time enough for love-时间足够你爱(英文版)-第51部分

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；　intellectual　snobbery　set　in；　they　loved　those　Latin　polysyllables。　If　I　said　〃womb〃　（as　I　always　did）；　some　six…year…old　would　inform　me　with　quiet　authority　that　the　book　said　〃uterus。〃　Or　Undine　might　rush　in　with　the　news　that　Big　Billy　Whiskers　was　〃copulating〃　with　Silky；　whereupon　the　kids　would　rush　out　to　the　goat　pen　to　watch。　Somewhere　around　their　middle　teens
　　
　　they　usually　recovered　frbm　this　nonsense　and　went　back　to　speaking　English　as　their　parents　spoke　it；　so　I　guess　it　didn't　hurt　them。
　　
　　The　reason　my　own　goatiness　was　not　a　spectator　sport　for　children　that　all　the　animals　afforded　was；　I　think；　only　my　own　unreasoned　but　long…standing　habits。　I　…don't　think　it　would　have　fretted　Dora　because　it　did　not　seem　to　fret　her　the　times　it　happened…as　it　did；　privacy　was　scarce　and　got　scarcer　until　I　got　our　big　house　built　some　twelve　or　thirteen　years　after　we　entered　the　valley…time　indefinite　because　for　years　I　wo~ked　on　it　when　I　could；　then　we　moved　into　it　unfinished　because　we　were　bulging　the　walls　of　our　first　house　and　another　baby　（Ginny）　was　on　the　way。
　　
　　Dora　was　untroubled　by　lack　of　privacy　because　her　sweet　lechery　was　utterly　innocent；　whereas　mine　…was　scarred　by　the　culture　I　grew　up　in…a　culture　psychotic　throughout　and　especially　on　this　subject。　Dora　did　much　to　heal　those　scars。　But　I　never　achieved　her　angelic　innocence。
　　
　　I　do　not　mean　the　innocence　of　childish　ignorance；　I　mean　the　true　innocence　of　an　intelligent；　informed；　adult　woman　who　has　no　evil　in　her。　Dora　was　as　tough　as　she　was　innocent；　always　aware　that　she　was　responsible　for　her　own　actions。　She　knew　that　〃the　tail　goes　with　the　hide；　that　you　can't　be　a　little　bit　pregnant；　that　it　is　no　kindness　to　hang　a　man　slowly。〃　She　could　make　a　hard　decision　without　dithering；　then　stand　up　to　the　consequences　if　it　turned　out　that　her　judgment　was　faulty。　She　could　apologize　to　a　child；　or　to　a　mule。　But　that　was　rarely　necessary；　her　self…honesty　did　not　often　lead　her　into　faulty　decisions。
　　
　　Nor　did　she　flagellate　herself　when　she　made　a　mistake。　She　corrected　it　as　best　she　could；　learned　from　it；　did　not　lie　awake　over　it。
　　
　　While　her　ancestry　had　given　her　the　potential；　Helen　Mayberry　must　be　credited　with　having　guided　it　and　allowed　it　to　develop。　Helen　Mayberry　was　sensitive　and　sensible。　e　to　think　of　it；　the　traits　plement。　A　person　who　is　sensitive　but　not　sensible　is　all　mixed　~up；　cannot　function　properly。　A　person　who　is　sensible　but　not　sensitive…I've　never　met　one　and　am　not　sure　such　a　person　can　exist。
　　
　　Helen　Mayberry　was　born　on　Earth　but　had　shucked　off　her
　　
　　…bad　background　when　~he　migrated；　she　did　not　pass　on　to　Baby　Dora　and　growing…girl　Dora　the　sick　standards　of　a　dying　culture。　I　knew　some　of　this　from　Helen　herself；　but　1
　　
