5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第31部分

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　out　there　for　us　that　was　escaping　me；　the　way　Angela　s　obvious　solution　was　so　invisible　to　her。　Not　likely　But　why　waste　time　with　hopelessness？　I　didn　t　have　time　to　waste　when　it　came　to　Bella。　Each　second　mattered。　Mr。　Banner　entered　pulling　an　ancient　TV　and　VCR。　He　was　skipping　through　a　section　he　wasn　t　particularly　interested　in　geic　disorders　by　showing　a　movie　for　the　next　three　days。　Lorenzo　s　Oil　was　not　a　very　cheerful　piece；　but　that　didn　t　stop　the　excitement　in　the　room。　No　notes；　no　testable　material。　Three

free　days。　exulted。　The　humans　I　hadn　t　been　planning　on　paying　any　It　didn　t　matter　to　me；　either　way。　attention　to　anything　but　Bella。　I　did　not　pull　my　chair　away　from　hers　today；　to　give　myself　space　to　breathe。　Instead；　I　sat　close　beside　her　like　any　normal　human　would。　Closer　than　we　sat　inside　my　car；　close　enough　that　the　left　side　of　my　body　felt　submerged　in　the　heat　from　her　skin。　It　was　a　strange　experience；　both　enjoyable　and　nerveracking；　but　I　preferred　this　to　sitting　across　the　table　from　her。　It　was　more　than　I　was　used　to；　and　yet　I　quickly　realized　that　it　was　not　enough。　I　was　not　satisfied。　Being　this　close　to　her　only　made　me　want　to　be　closer　still。　The　pull　was　stronger　the　closer　I　got。　I　had　accused　her　of　being　a　mag　for　danger。　Right　now；　it　felt　like　that　was　the　literal　truth。　I　was　danger；　and；　with　every　inch　I　allowed　myself　nearer　to　her；　her　attraction　grew　in　force。　And　then　Mr。　Banner　turned　the　lights　out。　It　was　odd　how　much　of　a　difference　this　made；　considering　that　the　lack　of　light　meant　little　to　my　eyes。　I　could　still　see　just　as　perfectly　as　before。　Every　detail　of　the　room　was　clear。　So　why　the　sudden　shock　of　electricity　in　the　air；　in　this　dark　that　was　not　dark　to　me？　Was　it　because　I　knew　that　I　was　the　only　one　who　could　see　clearly？　That　both　Bella　and　I　were　invisible　to　the　others？　Like　we　were　alone；　just　the　two　of　us；　hidden　in　the　dark　room；　sitting　so　close　beside　one　another　My　hand　moved　toward　her　without　my　permission。　Just　to　touch　her　hand；　to　hold　it　in　the　darkness。　Would　that　be　such　a　horrific　mistake？　If　my　skin　bothered　her；　she　only　had　to　pull　away　I　yanked　my　hand　back；　folded　my　arms　tightly　across　my　chest　and　clenched　my　hands　closed。　No　mistakes。　I　d　promised　myself　that　I　would　make　no　mistakes；　no　matter　how　minimal　they　seemed。　If　I　held　her　hand；　I　would　only　want　more　another　insignificant　touch；　another　move　closer　to　her。　I　could　feel　that。　A　new　kind　of　desire　was　growing　in　me；　working　to　override　my　selfcontrol。　No　mistakes。　Bella　folded　her　arms　securely　across　her　own　chest；　and　her　hands　balled　up　into　fists；　just　like　mine。　What　are　you　thinking？　I　was　dying　to　whisper　the　words　to　her；　but　the　room　was　too　quiet　to　get　away　with　even　a　whispered　conversation。　The　movie　began；　lightening　the　darkness　just　a　bit。　Bella　glanced　up　at　me。　She　noted　the　rigid　way　I　held　my　body　just　like　hers　and　smiled。　Her　lips　parted　slightly；　and　her　eyes　seemed　full　of　warm　invitations。　Or　perhaps　I　was　seeing　what　I　wanted　to　see。　I　smiled　back；　her　breathing　caught　with　a　low　gasp　and　she　looked　quickly　away。　That　made　it　worse。　I　didn　t　know　her　thoughts；　but　I　was　suddenly　positive　that

