1 twilight暮色-第18部分

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only　it　sounded　like　he　meant　something　different。　So　I　got　Jacob　alone　
and　I　tricked　it　out　of　him；〃　I　admitted；　hanging　my　head。　

He　startled　me　by　laughing。　I　glared　up　at　him。　He　was　laughing；　but　his　
eyes　were　fierce；　staring　ahead。　

〃Tricked　him　how？〃　he　asked。　

〃I　tried　to　flirt　—　it　worked　better　than　I　thought　it　would。〃　Disbelief　
colored　my　tone　as　I　remembered。　

〃I'd　like　to　have　seen　that。〃　He　chuckled　darkly。　〃And　you　accused　me　of　
dazzling　people　—　poor　Jacob　Black。〃　

I　blushed　and　looked　out　my　window　into　the　night。　

〃What　did　you　do　then？〃　he　asked　after　a　minute。　

〃I　did　some　research　on　the　Inter。〃　

〃And　did　that　convince　you？〃　His　voice　sounded　barely　interested。　But　his　
hands　were　clamped　hard　onto　the　steering　wheel。　

〃No。　Nothing　fit。　Most　of　it　was　kind　of　silly。　And　then…〃　I　stopped。　

〃What？〃　

〃I　decided　it　didn't　matter；〃　I　whispered。　

〃It　didn't　matter？〃　His　tone　made　me　look　up　—　I　had　finally　broken　
through　his　carefully　posed　mask。　His　face　was　incredulous；　with　just　
a　hint　of　the　anger　I'd　feared。　

〃No；〃　I　said　softly。　〃It　doesn't　matter　to　me　what　you　are。〃　

A　hard；　mocking　edge　entered　his　voice。　〃You　don't　care　if　I'm　a　monster？　
If　I'm　not　human！〃　

〃No。〃　

He　was　silent；　staring　straight　ahead　again。　His　face　was　bleak　and　cold。　

〃You're　angry；〃　I　sighed。　〃I　shouldn't　have　said　anything。〃　

〃No；〃　he　said；　but　his　tone　was　as　hard　as　his　face。　〃I'd　rather　know　
what　you're　thinking　—　even　if　what　you're　thinking　is　insane。〃　

〃So　I'm　wrong　again？〃　I　challenged。　

〃That's　not　what　I　was　referring　to。　'It　doesn't　matter'！〃　he　quoted；　
gritting　his　teeth　together。　

〃I'm　right？〃　I　gasped。　

〃Does　it　matter？〃　

I　took　a　deep　breath。　

〃Not　really。〃　I　paused。　〃But　I　am　curious。〃　My　voice；　at　least；　was　
posed。　

He　was　suddenly　resigned。　〃What　are　you　curious　about？〃　

〃How　old　are　you？〃　

〃Seventeen；〃　he　answered　promptly。　

〃And　how　long　have　you　been　seventeen？〃　

His　lips　twitched　as　he　stared　at　the　road。　〃A　while；〃　he　admitted　at　
last。　

〃Okay。〃　I　smiled；　pleased　that　he　was　still　being　honest　with　me。　He　
stared　down　at　me　with　watchful　eyes；　much　as　he　had　before；　when　he　was　
worried　I　would　go　into　shock。　I　smiled　wider　in　encouragement；　and　he　
frowned。　

〃Don't　laugh　—　but　how　can　you　e　out　during　the　daytime？〃　

He　laughed　anyway。　〃Myth。〃　

〃Burned　by　the　sun？〃　

〃Myth。〃　

〃Sleeping　in　coffins？〃　

〃Myth。〃　He　hesitated　for　a　moment；　and　a　peculiar　tone　entered　his　voice。　
〃I　can't　sleep。〃　

It　took　me　a　minute　to　absorb　that。　〃At　all？〃　

〃Never；〃　he　said；　his　voice　nearly　inaudible。　He　turned　to　look　at　me　
with　a　wistful　expression。　The　golden　eyes　held　mine；　and　I　lost　my　train　
of　thought。　I　stared　at　him　until　he　looked　away。　

