there　was　more。　

He　frowned；　his　eyebrows　pulling　up　in　a　way　that　looked　sad　and　worried　rather　than　angry。　〃It's　
Embry。　He's　been　avoiding　me　lately。〃　

The　thoughts　didn't　seem　connected；　but　I　wondered　if　I　was　to　blame　for　the　problems　with　his　friend。　
〃You've　been　hanging　out　with　me　a　lot；〃　I　reminded　him；　feeling　selfish。　I'd　been　monopolizing　him。　

〃No；　that's　not　it。　It's　not　just　me—it's　Quil；　too；　and　everyone。　Embry　missed　a　week　of　school；　but　he　
was　never　home　when　we　tried　to　see　him。　And　when　he　came　back；　he　looked…　he　looked　freaked　
out。　Terrified。　Quil　and　I　both　tried　to　get　him　to　tell　us　what　was　wrong；　but　he　wouldn't　talk　to　either　
one　of　us。〃　

I　stared　at　Jacob；　biting　my　lip　anxiously—he　was　really　frightened。　But　he　didn't　look　at　me。　He　watched　
his　own　foot　kicking　the　rubber　as　if　it　belonged　to　someone　else。　The　tempo　increased。　

〃Then　this　week；　out　of　nowhere；　Embry's　hanging　out　with　Sam　and　the　rest　of　them。　He　was　out　on　the　
cliffs　today。〃　His　voice　was　low　and　tense。　

He　finally　looked　at　me。　〃Bella；　they　bugged　him　even　more　than　they　bother　me。　He　didn't　want　anything　
to　do　with　them。　And　now　Embry's　following　Sam　around　like　he's　joined　a　cult。　

〃And　that's　the　way　it　was　with　Paul。　Just　exactly　the　same。　He　wasn't　friends　with　Sam　at　all。　Then　he　
stopped　ing　to　school　for　a　few　weeks；　and；　when　he　came　back；　suddenly　Sam　owned　him。　I　don't　
know　what　it　means。　I　can't　figure　it　out；　and　I　feel　like　I　have　to；　because　Embry's　my　friend　and…　
Sam's　looking　at　me　funny　。　。　and…〃　He　trailed　off。　

〃Have　you　talked　to　Billy　about　this？〃　I　asked。　His　horror　was　spreading　to　me。　I　had　chills　running　on　the　
back　of　my　neck。　

Now　there　was　anger　on　his　face。　〃Yes；〃　he　snorted。　〃That　was　helpful。〃　

〃What　did　he　say？〃　

Jacob's　expression　was　sarcastic；　and　when　he　spoke；　his　voice　mocked　the　deep　tones　of　his　father's　
voice。　〃It's　nothing　you　need　to　worry　about　now；　Jacob。　In　a　few　years；　if　you　don't…　well；　I'll　explain　
later。〃　And　then　his　voice　was　his　own。　〃What　am　I　supposed　to　get　from　that？　Is　he　trying　to　say　it's　
some　stupid　puberty；　ingofage　thing？　This　is　something　else。　Something　wrong。〃　

He　was　biting　his　lower　lip　and　clenching　his　hands。　He　looked　like　he　was　about　to　cry。　

I　threw　my　arms　around　him　instinctively；　wrapping　them　around　his　waist　and　pressing　my　face　against　
his　chest。　He　was　so　big；　I　felt　like　I　was　a　child　hugging　a　grownup。　

〃Oh；　Jake；　it'll　be　okay！〃　I　promised。　〃If　it　gets　worse　you　can　e　live　with　me　and　Charlie。　Don't　be　
scared；　we'll　think　of　something！〃　

He　was　frozen　for　a　second；　and　then　his　long　arms　wrapped　hesitantly　around　me。　〃Thanks；　Bella。〃　His　
voice　was　huskier　than　usual。　

We　stood　like　that　for　a　moment；　and　it　didn't　upset　me；　in　fact；　I　felt　forted　by　the　contact。　This　
didn't　feel　anything　like　the　last　time　someone　had　embraced　me　this　way。　This　was　friendship。　And　Jacob　
was　very　warm。　

