4 breaking dawn破晓-第11部分

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argument　a　million　times；　you　always　begging　to　be　a　vampire　without　delay？〃　

〃Yes；　but。。。　well；　I　have　a　reason　to　be　human　that　I　didn't　have　before。〃　



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〃What's　that？〃　

〃Guess；〃　I　said；　and　I　dragged　myself　off　the　pillows　to　kiss　him。　

He　kissed　me　back；　but　not　in　a　way　that　made　me　think　I　was　winning。　It　was　more　like　he　was　being　
careful　not　to　hurt　my　feelings；　he　was　pletely；　maddeningly　in　control　of　himself。　Gently；　he　pulled　me　
away　after　a　moment　and　cradled　me　against　his　chest。　

〃You　are　so　human；　Bella。　Ruled　by　your　hormones。〃　He　chuckled。　

〃That's　the　whole　point；　Edward。　I　like　this　part　of　being　human。　I　don't　want　to　give　it　up　yet。　I　don't　
want　to　wait　through　years　of　being　a　bloodcrazed　newborn　for　some　part　of　this　to　e　back　to　me。〃　

I　yawned；　and　he　smiled。　

〃You're　tired。　Sleep；　love。〃　He　started　humming　the　lullaby　he'd　posed　for　me　when　we　first　met。　

〃I　wonder　why　I'm　so　tired；〃　I　muttered　sarcastically。　〃That　couldn't　be　part　of　your　scheme　or　anything。〃　

He　just　chuckled　once　and　went　back　to　humming。　

〃For　as　tired　as　I've　been；　you'd　think　I'd　sleep　better。〃　

The　song　broke　off。　〃You've　been　sleeping　like　the　dead；　Bella。　You　haven't　said　a　word　in　your　sleep　
since　we　got　here。　If　it　weren't　for　the　snoring；　I'd　worry　you　were　slipping　into　a　a。〃　

I　ignored　the　snoring　jibe；　I　didn't　snore。　〃I　haven't　been　tossing？　That's　weird。　Usually　I'm　all　over　the　
bed　when　I'm　having　nightmares。　And　shouting。〃　

〃You've　been　having　nightmares？〃　

〃Vivid　ones。　They　make　me　so　tired。〃　I　yawned。　〃I　can't　believe　I　haven't　been　babbling　about　them　all　
night。〃　

〃What　are　they　about？〃　

〃Different　things—but　the　same；　you　know；　because　of　the　colors。〃　

〃Colors？〃　

〃It's　all　so　bright　and　real。　Usually；　when　I'm　dreaming；　I　know　that　I　am。　With　these；　I　don't　know　I'm　
asleep。　It　makes　them　scarier。〃　

He　sounded　disturbed　when　he　spoke　again。　〃What　is　frightening　you？〃　

I　shuddered　slightly。　〃Mostly　。。。〃　I　hesitated。　

〃Mostly？〃　he　prompted。　

I　wasn't　sure　why；　but　I　didn't　want　to　tell　him　about　the　child　in　my　recurring　nightmare；　there　was　



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something　private　about　that　particular　horror。　So；　instead　of　giving　him　the　full　description；　I　gave　him　
just　one　element。　Certainly　enough　to　frighten　me　or　anyone　else。　

〃The　Volturi；〃　I　whispered。　

He　hugged　me　tighter。　〃They　aren't　going　to　bother　us　anymore。　You'll　be　immortal　soon；　and　they'll　have　
no　reason。〃　

I　let　him　fort　me；　feeling　a　little　guilty　that　he'd　misunderstood。　The　nightmares　weren't　like　that；　
exactly。　It　wasn't　that　I　was　afraid　for　myself—I　was　afraid　for　the　boy。　

He　wasn't　the　same　boy　as　that　first　dream—the　vampire　child　with　the　bloodred　eyes　who　sat　on　a　pile　
of　dead　people　I　loved。　This　boy　I'd　dreamed　of　four　times　in　the　last　week　was　definitely　human；　his　
cheeks　were　flushed　and　his　wide　eyes　were　a　soft　green。　But　just　like　the　other　child；　he　shook　with　fear　
and　desperation　as　the　Volturi　closed　in　on　us。　

