4 breaking dawn破晓-第37部分

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Could　I　answer　him　without　screaming？　I　considered　that　for　a　moment；　and　then　the　fire　ripped　hotter　
still　through　my　chest；　draining　in　from　my　elbows　and　knees。　Better　not　to　chance　it。　

'Til　bring　them　right　up；〃　Alice　said；　an　urgent　edge　to　her　tone；　and　I　heard　the　swish　of　wind　as　she　
darted　away。　

And　then—　oh！　

My　heart　took　off；　beating　like　helicopter　blades；　the　sound　almost　a　single　sustained　note；　it　felt　like　it　
would　grind　through　my　ribs。　The　fire　flared　up　in　the　center　of　my　chest；　sucking　the　last　remnants　of　the　
flames　from　the　

rest　of　my　body　to　fuel　the　most　scorching　blaze　yet。　The　pain　was　enough　to　stun　me；　to　break　through　
my　iron　grip　on　the　stake。　My　back　arched；　bowed　as　if　the　fire　was　dragging　me　upward　by　my　heart。　

I　allowed　no　other　piece　of　my　body　to　break　rank　as　my　torso　slumped　back　to　the　table。　

It　became　a　battle　inside　me—my　sprinting　heart　racing　against　the　attacking　fire。　Both　were　losing。　The　
fire　was　doomed；　having　consumed　everything　that　was　bustible；　my　heart　galloped　toward　its　last　
beat。　

The　fire　constricted；　concentrating　inside　that　one　remaining　human　organ　with　a　final；　unbearable　surge。　
The　surge　was　answered　by　a　deep；　hollowsounding　thud。　My　heart　stuttered　twice；　and　then　thudded　
quietly　again　just　once　more。　

There　was　no　sound。　No　breathing。　Not　even　mine。　

For　a　moment；　the　absence　of　pain　was　all　I　could　prehend。　

And　then　I　opened　my　eyes　and　gazed　above　me　in　wonder。　

20。　NEW　

Everything　was　so　clear。　

Sharp。　Defined。　

The　brilliant　light　overhead　was　still　blindingbright；　and　yet　I　could　plainly　see　the　glowing　strands　of　the　
filaments　inside　the　bulb。　I　could　see　each　color　of　the　rainbow　in　the　white　light；　and；　at　the　very　edge　of　
the　spectrum；　an　eighth　color　I　had　no　name　for。　

Behind　the　light；　I　could　distinguish　the　individual　grains　in　the　dark　wood　ceiling　above。　In　front　of　it；　I　



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could　see　the　dust　motes　in　the　air；　the　sides　the　light　touched；　and　the　dark　sides；　distinct　and　separate。　
They　spun　like　little　plas；　moving　around　each　other　in　a　celestial　dance。　

The　dust　was　so　beautiful　that　I　inhaled　in　shock；　the　air　whistled　down　my　throat；　swirling　the　motes　into　
a　vortex。　The　action　felt　wrong。　I　considered；　and　realized　the　problem　was　that　there　was　no　relief　tied　
to　the　action。　I　didn't　need　the　air。　My　lungs　weren't　waiting　for　it。　They　reacted　indifferently　to　the　influx。　

I　did　not　need　the　air；　but　I　liked　it。　In　it；　I　could　taste　the　room　around　me—taste　the　lovely　dust　motes；　
the　mix　of　the　stagnant　air　mingling　with　the　flow　of　slightly　cooler　air　from　the　open　door。　Taste　a　lush　
whiff　of　silk。　Taste　a　faint　hint　of　something　warm　and　desirable；　something　that　should　be　moist；　but　
wasn't。。。　That　smell　made　my　throat　burn　dryly；　a　faint　echo　of　the　venom　burn；　though　the　scent　was　
tainted　by　the　bite　of　chlorine　and　ammonia。　And　most　of　all；　I　could　taste　an　
almosthoneylilacandsunflavored　scent　that　was　the　strongest　thing；　the　closest　thing　to　me。　

I　heard　the　sound　of　the　others；　breathing　again　now　that　I　did。　Their　breath　mixed　with　the　scent　that　
was　something　just　off　honey　and　lilac　and　sunshine；　bringing　new　flavors。　Cinnamon；　hyacinth；　pear；　
seawater；　rising　bread；　pine；　vanilla；　leather；　apple；　moss；　lavender；　chocolate。。。。　I　traded　a　dozen　
different　parisons　in　my　mind；　but　none　of　them　fit　exactly。　So　sweet　and　pleasant。　

The　TV　downstairs　had　been　muted；　and　I　heard　someone—Rosalie？—shift　her　weight　on　the　first　floor。　

I　also　heard　a　faint；　thudding　rhythm；　with　a　voice　shouting　angrily　to　the　beat。　Rap　music？　I　was　
mystified　for　a　moment；　and　then　the　sound　faded　away　like　a　car　passing　by　with　the　windows　rolled　
down。　

