4 breaking dawn破晓-第18部分

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already　knows　that。　Tell　her　she's　going　to　die？　I　bet　she　knows　that；　too。〃　

〃You　can　offer　her　what　she　wants。〃　

He　wasn't　making　any　sense。　Part　of　the　crazy？　

〃I　don't　care　about　anything　but　keeping　her　alive；〃　he　said；　suddenly　focused　now。　〃If　it's　a　child　she　
wants；　she　can　have　it。　She　can　have　half　a　dozen　babies。　Anything　she　wants。〃　He　paused　for　one　beat。　
〃She　can　have　puppies；　if　that's　what　it　takes。〃　

He　met　my　stare　for　a　moment　and　his　face　was　frenzied　under　the　thin　layer　of　control。　My　hard　scowl　
crumbled　as　I　processed　his　words；　and　I　felt　my　mouth　pop　open　in　shock。　

〃But　not　this　way！〃　he　hissed　before　I　could　recover。　〃Not　this　thing　that's　sucking　the　life　from　her　while　
I　stand　there　helpless！　Watching　her　sicken　and　waste　away。　Seeing　it　hurting　her。〃　He　sucked　in　a　fast　
breath　like　someone　had　punched　him　in　the　gut。　〃You　have　to　make　her　see　reason；　Jacob。　She　won't　
listen　to　me　anymore。　Rosalie's　always　there；　feeding　her　insanity—encouraging　her。　Protecting　her。　No；　
protecting　it　Bella's　life　means　nothing　to　her。〃　

The　noise　ing　from　my　throat　sounded　like　I　was　choking。　

What　was　he　saying？　That　Bella　should；　what？　Have　a　baby？　With　me？　What？　How？　Was　he　giving　her　
up？　Or　did　he　think　she　wouldn't　mind　being　shared？　

〃Whichever。　Whatever　keeps　her　alive。〃　

〃That'sthe　craziest　thing　you've　said　yet；〃　I　mumbled。　

〃She　loves　you。〃　

〃Not　enough。〃　

〃She's　ready　to　die　to　have　a　child。　Maybe　she'd　accept　something　less　extreme。〃　

〃Don't　you　know　her　at　all？〃　




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〃I　know；　I　know。It's　going　to　take　a　lot　of　convincing。　That's　why　I　need　you。　You　know　how　she　
thinks。　Make　hersee　sense。〃　

I　couldn't　think　about　what　he　was　suggesting。　It　was　too　much。　Impossible。　Wrong。　Sick。　Borrowing　
Bella　for　the　weekends　and　then　returning　her　Monday　morning　like　a　rental　movie？　So　messed　up。　

So　tempting。　

I　didn't　want　to　consider；　didn't　want　to　imagine；　but　the　images　came　anyway。　I'd　fantasized　about　Bella　
that　way　too　many　times；　back　when　there　was　still　a　possibility　of　us；　and　then　long　after　it　was　clear　that　
the　fantasies　would　only　leave　festering　sores　because　there　was　no　possibility；　none　at　all。　I　hadn't　been　
able　to　help　myself　then。　I　couldn't　stop　myself　now。　Bella　in　my　arms；　Bella　sighing　my　name。。。　

Worse　still；　this　new　image　I'd　never　had　before；　one　that　by　all　rights　shouldn't　have　existed　for　me。　Not　
yet。　An　image　I　knew　I　wouldn't've　suffered　over　for　years　if　he　hadn't　shoved　it　in　my　head　now。　But　it　
stuck　there；　winding　threads　through　my　brain　like　a　weed—poisonous　and　unkillable。　Bella；　healthy　and　
glowing；　so　different　than　now；　but　something　the　same：　her　body；　not　distorted；　changed　in　a　more　
natural　way。　Round　with　my　child。　

I　tried　to　escape　the　venomous　weed　in　my　mind。　〃Make　Bella　see　sense？　What　universe　do　you　live　
in？〃　

〃At　least　try。〃　

I　shook　my　head　fast。　He　waited；　ignoring　the　negative　answer　because　he　could　hear　the　conflict　in　my　
thoughts。　