〃You　haven't　asked　me　the　most　important　question　yet。〃　His　voice　was　

hard　now；　and　when　he　looked　at　me　again　his　eyes　were　cold。　

I　blinked；　still　dazed。　〃Which　one　is　that？〃　

〃You　aren't　concerned　about　my　diet？〃　he　asked　sarcastically。　

〃Oh；〃　I　murmured；　〃that。〃　

〃Yes；　that。〃　His　voice　was　bleak。　〃Don't　you　want　to　know　if　I　drink　
blood？〃　

I　flinched。　〃Well；　Jacob　said　something　about　that。〃　

〃What　did　Jacob　say？〃　he　asked　flatly。　

〃He　said　you　didn't…　hunt　people。　He　said　your　family　wasn't　supposed　to　
be　dangerous　because　you　only　hunted　animals。〃　

〃He　said　we　weren't　dangerous？〃　His　voice　was　deeply　skeptical。　

〃Not　exactly。　He　said　you　weren't　supposed　to　be　dangerous。　But　the　
Quileutes　still　didn't　want　you　on　their　land；　just　in　case。〃　

He　looked　forward；　but　I　couldn't　tell　if　he　was　watching　the　road　or　not。　

〃So　was　he　right？　About　not　hunting　people？〃　I　tried　to　keep　my　voice　as　
even　as　possible。　

〃The　Quileutes　have　a　long　memory；〃　he　whispered。　

I　took　it　as　a　confirmation。　

〃Don't　let　that　make　you　placent；　though；〃　he　warned　me。　〃They're　
right　to　keep　their　distance　from　us。　We　are　still　dangerous。〃　

〃I　don't　understand。〃　

〃We　try；〃　he　explained　slowly。　〃We're　usually　very　good　at　what　we　do。　
Sometimes　we　make　mistakes。　Me；　for　example；　allowing　myself　to　be　alone　
with　you。〃　

〃This　is　a　mistake？〃　I　heard　the　sadness　in　my　voice；　but　I　didn't　know　
if　he　could　as　well。　

〃A　very　dangerous　one；〃　he　murmured。　

We　were　both　silent　then。　I　watched　the　headlights　twist　with　the　curves　
of　the　road。　They　moved　too　fast；　it　didn't　look　real；　it　looked　like　a　
video　game。　I　was　aware　of　the　time　slipping　away　so　quickly；　like　the　
black　road　beneath　us；　and　I　was　hideously　afraid　that　I　would　never　have　
another　chance　to　be　with　him　like　this　again　—　openly；　the　walls　between　
us　gone　for　once。　His　words　hinted　at　an　end；　and　I　recoiled　from　the　
idea。　I　couldn't　waste　one　minute　I　had　with　him。　

〃Tell　me　more；〃　I　asked　desperately；　not　caring　what　he　said；　just　so　I　
could　hear　his　voice　again。　

He　looked　at　me　quickly；　startled　by　the　change　in　my　tone。　〃What　more　do　
you　want　to　know？〃　

〃Tell　me　why　you　hunt　animals　instead　of　people；〃　I　suggested；　my　voice　
still　tinged　with　desperation。　I　realized　my　eyes　were　wet；　and　I　fought　
against　the　grief　that　was　trying　to　overpower　me。　

〃I　don't　want　to　be　a　monster。〃　His　voice　was　very　low。　

〃But　animals　aren't　enough？〃　

He　paused。　〃I　can't　be　sure；　of　course；　but　I'd　pare　it　to　living　on　
tofu　and　soy　milk；　we　call　ourselves　vegetarians；　our　little　inside　joke。　
It　doesn't　pletely　satiate　the　hunger　—　or　rather　thirst。　But　it　keens　
us　strong　enough　to　resist。　Most　of　the　time。〃　His　tone　turned　ominous。　

〃Sometimes　it's　more　difficult　than　others。〃　

〃Is　it　very　difficult　for　you　now？〃　I　asked。　

He　sighed。　〃Yes。〃　

〃But　you're　not　hungry　now；〃　I　said　confidently　—　stating；　not　asking。　

〃Why　do　you　think　that？〃　

〃Your　eyes。　I　told　you　I　had　a　theory。　I've　noticed　that　people　—　men　in　
particular　—　are　crabbier　when　they're　hungry。〃　

He　chuckled。　〃You　are　observant；　aren't　you？〃　

I　didn't　answer；　I　just　listened　to　the　sound　of　his　laugh；　mitting　it　
to　memory。　