With　a　start；　I　realized　that　this　could　be　exactly　right。　Could　I　hear　all　the　way　to　the　freeway？　

I　didn't　realize　someone　was　holding　my　hand　until　whoever　it　was　squeezed　it　lightly。　Like　it　had　before　
to　hide　the　pain；　my　body　locked　down　again　in　surprise。　This　was　not　a　touch　I　expected。　The　skin　was　
perfectly　smooth；　but　it　was　the　wrong　temperature。　Not　cold。　

After　that　first　frozen　second　of　shock；　my　body　responded　to　the　unfamiliar　touch　in　a　way　that　shocked　
me　even　more。　

Air　hissed　up　my　throat；　spitting　through　my　clenched　teeth　with　a　low；　menacing　sound　like　a　swarm　of　
bees。　Before　the　sound　was　out；　my　muscles　bunched　and　arched；　twisting　away　from　the　unknown。　I　
flipped　off　my　back　in　a　spin　so　fast　it　should　have　turned　the　room　into　an　inprehensible　blur—but　it　
did　not。　I　saw　every　dust　mote；　every　splinter　in　the　woodpaneled　walls；　every　loose　thread　in　
microscopic　detail　as　my　eyes　whirled　past　them。　

So　by　the　time　I　found　myself　crouched　against　the　wall　defensively—about　a　sixteenth　of　a　second　
later—I　already　understood　what　had　startled　me；　and　that　I　had　overreacted。　

Oh。　Of　course。　Edward　wouldn't　feel　cold　to　me。　We　were　the　same　temperature　now。　

I　held　my　pose　for　an　eighth　of　a　second　longer；　adjusting　to　the　scene　before　me。　

Edward　was　leaning　across　the　operating　table　that　had　been　my　pyre；　his　hand　reached　out　toward　me；　
his　expression　anxious。　

Edward's　face　was　the　most　important　thing；　but　my　peripheral　vision　catalogued　everything　else；　just　in　



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case。　Some　instinct　to　defend　had　been　triggered；　and　I　automatically　searched　for　any　sign　of　danger。　

My　vampire　family　waited　cautiously　against　the　far　wall　by　the　door；　Emmett　and　Jasper　in　the　front。　
Like　there　was　danger。　My　nostrils　flared；　searching　for　the　threat。　I　could　smell　nothing　out　of　place。　
That　faint　scent　of　something　delicious—but　marred　by　harsh　chemicals—tickled　my　throat　again；　setting　
it　to　aching　and　burning。　

Alice　was　peeking　around　Jasper's　elbow　with　a　huge　grin　on　her　face；　the　light　sparkled　off　her　teeth；　
another　eightcolor　rainbow。　

That　grin　reassured　me　and　then　put　the　pieces　together。　Jasper　and　Emmett　were　in　the　front　to　protect　
the　others；　as　I　had　assumed。　What　I　hadn't　grasped　immediately　was　that　　was　the　danger。　

All　this　was　a　sideline。　The　greater　part　of　my　senses　and　my　mind　were　still　focused　on　Edward's　face。　

I　had　never　seen　it　before　this　second。　

How　many　times　had　I　stared　at　Edward　and　marveled　over　his　beauty？　How　many　hours—days；　
weeks—of　my　life　had　I　spent　dreaming　about　what　I　then　deemed　to　be　perfection？　I　thought　I'd　known　
his　face　better　than　my　own。　I'd　thought　this　was　the　one　sure　physical　thing　in　my　whole　world：　the　
flawlessness　of　Edward's　face。　

I　may　as　well　have　been　blind。　

For　the　first　time；　with　the　dimming　shadows　and　limiting　weakness　of　humanity　taken　off　my　eyes；　I　saw　
his　face。　I　gasped　and　then　struggled　with　my　vocabulary；　unable　to　find　the　right　words。　I　needed　better　
words。　

At　this　point；　the　other　part　of　my　attention　had　ascertained　that　there　was　no　danger　here　besides　
myself；　and　I　automatically　straightened　out　of　my　crouch；　almost　a　whole　second　had　passed　since　I'd　
been　on　the　table。　

I　was　momentarily　preoccupied　by　the　way　my　body　moved。　The　instant　I'd　considered　standing　erect；　I　
was　already　straight。　There　was　no　brief　fragment　of　time　in　which　the　action　occurred；　change　was　
instantaneous；　almost　as　if　there　was　no　movement　at　all。　

I　continued　to　stare　at　Edward's　face；　motionless　again。　

He　moved　slowly　around　the　table—each　step　taking　nearly　half　a　second；　each　step　flowing　sinuously　
like　river　water　weaving　over　smooth　stones—his　hand　still　outstretched。　