〃Where　is　this　psycho　crap　ing　from？　Are　you　making　this　up　as　you　go？〃　

〃I've　been　thinking　of　nothing　but　ways　to　save　her　since　I　realized　what　she　was　planning　to　do。　What　
she　would　die　to　do。　But　I　didn't　know　how　to　contact　you。　I　knew　you　wouldn't　listen　if　I　called。　I　would　
have　e　to　find　you　soon；　if　you　hadn't　e　today。　But　it's　hard　to　leave　her；　even　for　a　few　minutes。　
Her　condition。。。　it　changes　so　fast。　The　thing　is。。。　growing。　Swiftly。　I　can't　be　away　from　her　now。〃　

〃What　is　it？〃　

〃None　of　us　have　any　idea。　But　it　is　stronger　than　she　is。　Already。〃　

I　could　suddenly　see　it　then—see　the　swelling　monster　in　my　head；　breaking　her　from　the　inside　out。　

〃Help　me　stop　it；〃　he　whispered。　〃Help　me　stop　this　from　happening。〃　

〃How？By　offering　my　stud　services？〃　He　didn't　even　flinch　when　I　said　that；　but　I　did。　〃You're　really　
sick。　She'll　never　listen　to　this。〃　

〃Try。　There's　nothing　to　lose　now。　How　will　it　hurt？〃　

It　would　hurt　me。　Hadn't　I　taken　enough　rejection　from　Bella　without　this？　

〃A　little　pain　to　save　her？　Is　it　such　a　high　cost？〃　




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〃But　it　won't　work。〃　

〃Maybe　not。　Maybe　it　will　confuse　her；　though。　Maybe　she'll　falter　in　her　resolve。　One　moment　of　doubt　
is　all　I　need。〃　

〃And　then　you　pull　the　rug　out　from　under　the　offer？　'Just　kidding；　Bella'？〃　

〃If　she　wants　a　child；　that's　what　she　gets。　I　won't　rescind。〃　

I　couldn't　believe　I　was　even　thinking　about　this。　Bella　would　punch　me—not　that　I　cared　about　that；　but　
it　would　probably　break　her　hand　again。　I　shouldn't　let　him　talk　to　me；　mess　with　my　head。　I　should　just　
kill　him　now。　

〃Not　now；〃　he　whispered。　〃Not　yet。　Right　or　wrong；　it　would　destroy　her；　and　you　know　it。　No　need　to　
be　hasty。　If　she　won't　listen　to　you；　you'll　get　your　chance。　The　moment　Bella's　heart　stops　beating；　I　will　
be　begging　for　you　to　me。〃　

〃You　won't　have　to　beg　long。〃　

The　hint　of　a　worn　smile　tugged　at　the　corner　of　his　mouth。　〃I'm　very　much　counting　on　that。〃　

〃Then　we　have　a　deal。〃　

He　nodded　and　held　out　his　cold　stone　hand。　

Swallowing　my　disgust；　I　reached　out　to　take　his　hand。　My　fingers　closed　around　the　rock；　and　I　shook　
it　once。　

〃We　have　a　deal；〃　he　agreed。　

10。　WHY　DIDN'T　I　JUST　WALK　AWAY？　OH　RIGHT；　BECAUSE　I'M　AN　IDIOT。　

I　felt　like—like　I　don't　know　what。　Like　this　wasn't　real。　Like　I　was　in　some　Goth　version　of　a　bad　
sit。　Instead　of　being　the　AA　dweeb　about　to　ask　the　head　cheerleader　to　the　prom；　I　was　the　
finishedsecondplace　werewolf　about　to　ask　the　vampire's　wife　to　shack　up　and　procreate。　Nice。　

No；　I　wouldn't　do　it。　It　was　twisted　and　wrong。　I　was　going　to　forget　all　about　what　he'd　said。　

