the notebook-恋恋笔记本(英文版)-第6部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！


ized　her　own　insecurity。　He　didn’t　care　about　things　like　that　He　never　had。　“So；　tell　me　everything　you’ve　been　up　to　since　I　saw　you　last；”　she　asked。

They　started　to　talk　then；　making　up　for　lost　time。　Noah　talked　about　leaving　New　Bern；　about　working　in　the　shipyard　and　at　the　scrap　yard　in　New　Jersey。　He　spoke　fondly　of　Morris　Goldman　and　touched　on　the　war　a　little；　and　told　her　how　much　he　missed　his　father。　Allie　talked　about　going　to　college；　painting；　and　her　hours　spent　volunteering　at　the　hospital。　She　talked　about　her　family　and　Mends　and　the　charities　she　was　involved　with。　Neither　of　them　brought　up　anybody　they　had　dated　since　they’d　last　seen　each　other。　Even　Lon　was　ignored；　and　though　both　of　them　noticed　the　omission；　neither　mentioned　it。

Afterwards　Allie　tried　to　remember　the　last　time　she　and　Lon　had　talked　this　way。　Although　he　listened　well　and　they　seldom　argued；　he　was　not　the　type　of　man　to　talk　like　this。　Like　her　father；　he　wasn’t　fortable　sharing　feelings。　She’d　tried　to　explain　that　she　needed　to　be　closer　to　him；　but　it　had　never　seemed　to　make　a　difference。

Sitting　here　now；　she　realized　what　she’d　been　missing。

The　sky　grew　darker　and　the　moon　rose　higher　as　the　evening　wore　on。　And　without　either　of　them　being　conscious　of　it；　they　began　to　regain　the　intimacy；　the　bond　of　familiarity；　they　had　once　shared。

THEY　FINISHED　dinner；　both　pleased　with　the　meal；　neither　talking　much　now。　Noah　looked　at　his　watch　and　saw　that　it　was　getting　late。　The　stars　were　out　in　full；　the　crickets　a　little　quieter。　He　had　enjoyed　talking　to　Allie　and　wondered　what　she’d　thought　about　his　life；　hoping　it　would　somehow　make　a　difference；　if　it　could。

He　got　up　and　refilled　the　kettle。　They　both　brought　the　dishes　to　the　sink　and　cleaned　the　table；　and　he　poured　two　more　cups　of　hot　water；　adding　tea　bags　to　both。

“How　about　the　porch　again？”　he　asked；　handing　her　the　cup；　and　she　agreed；　leading　the　way。

He　grabbed　a　quilt　for　her　in　case　she　got　cold；　and　soon　they　had　taken　their　places　again；　the　quilt　over　her　legs；　rockers　moving。　Noah　watched　her　from　the　corner　of　his　eye。　God；　she’s　beautiful；　he　thought。　And　inside　he　ached。

For　something　had　happened　during　dinner。

Quite　simply；　he　had　fallen　in　love　again。　He　knew　that　now　as　they　sat　next　to　one　another。　Fallen　in　love　with　a　new　Allie；　not　just　her　memory。　But　then　he　had　never　really　stopped；　and　this；　he　realized；　was　his　destiny。

“It’s　been　quite　a　night。”　he　said；　his　voice　softer　now。

“Yes；　it　has。”　she　said；　“a　wonderful　night。”

Noah　glanced　up　at　the　stars；　their　twinkling　lights　reminding　him　that　she　would　he　leaving　soon；　and　he　felt　almost　empty　inside。　This　was　a　night　he　wanted　never　to　end。　How　should　he　tell　her？　What　could　he　say　that　would　make　her　stay’？

He　didn’t　know。　And　thus　the　decision　was　made　to　say　nothing。　And　he　realized　then　that　he　had　failed。

The　rockers　moved　in　quiet　rhythm。

“Talk　to　me；”　she　finally　said；　her　voice　sensual。　Or　was　his　mind　playing　tricks’？