It　was　strange　for　me；　being　this　close—emotionally　rather　than　physically；　though　the　physical　was　
strange　for　me；　too—to　another　human　being。　It　wasn't　my　usual　style。　I　didn't　normally　relate　to　people　
so　easily；　on　such　a　basic　level。　

Not　human　beings。　

〃If　this　is　how　you're　going　to　react；　I'll　freak　out　more　often。〃　Jacob's　voice　was　light；　normal　again；　and　
his　laughter　rumbled　against　my　ear。　His　fingers　touched　my　hair；　soft　and　tentative。　

Well；　it　was　friendship　for　me。　

I　pulled　away　quickly；　laughing　with　him；　but　determined　to　put　things　back　in　perspective　at　once。　

〃It's　hard　to　believe　I'm　two　years　older　than　you；〃　I　said；　emphasizing　the　word　older。　〃You　make　me　
feel　like　a　dwarf。〃　Standing　this　close　to　him；　I　really　had　to　crane　my　neck　to　see　his　face。　

〃You're　forgetting　I'm　in　my　forties；　of　course。〃　

〃Oh；　that's　right。〃　

He　patted　my　head。　〃You're　like　a　little　doll；〃　he　teased。　〃A　porcelain　doll。〃　

I　rolled　my　eyes；　taking　another　step　away。　〃Let's　not　start　with　the　albino　cracks。〃　

〃Seriously；　Bella；　are　you　sure　you're　not？〃　He　stretched　his　russet　arm　out　next　to　mine。　The　difference　
wasn't　flattering。　〃I've　never　seen　anyone　paler　than　you…　well；　except　for—〃　He　broke　off；　and　I　
looked　away；　trying　to　not　understand　what　he　had　been　about　to　say。　

〃So　are　we　going　to　ride　or　what？〃　

〃Let's　do　it；〃　I　agreed；　more　enthusiastic　than　I　would　have　been　half　a　minute　ago。　His　unfinished　
sentence　reminded　me　of　why　I　was　here。　

8。　ADRENALINE　




〃OKAY；　WHERE'S　YOUR　CLUTCH？〃　

I　pointed　to　the　lever　on　my　left　handlebar。　Letting　go　of　the　grip　was　a　mistake。　The　heavy　bike　wobbled　
underneath　me；　threatening　to　knock　me　sidewise。　I　grabbed　the　handle　again；　trying　to　hold　it　straight。　

〃Jacob；　it　won't　stay　up；〃　I　plained。　

〃It　will　when　you're　moving；〃　he　promised。　〃Now　where's　your　brake？〃　

〃Behind　my　right　foot。〃　

〃Wrong。〃　

He　grabbed　my　right　hand　and　curled　my　fingers　around　the　lever　over　the　throttle。　

〃But　you　said—〃　

〃This　is　the　brake　you　want。　Don't　use　the　back　brake　now；　that's　for　later；　when　you　know　what　you're　
doing。〃　

〃That　doesn't　sound　right；〃　I　said　suspiciously。　〃Aren't　both　brakes　kind　of　important？〃　

〃Forget　the　back　brake；　okay？　Here—〃　He　wrapped　his　hand　around　mine　and　made　me　squeeze　the　
lever　down。　〃That　is　how　you　brake。　Don't　forget。〃　He　squeezed　my　hand　another　time。　

〃Fine；〃　I　agreed。　

〃Throttle？〃　

I　twisted　the　right　grip。　

〃Gearshift？〃　

I　nudged　it　with　my　left　calf。　

〃Very　good。　I　think　you've　got　all　the　parts　down。　Now　you　just　have　to　get　itmoving。〃　

〃Uhhuh；〃　I　muttered；　afraid　to　say　more。　My　stomach　was　contorting　strangely　and　I　thought　my　voice　
might　crack。　I　was　terrified。　I　tried　to　tell　myself　that　the　fear　was　pointless。　I'd　already　lived　through　the　
worst　thing　possible。　In　parison　with　that；　why　should　anything　frighten　me　now？　I　should　be　able　to　
look　death　in　the　face　and　laugh。　