　　learned　more　about　Helen　from　Dora　the　Woman。　Over　the　long　cOurse　of　getting　acquainted　with　this　stranger　I　had　married　（married　couples　always　start　out　as　strangers　no　matter　how　long　they've　known　each　other）　I　learned　that　Dora　knew　exactly　the　relationship　that　had　once　existed　between　Helen　Mayberry　and　me；　including　the　fact　that　it　was　economic　as　well　as　social　and　physical。
　　
　　This　did　not　make　Dora　jealous　of　〃Aunt〃　Helen；　jealousy　was　only　a　word　to　Dora；　one　that　meant　no　more　to　her　than　a　sunset　does　to　an　earthworm；　the　capacity　to　feel　jealousy　had　never　been　developed　in　her。　She　regarded　the　arrangements　between　Helen　and　me　as　natural；　reasonable；　and　appropriate。　Indeed　I　feel　certain　that　Helen's　example　was　the　clinching　factor　in　Dora's　picking　me　as　her　mate；　as　it　could　not　have　been　my　charm　and　beauty；　both　negligible。　Helen　had　not　taught　Dora　that　sex　was　anything　sacred；　she　had　taught　her；　by　precept　and　example；　that　sex　is　a　way　for　people　to　be　happy　together。
　　
　　Ta…ke　those　three　vultures　we　killed…　Instead　of　what　they　were；　had　they　been　good　men　and　decent…oh；　such　men　as　Ira　and　Galahad…and　given　the　same　circumstances；　four　men　with　only　one　woman　and　the　situation　likely　to　stay　that　way；　I　think　Dora　would　have　entered　easily　and　naturally　into　polyandry　。　。　and　would　have　managed　to　convince　me　that　that　was　the　only　happy　solution　by　the　way　she　herself　treated
　　
　　it。…
　　
　　Nor　would　she；　in　adding　more　husbands；　have　been　breaking　her　marriage　vows。　Dora　had　not　promised　to　cleave　unto　me　only；　I　won't　let　a　woman　promise　that　because　a　day　sometimes　arrives　when　she　can't。
　　
　　Dora　could　have　kept　four　decent；　honorable　men　happy。　Dora　had　none　of　the　sickly　attitudes　that　interfere　with　a　person　loving　more　and　more；　Helen　had　seen　to　that。　And；　as　the　Greeks　pointed　out；　one　man　cannot；　quench　the　fires　of　Vesuvius。　Or　was　it　the　Romans？　Never　mind；　it's　true。　Dora　probably　would　have　bee？　even　happier　in　a　polyandrous　marriage。　And　if　she　were　happier；　it　follows；　as　the　night　the　day；　that　I　would　have　been　also…even　though　I　cannot　imagine　being　happier　than　I　was。　But　more　big　male　muscles　would　have　made　life　easier　on　me；　I　always　had　too　much　to　do。　More　pany　could　have　been　pleasant；　too；　I　am　forced　to　assume…the　pany　of　men　whom　Dora　found　acceptable。　As　for　Dora　herself；　she　had　enough　love　in　her　to
　　
　　？~~　1
　　
　　lavish　it　~ou　me　and　a　dozen　kids；　three　more　husbands　would　not　have　used　up　her　resources；　she　was　a　spring　that　never　ran　dry。
　　
　　But　the　matter　is　hypothetical。　Those　three　Montgomerys　were　so　little　like　Galahad　and　Ira　that　it　is　hard　to　think　of　them　as　being　of　the　same　race。　They　were　vermin　for　killing；　and　that's　what　they　got。　I　learned　only　a　little　about　them；　from　reading　the　contents　of　their　wagon。　Minerva；　they　were　not　pioneers；　there　was　not　the　barest　minimum　in　that　wagon　for　starting　a　farm。　Not　a　plow；　not　a　sack　of　seed…　And　their　eight　mules　were　all　geldiAgs。　I　don't　know　what　they　thought　they　were　doing。'　Exploring　just　for　the　hell　of　it；　perhaps？　Then　go　back　to　〃civilization〃　when　they　grew　tired　of　it？　Or　did　they　expect　to　find　that　some　one　of　the　pioneer　parties　that　had　started　over　the　pass　had　made　it…and　could　be　terrorized　into　submission？　I　don't　know；　I　never　will　know。　I　have　never　understood　the　gangster　mind…I　simply　know　what　to　do　about　gangsters。