〃Were　you　hunting　this　weekend；　with　Emmett？〃　I　asked　when　it　was　quiet　
again。　

〃Yes。〃　He　paused　for　a　second；　as　if　deciding　whether　or　not　to　say　
something。　〃I　didn't　want　to　leave；　but　it　was　necessary。　It's　a　bit　
easier　to　be　around　you　when　I'm　not　thirsty。〃　

〃Why　didn't　you　want　to　leave？〃　

〃It　makes　me…　anxious…　to　be　away　from　you。〃　His　eyes　were　gentle　but　
intense；　and　they　seemed　to　be　making　my　bones　turn　soft。　〃I　wasn't　
joking　when　I　asked　you　to　try　not　to　fall　in　the　ocean　or　get　run　over　
last　Thursday。　I　was　distracted　all　weekend；　worrying　about　you。　And　
after　what　happened　tonight；　I'm　surprised　that　you　did　make　it　through　a　
whole　weekend　unscathed。〃　He　shook　his　head；　and　then　seemed　to　remember　
something。　〃Well；　not　totally　unscathed。〃　

〃What？〃　

〃Your　hands；〃　he　reminded　me。　I　looked　down　at　my　palms；　at　the　
almosthealed　scrapes　across　the　heels　of　my　hands。　His　eyes　missed　
nothing。　

〃I　fell；〃　I　sighed。　

〃That's　what　I　thought。〃　His　lips　curved　up　at　the　corners。　〃I　suppose；　
being　you；　it　could　have　been　much　worse　—　and　that　possibility　tormented　
me　the　entire　time　I　was　away。　It　was　a　very　long　three　days。　I　really　
got　on　Emmett's　nerves。〃　He　smiled　ruefully　at　me。　

〃Three　days？　Didn't　you　just　get　back　today？〃　

〃No；　we　got　back　Sunday。〃　

〃Then　why　weren't　any　of　you　in　school？〃　I　was　frustrated；　almost　angry　
as　I　thought　of　how　much　disappointment　I　had　suffered　because　of　his　
absence。　

〃Well；　you　asked　if　the　sun　hurt　me；　and　it　doesn't。　But　I　can't　go　out　
in　the　sunlight　—　at　least；　not　where　anyone　can　see。〃　

〃Why？〃　

〃I'll　show　you　sometime；〃　he　promised。　

I　thought　about　it　for　a　moment。　

〃You　might　have　called　me；〃　I　decided。　

He　was　puzzled。　〃But　I　knew　you　were　safe。〃　

〃But　I　didn't　know　where　you　were。　I　—〃　I　hesitated；　dropping　my　eyes。　

〃What？〃　His　velvety　voice　was　pelling。　

〃I　didn't　like　it。　Not　seeing　you。　It　makes　me　anxious；　too。〃　I　blushed　
to　be　saying　this　out　loud。　

He　was　quiet。　I　glanced　up；　apprehensive；　and　saw　that　his　expression　was　
pained。　

〃Ah；〃　he　groaned　quietly。　〃This　is　wrong。〃　

I　couldn't　understand　his　response。　〃What　did　I　say？〃　

〃Don't　you　see；　Bella？　It's　one　thing　for　me　to　make　myself　miserable；　
but　a　wholly　other　thing　for　you　to　be　so　involved。〃　He　turned　his　
anguished　eyes　to　the　road；　his　words　flowing　almost　too　fast　for　me　to　
understand。　〃I　don't　want　to　hear　that　you　feel　that　way。〃　His　voice　was　
low　but　urgent。　His　words　cut　me。　〃It's　wrong。　It's　not　safe。　I'm　
dangerous；　Bella　—　please；　grasp　that。〃　

〃No。〃　I　tried　very　hard　not　to　look　like　a　sulky　child。　

〃I'm　serious；〃　he　growled。　

〃So　am　I。　I　told　you；　it　doesn't　matter　what　you　are。　It's　too　late。〃　

His　voice　whipped　out；　low　and　harsh。　〃Never　say　that。〃　

I　bit　my　lip　and　was　glad　he　couldn't　know　how　much　that　hurt。　I　stared　
out　at　the　road。　We　must　be　close　now。　He　was　driving　much　too　fast。　

〃What　are　you　thinking？〃　he　asked；　his　voice　still　raw。　I　just　shook　my　
head；　not　sure　if　I　could　speak。　I　could　feel　his　gaze　on　my　face；　but　I　
kept　my　eyes　forward。　