In　this　dream　that　was　both　new　and　old；　I　simply　had　to　protect　the　unknown　child。　There　was　no　other　
option。　At　the　same　time；　I　knew　that　I　would　fail。　

He　saw　the　desolation　on　my　face。　〃What　can　I　do　to　help？〃　

I　shook　it　off。　〃They're　just　dreams；　Edward。〃　

〃Do　you　want　me　to　sing　to　you？　Ill　sing　all　night　if　it　will　keep　the　bad　dreams　away。〃　

〃They're　not　all　bad。　Some　are　nice。　So。。。　colorful。　Underwater；　with　the　fish　and　the　coral。　It　all　seems　
like　it's　really　happening—I　don't　know　that　I'm　dreaming。　Maybe　this　island　is　the　problem。　It's　really　
bright　here。〃　

〃Do　you　want　to　go　home？〃　

〃No。　No；　not　yet。　Can't　we　stay　awhile　longer？〃　

〃We　can　stay　as　long　as　you　want；　Bella；〃　he　promised　me。　

〃When　does　the　semester　start？　I　wasn't　paying　attention　before。〃　

He　sighed。　He　may　have　started　humming　again；　too；　but　I　was　under　before　I　could　be　sure。　

Later；　when　I　awoke　in　the　dark；　it　was　with　shock。　The　dream　had　been　so　very　real。。。　so　vivid；　so　
sensory。。。。　I　gasped　aloud；　now；　disoriented　by　the　dark　room。　Only　a　second　ago；　it　seemed；　I　had　been　
under　the　brilliant　sun。　

〃Bella？〃　Edward　whispered；　his　arms　tight　around　me；　shaking　me　gently。　〃Are　you　all　right；　sweetheart？〃　

〃Oh；〃　I　gasped　again。　Just　a　dream。　Not　real。　To　my　utter　astonishment；　tears　overflowed　from　my　eyes　
without　warning；　gushing　down　my　face。　

〃Bella！〃　he　said—louder；　alarmed　now。　〃What's　wrong？〃　He　wiped　the　tears　from　my　hot　cheeks　with　
cold；　frantic　fingers；　but　others　followed。　




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〃It　was　only　a　dream。〃　I　couldn't　contain　the　low　sob　that　broke　in　my　voice。　The　senseless　tears　were　
disturbing；　

but　I　couldn't　get　control　of　the　staggering　grief　that　gripped　me。　I　wanted　so　badly　for　the　dream　to　be　
real。　

〃It's　okay；　love；　you're　fine。　I'm　here。〃　He　rocked　me　back　and　forth；　a　little　too　fast　to　soothe。　〃Did　you　
have　another　nightmare？　It　wasn't　real；　it　wasn't　real。〃　

〃Not　a　nightmare。〃　I　shook　my　head；　scrubbing　the　back　of　my　hand　against　my　eyes。　〃It　was　a　good　
dream。〃　My　voice　broke　again。　

〃Then　why　are　you　crying？〃　he　asked；　bewildered。　

〃Because　I　woke　up；〃　I　wailed；　wrapping　my　arms　around　his　neck　in　a　chokehold　and　sobbing　into　his　
throat。　

He　laughed　once　at　my　logic；　but　the　sound　was　tense　with　concern。　

〃Everything's　all　right；　Bella。　Take　deep　breaths。〃　

〃It　was　so　real；〃　I　cried。　〃I　wanted　it　to　be　real。〃　

〃Tell　me　about　it；〃　he　urged。　〃Maybe　that　will　help。〃　

〃We　were　on　the　beach。　。。。〃　I　trailed　off；　pulling　back　to　look　with　tearfilled　eyes　at　his　anxious　angel's　
face；　dim　in　the　darkness。　I　stared　at　him　broodingly　as　the　unreasonable　grief　began　to　ebb。　

