5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第11部分

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Jasper　hesitated；　and　then　went　to　stand　against　the　wall　behind　Rosalie。　He　was　decided；　regardless　of　the　oute　of　this　discussion。　My　teeth　locked　together。　Alice　was　the　last　to　e　in；　and　her　eyes　were　focused　future；　still　too　indistinct　for　her　to　make　use　of　it。　about　it；　she　sat　next　to　Esme。　She　rubbed　her　forehead　Jasper　twitched　uneasily　and　considered　joining　her；　but　I　took　a　deep　breath。　on　something　far　away　the　Without　seeming　to　think　as　if　she　had　a　headache。　he　kept　his　place。　I　had　started　this　I　should　speak　first。　I　m　sorry；　I　said；　looking　first　at　Rose；　then　Jasper　and　then　Emmett。　I　didn　t　mean　to　put　any　of　you　at　risk。　It　was　thoughtless；　and　I　take　full　responsibility　for　my　hasty　action。　Rosalie　glared　at　me　balefully。　What　do　you　mean；　take　full　responsibility　？　Are　you　going　to　fix　it？　Not　the　way　you　mean；　I　said；　working　to　keep　my　voice　even　and　quiet。　I　m　willing　to　leave　now；　if　that　makes　things　better。　If　I　believe　that　the　girl　will　be　safe；　if　I　believe　that　none　of　you　will　touch　her；　I　amended　in　my　head。　No；　Esme　murmured。　I　patted　her　hand。　No；　Edward。　It　s　just　a　few　years。　Esme　s　right；　though；　Emmett　said。　You　can　t　go　anywhere　now。　That　would　be　the　opposite　of　helpful。　We　have　to　know　what　people　are　thinking；　now　more　than　ever。　Alice　will　catch　anything　major；　I　disagreed。　Carlisle　shook　his　head。　I　think　Emmett　is　right；　Edward。　The　girl　will　be　more　likely　to　talk　if　you　disappear。　It　s　all　of　us　leave；　or　none　of　us。　She　won　t　say　anything；　I　insisted　quickly。　Rose　was　building　up　to　the　explosion；　and　I　wanted　this　fact　out　there　first。　You　don　t　know　her　mind；　Carlisle　reminded　me。　I　know　this　much。　Alice；　back　me　up。　Alice　stared　up　at　me　wearily。　I　can　t　see　what　will　happen　if　we　just　ignore　this。　She　glanced　at　Rose　and　Jasper。　No；　she　couldn　t　see　that　future　not　when　Rosalie　and　Jasper　were　so　decided　against　ignoring　the　incident。　Rosalie　s　palm　smacked　down　on　the　table　with　a　loud　bang。　We　can　t　allow　the　human　a　chance　to　say　anything。　Carlisle；　you　must　see　that。　Even　if　we　decided　to　all　disappear；　it　s　not　safe　to　leave　stories　behind　us。　We　live　so　differently　from　the　rest　of　our　kind　you　know　there　are　those　who　would　love　an　excuse　to　point　fingers。　We　have　to　be　more　careful　than　anyone　else！　We　ve　left　rumors　behind　us　before；　I　reminded　her。　Just　rumors　and　suspicions；　Edward。　Evidence！　I　scoffed。　Not　eyewitnesses　and　evidence！

But　Jasper　was　nodding；　his　eyes　hard。　Rose　Carlisle　began。　Let　me　finish；　Carlisle。　It　doesn　t　have　to　be　any　big　production。　The　girl　hit　her　head　today。　So　maybe　that　injury　turns　out　to　be　more　serious　that　it　looked。　Rosalie　shrugged。　Every　mortal　goes　to　sleep　with　the　chance　of　never　waking　up。　The　others　would　expect　us　to　clean　up　after　ourselves。　Technically；　that　would　make　it　Edward　s　job；　but　this　is　obviously　beyond　him。　You　know　I　m　capable　of　control。　I　would　leave　no　evidence　behind　me。　Yes；　Rosalie；　we　all　know　how　proficient　an　assassin　you　are；　I　snarled。　