“What　should　I　say？”

“Talk　like　you　did　to　me　under　the　oak　tree。”

And　he　did；　reciting　distant　passages；　toasting　the　night。　Whitman　and　Thomas；　because　he　loved　the　images；　Tennyson　and　Browning；　because　their　themes　felt　so　familiar。

She　rested　her　head　against　the　back　of　the　rocker；　closing　her　eyes。　It　wasn’t　just　the　poems　or　his　voice　that　did　it。　It　was　all　of　it；　the　whole　greater　than　the　sum　of　the　parts。　She　didn’t　try　to　break　it　down；　didn’t　want　to；　because　it　wasn’t　meant　to　he　listened　to　that　way。　Poetry；　she　thought；　wasn’t　written　to　he　analysed：　it　was　meant　to　inspire　without　reason；　to　touch　without　understanding。

They　rocked　for　a　while；　drinking　tea；　sitting　quietly；　drifting　in　their　thoughts。　The　pulsion　that　had　driven　her　here　was　gone　now—she　was　glad　of　this—but　she　worried　about　the　feelings　that　had　taken　its　place；　the　stirrings　that　had　begun　to　sift　and　swirl　in　her　pores　like　gold　dust　in　river　pans。　She’d　tried　to　deny　them；　hide　from　them；　but　now　she　realized　that　she　didn’t　want　them　to　stop。

Lon　could　not　evoke　these　feelings　in　her。　He　never　had　and　probably　never　would。　Maybe　that　was　why　she　had　never　been　to　bed　with　him。　She　had　always　used　the　excuse　that　she　wanted　to　wait　until　marriage。　He　took　it　well；　usually；　and　she　sometimes　wondered　how　hurt　he　would　be　if　he　ever　found　out　about　Noah。

But　there　was　something　else　that　made　her　want　to　wait；　and　it　had　to　do　with　Lon　himself。　He　was　driven　in　his　work；　and　it　always　came　first。　For　him　there　was　no　time　for　poems　and　wasted　evenings　on　porches。　She　knew　this　was　why　he　was　successful；　and　part　of　her　respected　him　for　that。　But　she　also　sensed　it　wasn’t　enough。　She　wanted　something　more。　Passion　and　romance；　perhaps；　or　quiet　conversations　in　candlelit　rooms；　or　perhaps　something　as　simple　as　not　being　second。

Noah；　too；　was　sifting　through　his　thoughts。　As　he　rocked；　he　remembered　the　thousands　of　empty　nights　he　had　spent　since　they’d　last　seen　each　other。　Seeing　her　again　brought　all　those　feelings　to　the　surface；　and　he　found　it　impossible　to　press　them　back　down。　He　knew　then　he　wanted　to　make　love　to　her　again　and　to　have　her　love　in　return。　It　was　what　he　needed　most　in　the　world。

But　he　also　realized　it　could　never　be。　Now　that　she　was　engaged。

Allie　knew　by　his　silence　that　he　was　thinking　about　her　and　found　that　she　revelled　in　it。　She　thought　about　their　conversation　at　dinner　and　wondered　about　loneliness。　For　some　reason　she　couldn’t　picture　him　reading　poetry　to　someone　else　or　even　sharing　his　dreams　with　another　woman。　He　didn’t　seem　the　type。　Either　that；　or　she　didn’t　want　to　believe　it。

She　put　down　the　tea；　then　ran　her　hands　through　her　hair；　closing　her　eyes　as　she　did　so。

“Are　you　tired？”　he　asked；　finally　breaking　free　from　his　thoughts。

“A　little。　I　should　really　he　going　in　a　couple　of　minutes。”

“I　know。”　he　said；　nodding；　his　tone　neutral。

She　didn’t　get　up　right　away。　Instead　she　picked　up　the　cup　and　drank　the　last　swallow　of　tea；　feeling　it　warm　her　throat。　She　took　the　evening　in。　Moon　higher　now；　temperature　dropping。