〃And？〃　he　finally　prompted。　

I　blinked　the　tears　out　of　my　eyes；　torn。　〃Oh；　Edward　。。。〃　

〃Tell　me；　Bella；〃　he　pleaded；　eyes　wild　with　worry　at　the　pain　in　my　voice。　

But　I　couldn't。　Instead　I　clutched　my　arms　around　his　neck　again　and　locked　my　mouth　with　his　
feverishly。　It　wasn't　desire　at　all—it　was　need；　acute　to　the　point　of　pain。　His　response　was　instant　but　
quickly　followed　by　his　rebuff。　

He　struggled　with　me　as　gently　as　he　could　in　his　surprise；　holding　me　away；　grasping　my　shoulders。　

〃No；　Bella；〃　he　insisted；　looking　at　me　as　if　he　was　worried　that　I'd　lost　my　mind。　

My　arms　dropped；　defeated；　the　bizarre　tears　spilling　in　a　fresh　torrent　down　my　face；　a　new　sob　rising　
in　my　throat。　He　was　right—I　must　be　crazy。　

He　stared　at　me　with　confused；　anguished　eyes。　

〃I'm　sssorry；〃　I　mumbled。　

But　he　pulled　me　to　him　then；　hugging　me　tightly　to　his　marble　chest。　




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〃I　can't；　Bella；　I　can't！〃　His　moan　was　agonized。　

〃Please；〃　I　said；　my　plea　muffled　against　his　skin。　〃Please；　Edward？〃　

I　couldn't　tell　if　he　was　moved　by　the　tears　trembling　in　my　voice；　or　if　he　was　unprepared　to　deal　with　
the　suddenness　of　my　attack；　or　if　his　need　was　simply　as　unbearable　in　that　moment　as　my　own。　But　
whatever　the　reason；　he　pulled　my　lips　back　to　his；　surrendering　with　a　groan。　

And　we　began　where　my　dream　had　left　off。　

I　stayed　very　still　when　I　woke　up　in　the　morning　and　tried　to　keep　my　breathing　even。　I　was　afraid　to　
open　my　eyes。　

I　was　lying　across　Edward's　chest；　but　he　was　very　still　and　his　arms　were　not　wrapped　around　me。　That　
was　a　bad　sign。　I　was　afraid　to　admit　I　was　awake　and　face　his　anger—no　matter　whom　it　was　directed　
at　today。　

Carefully；　I　peeked　through　my　eyelashes。　He　was　staring　up　at　the　dark　ceiling；　his　arms　behind　his　
head。　I　pulled　myself　up　on　my　elbow　so　that　I　could　see　his　face　better。　It　was　smooth；　expressionless。　

〃How　much　trouble　am　I　in？〃　I　asked　in　a　small　voice。　

〃Heaps；〃　he　said；　but　turned　his　head　and　smirked　at　me。　

I　breathed　a　sigh　of　relief。　〃I　am　sorry；〃　I　said。　〃I　didn't　mean。。。　Well；　I　don't　know　exactly　what　that　was　
last　night。〃　I　shook　my　head　at　the　memory　of　the　irrational　tears；　the　crushing　grief。　

〃You　never　did　tell　me　what　your　dream　was　about。〃　

〃I　guess　I　didn't—but　I　sort　of　showed　you　what　it　was　about。〃　I　laughed　nervously。　

〃Oh；〃　he　said。　His　eyes　widened；　and　then　he　blinked。　〃Interesting。〃　

〃It　was　a　very　good　dream；〃　I　murmured。　He　didn't　ment；　so　a　few　seconds　later　I　asked；　〃Am　I　
forgiven？〃　

〃I'm　thinking　about　it。〃　

I　sat　up；　planning　to　examine　myself—there　didn't　seem　to　be　any　feathers；　at　least。　But　as　I　moved；　an　
odd　wave　of　vertigo　hit。　I　swayed　and　fell　back　against　the　pillows。　

〃Whoa。。。　head　rush。〃　

His　arms　were　around　me　then。　〃You　slept　for　a　long　time。　Twelve　hours。〃　

〃Twelve？〃How　strange。　

I　gave　myself　a　quick　onceover　while　I　spoke；　trying　to　be　inconspicuous　about　it。　I　looked　fine。　The　
bruises　on　my　arms　were　still　a　week　old；　yellowing。　I　stretched　experimentally。　I　felt　fine；　too。　Well；　
better　than　fine；　actually。　