〃Are　you　crying？〃　He　sounded　appalled。　I　hadn't　realized　the　moisture　in　
my　eyes　had　brimmed　over。　I　quickly　rubbed　my　hand　across　my　cheek；　and　
sure　enough；　traitor　tears　were　there；　betraying　me。　

〃No；〃　I　said；　but　my　voice　cracked。　

I　saw　him　reach　toward　me　hesitantly　with　his　right　hand；　but　then　he　
stopped　and　placed　it　slowly　back　on　the　steering　wheel。　

〃I'm　sorry。〃　His　voice　burned　with　regret。　I　knew　he　wasn't　just　
apologizing　for　the　words　that　had　upset　me。　

The　darkness　slipped　by　us　in　silence。　

〃Tell　me　something；〃　he　asked　after　another　minute；　and　I　could　hear　him　
struggle　to　use　a　lighter　tone。　

〃Yes？〃　

〃What　were　you　thinking　tonight；　just　before　I　came　around　the　corner？　I　
couldn't　understand　your　expression　—　you　didn't　look　that　scared；　you　
looked　like　you　were　concentrating　very　hard　on　something。〃　

〃I　was　trying　to　remember　how　to　incapacitate　an　attacker　—　you　know；　
selfdefense。　I　was　going　to　smash　his　nose　into　his　brain。〃　I　thought　of　
the　darkhaired　man　with　a　surge　of　hate。　

〃You　were　going　to　fight　them？〃　This　upset　him。　〃Didn't　you　think　about　
running？〃　

〃I　fall　down　a　lot　when　I　run；〃　I　admitted。　

〃What　about　screaming　for　help？〃　

〃I　was　getting　to　that　part。〃　

He　shook　his　head。　〃You　were　right　—　I'm　definitely　fighting　fate　trying　
to　keep　you　alive。〃　

I　sighed。　We　were　slowing；　passing　into　the　boundaries　of　Forks。　It　had　
taken　less　than　twenty　minutes。　

〃Will　I　see　you　tomorrow？〃　I　demanded。　

〃Yes　—　I　have　a　paper　due；　too。〃　He　smiled。　〃I'll　save　you　a　seat　at　
lunch。〃　

It　was　silly；　after　everything　we'd　been　through　tonight；　how　that　little　
promise　sent　flutters　through　my　stomach；　and　made　me　unable　to　speak。　

We　were　in　front　of　Charlie's　house。　The　lights　were　on；　my　truck　in　its　
place；　everything　utterly　normal。　It　was　like　waking　from　a　dream。　He　
stopped　the　car；　but　I　didn't　move。　

〃Do　you　promise　to　be　there　tomorrow？〃　

〃I　promise。〃　

I　considered　that　for　a　moment；　then　nodded。　I　pulled　his　jacket　off；　
taking　one　last　whiff。　

〃You　can　keep　it　—　you　don't　have　a　jacket　for　tomorrow；〃　he　reminded　me。　

I　handed　it　back　to　him。　〃I　don't　want　to　have　to　explain　to　Charlie。〃　

〃Oh；　right。〃　He　grinned。　

I　hesitated；　my　hand　on　the　door　handle；　trying　to　prolong　the　moment。　

〃Bella？〃　he　asked　in　a　different　tone　—　serious；　but　hesitant。　

〃Yes？〃　I　turned　back　to　him　too　eagerly。　

〃Will　you　promise　me　something？〃　

〃Yes；〃　I　said；　and　instantly　regretted　my　unconditional　agreement。　What　
if　he　asked　me　to　stay　away　from　him？　I　couldn't　keep　that　promise。　

〃Don't　go　into　the　woods　alone。〃　

I　stared　at　him　in　blank　confusion。　〃Why？〃　

He　frowned；　and　his　eyes　were　tight　as　he　stared　past　me　out　the　window。　

〃I'm　not　always　the　most　dangerous　thing　out　there。　Let's　leave　it　at　
that。〃　

I　shuddered　slightly　at　the　sudden　bleakness　in　his　voice；　but　I　was　
relieved。　This；　at　least；　was　an　easy　promise　to　honor。　〃Whatever　you　
say。〃　

