绿里奇迹(英文版)-第43部分

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ought　of　what　John　had　said　while　he　stood　looking　at　Sparky　from　the　foot　of　the　stairs　leading　down　from　my　office：　They're　still　in　there。　I　hear　them　screaming。　
〃Get　me　out　of　it〃；　I　said　hoarsely。　〃Undo　these　clamps　and　let　me　up。〃　
They　did　it；　but　for　a　moment　I　felt　frozen　there；　as　if　Old　Sparky　did　not　want　to　let　me　go。　
As　we　walked　back　to　the　block；　Brutal　spoke　to　me　in　a　low　voice；　so　not　even　Dean　and　Harry；　who　were　setting　up　the　last　of　the　chairs　behind　us；　would　overhear。　〃I　done　a　few　things　in　my　life　that　I'm　not　proud　of；　but　this　is　the　first　time　I　ever　felt　really　actually　in　danger　of　hell。〃　
I　looked　at　him　to　make　sure　he　wasn't　joking。　I　didn't　think　he　was。　〃What　do　you　mean？〃　
〃I　mean　we're　fixing　to　kill　a　gift　of　God〃；　he　said。　〃One　that　never　did　ary　harm　to　us；　or　to　anyone　else。　What　am　I　going　to　say　if　I　end　up　standing　in　front　of　God　the　Father　Almighty　and　He　asks　me　to　explain　why　I　did　it？　That　it　was　my　job？　My　job？〃　
8。　
When　John　got　back　from　his　shower　and　the　floaters　had　left；　I　unlocked　his　cell；　went　in；　and　sat　down　on　the　bunk　beside　him。　Brutal　was　on　the　desk。　He　looked　up；　saw　me　in　there　on　my　own；　but　said　nothing。　He　just　went　back　to　whatever　paperwork　he　was　currently　mangling；　licking　away　at　the　tip　of　his　pencil　the　whole　time。　
John　looked　at　me　with　his　strange　eyes　…　bloodshot；　distant；　on　the　verge　of　tears　。。。　and　yet　calm；　too；　as　if　crying　was　not　such　a　bad　way　of　life；　not　once　you　got　used　to　it。　He　even　smiled　a　little。　He　smelled　of　Ivory　soap；　I　remember；　as　clean　and　fresh　as　a　baby　after　his　evening　bath。　
〃Hello；　boss；〃　he　said；　and　then　reached　out　and　took　both　of　my　hands　in　both　of　his。　It　was　done　with　a　perfect　unstudied　naturalness。　
〃Hello；　John　。〃　There　was　a　little　block　in　my　throat；　and　I　tried　to　swallow　it　away。　〃I　guess　you　know　that　we're　ing　down　to　it　now。　Another　couple　of　days。〃　
He　said　nothing；　only　sat　there　holding　my　hands　in　his。　I　think；　looking　back　on　it；　that　something　had　already　begun　to　happen　to　me；　but　I　was　too　fixed　…　mentally　and　emotionally　…　on　doing　my　duty　to　notice。　
〃Is　there　anything　special　you'd　like　that　night　for　dinner；　John　？　We　can　rustle　you　up　most　anything。　Even　bring　you　a　beer；　if　you　want。　just　have　to　put　her　in　a　coffee　cup；　that's　all。〃　
〃Never　got　the　taste〃；　he　said。　
〃Something　special　to　eat；　then？〃　
His　brow　creased　below　that　expanse　of　clean　brown　skull。　Then　the　lines　smoothed　out　and　he　smiled。　〃Meatloaf'd　be　good。〃　
〃Meatloaf　it　is。　With　gravy　and　mashed。〃　I　felt　a　tingle　like　you　get　in　your　arm　when　you've　slept　on　it；　except　this　one　was　all　over　my　body。　In　my　body。　〃What　else　to　go　with　it？〃　
〃Dunno；　boss。　Whatever　you　got；　I　guess。　Okra；　maybe；　but　I's　not　picky。〃　
〃All　right〃；　I　said；　and　thought　he　would　also　have　Mrs。　Janice　Edgebe's　peach　cobbler　for　dessert。　〃Now；　what　about　a　preacher？　Someone　you　could　say　a　little　prayer　with；　night　after　next？　It　forts　a　man；　so　I've　seen　that　many　times。　I　could　get　in　touch　with　Reverend　Schuster；　he's　the　man　who　came　when　Del　…　〃　
〃Don't　want　no　preacher〃；　John　said。　〃You　been　good　to　me；　boss。　You　can　say　a　prayer；　if　you　want。　That'd　be　all　right。　I　could　get　kneebound　with　you　a　bit；　I　guess。〃　
〃Me！　John　；　I　couldn't　…　〃　
He　pressed　down　on　my　hands　a　little；　and　that　feeling　got　stronger。　〃You　could；〃　he　said。　〃Couldn't　you；　boss？〃　