I　watched　the　grace　of　his　advance；　absorbing　it　with　my　new　eyes。　

〃Bella？〃　he　asked　in　a　low；　calming　tone；　but　the　worry　in　his　voice　layered　my　name　with　tension。　

I　could　not　answer　immediately；　lost　as　I　was　in　the　velvet　folds　of　his　voice。　It　was　the　most　perfect　
symphony；　a　symphony　in　one　instrument；　an　instrument　more　profound　than　any　created　by　man___　

〃Bella；　love？　I'm　sorry；　I　know　it's　disorienting。　But　you're　all　right。　Everything　is　fine。〃　

Everything？　My　mind　spun　out；　spiraling　back　to　my　last　human　hour。　Already；　the　memory　seemed　dim；　



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like　I　was　watching　through　a　thick；　dark　veil—because　my　human　eyes　had　been　half　blind。　Everything　
had　been　so　blurred。　

When　he　said　everything　was　fine；　did　that　include　Renesmee？　Where　was　she？　With　Rosalie？　I　tried　to　
remember　her　face—I　knew　that　she　had　been　beautiful—but　it　was　irritating　to　try　to　see　through　the　
human　memories。　Her　face　was　shrouded　in　darkness；　so　poorly　lit___　

What　about　Jacob？　Was　he　fine？　Did　my　longsuffering　best　friend　hate　me　now？　Had　he　gone　back　to　
Sam's　pack？　Seth　and　Leah；　too？　

Were　the　Cullens　safe；　or　had　my　transformation　ignited　the　war　with　the　pack？　Did　Edward's　blanket　
assurance　cover　all　of　that？　Or　was　he　just　trying　to　calm　me？　

And　Charlie？　What　would　I　tell　him　now？　He　must　have　called　while　I　was　burning。　What　had　they　told　
him？　What　did　he　think　had　happened　to　me？　

As　I　deliberated　for　one　small　piece　of　a　second　over　which　question　to　ask　first；　Edward　reached　out　
tentatively　and　stroked　his　fingertips　across　my　cheek。　Smooth　as　satin；　soft　as　a　feather；　and　now　exactly　
matched　to　the　temperature　of　my　skin。　

His　touch　seemed　to　sweep　beneath　the　surface　of　my　skin；　right　through　the　bones　of　my　face。　The　
feeling　was　tingly；　electric—it　jolted　through　my　bones；　down　my　spine；　and　trembled　in　my　stomach。　

Wait；I　thought　as　the　trembling　blossomed　into　a　warmth；　a　yearning。　Wasn't　I　supposed　to　lose　this？　
Wasn't　giving　up　this　feeling　a　part　of　the　bargain？　

I　was　a　newborn　vampire。　The　dry；　scorching　ache　in　my　throat　gave　proof　to　that。　And　I　knew　what　
being　a　newborn　entailed。　Human　emotions　and　longings　would　e　back　to　me　later　in　some　form；　but　
I'd　accepted　that　I　would　not　feel　them　in　the　beginning。　Only　thirst。　That　was　the　deal；　the　price。　I'd　
agreed　to　pay　it。　

But　as　Edward's　hand　curled　to　the　shape　of　my　face　like　satincovered　steel；　desire　raced　through　my　
driedout　veins；　singing　from　my　scalp　to　my　toes。　

He　arched　one　perfect　eyebrow；　waiting　for　me　to　speak。　

I　threw　my　arms　around　him。　

Again；　it　was　like　there　was　no　movement。　One　moment　I　stood　straight　and　still　as　a　statue；　in　the　same　
instant；　he　was　in　my　arms。　

Warm—or　at　least；　that　was　my　perception。　With　the　sweet；　delicious　scent　that　I'd　never　been　able　to　
really　take　in　with　my　dull　human　senses；　but　that　was　one　hundred　percent　Edward。　I　pressed　my　face　
into　his　smooth　chest。　

And　then　he　shifted　his　weight　unfortably。　Leaned　away　from　my　embrace。　I　stared　up　at　his　face；　
confused　and　frightened　by　the　rejection。　

〃Urn。。。　carefully；　Bella。　Ow。〃　

I　yanked　my　arms　away；　folding　them　behind　my　back　as　soon　as　I　understood。　



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I　was　too　strong。　

〃Oops；〃　I　mouthed。　

He　smiled　the　kind　of　smile　that　would　have　stopped　my　heart　if　it　were　still　beating。　

〃Don't　panic；　love；〃　he　said；　lifting　his　hand　to　touch　my　lips；　parted　in　horror。　〃You're　just　a　bit　stronger　
than　I　am　for　the　moment。〃　

My　eyebrows　pushed　together。　I'd　known　this；　too；　but　it　felt　more　surreal　than　any　other　part　of　this　
ultimately　surreal　moment。　I　was　stronger　than　Edward。　I'd　made　him　say　ow。　