She　hissed　at　me；　furious。　Edward；　please；　Carlisle　said。　Then　he　turned　to　Rosalie。　Rosalie；　I　looked　the　other　way　in　Rochester　because　I　felt　that　you　were　owed　your　justice。　The　men　you　killed　had　wronged　you　monstrously。　This　is　not　the　same　situation。　The　Swan　girl　is　an　innocent。　It　s　not　personal；　Carlisle；　Rosalie　said　through　her　teeth。　us　all。　It　s　to　protect　There　was　a　brief　moment　of　silence　while　Carlisle　thought　through　his　answer。　When　he　nodded；　Rosalie　s　eyes　lit　up。　She　should　have　known　better。　Even　if　I　hadn　t　been　able　to　read　his　thoughts；　I　could　have　anticipated　his　next　words。　Carlisle　never　promised。　I　know　you　mean　well；　Rosalie；　but　I　d　like　very　much　for　our　family　to　be　worth　protecting。　The　occasional　accident　or　lapse　in　control　is　a　regrettable　part　of　who　we　are。　It　was　very　like　him　to　include　himself　in　the　plural；　though　he　had　never　had　such　a　lapse　himself。　To　murder　a　blameless　child　in　cold　blood　is　another　thing　entirely。　I　believe　the　risk　she　presents；　whether　she　speaks　her　suspicions　or　not；　is　nothing　to　the　greater　risk。　If　we　make　exceptions　to　protect　ourselves；　we　risk　something　much　more　important。　We　risk　losing　the　essence　of　who　we　are。　I　controlled　my　expression　very　carefully。　applaud；　as　I　wished　I　could。　Rosalie　scowled。　It　wouldn　t　do　at　all　to　grin。　Or　to　It　s　just　being　responsible。　Every　life　is　precious。　Emmett　patted　her　shoulder。　It　s　being　callous；　Carlisle　corrected　gently。　Rosalie　sighed　heavily　and　her　lower　lip　pouted　out。　It　ll　be　fine；　Rose；　he　encouraged　in　a　low　voice。　The　question；　Carlisle　continued；　is　whether　we　should　move　on？　No；　Rosalie　moaned。　We　just　got　settled。　sophomore　year　in　high　school　again！　I　don　t　want　to　start　on　my　You　could　keep　your　present　age；　of　course；　Carlisle　said。　And　have　to　move　again　that　much　sooner？　she　countered。

Carlisle　shrugged。　I　like　it　here！　There　s　so　little　sun；　we　get　to　be　almost　normal。　Well；　we　certainly　don　t　have　to　decide　now。　We　can　wait　and　see　if　it　bees　necessary。　Edward　seems　certain　of　the　Swan　girl　s　silence。　Rosalie　snorted。　But　I　was　no　longer　worried　about　Rose。　I　could　see　that　she　would　go　along　with　Carlisle　s　decision；　not　matter　how　infuriated　she　was　with　me。　Their　conversation　had　moved　on　to　unimportant　details。　Jasper　remained　unmoved。　I　understood　why。　Before　he　and　Alice　had　met；　he　d　lived　in　a　bat　zone；　a　relentless　theater　of　war。　He　knew　the　consequences　of　flouting　the　rules　he　d　seen　the　grisly　aftermath　with　his　own　eyes。　It　said　much　that　he　had　not　tried　to　calm　Rosalie　down　with　his　extra　faculties；　nor　did　he　now　try　to　rile　her　up。　He　was　holding　himself　aloof　from　this　discussion　above　it。　Jasper；　I　said。　He　met　my　gaze；　his　face　expressionless。　She　won　t　pay　for　my　mistake。　She　benefits　from　it；　then？　set　that　right。　I　won　t　allow　that。　I　would　only　She　should　have　died　today；　Edward。　I　will　not　allow　it。　I　repeated　myself；　emphasizing　each　word。　His　eyebrows　shot　up。　He　wasn　t　expecting　this　he　hadn　t　imagined　that　I　would　act　to　stop　him。　He　shook　his　head　once。　