2 new+moon新月-第32部分

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of　the　fall…　I　imagined　the　way　Edward's　voice　would　have　sounded　in　my　head—furious；　velvet；　
perfect…　The　burning　in　my　chest　flared　agonizingly。　

There　had　to　be　some　way　to　quench　it。　The　pain　was　growing　more　and　more　intolerable　by　the　second。　
I　glared　at　the　cliffs　and　the　crashing　waves。　

Well；　why　not？　Why　not　quench　it　right　now？　

Jacob　had　promised　me　cliff　diving；　hadn't　he？　Just　because　he　was　unavailable；　should　I　have　to　give　up　
the　distraction　I　needed　so　badly—needed　even　worse　because　Jacob　was　out　risking　his　life？　Risking　it；　
in　essence；　for　me。　If　it　weren't　for　me；　Victoria　would　not　be　killing　people　here…　just　somewhere　else；　
far　away。　If　anything　happened　to　Jacob；　it　would　be　my　fault。　That　realization　stabbed　deep　and　had　me　
jogging　back　up　to　the　road　toward　Billy's　house；　where　my　truck　waited。　

I　knew　my　way　to　the　lane　that　passed　closest　to　the　cliffs；　but　I　had　to　hunt　for　the　little　path　that　would　
take　me　out　to　the　ledge。　As　I　followed　it；　I　looked　for　turns　or　forks；　knowing　that　Jake　had　planned　to　
take　me　off　the　lower　outcropping　rather　than　the　top；　but　the　path　wound　in　a　thin　single　line　toward　the　
brink　with　no　options。　I　didn't　have　time　to　find　another　way　down—the　storm　was　moving　in　quickly　
now。　The　wind　was　finally　beginning　to　touch　me；　the　clouds　pressing　closer　to　the　ground。　Just　as　I　
reached　the　place　where　the　dirt　path　fanned　out　into　the　stone　precipice；　the　first　drops　broke　through　
and　splattered　on　my　face。　

It　was　not　hard　to　convince　myself　that　I　didn't　have　time　to　search　for　another　way—I　wanted　to　jump　
from　the　top。　This　was　the　image　that　had　lingered　in　my　head。　I　wanted　the　long　fall　that　would　feel　like　
flying。　

I　knew　that　this　was　the　stupidest；　most　reckless　thing　I　had　done　yet。　The　thought　made　me　smile。　The　
pain　was　already　easing；　as　if　my　body　knew　that　Edward's　voice　was　just　seconds　away…　

The　ocean　sounded　very　far　away；　somehow　farther　than　before；　when　I　was　on　the　path　in　the　trees。　I　
grimaced　when　I　thought　of　the　probable　temperature　of　the　water。　But　I　wasn't　going　to　let　that　stop　me。　

The　wind　blew　stronger　now；　whipping　the　rain　into　eddies　around　me。　

I　stepped　out　to　the　edge；　keeping　my　eyes　on　the　empty　space　in　front　of　me。　My　toes　felt　ahead　blindly；　
caressing　the　edge　of　the　rock　when　they　encountered　it。　I　drew　in　a　deep　breath　and　held　it　。　。　waiting。　

〃Bella。〃　

I　smiled　and　exhaled。　

Yes？　I　didn't　answer　out　loud；　for　fear　that　the　sound　of　my　voice　would　shatter　the　beautiful　illusion。　He　
sounded　so　real；　so　close。　It　was　only　when　lie　was　disapproving　like　this　that　I　could　hear　the　true　
memory　of　his　voice—the　velvet　texture　and　the　musical　intonation　that　made　up　the　most　perfect　of　all　
voices。　

〃Don't　do　this；〃　he　pleaded。　

You　wanted　me　to　be　human；　I　reminded　him。　Well；　watch　me。　

〃Please。　For　me。〃　

But　you　won't　stay　with　me　any　other　way。　

〃Please。〃　It　was　just　a　whisper　in　the　blowing　rain　that　tossed　my　hair　and　drenched　my　clothes—making　
me　as　wet　as　if　this　were　my　second　jump　of　the　day。　