　　
　　As　may　be；　they　made　a　fatal　mistake　in　tackling　sweet　and　gentle　Dora。　She　not　only　shot　at　the　right　instant；　but　she　shot　his　gun　out　of　his　hand　instead　of　taking　the　much　easier　target；　his　belly　or　chest。　Important？　Supremely　so；　for　me。　His　gun　was　aimed　at　me。　Had　Dora　shot　him；　instead　of　his　gun；　even　iL　her　shot　killed　him；　his　last　reflex　would　probably…　certainly；　I　think…have　caused　his　fingers　to　tighten　and　I　would　have　been　hit。　You　can　figure　it　from　there　in　half　a　dozen　ways；　all　bad。　…
　　
　　Lucky　accident？　Not　at　all。　Dora　had　him　covered　from　the　darkness　of　the　kitchen。　When　he　pulled　that…　gun；　she　instantly　changed　her　point　of　aim　and　got　the　gun。　It　was　her　first…and　last…gunfight。　But　a　true　gunfighter；　that　girl！　The　hours　we　had　spent　polishing　her　skill　paid　off。　But　more　rare　than　skill　was　the　cool　judgment　with　which　she　decided　to　try　for　the　much　more　difficult　target。　I　could　not　train　her　in　that；　it　had　to　be　born　in　her。　Which　itwas…if　you　think
　　
　　…back；　her　father　made　the　same　sort　of　correct　split…second　decision　as　his　last　dying　act。It　~was　seven　more　years　before　another　wagon　appeared　in
　　
　　Happy　Valley…three　wagons　traveling　together；　three　families　with　children；　true　pioneers。　We　…were　glad　to　see　them　and　I　was　especially　happy　to　see　thier　kids。　For　I　had　been　juggling　eggs。　Real　eggs。　Human　ova。
　　
　　I　was　running　out　of　time；　our　oldest　kids　were　growing　up。
　　
　　Mine~a；　you　know　all　that　the　human　…race　has　i骯rned　about　geics。　You　know　that　the　Howard　Families　are　inbred　from　a　fairly　small　gene　pool…and　that　inbreeding　has　tended　to　clear　them　of　bad　genes…but　you　know　also　the　high　price　that　has　been　paid　in　defectives。　Is　still　being　paid；　I　should　add；　everywhere　there　are　Howards　there　are　also　sanctuaries　for　defectives。　Nor　is　there　any　end　to　it；　new　unfavorable　mutations　unnoticed　until　they　are　reinforced　is　the　price　we　animals　must　pay　for　evolution。　Maybe　there　will　be　a　cheaper　way　…　someday…there　was　not　one　on　New　Be~。　ginnings　twelve　hundred　years　ago。
　　
　　Young　Zack　was　a　husky　lad　whose　voice　was　firmly　baritone。　His　brother；　Andy；　was　no　longer　a　boy　soprano　in　our　family　chorus　although　his　voice　still　cracked。　Baby　Helen　wasn't　such　a　baby　any　los~ger…hadn't　reached　menarche；　but　as　near　as　I　could　tell　it　would　be　any　day；　any　day。
　　
　　I　mean　to　say　that　Dora　and　I　were　having　to　think　about　it；　forced　to　consider　hard　choices。　Should　we　pack　seven　kids　into　the　wagons　and　head　back　across　the　Rampart？　If　we　made　it；　should　we　put　the　four　oldest　with　the　Magees　or　someone；　then　e　home　with　the　younger　three？　By　ourselves？　Or　sing　the　praises　of　Happy　Valley；　its　beauty　and　its　wealth；　and　try　to　lead　a　party　of　pioneers　back　over　the　range　and　thereby　avoid　such　crisis　in　the　future？
