4 breaking dawn破晓-第44部分

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intended　or　accidental；　could　not　be　forgiven；　the　wolves　involved　would　fight　to　the　death—there　was　no　
other　option。　It　had　happened　long　ago；　Seth　told　me；　but　only　accidentally。　No　wolf　would　ever　
intentionally　destroy　a　brother　that　way。　

So　Renesmee　was　untouchable　because　of　the　way　Jacob　now　felt　about　her。　I　tried　to　concentrate　on　
the　relief　of　this　fact　rather　than　the　chagrin；　but　it　wasn't　easy。　My　mind　had　enough　room　to　feel　both　
emotions　intensely　at　the　same　time。　

And　Sam　couldn't　get　mad　about　my　transformation；　either；　because　Jacob—speaking　as　the　rightful　
Alpha—had　allowed　it。　It　rankled　to　realize　over　and　over　again　how　much　I　owed　Jacob　when　I　just　
wanted　to　be　mad　at　him。　

I　deliberately　redirected　my　thoughts　in　order　to　control　my　emotions。　I　considered　another　interesting　
phenomenon；　though　the　silence　between　the　separate　packs　continued；　Jacob　and　Sam　had　discovered　
that　Alphas　could　speak　to　each　other　while　in　their　wolf　form。　It　wasn't　the　same　as　before；　they　couldn't　
hear　every　thought　the　way　they　had　prior　to　the　split。　It　was　more　like　speaking　aloud；　Seth　had　said。　
Sam　could　only　hear　the　thoughts　Jacob　wanted　to　share；　and　vice　versa。　They　found　they　could　
municate　over　distance；　too；　now　that　they　were　talking　to　each　other　again。　

They　hadn't　found　all　this　out　until　Jacob　had　gone　alone—over　Seth's　and　Leah's　objections—to　explain　
to　Sam　about　Renesmee；　it　was　the　only　time　he'd　left　Renesmee　since　first　laying　eyes　on　her。　

Once　Sam　had　understood　how　absolutely　everything　had　changed；　he'd　e　back　with　Jacob　to　talk　
to　Carlisle。　They'd　spoken　in　human　form　（Edward　had　refused　to　leave　my　side　to　translate）；　and　the　
treaty　had　been　renewed。　The　friendly　feeling　of　the　relationship；　however；　might　never　be　the　same。　

One　big　worry　down。　

But　there　was　another　that；　though　not　as　physically　dangerous　as　an　angry　wolf　pack；　still　seemed　more　
urgent　to　me。　




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Charlie。　

He'd　spoken　to　Esme　earlier　this　morning；　but　that　hadn't　kept　him　from　calling　again；　twice；　just　a　few　
minutes　

ago　while　Carlisle　treated　Seth。　Carlisle　and　Edward　had　let　the　phone　ring。　

What　would　be　the　right　thing　to　tell　him？　Were　the　Cullens　right？　Was　telling　him　that　I'd　died　the　best；　
the　kindest　way？　Would　I　be　able　to　lie　still　in　a　coffin　while　he　and　my　mother　cried　over　me？　

tt　didn't　seem　right　to　me。　But　putting　Charlie　or　Renee　in　danger　of　the　Volturi's　obsession　with　secrecy　
was　clearly　out　of　the　question。　

There　was　still　my　idea—let　Charlie　see　me；　when　I　was　ready　for　that；　and　let　him　make　his　own　wrong　
assumptions。　Technically；　the　vampire　rules　would　remain　unbroken。　Wouldn't　it　be　better　for　Charlie　if　
he　knew　that　I　was　alive—sort　of—and　happy？　Even　if　I　was　strange　and　different　and　probably　
frighteningtohim？　

My　eyes；　in　particular；　were　much　too　frightening　right　now。　How　long　before　my　selfcontrol　and　my　
eye　color　were　ready　for　Charlie？　