I　had　been　right　before；　and　that　she　wanted　me　to　touch　her。　dangerous　desire　just　as　I　did。　Between　her　body　and　mine；　the　electricity　hummed。　She　felt　this　She　didn　t　move　all　through　the　hour；　holding　her　stiff；　controlled　pose　as　I　held　mine。　Occasionally　she　would　peek　at　me　again；　and　the　humming　current　would　jolt　through　me　with　a　sudden　shock。　The　hour　passed　slowly；　and　yet　not　slowly　enough。　This　was　so　new；　I　could　have　sat　like　this　with　her　for　days；　just　to　experience　the　feeling　fully。　I　had　a　dozen　different　arguments　with　myself　while　the　minutes　passed；　rationality　struggling　with　desire　as　I　tried　to　justify　touching　her。　Finally；　Mr。　Banner　turned　the　lights　on　again。　In　the　bright　fluorescent　light；　the　atmosphere　of　the　room　returned　to　normal。　Bella　sighed　and　stretched；　flexing　her　fingers　in　front　of　her。　It　must　have　been　unfortable　for　her　to　hold　that　position　for　so　long。　It　was　easier　for　me　stillness　came　naturally。　I　chuckled　at　the　relieved　expression　on　her　face。　Well；　that　was　interesting。　Umm；　she　murmured；　clearly　understanding　what　I　referred　to；　but　making　no　ment。　What　I　wouldn　t　give　to　hear　what　she　was　thinking　right　now。　I　sighed。　No　amount　of　wishing　was　going　to　help　with　that。　Shall　we？　I　asked；　standing。　She　made　a　face　and　got　unsteadily　to　her　feet；　her　hands　splayed　out　as　if　she　were　afraid　she　was　going　to　fall。　I　could　offer　her　my　hand。　Or　I　could　place　that　hand　underneath　her　elbow　just　lightly　and　steady　her。　Surely　that　wouldn　t　be　such　a　horrible　infraction　No　mistakes。　She　was　very　quiet　as　we　walked　toward　the　gym。　The　crease　was　in　evidence　between　her　eyes；　a　sign　that　she　was　deep　in　thought。　I；　too；　was　thinking　deeply。　One　touch　of　her　skin　wouldn　t　hurt　her；　my　selfish　side　contended。　I　could　easily　moderate　the　pressure　of　my　hand。　It　wasn　t　exactly　difficult；　as　long　as　I　was　firmly　in　control　of　myself。　My　tactile　sense　was　better　developed　than　a　human　s；　I　could　juggle　a　dozen　crystal　goblets　without　breaking　any　of　them；　I　could　stroke　a　soap　bubble　without　popping　it。　As　long　as　I　was　firmly　in　control　Bella　was　like　a　soap　bubble　fragile　and　ephemeral。　Temporary。　How　long　would　I　be　able　to　justify　my　presence　in　her　life？　How　much　time　did　I　have？　Would　I　have　another　chance　like　this　chance；　like　this　moment；　like　this　second？　She　would　not　always　be　within　my　arm　s　reach　Bella　turned　to　face　me　at　the　gym　s　door；　and　her　eyes　widened　at　the　expression　on　my　face。　She　didn　t　speak。　I　looked　at　myself　in　the　reflection　of　her　eyes

