5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第26部分

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that　she　could　not　hate　me　for　that　future。　Hate　me　for　stealing　everything　from　her。　Stealing　her　life　and　her　soul。　It　could　not　be　too　late。　Never　say　that；　I　hissed。　She　stared　out　her　window；　and　her　teeth　bit　into　her　lip　again。　Her　hands　were　balled　into　tight　fists　in　her　lap。　Her　breathing　hitched　and　broke。　What　are　you　thinking？　I　had　to　know。　She　shook　her　head　without　looking　at　me。　crystal；　on　her　cheek。　Agony。　Are　you　crying？　I　saw　something　glisten；　like　a　I　d　hurt　her　that　much。　I　d　made　her　cry。　She　scrubbed　the　tears　away　with　the　back　of　her　hand。　No；　she　lied；　her　voice　breaking。　Some　long　buried　instinct　had　me　reaching　out　toward　her　in　that　one　second　I　felt　more　human　than　I　ever　had。　And　then　I　remembered　that　I　was　not。　And　I　lowered　my　hand。　I　m　sorry；　I　said；　my　jaw　locked。　How　could　I　ever　tell　her　how　sorry　I　was？　Sorry　for　all　the　stupid　mistakes　I　d　made。　Sorry　for　my　neverending　selfishness。　Sorry　that　she　was　so　unfortunate　as　to　have　inspired　this　first；　tragic　love　of　mine。　Sorry　also　for　the　things　beyond　my　control　that　I　d　been　the　monster　chosen　by　fate　to　end　her　life　in　the　first　place。　I　took　a　deep　breath　ignoring　my　wretched　reaction　to　the　flavor　in　the　car　and　tried　to　collect　myself。

I　wanted　to　change　the　subject；　to　think　of　something　else。　Lucky　for　me；　my　curiosity　about　the　girl　was　insatiable。　I　always　had　a　question。　Tell　me　something；　I　said。　Yes？　she　asked　huskily；　tears　still　in　her　voice。　What　were　you　thinking　tonight；　just　before　I　came　around　the　corner？　I　couldn　t　understand　your　expression　you　didn　t　look　that　scared；　you　looked　like　you　were　concentrating　very　hard　on　something。　I　remembered　her　face　forcing　myself　to　forget　whose　eyes　I　was　looking　through　the　look　of　determination　there。　I　was　trying　to　remember　how　to　incapacitate　an　attacker；　she　said；　her　voice　more　posed。　You　know；　self　defense。　I　was　going　to　smash　his　nose　into　his　brain。　Her　posure　did　not　last　to　the　end　of　her　explanation。　Her　tone　twisted　until　it　seethed　with　hate。　This　was　no　hyperbole；　and　her　kittenish　fury　was　not　humorous　now。　I　could　see　her　frail　figure　just　silk　over　glass　overshadowed　by　the　meaty；　heavyfisted　human　monsters　who　would　have　hurt　her。　The　fury　boiled　in　the　back　of　my　head。　You　were　going　to　fight　them？　I　wanted　to　groan。　herself。　Didn　t　you　think　about　running？　I　fall　down　a　lot　when　I　run；　she　said　sheepishly。　What　about　screaming　for　help？　I　was　getting　to　that　part。　I　shook　my　head　in　disbelief。　to　Forks？　How　had　she　managed　to　stay　alive　before　she　d　e　I　m　definitely　fighting　Her　instincts　were　deadly　to　You　were　right；　I　told　her；　a　sour　edge　to　my　voice。　fate　trying　to　keep　you　alive。　She　sighed；　and　glanced　out　the　window。　Then　she　looked　back　at　me。　Will　I　see　you　tomorrow？　she　demanded　abruptly。　As　long　as　I　was　on　my　way　to　hell　I　might　as　well　enjoy　the　journey。　Yes　I　have　a　paper　due；　too。　I　smiled　at　her；　and　it　felt　good　to　do　this。　I　ll　save　you　a　seat　at　lunch。　Her　heart　fluttered；　my　dead　heart　suddenly　felt　warmer。　I　stopped　the　car　in　front　of　her　father　s　house。　She　made　no　move　to　leave　me。　Do　you　promise　to　be　there　tomorrow？　she　insisted。　I　promise。　How　could　doing　the　wrong　thing　give　me　so　much　happiness？　Surely　there　was