My　stomach　wasn't　buying　it。　

I　stared　down　the　long　stretch　of　dirt　road；　bordered　by　thick　misty　green　on　every　side。　The　road　was　
sandy　and　damp。　Better　than　mud。　

〃I　want　you　to　hold　down　the　clutch；〃　Jacob　instructed。　

I　wrapped　my　fingers　around　the　clutch。　

〃Now　this　is　crucial；　Bella；〃　Jacob　stressed。　〃Don't　let　go　of　that；　okay？　I　want　you　to　pretend　that　I've　
handed　you　a　live　grenade。　The　pin　is　out　and　you　are　holding　down　the　spoon。〃　

I　squeezed　tighter。　

〃Good。　Do　you　think　you　can　kickstart　it？〃　

〃If　I　move　my　foot；　I　will　fall　over；〃　I　told　him　through　gritted　teeth；　my　fingers　tight　around　my　live　
grenade。　

〃Okay；　I'll　do　it。　Don't　let　go　of　the　clutch。〃　

He　took　a　step　back；　and　then　suddenly　slammed　his　foot　down　on　the　pedal。　There　was　a　short　ripping　
noise；　and　the　force　of　his　thrust　rocked　the　bike。　I　started　to　fall　sideways；　but　Jake　caught　the　bike　
before　it　knocked　me　to　the　ground。　

〃Steady　there；〃　he　encouraged。　〃Do　you　still　have　the　clutch？〃　

〃Yes；〃　I　gasped。　

〃Plant　your　feet—I'm　going　to　try　again。〃　But　he　put　his　hand　on　the　back　of　the　seat；　too；　just　to　be　safe。　

It　took　four　more　kicks　before　the　ignition　caught。　I　could　feel　the　bike　rumbling　beneath　me　like　an　angry　
animal。　I　gripped　the　clutch　until　my　fingers　ached。　

〃Try　out　the　throttle；〃　he　suggested。　〃Very　lightly。　And　don't　let　go　of　the　clutch。〃　

Hesitantly；　I　twisted　the　right　handle。　Though　the　movement　was　tiny；　the　bike　snarled　beneath　me。　It　
sounded　angry　and　hungry　now。　Jacob　smiled　in　deep　satisfaction。　

〃Do　you　remember　how　to　put　it　into　first　gear？〃　he　asked。　

〃Yes。〃　

〃Well；　go　ahead　and　do　it。〃　

〃Okay。〃　

He　waited　for　a　few　seconds。　

〃Left　foot；〃　he　prompted。　

〃I　know；〃　I　said；　taking　a　deep　breath。　

〃Are　you　sure　you　want　to　do　this？〃　Jacob　asked。　〃You　look　scared。〃　

〃I'm　fine；〃　I　snapped。　I　kicked　the　gearshift　down　one　notch。　

〃Very　good；〃　he　praised　me。　〃Now；　very　gently；　ease　up　on　the　clutch。〃　

He　took　a　step　away　from　the　bike。　

〃You　want　me　to　let　go　of　the　grenade？〃　I　asked　in　disbelief。　No　wonder　he　was　moving　back。　

〃That's　how　you　move；　Bella。　Just　do　it　little　by　little。〃　

As　I　began　to　loosen　my　grip；　I　was　shocked　to　be　interrupted　by　a　voice　that　did　not　belong　to　the　boy　
standing　next　to　me。　

〃This　is　reckless　and　childish　and　idiotic；　Bella；〃　the　velvet　voice　fumed。　

〃Oh！〃　I　gasped；　and　my　hand　fell　off　the　clutch。　

The　bike　bucked　under　me；　yanking　me　forward　and　then　collapsing　to　the　ground　half　on　top　of　me。　The　
growling　engine　choked　to　a　stop。　