I　won　t　let　Alice　live　in　danger；　even　a　slight　danger。　You　don　t　feel　about　anyone　the　way　I　feel　about　her；　Edward；　and　you　haven　t　lived　through　what　I　ve　lived　through；　whether　you　ve　seen　my　memories　or　not。　You　don　t　understand。　I　m　not　disputing　that；　Jasper。　hurt　Isabella　Swan。　But　I　m　telling　you　now；　I　won　t　allow　you　to　I　felt　him　We　stared　at　each　other　not　glaring；　but　measuring　the　opposition。　sample　the　mood　around　me；　testing　my　determination。　Jazz；　Alice　said；　interrupting　us。　He　held　my　gaze　for　a　moment　more；　and　then　looked　at　her。　Don　t　bother　telling　me　you　can　protect　yourself；　Alice。　I　already　know　that。　I　ve　still　got　to　That　s　not　what　I　m　going　say；　Alice　interrupted。　favor。　I　was　going　to　ask　you　for　a　I　saw　what　was　on　her　mind；　and　my　mouth　fell　open　with　an　audible　gasp。　I　stared　at　her；　shocked；　only　vaguely　aware　that　everyone　besides　Alice　and　Jasper　was　now

eyeing　me　warily。　I　know　you　love　me。　Thanks。　But　I　would　really　appreciate　it　if　you　didn　t　try　to　kill　Bella。　First　of　all；　Edward　s　serious　and　I　don　t　want　you　two　fighting。　Secondly；　she　s　my　friend。　At　least；　she　s　going　to　be。　It　was　clear　as　glass　in　her　head：　Alice；　smiling；　with　her　icy　white　arm　around　the　girl　s　warm；　fragile　shoulders。　And　Bella　was　smiling；　too；　her　arm　around　Alice　s　waist。　The　vision　was　rock　solid；　only　the　timing　of　it　was　unsure。　But　Alice　Jasper　gasped。　I　couldn　t　manage　to　turn　my　head　to　see　his　expression。　I　couldn　t　tear　myself　away　from　the　image　in　Alice　s　head　in　order　to　hear　his。　I　m　going　to　love　her　someday；　Jazz。　let　her　be。　I　ll　be　very　put　out　with　you　if　you　don　t　I　was　still　locked　into　Alice　s　thoughts。　I　saw　the　future　shimmer　as　Jasper　s　resolve　floundered　in　the　face　of　her　unexpected　request。　Ah；　she　sighed　his　indecision　had　cleared　a　new　future。　going　to　say　anything。　There　s　nothing　to　worry　about。　See？　Bella　s　not　The　way　she　said　the　girl　s　name　like　they　were　already　close　confidants　Alice；　I　choked。　What　does　this　？　I　told　you　there　was　a　change　ing。　I　don　t　know；　Edward。　But　she　locked　her　jaw；　and　I　could　see　that　there　was　more。　She　was　trying　not　to　think　about　it；　she　was　focusing　very　hard　on　Jasper　suddenly；　though　he　was　too　stunned　to　have　progressed　much　in　his　decision　making。　She　did　this　sometimes　when　she　was　trying　to　keep　something　from　me。　What；　Alice？　What　are　you　hiding？　He　always　got　frustrated　when　Alice　and　I　had　these　kinds　I　heard　Emmett　grumble。　of　conversations。　She　shook　her　head；　trying　to　not　let　me　in。　Is　it　about　the　girl？　I　demanded。　Is　it　about　Bella？　She　had　her　teeth　gritted　in　concentration；　but　when　I　spoke　Bella　s　name；　she　slipped。　Her　slip　only　lasted　the　tiniest　portion　of　a　second；　but　that　was　long　enough。　NO！　I　shouted。　my　feet。　I　heard　my　chair　hit　the　floor；　and　only　then　realized　I　was　on　I　was　barely　There　re　Edward！　Carlisle　was　on　his　feet；　too；　his　arm　on　my　shoulder。　aware　of　him。　It　s　solidifying；　Alice　whispered。　Every　minute　you　re　more　decided。　really　only　two　ways　left　for　her。　It　s　one　or　the　other；　Edward。