〃I　suppose　so〃；　I　heard　myself　say。　My　voice　seemed　to　have　developed　an　echo。　〃I　suppose　I　could；　if　it　came　to　that。〃　
The　feeling　was　strong　inside　me　by　then；　and　it　was　like　before；　when　he'd　cured　my　waterworks；　but　it　was　different；　too。　And　not　just　because　there　was　nothing　wrong　with　me　this　time。　It　was　different　because　this　time　he　didn't　know　he　was　doing　it。　Suddenly　I　was　terrified；　almost　choked　with　a　need　to　get　out　of　there。　Lights　were　going　on　inside　me　where　there　had　never　been　lights　before。　Not　just　in　my　brain；　all　over　my　body。　
〃You　and　Mr。　Howell　and　the　other　bosses　been　good　to　me〃；　John　Coffey　said。　〃I　know　you　been　worryin；　but　you　ought　to　quit　on　it　now。　Because　I　want　to　go；　boss。〃　
I　tried　to　speak　and　couldn't。　He　could；　though。　What　he　said　next　was　the　longest　I　ever　heard　him　speak。　
〃I'm　rightly　tired　of　the　pain　I　hear　and　feel；　boss。　I'm　tired　of　bein　on　the　road；　lonely　as　a　robin　in　the　rain。　Not　never　havin　no　buddy　to　go　on　with　or　tell　me　where　we's　in　from　or　goin　to　or　why。　I'm　tired　of　people　bein　ugly　to　each　other。　It　feels　like　pieces　of　glass　in　my　head。　I'm　tired　of　all　the　times　I've　wanted　to　help　and　couldn't。　I'm　tired　of　bein　in　the　dark。　Mostly　it's　the　pain。　There's　too　much。　If　I　could　end　it；　I　would。　But　I　cain't。〃　
Stop　it；　I　tried　to　say。　Stop　it；　let　go　of　my　hands；　I'm　going　to　drown　if　you　don't。　Drown　or　explode。　
〃You　won't　'splode；〃　he　said；　smiling　a　little　at　the　idea　。。。　but　he　let　go　of　my　hands。　
I　leaned　forward；　gasping。　Between　my　knees　I　could　see　every　crack　in　the　cement　floor；　every　groove；　every　flash　of　mica。　I　looked　up　at　the　wall　and　saw　names　that　had　been　written　there　in　1924；　1926；　1931。　Those　names　had　been　washed　away；　the　men　who　had　written　them　had　also　been　washed　away；　in　a　manner　of　speaking；　but　I　guess　you　can　never　wash　anything　pletely　away；　not　from　this　dark　glass　of　a　world；　and　now　I　saw　them　again；　a　tangle　of　names　overlying　one　another；　and　looking　at　them　was　like　listening　to　the　dead　speak　and　sing　and　cry　out　for　mercy。　I　felt　my　eyeballs　pulsing　in　their　sockets；　heard　my　own　heart；　felt　the　windy　whoosh　of　my　blood　rushing　through　all　the　boulevards　of　my　body　like　letters　being　mailed　to　everywhere。　
I　heard　a　train…whistle　in　the　distance　…　the　threefifty　to　Priceford；　I　imagine；　but　I　couldn't　be　sure；　because　I'd　never　heard　it　before。　Not　from　Cold　Mountain；　I　hadn't；　because　the　closest　it　came　to　the　state　pen　was　ten　miles　east。　I　couldn't　have　heard　it　from　the　pen；　so　you　would　have　said　and　so；　until　November　of　'32；　I　would　have　believed；　but　I　heard　it　that　day。　
Somewhere　a　lightbulb　shattered；　loud　as　a　bomb。　
〃What　did　you　do　to　me？〃　I　whispered。　〃Oh　John　；　what　did　you　do？〃　
〃I'm　sorry；　boss；〃　he　said　in　his　calm　way。　〃I　wasn't　thinkin。　Ain't　much；　I　reckon。　You　feel　like　regular　soon。〃　
I　got　up　and　went　to　the　cell　door。　It　felt　like　walking　in　a　dream。　When　I　got　there；　he　said：　〃You　wonder　why　they　didn't　scream。　That's　the　only　thing　you　still　wonder　about；　ain't　it？　Why　those　two　little　girls　didn't　scream　while　they　were　still　there　on　the　porch。〃　
I　turned　and　looked　at　him。　I　could　see　every　red　snap　in　his　eyes；　I　could　see　every　pore　on　his　face。。。　and　I　could　feel　his　hurt；　the　pain　that　he　took　in　from　other　people　like　a　sponge　takes　in　water。　I　could　see　the　darkness　he　had　spoken　of；　too。　It　lay　in　all　the　spaces　of　the　world　as　he　saw　it；　and　in　that　moment　I　felt　both　pity　for　him　and　great　relief。　Yes；　it　was　a　terrible　thing　we'd　be　doing；　nothing　would　ever　change　that　。。。　and　yet　we　would　be　doing　him　a　favor。　