and　saw　the　conflict　raging　in　my　own。　lost　the　argument。　I　watched　my　face　change　as　my　better　side　My　hand　lifted　without　a　conscious　mand　for　it　to　do　so。　As　gently　as　if　she　were　made　of　the　thinnest　glass；　as　if　she　were　fragile　as　a　bubble；　my　fingers　stroked　the　warm　skin　that　covered　her　cheekbone。　It　heated　under　my　touch；　and　I　could　feel　the　pulse　of　blood　speed　beneath　her　transparent　skin。　Enough；　I　ordered；　though　my　hand　was　aching　to　shape　itself　to　the　side　of　her　face。　Enough。　It　was　difficult　to　pull　my　hand　back；　to　stop　myself　from　moving　closer　to　her　than　I　already　was。　A　thousand　different　possibilities　ran　through　my　mind　in　an　instant　a　thousand　different　ways　to　touch　her。　The　tip　of　my　finger　tracing　the　shape　of　her　lips。　My　palm　cupping　under　her　chin。　Pulling　the　clip　from　her　hair　and　letting　it　spill　out　across　my　hand。　My　arms　winding　around　her　waist；　holding　her　against　the　length　of　my　body。　Enough。　I　forced　myself　to　turn；　to　move　away　from　her。　My　body　moved　stiffly　unwilling。　I　let　my　mind　linger　behind　to　watch　her　as　I　walked　swiftly　away；　almost　running　from　the　temptation。　I　caught　Mike　Newton　s　thoughts　they　were　the　loudest　while　he　watched　Bella　walk　past　him　in　oblivion；　her　eyes　unfocused　and　her　cheeks　red。　He　glowered　and　suddenly　my　name　was　mingled　with　curses　in　his　head；　I　couldn　t　help　grinning　slightly　in　response。　My　hand　was　tingling。　I　flexed　it　and　then　curled　it　into　a　fist；　but　it　continued　to　sting　painlessly。　No；　I　hadn　t　hurt　her　but　touching　her　had　still　been　a　mistake。　It　felt　like　fire　like　the　thirsting　burn　of　my　throat　had　spread　throughout　my　entire　body。　The　next　time　I　was　close　to　her；　would　I　be　able　to　stop　myself　from　touching　her　again？　And　if　I　touched　her　once；　would　I　be　able　to　stop　at　that？　No　more　mistakes。　That　was　it。　Savor　the　memory；　Edward；　I　told　myself　grimly；　and　keep　your　hands　to　yourself。　That；　or　I　would　have　to　force　myself　to　leave　somehow。　Because　I　couldn　t　allow　myself　near　her　if　I　insisted　on　making　errors。　I　took　a　deep　breath　and　tried　to　steady　my　thoughts。　Emmett　caught　up　to　me　outside　the　English　building。　Hey；　Edward。　Hey；　Em。　that　way。　He　s　looking　better。　Weird；　but　better。　Happy。　Did　I　look　happy？　I　supposed；　despite　the　chaos　in　my　head；　I　felt　Rosalie　wants　to　rip　your　tongue　out。　Are　you　angry　with　me？　With　what　Alice　sees　Way　to　keep　your　mouth　shut；　kid。　I　sighed。　Sorry　I　left　you　to　deal　with　that。　Naw。　Rose　ll　get　over　it。　ing　It　was　bound　to　happen　anyway。

Alice　s　visions　were　not　what　I　wanted　to　think　about　right　now。　forward；　my　teeth　locking　together。　I　stared　As　I　searched　for　a　distraction；　I　caught　sight　of　Ben　Cheney　entering　the　Spanish　room　ahead　of　us。　Ah　here　was　my　chance　to　give　Angela　Weber　her　gift。　I　stopped　walking　and　caught　Emmett　s　arm。　Hold　on　a　second。　What　s　up？　I　know　I　don　t　deserve　it；　but　would　you　do　me　a　favor　anyway？　What　is　it？　he　asked；　curious。　Under　my　breath　and　at　a　speed　that　would　have　made　the　words　inprehensible　to　a　human　no　matter　how　loud　they　d　been　spoken　I　explained　to　him　what　I　wanted。　He　stared　at　me　blankly　when　I　was　done；　his　thoughts　as　blank　as　his　face。　So？　I　prompted。　Will　you　help　me　do　it？　But；　why？　It　took　him　a　minute　to　respond。　C　mon；　Emmett。　Why　not？　Who　are　you　and　what　have　you　done　with　my　brother？　Aren　t　you　the　one　who　plains　that　school　is　always　the　same？　