I　could　see　what　she　saw　but　I　could　not　accept　it。　No；　I　said　again；　there　was　no　volume　to　my　denial。　had　to　brace　myself　against　the　table。　My　legs　felt　hollow；　and　I　Will　somebody　please　let　the　rest　of　us　in　on　the　mystery？　Emmett　plained。　I　have　to　leave；　I　whispered　to　Alice；　ignoring　him。　Edward；　we　ve　already　been　over　that；　Emmett　said　loudly。　That　s　the　best　way　to　start　the　girl　talking。　Besides；　if　you　take　off；　we　won　t　know　for　sure　if　she　s　talking　or　not。　You　have　to　stay　and　deal　with　this。　I　don　t　see　you　going　anywhere；　Edward；　Alice　told　me。　I　don　t　know　if　you　can　leave　anymore。　Think　about　it；　she　added　silently。　Think　about　leaving。　I　saw　what　she　meant。　Yes；　the　idea　of　never　seeing　the　girl　again　was　painful。　But　it　was　also　necessary。　I　couldn　t　sanction　either　future　I　d　apparently　condemned　her　to。　I　m　not　entirely　sure　of　Jasper；　Edward；　Alice　went　on。　thinks　she　s　a　danger　to　us　If　you　leave；　if　he　I　don　t　hear　that；　I　contradicted　her；　still　only　halfway　aware　of　our　audience。　Jasper　was　wavering。　He　would　not　do　something　that　would　hurt　Alice。　Not　right　this　moment。　Will　you　risk　her　life；　leave　her　undefended？　My　head　fell　into　my　hands。　Wasn　t　Alice　s　divided　future　Why　are　you　doing　this　to　me？　I　groaned。　I　was　not　Bella　s　protector。　enough　proof　of　that？　I　could　not　be　that。　I　love　her；　too。　Or　I　will。　It　s　not　the　same；　but　I　want　her　around　for　that。　Love　her；　too？　I　whispered；　incredulous。　She　sighed。　You　are　so　blind；　Edward。　Can　t　you　see　where　you　re　headed？　an　t　you　see　where　you　already　are？　the　east。　See　what　I　see　It　s　more　inevitable　than　the　sun　rising　in　I　shook　my　head；　horrified。　No。　I　tried　to　shut　out　the　visions　she　revealed　to　me。　I　don　t　have　to　follow　that　course。　I　ll　leave。　I　will　change　the　future。　You　can　try；　she　said；　her　voice　skeptical。　Oh；　e　on！　Emmett　bellowed。　How　Pay　attention；　Rose　hissed　at　him。　Alice　sees　him　falling　for　a　human！　classically　Edward！　She　made　a　gagging　sound。　I　scarcely　heard　her。　What？　Emmett　said；　startled。　Then　his　booming　laugh　echoed　through　the　room。　Is　that　what　s　been　going　on？　He　laughed　again。　Tough　break；　Edward。

I　felt　his　hand　on　my　shoulder；　and　I　shook　it　off　absently。　attention　to　him。　Fall　for　a　human？　Esme　repeated　in　a　stunned　voice。　today？　Fall　in　love　with　her？　What　do　you　see；　Alice？　Exactly；　Jasper　demanded。　I　couldn　t　pay　For　the　girl　he　saved　She　turned　toward　him；　I　continued　to　stare　numbly　at　the　side　of　her　face。　It　all　depends　on　whether　he　is　strong　enough　or　not。　Either　he　ll　kill　her　himself　she　turned　to　meet　my　gaze　again；　glaring　which　would　really　irritate　me；　Edward；　not　to　mention　what　it　would　do　to　you　she　faced　Jasper　again；　or　she　ll　be　one　of　us　someday。　Someone　gasped；　I　didn　t　look　to　see　who。　That　s　not　going　to　happen！　I　was　shouting　again。　Either　one！　Alice　didn　t　seem　to　hear　me。　It　all　depends；　she　repeated。　He　may　be　just　strong　enough　not　to　kill　her　but　it　will　be　close。　It　will　take　an　amazing　amount　of　control；　she　mused。　More　even　than　Carlisle　has。　He　may　be　just　strong　enough　The　only　thing　he　s　not　strong　enough　to　do　is　stay　away　from　her。　