　　
　　I　had　expected；　too　optimistically；　that　others　would　follow　us　almost　at　once…a　year　or　two　or　three…since　I　had　left　a　passable　wagon　trail　behind　me。　But　I'm　not　one　to　fume　over　spilled　milk　after　the　horse　is　stolen。　What　might　have　been　was　of　no　interest；　the　problem　was　what　to　do　with　our　horny　kids　now　that　they　were　growing…　up。
　　
　　No　point　in　talking　to　them　about　〃sin〃　even　if　I　were　capable　of　such　hypocrisy…which　I　am　not；　especially　with　kids。　Nor　could　I　have　sold　the　idea。　Dora　would　have　been　shocked　and　hurt；　and　her　skills　did　not　extend　to　lying　convincingly。　Nor　did　I　want　to　fill　our　kids　with　such　nonsense；　their　angelic　mother　was　…　the　happiest；　most　ever…ready　lecher
　　
　　…in　Happy　Valley…even　more　so　than　I　and　the　goats…and　she　never　pretended　otherwise。　…
　　
　　Should　we　relax　and　let　nature　take　its　ancient　course？　Accept　the　idea　our　daughters　would　presently　（all　too　soon！）　mate　with　our　sons　and　be　prepared　to　accept　the　price？　Expect　at　least　one　defective　grandchild　out　of　ten？　I　had　no　data　on　which　to　estimate　the　cost　any　closer　than　that；　as　Dora　knew　nothing　about　her　ancestry　and；　while　I　did　know　a　little
　　
　　ab鴘t　mine；　I　did　not　know　enough。　All　I　had　was　that　old　and　extremely　rough　thumb　rule。
　　
　　So　we　stalled。
　　
　　We　fell　back　on　another　sound　old　thumb　rule：　Never　do　today　what　you　can　put　off　till　tomorrow　if　tomorrow　might
　　
　　…　improve　the　odds。
　　
　　So　we　moved　into　our　new　house　while　it　was　still　not　finished…but　finished　enough　that　we　then　had　a　girls'　dormitory；　a　boys'　dormitory；　a　bedroom　for　Dora　and　me；　with　adjacent　nursery。
　　
　　But　we　dtd　not　kid　ourselves　that　we　had　solved　the　problem。　Instead　we　hauled　it　out　into　the　open；　made　sure　that　the　three　oldest　knew　what　the　problem　was　and　what　the　risks　were　and　why　it　would　be　smart　to　hold　off。　Nor　were　the　younger　kids　shut　out　of　this　schooling；　they　simply　were　not　required　even　to　audit　the　course　when　they　found　themselves　bored　with　technicalities　they　were　too　young　to　be　interested　…
　　
　　in。…；…
　　
　　Dora　chucked　in　a　frill；　one　based　on　something　Helen　Mayberry　had　done　for　her　some　twenty　years　earlier。　She　announced　that　when　little　Helen　achieved　menarche；　we　would　declare　a　~holiday　and　have　a　party；　with　…Helen　as'　guest　of　honor。　From　then　on；　every　year；　that　day　would　be　known　as　〃Helen's　Day〃　and　so　on　for　Iseult　and　Undine　and　on　down　the　line　until　there　was　an　annual　holiday　named　for　each　girl。
　　
　　Helen　could　hardly　wait　to　pass　from　childhood　into　girlhood…and　when　she　did；　a　few　months　later；　she　was　unbearably　smug。　Woke　us　all　up　shouting　about　it。　〃Mania！　Papa！　Look；　it's　happened！　Zack！　Andy！　Wake　up！　e　see！〃
　　
　　If　she　hurt；　she　did　not　mention　it。　Probably　she　did　not；　Dora　wasn't　subject　to　menstrual　cramps；　and　neither　of　us　told　the　girls　to　expect　them。　Being　myself　convex　instead　of　concave；　I　refrain　from　menting　on　the　theory　that　such　pains　are　a　conditioned　reflex；　I　don't　think　I'm　entitled　to　an　opinion