I　rolled　up　onto　the　balls　of　my　feet。　

〃No；　Bella！〃　He　was　angry　now；　and　the　anger　was　so　lovely。　

I　smiled　and　raised　my　arms　straight　out；　as　if　I　were　going　to　dive；　lifting　my　face　into　the　rain。　But　it　was　
too　ingrained　from　years　of　swimming　at　the　public　pool—feet　first；　first　time。　I　leaned　forward；　crouching　
to　get　more　spring…　

And　I　flung　myself　off　the　cliff。　

I　screamed　as　I　dropped　through　the　open　air　like　a　meteor；　but　it　was　a　scream　of　exhilaration　and　not　
fear。　The　wind　resisted；　trying　vainly　to　fight　the　unconquerable　gravity；　pushing　against　me　and　twirling　
me　in　spirals　like　a　rocket　crashing　to　the　earth。　

Yes！　The　word　echoed　through　my　head　as　I　sliced　through　the　surface　of　the　water。　It　was　icy；　colder　
than　I'd　feared；　and　yet　the　chill　only　added　to　the　high。　

I　was　proud　of　myself　as　I　plunged　deeper　into　the　freezing　black　water。　I　hadn't　had　one　moment　of　
terror—just　pure　adrenaline。　Really；　the　fall　wasn't　scary　at　all。　Where　was　the　challenge？　

That　was　when　the　current　caught　me。　

I'd　been　so　preoccupied　by　the　size　of　the　cliffs；　by　the　obvious　danger　of　their　high；　sheer　faces；　that　I　
hadn't　worried　at　all　about　the　dark　water　waiting。　I　never　dreamed　that　the　true　menace　was　lurking　far　
below　me；　under　the　heaving　surf。　

It　felt　like　the　waves　were　fighting　over　me；　jerking　me　back　and　forth　between　them　as　if　determined　to　
share　by　pulling　me　into　halves。　I　knew　the　right　way　to　avoid　a　riptide：　swim　parallel　to　the　beach　rather　
than　struggling　for　the　shore。　But　the　knowledge　did　me　little　good　when　I　didn't　know　which　way　the　
shore　was。　

I　couldn't　even　tell　which　way　the　surface　was。　

The　angry　water　was　black　in　every　direction；　there　was　no　brightness　to　direct　me　upward。　Gravity　was　
allpowerful　when　it　peted　with　the　air；　but　it　had　nothing　on　the　waves—I　couldn't　feel　a　downward　
pull；　a　sinking　in　any　direction。　Just　the　battering　of　the　current　that　flung　me　round　and　round　like　a　rag　
doll。　

I　fought　to　keep　my　breath　in；　to　keep　my　lips　locked　around　my　last　store　of　oxygen。　

It　didn't　surprise　me　that　my　delusion　of　Edward　was　there。　He　owed　me　that　much；　considering　that　I　
was　dying。　I　was　surprised　by　how　sure　that　knowledge　was。　I　was　going　to　drown。　I　was　drowning。　

〃Keep　swimming！〃　Edward　begged　urgently　in　my　head。　

Where？　There　was　nothing　but　the　darkness。　There　was　no　place　to　swim　to。　

〃Stop　that！〃　he　ordered。　〃Don't　you　dare　give　up！〃　

The　cold　of　the　water　was　numbing　my　arms　and　legs。　I　didn't　feel　the　buffeting　so　much　as　before。　It　was　
more　of　just　a　dizziness　now；　a　helpless　spinning　in　the　water。　

But　I　listened　to　him。　I　forced　my　arms　to　continue　reaching；　my　legs　to　kick　harder；　though　every　second　
I　was　facing　a　new　direction。　It　couldn't　be　doing　any　good。　What　was　the　point？　

〃Fight！〃　he　yelled。　〃Damn　it；　Bella；　keep　fighting。〃　

Why？　

I　didn't　want　to　fight　anymore。　And　it　wasn't　the　lightheadedness；　or　the　cold；　or　the　failure　of　my　arms　
as　the　muscles　gave　out　in　exhaustion；　that　made　me　content　to　stay　where　I　was。　I　was　almost　happy　
that　it　was　over。　This　was　an　easier　death　than　others　I'd　faced。　Oddly　peaceful。　