〃I'll　see　you　tomorrow；〃　he　sighed；　and　I　knew　he　wanted　me　to　leave　now。　

〃Tomorrow；　then。〃　I　opened　the　door　unwillingly。　

〃Bella？〃　I　turned　and　he　was　leaning　toward　me；　his　pale；　glorious　face　
just　inches　from　mine。　My　heart　stopped　beating。　

〃Sleep　well；〃　he　said。　His　breath　blew　in　my　face；　stunning　me。　It　was　
the　same　exquisite　scent　that　clung　to　his　jacket；　but　in　a　more　
concentrated　form。　I　blinked；　thoroughly　dazed。　He　leaned　away。　

I　was　unable　to　move　until　my　brain　had　somewhat　unscrambled　itself。　Then　
I　stepped　out　of　the　car　awkwardly；　having　to　use　the　frame　for　support。　
I　thought　I　heard　him　chuckle；　but　the　sound　was　too　quiet　for　me　to　be　
certain。　

He　waited　till　I　had　stumbled　to　the　front　door；　and　then　I　heard　his　
engine　quietly　rev。　I　turned　to　watch　the　silver　car　disappear　around　the　
corner。　I　realized　it　was　very　cold。　

I　reached　for　the　key　mechanically；　unlocked　the　door；　and　stepped　inside。　

Charlie　called　from　the　living　room。　〃Bella？〃　

〃Yeah；　Dad；　it's　me。〃　I　walked　in　to　see　him。　He　was　watching　a　baseball　
game。　

〃You're　home　early。〃　

〃Am　I？〃　I　was　surprised。　

〃It's　not　even　eight　yet；〃　he　told　me。　〃Did　you　girls　have　fun？〃　

〃Yeah　—　it　was　lots　of　fun。〃　My　head　was　spinning　as　I　tried　to　remember　
all　the　way　back　to　the　girls'　night　out　I　had　planned。　〃They　both　found　
dresses。〃　

〃Are　you　all　right？〃　

〃I'm　just　tired。　I　did　a　lot　of　walking。〃　

〃Well；　maybe　you　should　go　lie　down。〃　He　sounded　concerned。　I　wondered　
what　my　face　looked　like。　

〃I'm　just　going　to　call　Jessica　first。〃　

〃Weren't　you　just　with　her？〃　he　asked；　surprised。　

〃Yes　—　but　I　left　my　jacket　in　her　car。　I　want　to　make　sure　she　brings　it　
tomorrow。〃　

〃Well；　give　her　a　chance　to　get　home　first。〃　

〃Right；〃　I　agreed。　

I　went　to　the　kitchen　and　fell；　exhausted；　into　a　chair。　I　was　really　
feeling　dizzy　now。　I　wondered　if　I　was　going　to　go　into　shock　after　all。　
Get　a　grip；　I　told　myself。　

The　phone　rang　suddenly；　startling　me。　I　yanked　it　off　the　hook。　

〃Hello？〃　I　asked　breathlessly。　

〃Bella？〃　

〃Hey；　Jess；　I　was　just　going　to　call　you。〃　

〃You　made　it　home？〃　Her　voice　was　relieved…　and　surprised。　

〃Yes。　I　left　my　jacket　in　your　car　—　could　you　bring　it　to　me　tomorrow？〃　

〃Sure。　But　tell　me　what　happened！〃　she　demanded。　

〃Um；　tomorrow　—　in　Trig；　okay？〃　

She　caught　on　quickly。　〃Oh；　is　your　dad　there？〃　

〃Yes；　that's　right。〃　

〃Okay；　I'll　talk　to　you　tomorrow；　then。　Bye！〃　I　could　hear　the　impatience　
in　her　voice。　

〃Bye；　Jess。〃　

I　walked　up　the　stairs　slowly；　a　heavy　stupor　clouding　my　mind。　I　went　
through　the　motions　of　getting　ready　for　bed　without　paying　any　attention　
to　what　I　was　doing。　It　wasn't　until　I　was　in　the　shower　—　the　water　too　
hot；　burning　my　skin　—　that　I　realized　I　was　freezing。　I　shuddered　
violently　for　several　minutes　before　the　steaming　spray　could　finally　
relax　my　rigid　muscles。　Then　I　stood　in　the　shower；　too　tired　to　move；　
until　the　hot