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〃Is　the　inventory　plete？〃　

I　nodded　sheepishly。　〃The　pillows　all　appear　to　have　survived。〃　

〃Unfortunately；　I　can't　say　the　same　for　your；　er；　nightgown。〃　He　nodded　toward　the　foot　of　the　bed；　
where　several　scraps　of　black　lace　were　strewn　across　the　silk　sheets。　

〃That's　too　bad；〃　I　said。　〃I　liked　that　one。〃　

〃I　did；　too。〃　

〃Were　there　any　other　casualties？〃　I　asked　timidly。　

〃I'll　have　to　buy　Esme　a　new　bed　frame；〃　he　confessed；　glancing　over　his　shoulder。　I　followed　his　gaze　
and　was　shocked　to　see　that　large　chunks　of　wood　had　apparently　been　gouged　from　the　left　side　of　the　
headboard。　

〃Hmm。〃　I　frowned。　〃You'd　think　I　would　have　heard　that。〃　

〃You　seem　to　be　extraordinarily　unobservant　when　your　attention　is　otherwise　involved。〃　

〃I　was　a　bit　absorbed；〃　I　admitted；　blushing　a　deep　red。　

He　touched　my　burning　cheek　and　sighed。　〃I'm　really　going　to　miss　that。〃　

I　stared　at　his　face；　searching　for　any　signs　of　the　anger　or　remorse　I　feared。　He　gazed　back　at　me　
evenly；　his　expression　calm　but　otherwise　unreadable。　

〃How　are　you　feeling？'7　

He　laughed。　

〃What？〃　I　demanded。　

〃You　look　so　guilty—like　you've　mitted　a　crime。〃　

〃I　feel　guilty；〃　I　muttered。　

〃So　you　seduced　your　alltoowilling　husband。　That's　not　a　capital　offense。〃　

He　seemed　to　be　teasing。　

My　cheeks　got　hotter。　〃The　word　seduced　implies　a　certain　amount　of　premeditation。〃　

〃Maybe　that　was　the　wrong　word；〃　he　allowed。　

〃You're　not　angry？〃　

He　smiled　ruefully。　Tm　not　angry。〃　

〃Why　not？〃　



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〃Well。　。　。〃　He　paused。　〃I　didn't　hurt　you；　for　one　thing。　It　was　easier　this　time；　to　control　myself；　to　
channel　the　excesses。〃　His　eyes　flickered　to　the　damaged　frame　again。　〃Maybe　because　I　had　a　better　
idea　of　what　to　expect。〃　

A　hopeful　smile　started　to　spread　across　my　face。　〃I　told　you　that　it　was　all　about　practice。〃　

He　rolled　his　eyes。　

My　stomach　growled；　and　he　laughed。　〃Breakfast　time　for　the　human？〃　he　asked。　

〃Please；〃　I　said；　hopping　out　of　bed。　I　moved　too　quickly；　though；　and　had　to　stagger　drunkenly　to　regain　
my　balance。　He　caught　me　before　I　could　stumble　into　the　dresser。　

〃Are　you　all　right？〃　

〃If　I　don't　have　a　better　sense　of　equilibrium　in　my　next　life；　I'm　demanding　a　refund。〃　

I　cooked　this　morning；　frying　up　some　eggs—too　hungry　to　do　anything　more　elaborate。　Impatient；　I　
flipped　them　onto　a　plate　after　just　a　few　minutes。　

〃Since　when　do　you　eat　eggs　sunnyside　up？〃　he　asked。　

〃Since　now。〃　

〃Do　you　know　how　many　eggs　you've　gone　through　in　the　last　week？〃　He　pulled　the　trash　bin　out　from　
under　the　sink—it　was　full　of　empty　blue　cartons。　

〃Weird；〃　I　said　after　swallowing　a　scorching　bite。　〃This　place　is　messing　with　my　appetite。〃　And　my　
dreams；　and　my　already　dubious　balance。　〃But　I　like　it　here。　Well　probably　have　to　leave　soon；　though；　
won't　we；　to　make　it　to　Dartmouth　in　time？　Wow；　I　guess　we　need　to　find　a　place　to　live　and　stuff；　too。〃　