This　is　something　a　little　different；　isn　t　it？　Consider　it　an　experiment　an　experiment　in　human　nature。　He　stared　at　me　for　another　moment　before　he　caved。　Well；　it　is　different；　I　ll　give　you　that　Okay；　fine。　Emmett　snorted　and　then　shrugged。　I　ll　help　you。　I　grinned　at　him；　feeling　more　enthusiastic　about　my　plan　now　that　he　was　on　board。　Rosalie　was　a　pain；　but　I　would　always　owe　her　one　for　choosing　Emmett；　no　one　had　a　better　brother　than　mine。　Emmett　didn　t　need　to　practice。　I　whispered　his　lines　to　him　once　under　my　breath　as　we　walked　into　the　classroom。　Ben　was　already　in　his　seat　behind　mine；　assembling　his　homework　to　hand　in。　Emmett　and　I　both　sat　and　did　the　same　thing。　The　classroom　was　not　quiet　yet；　the　murmur　of　subdued　conversation　would　continue　until　Mrs。　Goff　called　for　attention。　She　was　in　no　hurry；　appraising　the　quizzes　from　the　last　class。　So；　Emmett　said；　his　voice　louder　than　necessary　if　he　were　really　speaking　only　to　me。　Did　you　ask　Angela　Weber　out　yet？　The　sound　of　papers　rustling　behind　me　came　to　an　abrupt　stop　as　Ben　froze；　his　attention　suddenly　riveted　on　our　conversation。　Angela？　They　re　talking　about　Angela？　Good。　I　had　his　interest。　No；　I　said；　shaking　my　head　slowly　to　appear　regretful。

Why　not？　Emmett　improvised。　I　grimaced　at　him。　No。　Are　you　chicken？　I　heard　that　she　was　interested　in　someone　else。　Edward　Cullen　was　going　to　ask　Angela　out？　But　No。　I　don　t　like　that。　I　don　t　want　him　near　her。　He　s　not　right　for　her。　Not　safe。　I　hadn　t　anticipated　the　chivalry；　the　protective　instinct。　jealousy。　But　whatever　worked。　I　d　been　working　for　You　re　going　to　let　that　stop　you？　Emmett　asked　scornfully；　improvising　again。　Not　up　for　the　petition？　I　glared　at　him；　but　made　used　of　what　he　gave　me。　Look；　I　guess　she　really　likes　this　Ben　person。　I　m　not　going　to　try　to　convince　her　otherwise。　There　are　other　girls。　The　reaction　in　the　chair　behind　me　was　electric。　Who？　Emmett　asked；　back　to　the　script。　My　lab　partner　said　it　was　some　kid　named　Cheney。　is。　I　m　not　sure　I　know　who　he　I　bit　back　my　smile。　Only　the　haughty　Cullens　could　get　away　with　pretending　not　to　know　every　student　at　this　tiny　school。　Ben　s　head　was　whirling　with　shock。　like　me？　Me？　Over　Edward　Cullen？　But　why　would　she　Edward；　Emmett　muttered　in　a　lower　tone；　rolling　his　eyes　toward　the　boy。　He　s　right　behind　you；　he　mouthed；　so　obviously　that　the　human　could　easily　read　the　words。　Oh；　I　muttered　back。　I　turned　in　my　seat　and　glanced　once　at　the　boy　behind　me。　For　a　second；　the　black　eyes　behind　the　glasses　were　frightened；　but　then　he　stiffened　and　squared　his　narrow　shoulders；　affronted　by　my　clearly　disparaging　evaluation。　His　chin　shot　out　and　an　angry　flush　darkened　his　goldenbrown　skin。　Huh；　I　said　arrogantly　as　I　turned　back　to　Emmett。　He　thinks　he　s　better　than　me。　But　Angela　doesn　t。　I　ll　show　him　Perfect。　Didn　t　you　say　she　was　taking　Yorkie　to　the　dance；　though？　Emmett　asked；　snorting　as　he　said　the　name　of　the　boy　that　many　scorned　for　his　awkwardness。　That　was　a　group　decision　apparently。　I　wanted　to　be　sure　that　Ben　was　clear　on　this。　Angela　s　shy。　If　B　well；　if　a　guy　doesn　t　have　the　nerve　to　ask　her　out；　she　d　never　ask　him。　You　like　shy　girls；　Emmett　said；　back　to　improvisation。　like　hmm；　I　don　t　know。　Maybe　Bella　Swan？　I　grinned　at　him。　Exactly。　Quiet　girls。　Girls　Then　I　returned　to　the　performance。　Maybe　Angela