something　amiss　in　that。　She　nodded　to　herself；　satisfied；　and　started　to　remove　my　jacket。　You　can　keep　it；　I　assured　her　quickly。　I　rather　wanted　to　leave　her　with　something　of　myself。　A　token；　like　the　bottle　cap　that　was　in　my　pocket　now　You　don　t　have　a　jacket　for　tomorrow。　She　handed　it　back　to　me；　smiling　ruefully。　I　don　t　want　to　have　to　explain　to　Charlie；　she　told　me。　I　would　imagine　not。　I　smiled　at　her。　Oh；　right。　She　put　her　hand　on　the　door　handle；　and　then　stopped。　as　I　was　unwilling　for　her　to　go。　To　have　her　unprotected；　even　for　a　few　moments　Peter　and　Charlotte　were　well　on　their　way　by　now；　long　past　Seattle；　no　doubt。　But　there　were　always　others。　This　world　was　not　a　safe　place　for　any　human；　and　for　her　it　seemed　to　be　more　dangerous　than　it　was　for　the　rest。　Bella？　I　asked；　surprised　at　the　pleasure　there　was　in　simply　speaking　her　name。　Yes？　Will　you　promise　me　something？　Yes；　she　agreed　easily；　and　then　her　eyes　tightened　as　if　she　d　thought　of　a　reason　to　object。　Don　t　go　into　the　woods　alone；　I　warned　her；　wondering　if　this　request　would　trigger　the　objection　in　her　eyes。　She　blinked；　startled。　Why？　Unwilling　to　leave；　just　I　glowered　into　the　untrustworthy　darkness。　The　lack　of　light　was　no　problem　for　my　eyes；　but　neither　would　it　trouble　another　hunter。　It　only　blinded　humans。　I　m　not　always　the　most　dangerous　thing　out　there；　I　told　her。　at　that。　Let　s　leave　it　She　shivered；　but　recovered　quickly　and　was　even　smiling　when　she　told　me；　Whatever　you　say。　Her　breath　touched　my　face；　so　sweet　and　fragrant。　I　could　stay　here　all　night　like　this；　but　she　needed　her　sleep。　The　two　desires　seemed　equally　strong　as　they　continually　warred　inside　me：　wanting　her　versus　wanting　her　to　be　safe。　I　sighed　at　the　impossibilities。　I　ll　see　you　tomorrow；　I　said；　knowing　that　I　would　see　her　much　sooner　than　that。　She　wouldn　t　see　me　until　tomorrow；　though。　Tomorrow；　then；　she　agreed　as　she　opened　her　door。　Agony　again；　watching　her　leave。

I　leaned　after　her；　wanting　to　hold　her　here。　Bella？　She　turned；　and　then　froze；　surprised　to　find　our　faces　so　close　together。　I；　too；　was　overwhelmed　by　the　proximity。　The　heat　rolled　off　her　in　waves；　caressing　my　face。　I　could　all　but　feel　the　silk　of　her　skin　Her　heartbeat　stuttered；　and　her　lips　fell　open。　Sleep　well；　I　whispered；　and　leaned　away　before　the　urgency　in　my　body　either　the　familiar　thirst　or　the　very　new　and　strange　hunger　I　suddenly　felt　could　make　me　do　something　that　might　hurt　her。　She　sat　there　motionless　for　a　moment；　her　eyes　wide　and　stunned。　guessed。　As　was　I。　She　recovered　though　her　face　was　still　a　bit　bemused　and　half　fell　out　of　the　car；　tripping　over　her　feet　and　having　to　catch　the　frame　of　the　car　to　right　herself。　I　chuckled　hopefully　it　was　too　quiet　for　her　to　hear。　