〃What's　the　matter；　Bella？〃　Jasper　asked　quietly；　reading　my　growing　tension。　〃No　one　is　angry　with　
you〃—alow　snarl　from　the　riverside　contradicted　him；　but　he　ignored　it—〃or　even　surprised；　really。　Well；　
I　suppose　we　are　surprised。　Surprised　that　you　were　able　to　snap　out　of　it　so　quickly。　You　did　well。　
Better　than　anyone　expects　of　you。〃　

While　he　was　speaking；　the　room　became　very　calm。　Seth's　breathing　slipped　into　a　low　snore。　Ifelt　
more　peaceful；　but　I　didn't　forget　my　anxieties。　

〃I　was　thinking　about　Charlie；　actually。〃　

Out　front；　the　bickering　cut　off。　

〃Ah；〃　Jasper　murmured。　

〃We　really　have　to　leave；　don't　we？〃　I　asked。　〃For　a　while；　at　the　very　least。　Pretend　we're　in　Atlanta　or　
something。〃　

I　could　feel　Edward's　gaze　locked　on　my　face；　but　I　looked　at　Jasper。　He　was　the　one　who　answered　
me　in　a　grave　tone。　

〃Yes。　It's　the　only　way　to　protect　your　father。〃　

I　brooded　for　a　moment。　〃I'm　going　to　miss　him　so　much。　I'll　miss　everyone　here。〃　

Jacob；I　thought；　despite　myself。　Though　that　yearning　was　both　vanished　and　defined—and　I　was　vastly　
relieved　that　it　was—he　was　still　my　friend。　Someone　who　knew　the　real　me　and　accepted　her。　Even　as　a　
monster。　

I　thought　about　what　Jacob　had　said；　pleading　with　me　before　I'd　attacked　him。　You　said　we　belonged　
in　each　other's　lives；　right？　That　we　were　family。　You　said　that　was　how　you　and　I　were　supposed　



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to　be。　So。。。　now　we　are。　It's　what　you　wanted。　

But　it　didn't　feel　like　how　I'd　wanted　it。　Not　exactly。　I　remembered　further　back；　to　the　fuzzy；　weak　
memories　of　my　human　life。　Back　to　the　very　hardest　part　to　remember—the　time　without　Edward；　a　
time　so　dark　I'd　tried　to　bury　it　in　my　head。　I　couldn't　get　the　words　exactly　right；　I　only　remembered　
wishing　that　Jacob　were　my　brother　so　that　we　could　love　each　other　without　any　confusion　or　pain。　
Family。　But　I'd　never　factored　a　daughter　into　the　equation。　

I　remembered　a　little　later—one　of　the　many　times　that　I'd　told　Jacob　goodbye—wondering　aloud　who　
he　would　end　up　with；　who　would　make　his　life　right　after　what　I'd　done　to　it。　I　had　said　something　about　
how　whoever　she　was；　

she　wouldn't　be　good　enough　for　him。　

I　snorted；　and　Edward　raised　one　eyebrow　questioningly。　I　just　shook　my　head　at　him。　

But　as　much　as　I　might　miss　my　friend；　I　knew　there　was　a　bigger　problem。　Had　Sam　or　Jared　or　Quil　
ever　gone　a　whole　day　without　seeing　the　objects　of　their　fixations；　Emily；　Kim；　and　Claire？　Could　they？　
What　would　the　separation　from　Renesmee　do　to　Jacob？　Would　it　cause　him　pain？　

There　was　still　enough　petty　ire　in　my　system　to　make　me　glad；　not　for　his　pain；　but　for　the　idea　of　having　
Renesmee　away　from　him。　How　was　I　supposed　to　deal　with　having　her　belong　to　Jacob　when　she　only　
barely　seemed　to　belong　to　me？　