That　s　a　lost　cause。　I　couldn　t　find　my　voice。　still。　No　one　else　seemed　to　be　able　to　either。　The　room　was　I　stared　at　Alice；　and　everyone　else　stared　at　me。　expression　from　five　different　viewpoints。　After　a　long　moment；　Carlisle　sighed。　Well；　this　plicates　things。　I　could　see　my　own　horrified　I　ll　say；　Emmett　agreed。　His　voice　was　still　close　to　laughter。　to　find　the　joke　in　the　destruction　of　my　life。　Trust　Emmett　We　ll　I　suppose　the　plans　remain　the　same；　though；　Carlisle　said　thoughtfully。　stay；　and　watch。　Obviously；　no　one　will　hurt　the　girl。　I　stiffened。　No；　Jasper　said　quietly。　I　can　agree　to　that。　If　Alice　sees　only　two　ways　No！　My　voice　was　not　a　shout　or　a　growl　or　a　cry　of　despair；　but　some　bination　of　the　three。　No！　I　had　to　leave；　to　be　away　from　the　noise　of　their　thoughts　Rosalie　s　selfrighteous　disgust；　Emmett　s　humor；　Carlisle　s　never　ending　patience　Worse：　Alice　s　confidence。　Worst　of　all：　Esme　s　joy。　I　stalked　out　of　the　room。　acknowledge　the　gesture。　Esme　touched　my　arm　as　I　passed；　but　I　didn　t　Jasper　s　confidence　in　that　confidence。

I　was　running　before　I　was　out　of　the　house。　I　cleared　the　river　in　one　bound；　and　raced　into　the　forest。　The　rain　was　back　again；　falling　so　heavily　that　I　was　drenched　in　a　few　moments。　I　liked　the　thick　sheet　of　water　it　made　a　wall　between　me　and　the　rest　of　the　world。　It　closed　me　in；　let　me　be　alone。　I　ran　due　east；　over　and　through　the　mountains　without　breaking　my　straight　course；　until　I　could　see　the　lights　of　Seattle　on　the　other　side　of　the　sound。　stopped　before　I　touched　the　borders　of　human　civilization。　Shut　in　by　the　rain；　all　alone；　I　finally　made　myself　look　at　what　I　had　done　at　the　way　I　had　mutilated　the　future。　First；　the　vision　of　Alice　and　the　girl　with　their　arms　around　each　other　the　trust　and　friendship　was　so　obvious　it　shouted　from　the　image。　Bella　s　wide　chocolate　eyes　were　not　bewildered　in　this　vision；　but　still　full　of　secrets　in　this　moment；　they　seemed　to　be　happy　secrets。　She　did　not　flinch　away　from　Alice　s　cold　arm。　What　did　it　mean？　How　much　did　she　know？　future；　what　did　she　think　of　me？　In　that　stilllife　moment　from　the　I　Then　the　other　image；　so　much　the　same；　yet　now　colored　by　horror。　Alice　and　Bella；　their　arms　still　wrapped　around　each　other　in　trusting　friendship。　But　now　there　was　no　difference　between　those　arms　both　were　white；　smooth　as　marble；　hard　as　steel。　Bella　s　wide　eyes　were　no　longer　chocolate。　The　irises　were　a　shocking；　vivid　crimson。　The　secrets　in　them　were　unfathomable　acceptance　or　desolation？　It　was　impossible　to　tell。　Her　face　was　cold　and　immortal。　I　shuddered。　I　could　not　suppress　the　questions；　similar；　but　different：　did　it　mean　how　had　this　e　about？　And　what　did　she　think　of　me　now？　What　I　could　answer　that　last　one。　If　I　forced　her　into　this　empty　halflife　through　my　weakness　and　selfishness；　surely　she　would　hate　me。　But　there　was　one　more　horrifying　image　worse　than　any　image　I　d　ever　held　inside　my　head。　My　own　eyes；　deep　crimson　with　human　blood；　the　eyes　of　the　monster。　Bella　s　broken　body　in　my　arms；　ashy　white；　drained；　lif