will　get　tired　of　waiting。　Maybe　I　ll　ask　her　to　the　prom。　No；　you　won　t；　Ben　thought；　straightening　up　in　his　chair。　So　what　if　she　s　so　much　taller　than　me？　If　she　doesn　t　care；　then　neither　do　I。　She　s　the　nicest；　smartest；　prettiest　girl　in　this　school　and　she　wants　me。　I　liked　this　Ben。　like　Angela。　He　seemed　bright　and　wellmeaning。　Maybe　even　worthy　of　a　girl　I　gave　Emmett　a　thumbs　up　under　the　desk　as　Mrs。　Goff　stood　and　greeted　the　class。　Okay；　I　ll　admit　it　that　was　sort　of　fun；　Emmett　thought。　I　smiled　to　myself；　pleased　that　I　d　been　able　to　shape　one　love　story　s　happy　ending。　I　was　positive　that　Ben　would　follow　through；　and　Angela　would　receive　my　anonymous　gift。　My　debt　was　repaid。　How　silly　humans　were；　to　let　a　six　inch　height　differential　confound　their　happiness。　My　success　put　me　in　a　good　mood。　I　smiled　again　as　I　settled　into　my　chair　and　prepared　to　be　entertained。　After　all；　as　Bella　had　pointed　out　at　lunch；　I　d　never　seen　her　in　action　in　her　gym　class　before。　Mike　s　thoughts　were　the　easiest　to　pinpoint　in　the　babble　of　voices　that　swarmed　through　the　gym。　His　mind　had　gotten　far　too　familiar　over　the　last　few　weeks。　With　a　sigh；　I　resigned　myself　to　listening　through　him。　At　least　I　could　be　sure　that　he　would　be　paying　attention　to　Bella。　I　was　just　in　time　to　hear　him　offer　to　be　her　badminton　partner；　as　he　made　the　suggestion；　other　partnerings　ran　through　his　mind。　My　smile　faded；　my　teeth　clenched　together；　and　I　had　to　remind　myself　that　murdering　Mike　Newton　was　not　a　permissible　option。　Thanks；　Mike　you　don　t　have　to　do　this；　you　know。　Don　t　worry；　I　ll　keep　out　of　your　way。　They　grinned　at　each　other；　and　flashes　of　numerous　accidents　always　in　some　way　connected　to　Bella　flashed　through　Mike　s　head。　Mike　played　alone　at　first；　while　Bella　hesitated　on　the　back　half　of　the　court；　holding　her　racket　gingerly；　as　if　it　was　some　kind　of　weapon。　Then　Coach　Clapp　ambled　by　and　ordered　Mike　to　let　Bella　play。　Uh　oh；　Mike　thought　as　Bella　moved　forward　with　a　sigh；　holding　her　racquet　at　an　awkward　angle。　Jennifer　Ford　served　the　birdie　directly　toward　Bella　with　a　smug　twist　to　her　thoughts。　Mike　saw　Bella　lurch　toward　it；　swinging　the　racket　yards　wide　of　her　target；　and　he　rushed　in　to　try　to　save　the　volley。　I　watched　the　trajectory　of　Bella　s　racquet　with　alarm。　Sure　enough；　it　hit　the　taut　　and　sprung　back　at　her；　clipping　her　forehead　before　it　spun　out　to　strike　Mike　s　arm　with　a　resounding　thwack。　Ow。　Ow。　Ungh。　That　s　going　to　leave　a　bruise。

Bella　was　kneading　her　forehead。　It　was　hard　to　stay　in　my　seat　where　I　belonged；　knowing　she　was　hurt。　But　what　could　I　do；　if　I　were　there？　And　it　didn　t　seem　to　be　serious　I　hesitated；　watching。　If　she　intended　to　continue　to　try　to　play；　I　was　going　to　have　to　manufacture　an　excuse　to　pull