I　watched　her　stumble　her　way　up　to　the　pool　of　light　that　surrounded　the　front　door。　Safe　for　the　moment。　And　I　would　be　back　soon　to　make　sure。　I　could　feel　her　eyes　follow　me　as　I　drove　down　the　dark　street。　Such　a　different　sensation　than　I　was　accustomed　to。　Usually；　I　could　simply　watch　myself　through　someone　s　following　eyes；　were　I　of　a　mind　to。　This　was　strangely　exciting　this　intangible　sensation　of　watching　eyes。　I　knew　it　was　just　because　they　were　her　eyes。　A　million　thoughts　chased　each　other　through　my　head　as　I　drove　aimlessly　into　the　night。　For　a　long　time　I　circled　through　the　streets；　and　the　incredible　release　of　having　the　truth　dread　that　she　would　find　out　what　I　was。　She　Even　though　this　was　obviously　a　bad　thing　for　for　me。　going　nowhere；　thinking　of　Bella　known。　No　longer　did　I　have　to　knew。　It　didn　t　matter　to　her。　her；　it　was　amazingly　liberating　me　the　probably　the　the　Dazzled；　I　More　than　that；　I　thought　of　Bella　and　requited　love。　She　couldn　t　love　way　I　loved　her　such　an　overpowering；　allconsuming；　crushing　love　would　break　her　fragile　body。　But　she　felt　strongly　enough。　Enough　to　subdue　instinctive　fear。　Enough　to　want　to　be　with　me。　And　being　with　her　was　greatest　happiness　I　had　ever　known。　For　a　while　as　I　was　all　alone　and　hurting　no　one　else　for　a　change　I　allowed　myself　to　feel　that　happiness　without　dwelling　on　the　tragedy。　Just　to　be　happy　that　she　cared　for　me。　Just　to　exult　in　the　triumph　of　winning　her　affection。　Just　to　imagine　day　after　day　of　sitting　close　to　her；　hearing　her　voice　and　earning　her　smiles。　I　replayed　that　smile　in　my　head；　seeing　her　full　lips　pull　up　at　the　corners；　the　hint　of　a　dimple　that　touched　her　pointed　chin；　the　way　her　eyes　warmed　and　melted　Her　fingers　had　felt　so　warm　and　soft　on　my　hand　tonight。　I　imagined　how　it　would　feel　to　touch　the　delicate　skin　that　stretched　over　her　cheekbones　silky；　warm　so　fragile。　Silk　over　glass　frighteningly　breakable。　I　didn　t　see　where　my　thoughts　were　leading　until　it　was　too　late。　As　I　dwelt　on　that　devastating　vulnerability；　new　images　of　her　face　intruded　on　my　fantasies。　Lost　in　the　shadows；　pale　with　fear　yet　her　jaw　tight　and　determined；　her　eyes

fierce；　full　of　concentration；　her　slim　body　braced　to　strike　at　the　hulking　forms　that　gathered　around　her；　nightmares　in　the　gloom　Ah；　I　groaned　as　the　simmering　hate　that　I　d　all　but　forgotten　in　the　joy　of　loving　her　burst　again　into　an　inferno　of　rage。　I　was　alone。　Bella　was；　I　trusted；　safe　inside　her　home；　for　a　moment　I　was　fiercely　glad　that　Charlie　Swan　head　of　the　local　law　enforcement；　trained　and　armed　was　her　father。　That　ought　to　mean　something；　provide　some　shelter　for　her。　She　was　safe。　No。　It　would　not　take　me　so　very　long　to　avenge　the　insult　I　could　not　allow　her　to　care　for　a　murderer。　She　deserved　better。　But　what　about　the　others？　Bella　was　safe；　yes。　Angela　and　Jessica　were　also；　surely；　safe　in　their　beds。　Yet　a　monster　was　loose　in　the　streets　of　Port　Angeles。　A　human　monster　did　that　make　him　the　humans　problem？　To　mit　the　murder　I　ached　to　mit　was　wrong。　I　knew　that。　