He　sat　down　next　to　me。　〃You　can　give　up　the　college　pretense　now—you've　gotten　what　you　wanted。　
And　we　didn't　agree　to　a　deal；　so　there　are　no　strings　attached。〃　

I　snorted。　〃It　wasn't　a　pretense；　Edward。　I　don't　spend　my　free　time　plotting　like　some　people　do。　What　
can　we　do　to　wear　Bella　out　today？〃　I　said　in　a　poor　impression　of　his　voice。　He　laughed；　unashamed。　
〃I　really　do　want　a　little　more　time　being　human。〃　I　leaned　over　to　run　my　hand　across　his　bare　chest。　〃I　
have　not　had　enough。〃　

He　gave　me　a　dubious　look。　〃For　this？〃　he　asked；　catching　my　hand　as　it　moved　down　his　stomach。　
〃Sex　was　the　key　all　along？〃　He　rolled　his　eyes。　〃Why　didn't　i　think　of　that？〃　he　muttered　sarcastically。　〃I　
could　have　saved　myself　a　lot　of　arguments。〃　

I　laughed。　〃Yeah；　probably。〃　

〃You　are　so　human；〃　he　said　again。　

〃I　know。〃　

A　hint　of　a　smile　pulled　at　his　lips。　〃We're　going　to　Dartmouth？　Really？〃　



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〃I'll　probably　fail　out　in　one　semester。〃　

〃I'll　tutor　you。〃　The　smile　was　wide　now。　〃You're　going　to　love　college。〃　

〃Do　you　think　we　can　find　an　apartment　this　late？〃　

He　grimaced；　looking　guilty。　〃Well；　we　sort　of　already　have　a　house　there。　You　know；　just　in　case。〃　

〃You　bought　a　house？〃　

〃Real　estate　is　a　good　investment。〃　

I　raised　one　eyebrow　and　then　let　it　go。　〃So　we're　ready；　then。〃　

〃I'll　have　to　see　if　we　can　keep　your　'before'　car　for　a　little　longer___〃　

〃Yes；　heaven　forbid　I　not　be　protected　from　tanks。〃　

He　grinned。　

〃How　much　longer　can　we　stay？〃　I　asked。　

〃We're　fine　on　time。　A　few　more　weeks；　if　you　want。　And　then　we　can　visit　Charlie　before　we　go　to　
New　Hampshire。　We　could　spend　Christmas　with　Renee___〃　

His　words　painted　a　very　happy　immediate　future；　one　free　of　pain　for　everyone　involved。　The　
Jacobdrawer；　all　but　forgotten；　rattled；　and　i　amended　the　thought—for　almost　everyone。　

This　wasn't　getting　any　easier。　Now　that　I'd　discovered　exactly　how　good　being　human　could　be；　it　was　
tempting　to　let　my　plans　drift。　Eighteen　or　nieen；　nieen　or　twenty。。。　Did　it　really　matter？　I　wouldn't　
change　so　much　in　a　year。　And　being　human　with　Edward。。。　The　choice　got　trickier　every　day。　

〃A　few　weeks；〃　I　agreed。　And　then；　because　there　never　seemed　to　be　enough　time；　I　added；　〃So　I　was　
thinking—you　know　what　I　was　saying　about　practice　before？〃　

He　laughed。　〃Can　you　hold　on　to　that　thought？　I　hear　a　boat。　The　cleaning　crew　must　be　here。〃　

He　wanted　me　to　hold　on　to　that　thought。　So　did　that　mean　he　was　not　going　to　give　me　any　more　
trouble　about　practicing？　I　smiled。　

〃Let　me　explain　the　mess　in　the　white　room　to　Gustavo；　and　then　we　can　go　out。　There's　a　place　in　the　
jungle　on　the　south—〃　

〃I　don't　want　to　go　out。　i　am　not　hiking　all　over　the　island　today。　I　want　to　stay　here　and　watch　a　movie。〃