〃Bella？〃　Jacob　jerked　the　heavy　bike　off　me　with　ease。　〃Are　you　hurt？〃　

But　I　wasn't　listening。　

〃I　told　you　so；〃　the　perfect　voice　murmured；　crystal　clear。　

〃Bella？〃　Jacob　shook　my　shoulder。　

〃I'm　fine；〃　I　mumbled；　dazed。　

More　than　fine。　The　voice　in　my　head　was　back。　It　still　rang　in　my　ears—soft；　velvety　echoes。　

My　mind　ran　swiftly　through　the　possibilities。　There　was　no　familiarity　here—on　a　road　I'd　never　seen；　
doing　something　I'd　never　done　before—no　deja　vu　So　the　hallucinations　must　be　triggered　by　something　
else…　I　felt　the　adrenaline　coursing　through　my　veins　again；　and　I　thought　I　had　the　answer。　Some　
bination　of　adrenaline　and　danger；　or　maybe　just　stupidity。　

Jacob　was　pulling　me　to　my　feet。　

〃Did　you　hit　your　head？〃　he　asked。　

〃I　don't　think　so。〃　I　shook　it　back　and　forth；　checking。　〃I　didn't　hurt　the　bike；　did　I？〃　This　thought　worried　
me。　I　was　anxious　to　try　again；　right　away。　Being　reckless　was　paying　off　better　than　I'd　thought。　Forget　
cheating。　Maybe　I'd　found　a　way　to　generate　the　hallucinations—that　was　much　more　important。　

〃No。　You　just　stalled　the　engine；〃　Jacob　said；　interrupting　my　quick　speculations。　〃You　let　go　of　the　clutch　
too　fast。〃　

I　nodded。　〃Let's　try　again。〃　

〃Are　you　sure？〃　Jacob　asked。　

〃Positive。〃　

This　time　I　tried　to　get　the　kickstart　myself。　It　was　plicated；　I　had　to　jump　a　little　to　slam　down　on　
the　pedal　with　enough　force；　and　every　time　I　did　that；　the　bike　tried　to　knock　me　over。　Jacob's　hand　
hovered　over　the　handlebars；　ready　to　catch　me　if　I　needed　him。　

It　took　several　good　tries；　and　even　more　poor　tries；　before　the　engine　caught　and　roared　to　life　under　
me。　Remembering　to　hold　on　to　the　grenade；　I　revved　the　throttle　experimentally。　It　snarled　at　the　
slightest　touch。　My　smile　mirrored　Jacob's　now。　

〃Easy　on　the　clutch；〃　he　reminded　me。　

〃Do　you　want　to　kill　yourself；　then？　Is　that　what　this　is　about？〃　the　other　voice　spoke　again；　his　tone　
severe。　

I　smiled　tightly—it　was　still　working—and　ignored　the　questions。　Jacob　wasn't　going　to　let　anything　
serious　happen　to　me。　

〃Go　home　to　Charlie；〃　the　voice　ordered。　The　sheer　beauty　of　it　amazed　me。　I　couldn't　allow　my　memory　
to　lose　it；　no　matter　the　price。　

〃Ease　off　slowly；〃　Jacob　encouraged　me。　

〃I　will；〃　I　said。　It　bothered　me　a　bit　when　I　realized　I　was　answering　both　of　them。　

The　voice　in　my　head　growled　against　the　roar　of　the　motorcycle。　

Trying　to　focus　this　time；　to　not　let　the　voice　startle　me　again；　I　relaxed　my　hand　by　tiny　degrees。　
Suddenly；　the　gear　caught　and　wrenched　me　forward。　

And　I　was　flying。　

There　was　wind　that　wasn't　there　before；　blowing　my　skin　against　my　skull　and　flinging　my　hair　back　
behind　me　with　enough　force　that　it　felt　like　someone　was　tugging　on　it。　I'd　left　my　stomach　back　at　the　
starting　point；　the　adrenaline　coursed　through　my　body；　tingling　in　my　veins。　The　trees　raced　past　me；　
blurring　into　a　wall　of　green。　

But　this　was　only　first　gear。　My　foot　itched　toward　the　gearshift　as　I　twisted　for　more　gas。　

〃No；　Bella！〃　the　angry；　honeysweet　voice　ordered　in　my　ear。　〃Watch　what　you're　doing！〃