She　looked　at　Noah。　A　scar　was　visible　on　the　side　of　his　face　that　hadn’t　been　there　before。　She　wondered　if　it　had　happened　during　the　war。　He　hadn’t　mentioned　it　and　she　hadn’t　asked；　mostly　because　she　didn’t　want　to　imagine　him　being　hurt。

“I　should　go；”　she　finally　said；　handing　the　quilt　back　to　him。

Noah　nodded；　then　stood　without　a　word。　He　carried　the　quilt；　and　the　two　of　them　walked　to　her　car　while　fallen　leaves　crunched　beneath　their　feet。　She　started　to　take　off　the　shirt　he’d　lent　her　as　he　opened　the　door；　but　he　stopped　her。

“Keep　it；”　he　said。　“I　want　you　to　have　it。”

She　didn’t　ask　why；　because　she　wanted　to　keep　it；　too。　She　readjusted　it　and　crossed　her　arms　afterwards　to　ward　off　the　chill。　For　some　reason；　as　she　stood　there；　she　was　reminded　of　standing　on　her　front　porch　after　a　high…school　dance；　waiting　for　a　kiss。

“I　had　a　great　time　tonight；”　he　said；　“thank　you　for　finding　me。”

“I　did；　too；”　she　answered。

He　summoned　his　courage。　“Will　I　see　you　tomorrow？”

A　simple　question。　She　knew　what　the　answer　should　be。　“I　don’t　think　we　should；”　was　all　she　had　to　say；　and　it　would　end　right　here　and　now。　But　for　a　second　the　demon　of　choice　confronted　her；　teased　her；　challenged　her。　Why　couldn’t　she　say　it？　As　she　looked　in　his　eyes　to　find　the　answer　she　needed；　she　saw　the　man　she’d　once　fallen　in　love　with；　and　suddenly　it　all　came　clear。

“I’d　like　that。”

Noah　was　surprised。　He　hadn’t　expected　her　to　answer　this　way。　He　wanted　to　touch　her　then；　to　take　her　in　his　arms；　but　he　didn’t。

“Can　you　be　here　about　noon？”

“Sure。　What　do　you　want　to　do？”

“You’ll　see；”　he　answered。　“I　know　just　the　place　to　go。”

“Have　I　ever　been　there　before？”

“No；　but　it’s　a　special　place。　You’ll　love　it。”

She　moved　away　before　he　could　attempt　a　kiss。　She　didn’t　know　if　he　would　try　but　knew　for　some　reason　that；　if　he　did；　she　would　have　a　hard　time　stopping　him。　She　slid　behind　the　wheel；　breathing　a　sigh　of　relief。　He　shut　the　door　for　her；　and　she　started　the　engine。　As　the　car　idled；　she　rolled　down　the　window　just　a　hit。

“See　you　tomorrow；”　she　said；　her　eyes　reflecting　the　moonlight。

Noah　waved　as　she　turned　the　car　around　and　then　drove　up　the　lane；　heading　hack　towards　town。　He　watched　until　the　lights　vanished　behind　far…off　oak　trees　and　the　engine　noise　was　gone。　Clem　wandered　up　to　him　and　he　squatted　down　to　pet　her；　paying　special　attention　to　her　neck；　scratching　the　spot　she　couldn’t　reach　any　more。　Then　they　returned　to　the　back　porch　side　by　side。

He　sat　in　the　rocker　again；　trying　once　more　to　fathom　the　evening　that　had　just　passed。　Replaying　it。　Running　it　in　slow　motion。　“She’s　engaged；”　he　finally　whispered；　and　then　was　silent　for　hours；　his　rocker　making　the　only　noise。　The　night　was　quiet；　with　little　activity　except　for　Clem；　who　checked　on　him　occasionally　as　if　to　ask；　“Are　you　all　right？”