But　I　would　talk　to　her。　I'd　try　to　make　her　listen　to　me。　

And　she　wouldn't。　Just　like　always。　

Edward　didn't　answer　or　ment　on　my　thoughts　as　he　led　the　way　back　to　the　house。　I　wondered　
about　the　place　that　he'd　chosen　to　stop。　Was　it　far　enough　from　the　house　that　the　others　couldn't　hear　
his　whispers？　Was　that　the　point？　

Maybe。　When　we　walked　through　the　door；　the　other　Cullens'　eyes　were　suspicious　and　confused。　No　
one　looked　disgusted　or　outraged。　So　they　must　not　have　heard　either　favor　Edward　had　asked　me　for。　

I　hesitated　in　the　open　doorway；　not　sure　what　to　do　now。　It　was　better　right　there；　with　a　little　bit　of　
breathable　air　blowing　in　from　outside。　



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Edward　walked　into　the　middle　of　the　huddle；　shoulders　stiff。　Bella　watched　him　anxiously；　and　then　her　
eyes　flickered　to　me　for　a　second。　Then　she　was　watching　him　again。　

Her　face　turned　a　grayish　pale；　and　I　could　see　what　he　meant　about　the　stress　making　her　feel　worse。　

〃We're　going　tolet　Jacob　and　Bella　speak　privately；〃　Edward　said。　There　was　no　inflection　at　all　in　his　
voice。　Robotic。　

〃Over　my　pile　of　ashes；〃　Rosalie　hissed　at　him。　She　was　still　hovering　by　Bella's　head；　one　of　her　cold　
hands　placed　possessively　on　Bella's　sallow　cheek。　

Edward　didn't　look　at　her。　〃Bella；〃　he　said　in　that　same　empty　tone。　〃Jacob　wants　to　talk　to　you。　Are　you　
afraid　to　

be　alone　with　him？〃　

Bella　looked　at　me；　confused。　Then　she　looked　at　Rosalie。　

〃Rose；　it's　fine。　Jake's　not　going　to　hurt　us。　Go　with　Edward。〃　

〃It　might　be　a　trick；〃　the　blonde　warned。　

〃I　don't　see　how；〃　Bella　said。　

〃Carlisle　and　I　will　always　be　in　your　sight；　Rosalie；〃　Edward　said。　The　emotionless　voice　was　cracking；　
showing　the　anger　through　it。　〃We're　the　ones　she's　afraid　of。〃　

〃No；〃　Bella　whispered。　Her　eyes　were　glistening；　her　lashes　wet。　〃No；　Edward。　I'm　not___〃　

He　shook　his　head；　smiling　a　little。　The　smile　was　painful　to　look　at。　〃I　didn't　mean　it　that　way；　Bella。　I'm　
fine。　Don't　worry　about　me。〃　

Sickening。　He　was　right—she　was　beating　herself　up　about　hurting　his　feelings。　The　girl　was　a　classic　
martyr。　She'd　totally　been　born　in　the　wrong　century。　She　should　have　lived　back　when　she　could　have　
gotten　herself　fed　to　some　lions　for　a　good　cause。　

〃Everyone；〃　Edward　said；　his　hand　stiffly　motioning　toward　the　door。　〃Please。〃　

The　posure　he　was　trying　to　keep　up　for　Bella　was　shaky。　I　could　see　how　close　he　was　to　that　
burning　man　he'd　been　outside。　The　others　saw　it；　too。　Silently；　they　moved　out　the　door　while　I　shifted　
out　of　the　way。　They　moved　fast；　my　heart　beat　twice；　and　the　room　was　cleared　except　for　Rosalie；　
hesitating　in　the　middle　of　the　floor；　and　Edward；　still　waiting　by　the　door。　

〃Rose；〃　Bella　said　quietly。　〃I　want　you　to　go。〃　

The　blonde　glared　at　Edward　and　then　gestured　for　him　to　go　first。　He　disappeared　out　the　door。　She　
gave　me　a　long　warning　glower；　and　then　she　disappeared；　too。　

Once　we　were　alone；　I　crossed　the　room　and　sat　on　the　floor　next　to　Bella。　I　took　both　her　cold　hands　
in　mine；　rubbing　them　carefully。　



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〃Thanks；　Jake。　That　feels　good。〃　