I　thought　briefly　of　the　clichés；　about　how　you　were　suppose　to　see　your　life　flash　before　your　eyes。　I　was　
so　much　luckier。　Who　wanted　to　see　a　rerun；　anyway？　

I　saw　him；　and　I　had　no　will　to　fight。　It　was　so　clear；　so　much　more　defined　than　any　memory。　My　
subconscious　had　stored　Edward　away　in　flawless　detail；　saving　him　for　this　final　moment。　I　could　see　his　
perfect　face　as　if　he　were　really　there；　the　exact　shade　of　his　icy　skin；　the　shape　of　his　lips；　the　line　of　his　
jaw；　the　gold　glinting　in　his　furious　eyes。　He　was　angry；　naturally；　that　I　was　giving　up。　His　teeth　were　
clenched　and　his　nostrils　flared　with　rage。　

〃No！　Bella；　no！〃　

My　ears　were　flooded　with　the　freezing　water；　but　his　voice　was　clearer　than　ever。　I　ignored　his　words　
and　concentrated　on　the　sound　of　his　voice。　Why　would　I　fight　when　I　was　so　happy　where　I　was？　Even　
as　my　lungs　burned　for　more　air　and　my　legs　cramped　in　the　icy　cold；　I　was　content。　I'd　forgotten　what　
real　happiness　felt　like。　

Happiness。　It　made　the　whole　dying　thing　pretty　bearable。　

The　current　won　at　that　moment；　shoving　me　abruptly　against　something　hard；　a　rock　invisible　in　the　
gloom。　It　hit　me　solidly　across　the　chest；　slamming　into　me　like　an　iron　bar；　and　the　breath　whooshed　out　
of　my　lungs；　escaping　in　a　thick　cloud　of　silver　bubbles。　Water　flooded　down　my　throat；　choking　and　
burning。　The　iron　bar　seemed　to　be　dragging　me；　pulling　me　away　from　Edward；　deeper　into　the　dark；　to　
the　ocean　floor。　

Goodbye；　I　love　you；　was　my　last　thought。　

16。　PARIS　




AT　THAT　MOMENT；　MY　HEAD　BROKE　THE　SURFACE。　

How　disorienting。　I'd　been　sure　I　was　sinking。　

The　current　wouldn't　let　up。　It　was　slamming　me　against　more　rocks；　they　beat　against　the　center　of　my　
back　sharply；　rhythmically；　pushing　the　water　from　my　lungs。　It　gushed　out　in　amazing　volume；　absolute　
torrents　pouring　from　my　mouth　and　nose。　The　salt　burned　and　my　lungs　burned　and　my　throat　was　too　
full　of　water　to　catch　a　breath　and　the　rocks　were　hurting　my　back。　Somehow　I　stayed　in　one　place；　
though　the　waves　still　heaved　around　me。　I　couldn't　see　anything　but　water　everywhere；　reaching　for　my　
face。　

〃Breathe！〃　a　voice；　wild　with　anxiety；　ordered；　and　I　felt　a　cruel　stab　of　pain　wher　I　recognized　the　
voice—because　it　wasn't　Edward's。　

I　could　not　obey。　The　waterfall　pouring　from　my　mouth　didn't　stop　long　enough　for　me　to　catch　a　breath。　
The　black；　icy　water　filled　my　chest；　burning。　

The　rock　smacked　into　my　back　again；　right　between　my　shoulder　blades；　and　another　volley　of　water　
choked　its　way　out　of　my　lungs。　

〃Breathe；　Bella！　C'mon！〃　Jacob　begged。　

Black　spots　bloomed　across　my　vision；　getting　wider　and　wider；　blocking　out　the　light。　

The　rock　struck　me　again。　

The　rock　wasn't　cold　like　the　water；　it　was　hot　on　my　skin。　I　realized　it　was　Jacob's　hand；　trying　to　beat　
the　water　from　my　lungs。　The　iron　bar　that　had　dragged　me　from　the　sea　was　also…　warm…　My　head　
whirled；　the　black　spots　covered　everything…　