And　some　time　after　midnight　on　that　clear　October　evening；　Noah　was　overe　with　longing。　And　if　anyone　had　seen　him；　they　would　have　seen　what　looked　like　an　old　man；　someone　who’d　aged　a　lifetime　in　just　a　couple　of　hours。　Someone　bent　over　in　his　rocker　with　his　face　in　his　hands　and　tears　in　his　eyes。

He　didn’t　know　how　to　stop　them。

CHAPTER　FOUR：　PHONE　CALLS

LON　HUNG　up　the　phone。　He　had　called　at　seven；　then　at　eight　thirty；　and　now　he　checked　his　watch　again。　Nine　forty…five。

Where　was　she？

He　knew　she　was　where　she　had　said　she　would　he　because　he　had　spoken　to　the　manager。　Yes；　she　had　checked　in　and　he　had　last　seen　her　around　six。　Going　to　dinner；　he　thought。　No；　he　hadn’t　seen　her　since。

Lon　shook　his　head　and　leaned　hack　in　his　chair。　He　was　the　last　one　in　the　office　as　usual。　That　was　normal　with　an　ongoing　trial；　even　if　the　trial　was　going　well。　Law　was　his　passion；　and　the　late　hours　alone　gave　him　the　opportunity　to　catch　up　on　his　work　without　interruption。

He　knew　he　would　win　the　case　because　he　mastered　the　law　and　charmed　the　jury。　He　always　did；　and　losses　were　infrequent　now。　Part　of　it　came　from　being　able　to　select　the　cases　he　had　the　expertise　to　win。　Only　a　select　few　lawyers　in　the　city　had　that　kind　of　stature；　and　his　earnings　reflected　it。

But　most　of　his　success　came　from　hard　work。　He　had　always　paid　attention　to　details；　especially　when　he’d　begun　his　practice。　Little　things；　obscure　things；　and　it　had　bee　a　habit　now。

And　now　a　little　detail　bothered　him。

Not　about　the　case。　That　was　fine。　It　was　something　else。　Something　about　Allie。　But　damn；　he　couldn’t　put　his　finger　on　it。　Some　time　after　her　call；　maybe　an　hour　or　so；　something　clicked　in　his　mind。　The　little　detail。　Detail。　。　。　。　Something　insignificant？　Something　important？

Think。　。　。。　Damn；　what　was　it？

His　mind　clicked。　Something。　。　。　something。　。　。　something　said？

Something　had　been　said？　Yes；　that　was　it。　But　what　was　it？　Had　Allie　said　anything　on　the　phone？　That　had　been　when　it　started；　and　he　ran　through　the　conversation　again。　What　had　she　said？　Her　trip　was　good；　she　had　checked　in；　had　done　some　shopping。　Left　her　number。　That’s　about　all。

He　thought　about　her　then。　He　loved　her；　he　was　sure　of　that。　Not　only　was　she　beautiful　and　charming；　but　she’d　bee　his　source　of　stability　and　best　friend　as　well。　After　a　hard　day　at　work；　she　was　the　first　person　he　would　call。　She　would　listen　to　him；　laugh　at　the　right　moments；　and　had　a　sixth　sense　about　what　he　needed　to　hear。　He　knew　he　should　spend　more　time　with　her。　But　practising　law　made　limiting　his　hours　impossible。　She’d　always　understood；　but　still　he　cursed　himself　for　not　making　the　time。　Once　he　was　married　he’d　shorten　his　hours；　he　promised　himself。　He’d　have　his　secretary　check　his　schedule　to　make　sure　he　wasn’t　overextending　himself。

Check？　。

And　his　mind　clicked　another　notch。　Check　。　。　。　checking…　。　checking　in？　He　looked　to　the　ceiling。　Checking　in？