　　
　　…you　might　ask　Ishtar。
　　
　　It　also　resulted　in　me　being　called　on　by　a　delegation…of　two；　Zack　and　Andy　with　Zack　as　spokesman：　〃LoOk；　Papa…we　think　it　splendid；　meet；　and　fit　our　sister　Helen's　day　to　mark　with　joyful　sounds　and　jollity　acclaiming　this　our　sibling's　rightful　heritage。　But　soothly；　sire；　methinks…〃
　　
　　〃Chop　it　off　and　say　it。〃…
　　
　　〃Well；　how　about　boys！〃
　　
　　By　gum；　I　reinstituted　chivalry！…
　　
　　Not　as　a　sudden　inspiration。　Zack　had　asked　a　tough　one；　I
　　
　　had　to　dance　around　it　a　bit　before　I　reacbed~　a　workable　answer。　Sure；　there　are　rites　of　passage　for　males　as　well　as
　　
　　…fem~les；　every　culture　has　them；　even　those　that　aren't　aware　of　it。　When　I　was　a　boy；　it　was　your　first　suit　with　long　pants。　Then　there　are　ones　such　as　circumcision　at　puberty；　ordeal　by　pain；　killing　some　dread　beast…endless。
　　
　　None　of　these　fitted　our　boys。　Some　I　disapproved　of；　some　were　impossible…circumcision　for　example。　I　have　this　unimportant　mutation；　no　foreskin。　But　it　is　a　Y…linked　dominant；　and　I　pass　it　on　to　all　my　male　offspring。　The　boys　knew　this；　but　I　stalled　by　mentioning　it　again；　discussed　it　in　connection　with　the　endless　ways　in　which　a　male's　transition　into　beginning　manhood　was　sometimes　celebrated…while　trying　to　think　of　an　answer　to　the　main　question。
　　
　　Finally　I　said；　〃Look；　boys；　you　both　know　all　about　reproduction　and　geics　that　I　have　been　able　to　teach　you。　You　both　know　what　'Helen's　Day'　means。　Don't　you？　Andy？〃
　　
　　Andy　did　not　answer；　his　older　brother　said；　〃Sure　he　knows；　Papa。　It　means　Helen　can　have　babies　now；　just　like　Mama。　You　know　that；　Andy。〃　Andy　nodded　agreement；　round…eyed。　〃We　all　know；　Papa；　even　the　kids。　Well；　I'm　not　sure　about　Ivar；　he's　so　little。　But　Iseult　and　Undine　know　it
　　
　　…Helen's　been　telling　them　that　she's　going　to　catch　up　with　Mama…have　her　first　baby　right　away。〃
　　
　　I　controlled　the　cold　chills　I　felt。　Let　me　cut　this　short：　I　did　not　tell　them　that　this　was　a　bad　idea；　instead　I　took　a　long　time　drawing　answers　from　them；　things　they　both　knew　but　had　not　yet　thought　of　quite　so　personally…how　Helen　could　not　have　a　baby　unless　one　or　the　other　of　them　put　it　into　her；　how　Helen　was　still　too　little　for　the　strain　of　baking　a　baby　even　though　〃Helen's　Day〃　marked　the　fact　that　she　was　now　vulnerable；　how　and　why；　even　when　Helen　was　big　enough　in　a　few　years；　a　baby　out　of　Helen　by　one　of　her　brothers　could　be　a　tragedy　instead　of　the　fine　babies　Mama　made　every　time。　They　told　me；　Andy's　eyes　getting　bigger　all　the　time…I　simply　supplied　leading　questions。
　　
　　I　was　helped　in　this　by　the　fact　that　a　little　mule　mare；　Dancing　Girl；　had　e　into　her　first　estrus　when　I　thought　she　was　not　grown…up　enough　for　a　colt。　So　I　had　had　Zack　and　Andy　fence　her　off…and　she　kicked　a　hole　in　the　fence　and
　　
　　…　got　what　she　wanted；　Buckaroo　covered　her。　Sure　enough；　the　colt　had　been　too　big　for　her　and　I　had　to　go　in　and　cut　it　up　and　take　it　out　in　chunks…a　routine　jo