Was　I　dying　again；　then？　I　didn't　like　it—this　wasn't　as　good　as　the　last　time。　It　was　only　dark　now；　
nothing　worth　looking　at　here。　The　sound　of　the　crashing　waves　faded　into　the　black　and　became　a　quiet；　
even　whoosh　that　sounded　like　it　was　ing　from　the　inside　of　my　ears…　

〃Bella？〃　Jacob　asked；　his　voice　still　tense；　but　not　as　wild　as　before。　〃Bells；　honey；　can　you　hear　me？〃　

The　contents　of　my　head　swished　and　rolled　sickeningly；　like　they'd　joined　the　rough　water…　

〃How　long　has　she　been　unconscious？〃　someone　else　asked。　

The　voice　that　was　not　Jacob's　shocked　me；　jarred　me　into　a　more　focused　awareness。　

I　realized　that　I　was　still。　There　was　no　tug　of　the　current　on　me—the　heaving　was　inside　my　head。　The　
surface　under　me　was　flat　and　motionless。　It　felt　grainy　against　my　bare　arms。　

〃I　don't　know；〃　Jacob　reported；　still　frantic。　His　voice　was　very　close。　Hands—so　warm　they　had　to　be　
his—brushed　wet　hair　from　my　cheeks。　〃A　few　minutes？　It　didn't　take　long　to　tow　her　to　the　beach。〃　

The　quiet　whooshing　inside　my　ears　was　not　the　waves—it　was　the　air　moving　in　and　out　of　my　lungs　
again。　Each　breath　burned—the　passageways　were　as　raw　as　if　I'd　scrubbed　them　out　with　steel　wool。　
But　I　was　breathing。　

And　I　was　freezing。　A　thousand　sharp；　icy　beads　were　striking　my　face　and　arms；　making　the　cold　worse。　

〃She's　breathing。　She'll　e　around。　We　should　get　her　out　of　the　cold；　though。　I　don't　like　the　color　
she's　turning…〃　I　recognized　Sam's　voice　this　time。　

〃You　think　it's　okay　to　move　her？〃　

〃She　didn't　hurt　her　back　or　anything　when　she　fell？〃　

〃I　don't　know。〃　

They　hesitated。　

I　tried　to　open　my　eyes。　It　took　me　a　minute；　but　then　I　could　see　the　dark；　purple　clouds；　flinging　the　
freezing　rain　down　at　me。　〃Jake？〃　I　croaked。　

Jacob's　face　blocked　out　the　sky。　〃Oh！〃　he　gasped；　relief　washing　over　his　features。　His　eyes　were　wet　
from　the　rain。　〃Oh；　Bella！　Are　you　okay？　Can　you　hear　me？　Do　you　hurt　anywhere？〃　

〃JJust　mmy　throat；〃　I　stuttered；　my　lips　quivering　from　the　cold。　

〃Let's　get　you　out　of　here；　then；〃　Jacob　said。　He　slid　his　arms　under　me　and　lifted　me　without　effort—like　
picking　up　an　empty　box。　His　chest　was　bare　and　warm；　he　hunched　his　shoulders　to　keep　the　rain　off　of　
me。　My　head　lolled　over　his　arm。　I　stared　vacantly　back　toward　the　furious　water；　beating　the　sand　
behindhim。　

〃You　got　her？〃　I　heard　Sam　ask。　

〃Yeah；　I'll　take　it　from　here。　Get　back　to　the　hospital。　I'll　join　you　later。　Thanks；　Sam。〃　

My　head　was　still　rolling。　None　of　his　words　sunk　in　at　first。　Sam　didn't　answer。　There　was　no　sound；　and　
I　wondered　if　he　were　already　gone。　

The　water　licked　and　writhed　up　the　sand　after　us　as　Jacob　carried　me　away；　like　it　was　angry　that　I'd　
escaped。　As　I　stared　wearily；　a　spark　of　color　caught　my　unfocused　eyes—a　small　flash　of　fire　was　
dancing　on　the　black　water；　far　out　in　the　bay。　The　image　made　no　sense；　and　I　wondered　how　conscious　
I　really　was。　My　head　swirled　with　the　memory　of　the　black；　churning　water—of　being　so　lost　that　I　
couldn't　find　up　or　down。　So　lost…　but　somehow　Jacob…　