The　sound　of　movement　on　the　front　porch　interrupted　my　thoughts。　I　heard　them　get　up；　and　then　they　
were　through　the　door。　At　exactly　the　same　time；　Carlisle　came　down　the　stairs　with　his　hands　full　of　odd　
things—a　measuring　tape；　a　scale。　Jasper　darted　to　my　side。　As　if　there　was　some　signal　I'd　missed；　even　
Leah　sat　down　outside　and　stared　through　the　window　with　an　expression　like　she　was　expecting　
something　that　was　both　familiar　and　also　totally　uninteresting。　

〃Must　be　six；〃　Edward　said。　

〃So？〃　I　asked；　my　eyes　locked　on　Rosalie；　Jacob；　and　Renesmee。　They　stood　in　the　doorway；　
Renesmee　in　Rosalie's　arms。　Rose　looked　wary。　Jacob　looked　troubled。　Renesmee　looked　beautiful　and　
impatient。　

〃Time　to　measure　Ness—er；　Renesmee；〃　Carlisle　explained。　

〃Oh。　You　do　this　every　day？〃　

〃Four　times　a　day；〃　Carlisle　corrected　absently　as　he　motioned　the　others　toward　the　couch。　I　thought　I　
saw　Renesmee　sigh。　

〃Four　times？　Every　day？　Why？〃　

〃She's　still　growing　quickly；〃　Edward　murmured　to　me；　his　voice　quiet　and　strained。　He　squeezed　my　
hand；　and　his　other　arm　wrapped　securely　around　my　waist；　almost　as　if　he　needed　the　support。　

I　couldn't　take　my　eyes　off　Renesmee　to　check　his　expression。　

She　looked　perfect；　absolutely　healthy。　Her　skin　glowed　like　backlit　alabaster；　the　color　in　her　cheeks　



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was　rose　petals　against　it。　There　couldn't　be　anything　wrong　with　such　radiant　beauty。　Surely　there　could　
be　nothing　more　dangerous　in　her　life　than　her　mother。　Could　there？　

The　difference　between　the　child　I'd　given　birth　to　and　the　one　I'd　met　again　an　hour　ago　would　have　
been　obvious　to　anyone。　The　difference　between　Renesmee　an　hour　ago　and　Renesmee　now　was　subtler。　
Human　eyes　never　would　have　detected　it。　But　it　was　there。　

Her　body　was　slightly　longer。　Just　a　little　bit　slimmer。　Her　face　wasn't　quite　as　round；　it　was　more　oval　by　
one　minute　degree。　Her　ringlets　hung　a　sixteenth　of　an　inch　lower　down　her　shoulders。　She　stretched　out　
helpfully　in　Rosalie's　arms　while　Carlisle　ran　the　tape　measure　down　the　length　of　her　and　then　used　it　to　
circle　her　head。　He　took　no　notes；　perfect　recall。　

I　was　aware　that　Jacob's　arms　were　crossed　as　tightly　over　his　chest　as　Edward's　arms　were　locked　
around　

me。　His　heavy　brows　were　mashed　together　into　one　line　over　his　deepset　eyes。　

She　had　matured　from　a　single　cell　to　a　normalsized　baby　in　the　course　of　a　few　weeks。　She　looked　
well　on　her　way　to　being　a　toddler　just　days　after　her　birth。　If　this　rate　of　growth　held。。。　

My　vampire　mind　had　no　trouble　with　the　math。　

〃What　do　we　do？〃　I　whispered；　horrified。　

Edward's　arms　tightened。　He　understood　exactly　what　I　was　asking。　〃I　don't　know。〃　

〃It's　slowing；〃　Jacob　muttered　through　his　teeth。　

〃We'll　need　several　more　days　of　measurements　to　track　the　trend；　Jacob。　I　can't　make　any　promises。〃　

〃Yesterday　she　grew　two　inches。　Today　it's　less。〃　

〃By　a　thirtysecond　of　an　inch；　if　my　measurements　are　perfect；〃　Carlisle　said　quietly。　

〃Be　perfect；　Doc；〃　Jacob　said；　making　the　words　almost　threatening。　Rosalie　stiffened。　