His　hand　stroked　my　cheek　again；　and　I　all　but　forgot　my　distress　as　another　wave　of　desire　rippled　
through　my　motionless　body。　

These　emotions　were　so　much　stronger　than　I　was　used　to　that　it　was　hard　to　stick　to　one　train　of　
thought　despite　the　extra　room　in　my　head。　Each　new　sensation　overwhelmed　me。　I　remembered　Edward　
saying　once—his　voice　in　my　head　a　weak　shadow　pared　to　the　crystal；　musical　clarity　I　was　hearing　
now—that　his　kind；　our　kind；　were　easily　distracted。　I　could　see　why。　

I　made　a　concerted　effort　to　focus。　There　was　something　I　needed　to　say。　The　most　important　thing。　

Very　carefully；　so　carefully　that　the　movement　was　actually　discernible；　I　brought　my　right　arm　out　from　
behind　my　back　and　raised　my　hand　to　touch　his　cheek。　I　refused　to　let　myself　be　sidetracked　by　the　
pearly　color　of　my　hand　or　by　the　smooth　silk　of　his　skin　or　by　the　charge　that　zinged　in　my　fingertips。　

I　stared　into　his　eyes　and　heard　my　own　voice　for　the　first　time。　

〃I　love　you；〃　I　said；　but　it　sounded　like　singing。　My　voice　rang　and　shimmered　like　a　bell。　

His　answering　smile　dazzled　me　more　than　it　ever　had　when　I　was　human；　I　could　really　see　it　now。　

〃As　I　love　you；〃　he　told　me。　

He　took　my　face　between　his　hands　and　leaned　his　face　to　mine—slow　enough　to　remind　me　to　be　
careful。　He　

kissed　me；　soft　as　a　whisper　at　first；　and　then　suddenly　stronger；　fiercer。　I　tried　to　remember　to　be　gentle　
with　him；　but　it　was　hard　work　to　remember　anything　in　the　onslaught　of　sensation；　hard　to　hold　on　to　any　
coherent　thoughts。　

It　was　like　he'd　never　kissed　me—like　this　was　our　first　kiss。　And；　in　truth；　he'd　never　kissed　me　this　
way　before。　

It　almost　made　me　feel　guilty。　Surely　I　was　in　breach　of　the　contract。　I　couldn't　be　allowed　to　have　this；　
too。　

Though　I　didn't　need　oxygen；　my　breathing　sped；　raced　as　fast　as　it　had　when　I　was　burning。　This　was　a　
different　kind　of　fire。　




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Someone　cleared　his　throat。　Emmett。　I　recognized　the　deep　sound　at　once；　joking　and　annoyed　at　the　
same　time。　

I'd　forgotten　we　weren't　alone。　And　then　I　realized　that　the　way　I　was　curved　around　Edward　now　was　
not　exactly　polite　for　pany。　

Embarrassed；　I　halfstepped　away　in　another　instantaneous　movement。　

Edward　chuckled　and　stepped　with　me；　keeping　his　arms　tight　around　my　waist。　His　face　was　glowing　
—like　a　white　flame　burned　from　behind　his　diamond　skin。　

I　took　an　unnecessary　breath　to　settle　myself。　

How　different　this　kissing　was！　I　read　his　expression　as　I　pared　the　indistinct　human　memories　to　this　
clear；　intense　feeling。　He　looked。。。　a　little　smug。　

〃You've　been　holding　out　on　me；〃　I　accused　in　my　singing　voice；　my　eyes　narrowing　a　tiny　bit。　

He　laughed；　radiant　with　relief　that　it　was　all　over—the　fear；　the　pain；　the　uncertainties；　the　waiting；　all　of　
it　behind　us　now。　〃It　was　sort　of　necessary　at　the　time；〃　he　reminded　me。　〃Now　it's　your　turn　to　not　break　
me。〃　He　laughed　again。　

I　frowned　as　I　considered　that；　and　then　Edward　was　not　the　only　one　laughing。　

Carlisle　stepped　around　Emmett　and　walked　toward　me　swiftly；　his　eyes　were　only　slightly　wary；　but　
Jasper　shadowed　his　footsteps。　I'd　never　seen　Carlisle's　face　before　either；　not　really。　I　had　an　odd　urge　
to　blink—like　I　was　staring　at　the　sun。　

〃How　do　you　feel；　Bella？〃　Carlisle　asked。　

I　considered　that　for　a　sixtyfourth　of　a　second。　

〃Overwhelmed。　There's　so　much。　。。。〃　I　trailed　off；　listening　to　the　belltone　of　my　voice　again。　

〃Yes；　it　can　be　quite　confusing。〃　

I　nodded　o