〃How　did　you　find　me？〃　I　rasped。　

〃I　was　searching　for　you；〃　he　told　me。　He　was　halfjogging　through　the　rain；　up　the　beach　toward　the　
road。　〃I　followed　the　tire　tracks　to　your　truck；　and　then　I　heard　you　scream…〃　He　shuddered。　〃Why　
would　you　jump；　Bella？　Didn't　you　notice　that　it's　turning　into　a　hurricane　out　here？　Couldn't　you　have　
waited　for　me？〃　Anger　filled　his　tone　as　the　relief　faded。　

〃Sorry；〃　I　muttered。　〃It　was　stupid。〃　

〃Yeah；　it　was　really　stupid；〃　he　agreed；　drops　of　rain　shaking　free　of　his　hair　as　he　nodded。　〃Look；　do　
you　mind　saving　the　stupid　stuff　for　when　I'm　around？　I　won't　be　able　to　concentrate　if　I　think　you're　
jumping　off　cliffs　behind　my　back。〃　

〃Sure；〃　I　agreed。　〃No　problem。〃　I　sounded　like　a　chainsmoker。　I　tried　to　clear　my　throat—and　then　
winced；　the　throatclearing　felt　like　stabbing　a　knife　down　there。　〃What　happened　today？　Did　you…　find　
her？〃　It　was　my　turn　to　shudder；　though　I　wasn't　so　cold　here；　right　next　to　his　ridiculous　body　heat。　

Jacob　shook　his　head。　He　was　still　more　running　than　walking　as　he　headed　up　the　road　to　his　house。　
〃No。　She　took　off　into　the　water—the　bloodsuckers　have　the　advantage　there。　That's　why　I　raced　
home—I　was　afraid　she　was　going　to　double　back　swimming。　You　spend　so　much　time　on　the　beach…〃　
He　trailed　off；　a　catch　in　his　throat。　

〃Sam　came　back　with　you…　is　everyone　else　home；　too？〃　I　hoped　they　weren't　still　out　searching　for　her。　

〃Yeah。　Sort　of。〃　

I　tried　to　read　his　expression；　squinting　into　the　hammering　rain。　His　eyes　were　tight　with　worry　or　pain。　

The　words　that　hadn't　made　sense　before　suddenly　did。　〃You　said…　hospital。　Before；　to　Sam。　Is　
someone　hurt？　Did　she　fight　you？〃　My　voice　jumped　up　an　octave；　sounding　strange　with　the　hoarseness。　

〃No；　no。　When　we　got　back；　Em　was　waiting　with　the　news。　It's　Harry　Clearwater。　Harry　had　a　heart　
attack　this　morning。〃　

〃Harry？〃　I　shook　my　head；　trying　to　absorb　what　he　was　staying。　〃Oh；　no！　Does　Charlie　know？〃　

〃Yeah。　He's　over　there；　too；　with　my　dad。〃　

〃Is　Harry　going　to　be　okay？〃　

Jacob's　eyes　tightened　again。　〃It　doesn't　look　so　great　right　now。〃　

Abruptly；　I　felt　really　sick　with　guilt—felt　truly　horrible　about　the　brainless　cliff　dive。　Nobody　needed　to　
be　worrying　about　me　right　now。　What　a　stupid　time　to　be　reckless。　

〃What　can　I　do？〃　I　asked。　

At　that　moment　the　rain　stopped。　I　hadn't　realized　we　were　already　back　to　Jacob's　house　until　he　
walked　through　the　door。　The　storm　pounded　against　the　roof。　

〃You　can　stay　here；〃　Jacob　said　as　he　dumped　me　on　the　short　couch。　〃I　mean　it—right　here　I'll　get　you　
some　dry　clothes。〃　

I　let　my　eyes　adjust　to　the　dark　room　while　Jacob　banged　around　in　his　bedroom。　The　cramped　front　
room　seemed　so　empty　without