〃You　know　I'll　do　my　best；〃　Carlisle　assured　him。　

Jacob　sighed。　〃Guess　that's　all　I　can　ask。〃　

I　felt　irritated　again；　like　Jacob　was　stealing　my　lines—and　delivering　them　all　wrong。　

Renesmee　seemed　irritated；　too。　She　started　to　squirm　and　then　reached　her　hand　imperiously　toward　
Rosalie。　Rosalie　leaned　forward　so　that　Renesmee　could　touch　her　face。　After　a　second；　Rose　sighed。　

〃What　does　she　want？〃　Jacob　demanded；　taking　my　line　again。　

〃Bella；　of　course；〃　Rosalie　told　him；　and　her　words　made　my　insides　feel　a　little　warmer。　Then　she　
looked　at　me。　〃How　are　you？〃　

〃Worried；〃　I　admitted；　and　Edward　squeezed　me。　



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〃We　all　are。　But　that's　not　what　I　meant。〃　

〃I'm　in　control；〃　I　promised。　Thirstiness　was　way　down　the　list　right　now。　Besides；　Renesmee　smelled　
good　in　a　very　nonfood　way。　

Jacob　bit　his　lip　but　made　no　move　to　stop　Rosalie　as　she　offered　Renesmee　to　me。　Jasper　and　Edward　
hovered　but　allowed　it。　I　could　see　how　tense　Rose　was；　and　I　wondered　how　the　room　felt　to　Jasper　
right　now。　Or　was　he　focusing　so　hard　on　me　that　he　couldn't　feel　the　others？　

Renesmee　reached　for　me　as　I　reached　for　her；　a　blinding　smile　lighting　her　face。　She　fit　so　easily　in　my　
arms；　like　they'd　been　shaped　just　for　her。　Immediately；　she　put　her　hot　little　hand　against　my　cheek。　

Though　I　was　prepared；　it　still　made　me　gasp　to　see　the　memory　like　a　vision　in　my　head。　So　bright　and　
colorful　but　also　pletely　transparent。　

She　was　remembering　me　charging　Jacob　across　the　front　lawn；　remembering　Seth　leaping　between　us。　
She'd　seen　and　heard　it　all　with　perfect　clarity。　It　didn't　look　like　me；　this　graceful　predator　leaping　at　her　
prey　like　an　arrow　arcing　from　a　bow。　It　had　to　be　someone　else。　That　made　me　feel　a　very　small　bit　less　
guilty　as　Jacob　stood　there　defenselessly　with　his　hands　raised　in　front　of　him。　His　hands　did　not　tremble。　

Edward　chuckled；　watching　Renesmee's　thoughts　with　me。　And　then　we　both　winced　as　we　heard　the　
crack　of　

Seth's　bones。　

Renesmee　smiled　her　brilliant　smile；　and　her　memory　eyes　did　not　leave　Jacob　through　all　the　following　
mess。　I　tasted　a　new　flavor　to　the　memory—not　exactly　protective；　more　possessive—as　she　watched　
Jacob。　I　got　the　distinct　impression　that　she　was　glad　Seth　had　put　himself　in　front　of　my　spring。　She　
didn't　want　Jacob　hurt。　He　was　hers。　

〃Oh；　wonderful；'71　groaned。　〃Perfect。〃　

〃It's　just　because　he　tastes　better　than　the　rest　of　us；〃　Edward　assured　me；　voice　stiff　with　his　own　
annoyance。　

〃I　told　you　she　likes　me；　too；〃　Jacob　teased　from　across　the　room；　his　eyes　on　Renesmee。　His　joking　
was　halfhearted；　the　tense　angle　of　his　eyebrows　had　not　relaxed。　

Renesmee　patted　my　face　impatiently；　demanding　my　attention。　Another　memory：　Rosalie　pulling　a　brush　
gently　through　each　of　her　curls。　It　felt　nice。　