〃I'm　not　going　to　lie；　Bells。　You're　hideous。〃　

〃I　know；〃　she　sighed。　Tm　scarylooking。〃　

〃Thingfromtheswamp　scary；〃　I　agreed。　

She　laughed。　〃It's　so　good　having　you　here。　It　feels　nice　to　smile。　I　don't　know　how　much　more　drama　I　
can　stand。〃　

I　rolled　my　eyes。　

〃Okay；　okay；〃　she　agreed。　〃I　bring　it　on　myself。〃　

〃Yeah；　you　do。　What're　you　thinking；　Bells？　Seriously！〃　

〃Did　he　ask　you　to　yell　at　me？〃　

〃Sort　of。　Though　I　can't　figure　why　he　thinks　you'd　listen　to　me。　You　never　have　before。〃　

She　sighed。　

〃I　told　you—；〃　I　started　to　say。　

〃Did　you　know　that　7　told　you　so'　has　a　brother；　Jacob？〃　she　asked；　cutting　me　off。　〃His　name　is　'Shut　
the　hell　up。〃　

〃Good　one。〃　

She　grinned　at　me。　Her　skin　stretched　tight　over　the　bones。　〃I　can't　take　credit—i　got　it　off　a　rerun　of　
The　Simpsons〃　

〃Missed　that　one。〃　

〃It　was　funny。〃　

We　didn't　talk　for　a　minute。　Her　hands　were　starting　to　warm　up　a　little。　

〃Did　he　really　ask　you　to　talk　to　me？〃　

I　nodded。　〃To　talk　some　sense　into　you。　There's　a　battle　that's　lost　before　it　starts。〃　

〃So　why　did　you　agree？〃　

I　didn't　answer。　I　wasn't　sure　I　knew。　

I　did　know　this—every　second　I　spent　with　her　was　only　going　to　add　to　the　pain　I　would　have　to　suffer　
later。　Like　a　junkie　with　a　limited　supply；　the　day　of　reckoning　was　ing　for　me。　The　more　hits　I　took　
now；　the　harder　it　would　be　when　my　supply　ran　out。　



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〃It'll　work　out；　you　know；〃　she　said　after　a　quiet　minute。　〃I　believe　that。〃　

That　made　me　see　red　again。　〃Is　dementia　one　of　your　symptoms？〃　I　snapped。　

She　laughed；　though　my　anger　was　so　real　that　my　hands　were　shaking　around　hers。　

〃Maybe；〃　she　said。　Tm　not　saying　things　will　work　out　easily；　Jake。　But　how　could　I　have　lived　through　
all　that　I've　lived　through　and　not　believe　in　magic　by　this　point？〃　

〃Magic？〃　

〃Especially　for　you；〃　she　said。　She　was　smiling。　She　pulled　one　of　her　hands　away　from　mine　and　
pressed　it　against　my　cheek。　Warmer　than　before；　but　it　felt　cool　against　my　skin；　like　most　things　did。　
〃More　than　anyone　else；　you've　got　some　magic　waiting　to　make　things　right　for　you。〃　

〃What　are　you　babbling　about？〃　

Still　smiling。　〃Edward　told　me　once　what　it　was　like—your　imprinting　thing。　He　said　it　was　like　A　
Midsummer　Night's　Dream；　like　magic。　You'll　find　who　you're　really　looking　for；　Jacob；　and　maybe　
then　all　of　this　will　make　sense。〃　

If　she　hadn't　looked　so　fragile　I　would've　been　screaming。　

As　it　was；　I　did　growl　at　her。　

〃If　you　think　that　imprinting　could　ever　make　sense　of　this　insanity　。。。〃　I　struggled　for　words。　〃Do　you　
really　think　that　just　because　I　might　someday　imprint　on　some　stranger　it　would　make　this　right？〃　I　
jabbed　a　finger　toward　her　swollen　body。　〃Tell　me　what　the　point　was　then；　Bella！　What　was　the　point　of　
me　loving　you？　What　was　the　point　of　you　loving　him？　When　you　die〃—the　words　were　a　snarl—〃how　
is　that　ever　right　again？　What's　the　point　to　all　the　pain？　Mine；　yours；　his！　You'll　kill　him；　too；　not　that　I　
care　about　that。〃　She　flinched；　but　I　kept　going。　〃So　what　was　the　

point　of　your　twisted　love　story；　in　the　end？　If　there　is　any　sense；　please　show　me；　Bella；　because　I　don't　
see　it。〃　