But　leaving　him　free　to　attack　again　could　not　be　the　right　thing　either。　The　blond　hostess　from　the　restaurant。　The　waitress　I　d　never　really　looked　at。　Both　had　irritated　me　in　a　trivial　way；　but　that　did　not　mean　they　deserved　to　be　in　danger。　Either　one　of　them　might　be　somebody　s　Bella。　That　realization　decided　me。　I　turned　the　car　north；　accelerating　now　that　I　had　a　purpose。　Whenever　I　had　a　problem　that　was　beyond　me　something　tangible　like　this　I　knew　where　I　could　go　for　help。　Alice　was　sitting　on　the　porch；　waiting　for　me。　I　pulled　to　a　stop　in　front　of　the　house　rather　than　going　around　to　the　garage。　Carlisle　s　in　his　study；　Alice　told　me　before　I　could　ask。　Thank　you；　I　said；　tousling　her　hair　as　I　passed。　Thank　you　for　returning　my　call；　she　thought　sarcastically。　Oh。　I　paused　by　the　door；　pulling　out　my　phone　and　flipping　it　open。　I　didn　t　even　check　to　see　who　it　was。　I　was　busy。　Yeah；　I　know。　I　m　sorry；　too。　were　on　your　way。　It　was　close；　I　murmured。　Sorry；　she　repeated；　ashamed　of　herself。　It　was　easy　to　be　generous；　knowing　that　Bella　was　fine。　Don　t　be。　I　know　you　can　t　catch　everything。　No　one　expects　you　to　be　omniscient；　Alice。　Thanks。　I　almost　asked　you　out　to　dinner　tonight　did　you　catch　that　before　I　changed　my　Sorry。　By　the　time　I　saw　what　was　going　to　happen；　you

mind？　She　grinned。　No；　I　missed　that　one；　too。　Wish　I　d　known。　I　would　have　e。　What　were　you　concentrating　on；　that　you　missed　so　much？　Jasper　s　thinking　about　our　anniversary。　She　laughed。　He　s　trying　not　to　make　a　decision　on　my　gift；　but　I　think　I　have　a　pretty　good　idea　You　re　shameless。　Yep。　She　pursed　her　lips；　and　stared　up　at　me；　a　hint　of　accusation　in　her　expression。　I　paid　better　attention　later。　Are　you　going　to　tell　them　that　she　knows？　I　sighed。　Yes。　Later。　Do　me　a　favor　and　tell　Rosalie　when　I　m　not　around；　okay？　I　won　t　say　anything。　I　flinched。　Sure。　Bella　took　it　pretty　well。　Too　well。　Alice　grinned　at　me。　Don　t　underestimate　Bella。　I　tried　to　block　the　image　I　didn　t　want　to　see　Bella　and　Alice；　best　of　friends。　Impatient　now；　I　sighed　heavily。　I　wanted　to　be　through　with　the　next　part　of　the　evening；　I　wanted　it　over　with。　But　I　was　a　little　worried　to　leave　Forks　Alice　I　began。　She　saw　what　I　was　planning　to　ask。　She　sort　of　needs　She　ll　be　fine　tonight。　I　m　keeping　a　better　watch　now。　twentyfour　hour　supervision；　doesn　t　she？　At　least。　Anyway；　you　ll　be　with　her　soon　enough。　I　took　a　deep　breath。　The　words　were　beautiful　to　me。　Go　on　get　this　done　so　you　can　be　where　you　want　to　be；　she　told　me。　I　nodded；　and　hurried　up　to　Carlisle　s　room。　He　was　waiting　for　me；　his　eyes　on　the　door　rather　than　the　thick　book　on　his　desk。　I　heard　Alice　tell　you　where　to　find　me；　he　said；　and　smiled。　It　was　a　relief　to　be　with　him；　to　see　the　empathy　and　deep　intelligence　in　his　eyes。　Carlisle　would　know　what　to　do。　I　need　help。