Carlisle　and　his　tape　measure；　knowing　she　had　to　stretch　and　be　still。　It　was　not　interesting　to　her。　

〃It　looks　like　she's　going　to　give　you　a　rundown　of　everything　you　missed；〃　Edward　mented　in　my　
ear。　

My　nose　wrinkled　as　she　dumped　the　next　one　on　me。　The　smell　ing　from　a　strange　metal　cup　
—hard　enough　not　to　be　bitten　through　easily—sent　a　flash　burn　through　my　throat。　Ouch。　

And　then　Renesmee　was　out　of　my　arms；　which　were　pinned　behind　my　back。　I　didn't　struggle　with　



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Jasper；　I　just　looked　at　Edward's　frightened　face。　

〃What　did　I　do？〃　

Edward　looked　at　Jasper　behind　me；　and　then　at　me　again。　

〃But　she　was　remembering　being　thirsty；〃　Edward　muttered；　his　forehead　pressing　into　lines。　〃She　was　
remembering　the　taste　of　human　blood。〃　

Jasper's　arms　pulled　mine　tighter　together。　Part　of　my　head　noted　that　this　wasn't　particularly　
unfortable；　let　alone　painful；　as　it　would　have　been　to　a　human。　It　was　just　annoying。　I　was　sure　I　
could　break　his　hold；　but　I　didn't　fight　it。　

〃Yes；〃　I　agreed。　〃And？〃　

Edward　frowned　at　me　for　a　second　more；　and　then　his　expression　loosened。　He　laughed　once。　〃And　
nothing　at　all；　it　seems。　The　overreaction　is　mine　this　time。　Jazz；　let　her　go。〃　

The　binding　hands　disappeared。　I　reached　out　for　Renesmee　as　soon　as　I　was　free。　Edward　handed　her　
to　me　without　hesitation。　

〃I　can't　understand；〃　Jasper　said。　〃I　can't　bear　this。〃　

I　watched　in　surprise　as　Jasper　strode　out　the　back　door。　Leah　moved　to　give　him　a　wide　margin　of　
space　as　he　paced　to　the　river　and　then　launched　himself　over　it　in　one　bound。　

Renesmee　touched　my　neck；　repeating　the　scene　of　departure　right　back；　like　an　instant　replay。　I　could　
feel　the　question　in　her　thought；　an　echo　of　mine。　

I　was　already　over　the　shock　of　her　odd　little　gift。　It　seemed　an　entirely　natural　part　of　her；　almost　to　be　

expected。　Maybe　now　that　I　was　part　of　the　supernatural　myself；　I　would　never　be　a　skeptic　again。　

But　what　was　wrong　with　Jasper？　

〃He'll　be　back；〃　Edward　said；　whether　to　me　or　Renesmee；　I　wasn't　sure。　〃He　just　needs　a　moment　
alone　to　readjust　his　perspective　on　life。〃　There　was　a　grin　threatening　at　the　corners　of　his　mouth。　

Another　human　memory—Edward　telling　me　that　Jasper　would　feel　better　about　himself　if　I　〃had　a　hard　
time　adjusting〃　to　being　a　vampire。　This　was　in　the　context　of　a　discussion　about　how　many　people　I　
would　kill　my　first　newborn　year。　

〃Is　he　mad　at　me？〃　I　asked　quietly。　

Edward's　eyes　widened。　〃No。　Why　would　he　be？〃　

〃What's　the　matter　with　him；　then？〃　

〃He's　upset　with　himself；　not　you；　Bella。　He's　worrying　about。。。　selffulfilling　prophecy；　I　suppose　you　
could　say。〃　




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〃How　so？〃　Carlisle　asked　before　I　could。　

〃He's　wondering　if　the　newborn　madness　is　really　as　difficult　as　we've　always　thought；　or　if；　with　the　right　
focus　and　attitude；　anyone　could　do　as　well　as　Bella。　Even　now—perhaps　he　only　has　such　diffi