Yes；　that　was　it。　He　closed　his　eyes　and　thought　for　a　second。　What；　then？　C’mon；　don’t　fail　now。　Think；　damn　it；　think。

New　Bern。

The　thought　popped　into　his　head。　Yes。　New　Bern。　That　was　it。　The　little　detail；　or　part　of　it。　What　else；　though？

New　Bern；　he　thought　again；　and　knew　the　name。　Knew　the　town　a　little；　mainly　from　a　few　trials　he　had　been　in。　Stopped　there　a　few　times　on　the　way　to　the　coast。　Nothing　special。　He　and　Allie　had　never　been　there　together。

But　Allie　had　been　there　before。

And　the　rack　tightened　its　grip；　another　part　ing　together。

Allie；　New　Bern　。　。　。　and　。　。　。　something　at　a　party。　A　ment　in　passing。　From　Allie’s　mother。　What　had　she　said？

Lon　paled　then；　remembering。　Remembering　what　Allie’s　mother　had　said　so　long　ago。　It　was　something　about　Allie　being　in　love　one　time　with　a　young　man　from　New　Bern。　Called　it　puppy　love。　So　what；　he　had　thought　when　he’d　heard　it；　and　had　turned　to　smile　at　Allie。　But　she　hadn’t　smiled。　She　was　angry。　And　then　Lon　guessed　that　she　had　loved　that　person　far　more　deeply　than　her　mother　had　suggested。　Maybe　more　deeply　than　she　loved　Lon。

And　now　she　was　there。　Interesting。　Lon　brought　his　palms　together；　as　though　he　were　praying；　resting　his　fingertips　against　his　lips。　Coincidence？　Could　he　nothing。　Could　he　exactly　what　she　said。　Could　be　stress　and　antique　shopping。　Possible。　Even　probable。

Yet　。　。　。　what　if？　Lon　considered　the　other　possibility；　and　for　the　first　time　in　a　long　while　he　became　frightened。　What　if　she’s　with　him？

He　made　up　his　mind　then　that　he　would　do　anything　it　took　to　keep　her。　She　was　everything　he’d　always　needed；　and　he’d　never　find　another　quite　like　her。

So；　with　trembling　hands；　he　dialled　the　phone　for　the　fourth　and　last　time　that　evening。

And　again　there　was　no　answer。

CHAPTER　FIVE：　KAYAKS　AND　FORGOTTEN　DREAMS

ALLIE　WOKE　early　the　next　morning。　She’d　slept　in　the　shirt　he’d　given　her；　and　she　smelt　him　once　again　while　thinking　about　the　evening　they’d　spent　together。　The　easy　laughter　and　conversation　came　hack　to　her；　and　she　especially　remembered　the　way　he’d　talked　about　her　painting。　It　was　so　unexpected；　yet　uplifting；　and　she　realized　how　sorry　she　would　have　been　had　she　decided　not　to　see　him　again。

She　looked　out　of　the　window　and　watched　the　chattering　birds　search　for　food　in　the　early　light。　Noah；　she　knew；　had　always　been　a　morning　person。　She　knew　he　liked　to　kayak　or　canoe；　and　she　remembered　one　morning　she’d　spent　with　him　in　his　canoe；　watching　the　sun　e　up。　She’d　had　to　sneak　out　of　her　window　to　do　it　because　her　parents　wouldn’t　allow　it；　but　she　hadn’t　been　caught　and　she　remembered　how　Noah　had　slipped　his　arm　around　her　and　pulled　her　close　as　dawn　began　to　unfold。　“Look　there；”　he’d　whispered；　and　she’d　watched　her　first　sunrise　with　her　head　on　his　shoulder；　wondering　if　anything　could　he　better　than　that　moment。

As　she　got　out　of　bed　to　take　her　bath；　feeling　the　cold　floor　beneath　her　feet；　she　wondered　if　he’d　been　on　the　water　this　morning　watching　another　day　begin；　thinking　somehow　he　probably　had