She　sighed。　〃I　don't　know　yet；　Jake。　But　I　just。。。　feel。。。　that　this　is　all　going　somewhere　good；　hard　to　see　
as　it　is　now。　I　guess　you　could　call　it　faith。〃　

〃You're　dying　for　nothing；　Bella！　Nothing！〃　

Her　hand　dropped　from　my　face　to　her　bloated　stomach；　caressed　it。　She　didn't　have　to　say　the　words　
for　me　to　know　what　she　was　thinking。　She　was　dying　for　it。　

I'm　not　going　to　die；〃　she　said　through　her　teeth；　and　I　could　tell　she　was　repeating　things　she'd　said　
before。　〃I　will　keep　my　heart　beating。　I'm　strong　enough　for　that。〃　

〃That's　a　load　of　crap；　Bella。　You've　been　trying　to　keep　up　with　the　supernatural　for　too　long。　No　
normal　person　can　do　it。　You're　not　strong　enough。〃　I　took　her　face　in　my　hand。　I　didn't　have　to　remind　
myself　to　be　gentle。　Everything　about　her　screamed　breakable。　




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〃I　can　do　this。　I　can　do　this；〃　she　muttered；　sounding　a　lot　like　that　kids'　book　about　the　little　engine　that　
could。　

〃Doesn't　look　like　it　to　me。　So　what's　your　plan？　I　hope　you　have　one。〃　

She　nodded；　not　meeting　my　eyes。　〃Did　you　know　Esme　jumped　off　a　cliff？　When　she　was　human；　I　
mean。〃　

〃So？〃　

〃So　she　was　close　enough　to　dead　that　they　didn't　even　bother　taking　her　to　the　emergency　room—they　
took　her　right　around　to　the　morgue。　Her　heart　was　still　beating；　though；　when　Carlisle　found　her___〃　

That's　what　she'd　meant　before；　about　keeping　her　heart　beating。　

〃You're　not　planning　on　surviving　this　human；〃　I　stated　dully。　

〃No。　I'm　not　stupid。〃　She　met　my　stare　then。　〃I　guess　you　probably　have　your　own　opinion　on　that　point；　
though。〃　

〃Emergency　vampirization；〃　I　mumbled。　

〃It　worked　for　Esme。　And　Emmett；　and　Rosalie；　and　even　Edward。　None　of　them　were　in　such　great　
shape。　Carlisle　only　changed　them　because　it　was　that　or　death。　He　doesn't　end　lives；　he　saves　them。〃　

I　felt　a　sudden　twinge　of　guilt　about　the　good　vampire　doctor；　like　before。　I　shoved　the　thought　away　and　
started　in　on　the　begging。　

〃Listen　to　me；　Bells。　Don't　do　it　that　way。〃　Like　before；　when　the　call　from　Charlie　had　e；　I　could　
see　how　much　difference　it　really　made　to　me。　I　realized　I　needed　her　to　stay　alive；　in　some　form。　In　any　
form。　I　took　a　deep　breath。　〃Don't　wait　until　it's　too　late；　Bella。　Not　that　way。　Live。　Okay？　Just　live。　
Don't　do　this　to　me。　Don't　do　it　to　him。〃　My　voice　got　harder；　louder。　〃You　know　what　he's　going　to　do　
when　you　die。　You've　seen　it　before。　You　want　him　to　go　back　to　those　Italian　killers？〃　She　cringed　into　
the　sofa。　

I　left　out　the　part　about　how　that　wouldn't　be　necessary　this　time。　

Struggling　to　make　my　voice　softer；　I　asked；　〃Remember　when　I　got　mangled　up　by　th