Anything；　Edward；　he　promised。　Did　Alice　tell　you　what　happened　to　Bella　tonight？　Almost　happened；　he　amended。　Yes；　almost。　I　ve　got　a　dilemma；　Carlisle。　You　see；　I　want　very　much　to　kill　him。　The　words　started　to　flow　fast　and　passionate。　So　much。　But　I　know　that　would　be　wrong；　because　it　would　be　vengeance；　not　justice。　All　anger；　no　impartiality。　Still；　it　can　t　be　right　to　leave　a　serial　rapist　and　killer　wandering　Port　Angeles！　I　don　t　know　the　humans　there；　but　I　can　t　let　someone　else　take　Bella　s　place　as　his　victim。　Those　other　women　someone　might　feel　about　them　the　way　I　feel　about　Bella。　Might　suffer　what　I　would　have　suffered　if　she　d　been　harmed。　It　s　not　right　His　wide；　unexpected　smile　stopped　the　rush　of　my　words　cold。　She　s　very　good　for　you；　isn　t　she？　impressed。　So　much　passion；　so　much　control。　I　m　I　m　not　looking　for　pliments；　Carlisle。　Of　course　not。　But　I　can　t　help　my　thoughts；　can　I？　He　smiled　again。　I　ll　take　care　of　it。　You　can　rest　easy。　No　one　else　will　be　harmed　in　Bella　s　place。　I　saw　the　plan　in　his　head。　It　wasn　t　exactly　what　I　wanted；　it　did　not　satisfy　my　craving　for　brutality；　but　I　could　see　that　it　was　the　right　thing。　I　ll　show　you　where　to　find　him；　I　said。　Let　s　go。　He　grabbed　his　black　bag　on　the　way。　I　would　have　preferred　a　more　aggressive　form　of　sedation　like　a　cracked　skull　but　I　would　let　Carlisle　do　this　his　way。　We　took　my　car。　Alice　was　still　on　the　steps。　She　grinned　and　waved　as　we　drove　away。　I　saw　that　she　had　looked　ahead　for　me；　we　would　have　no　difficulties。　The　trip　was　very　short　on　the　dark；　empty　road。　I　left　off　my　headlights　to　keep　from　attracting　attention。　It　made　me　smile　to　think　how　Bella　would　have　reacted　to　this　pace。　I　d　already　been　driving　slower　than　usual　to　prolong　my　time　with　her　when　she　d　objected。　Carlisle　was　thinking　of　Bella；　too。　I　didn　t　foresee　that　she　would　be　so　good　for　him。　That　s　unexpected。　Perhaps　this　was　somehow　meant　to　be。　Perhaps　it　serves　a　higher　purpose。　Only　He　pictured　Bella　with　snow　cold　skin　and　blood　red　eyes；　and　then　flinched　away　from　the　image。　Yes。　Only。　Indeed。　so　pure　and　lovely？　Because　how　could　there　be　any　good　in　destroying　something　I　glowered　into　the　night；　all　the　joy　of　the　evening　destroyed　by　his　thoughts。　Edward　deserves　happiness。　He　s　owed　it。　The　fierceness　of　Carlisle　s　thoughts　surprised　me。　There　must　be　a　way。

I　wished　I　could　believe　that　either　one。　But　there　was　no　higher　purpose　to　what　was　happening　to　Bella。　Just　a　vicious　harpy；　an　ugly；　bitter　fate　who　could　not　bear　for　Bella　to　have　the　life　she　deserved。　I　did　not　linger　in　Port　Angeles。　I　took　Carlisle　to　the　dive　where　the　creature　named　Lonnie　was　drowning　his　disappointment　with　his　friends　two　of　whom　had　already　passed　out。　Carlisle　could　see　how　hard　it　was　for　me　to　be　so　close　for　me　to　hear　the　monster　s　thoughts　and　see　his　memories；　memories　of　Bella　mixed　in　with　less　fortunate　girls　who　no　one　could　save　now。　My　breathing　sped。　I　clenched　the　steering　wheel。　I　ll　make　the　rest　of　them　safe。　You　go　back　to　Go；　Edward；　he　told　me　gently。　Bella。　It　was　exactly　the　right　thing　to　say。　could　mean　anything　to　me　now。　Her　name　was　the　only　distraction　that　I　left　him　in　the　car；　and　ran　back　to　Forks　in　a　straight　line　through　the　sleeping　forest。　It　took　less　time　than　the　first　journey　in　the　speeding