〃I　seen　it　when　that　bad　fella；　he　done　grab　me；〃　John　said。　〃That's　when　I　knowed　it　was　him　done　it。　I　seen　him　that　day；　I　was　in　the　trees　and　I　seen　him　drop　them　down　and　run　away；　but　…　〃　
〃You　forgot；〃　I　said。　
〃That's　right；　boss。　Until　he　touch　me；　I　forgot。〃　
〃Why　didn't　they　scream；　John　？　He　hurt　them　enough　to　make　them　bleed；　their　parents　were　right　upstairs；　so　why　didn't　they　scream？〃　
John　looked　at　me　from　his　haunted　eyes。　〃He　say　to　the　one；　'If　you　make　noise；　it's　your　sister　I　kill；　not　you'；　He　say　that　same　to　the　other。　You　see？〃　
〃Yes〃；　I　whispered；　and　I　could　see　it。　The　Detterick　porch　in　the　dark。　Wharton　leaning　over　them　like　a　ghoul。　One　of　them　had　maybe　started　to　cry　out；　so　Wharton　had　hit　her　and　she　had　bled　from　the　nose。　That's　where　most　of　it　had　e　from。　
〃He　kill　them　with　they　love〃；　John　said。　〃They　love　for　each　other。　You　see　how　it　was？〃　
I　nodded；　incapable　of　speech。　
He　smiled。　The　tears　were　flowing　again；　but　he　smiled。　〃That's　how　it　is　every　day〃；　he　said；　〃all　over　the　worl'。〃　Then　he　lay　down　and　turned　his　face　to　the　wall。　
I　stepped　out　into　the　Mile；　locked　his　cell；　and　walked　up　to　the　duty　desk。　I　still　felt　like　a　man　in　a　dream。　I　realized　I　could　hear　Brutal's　thoughts　…　a　very　faint　whisper；　how　to　spell　some　word；　receive；　I　think　it　was。　He　was　thinking　i　before　e；　except　after　c；　is　that　how　the　dadratted　thing　goes？　Then　he　looked　up；　started　to　smile；　and　stopped　when　he　got　a　good　look　at　me。　〃Paul？〃　he　asked。　〃Are　you　all　right？〃　
〃Yes。〃　Then　I　told　him　what　John　had　told　me　…　not　all　of　it；　and　certainly　not　about　what　his　touch　had　done　to　me　（I　never　told　anyone　that　part；　not　even　Janice；　Elaine　Connelly　will　be　the　first　to　know　of　it　…　if；　that　is；　she　wants　to　read　these　last　pages　after　reading　all　the　rest　of　them）；　but　I　repeated　what　John　had　said　about　wanting　to　go。　That　seemed　to　relieve　Brutal　…　a　bit；　anyway　…　but　I　sensed　（heard？）　him　wondering　if　I　hadn't　made　it　up；　just　to　set　his　mind　at　ease。　Then　I　felt　him　deciding　to　believe　it；　simply　because　it　would　make　things　a　little　easier　for　him　when　the　time　came。　
〃Paul；　is　that　infection　of　yours　ing　back？〃　he　asked。　〃You　look　all　flushed。〃　
〃No；　I　think　I'm　okay〃；　I　said。　I　wasn't；　but　I　felt　sure　by　then　that　John　was　right　and　I　was　going　to　be。　I　could　feel　that　tingle　starting　to　subside。　
〃All　the　same；　it　might　not　hurt　you　to　go　on　in　your　office　there　and　lie　down　a　bit。〃　
Lying　down　was　the　last　thing　I　felt　like　right　then　…　the　idea　seemed　so　ridiculous　that　I　almost　laughed。　What　I　felt　like　doing　was　maybe　building　myself　a　little　house；　then　shingling　it；　and　plowing　a　garden　in　back；　and　planting　it。　All　before　suppertime。　
That's　how　it　is；　I　thought。　Every　day。　All　over　the　world。　That　darkness。　All　over　the　world。　
〃I'm　going　to　take　a　turn　over　to　Admin　instead。　Got　a　few　things　to　check　over　there。〃　
〃If　you　say　so。〃　
I　went　to　the　door　and　opened　it；　then　looked　back。　〃You've　got　it　right〃；　I　said：　〃r…e…c…e…i…v…e；　i　before　e；　except　after　c。　Most　of　the　time；　anyway；　I　guess　there's　exceptions　to　all　the　rules。…〃　
I　went　out；　not　needing　to　look　back　at　him　to　know　he　was　staring　with　his　mouth　open。　
I　kept　moving　for　the　rest　of　that　shift；　unable　to　sit　down　for　more　than　five　minutes　at　a　stretch　before　jumping　up　again。　I　went　over　to　Admin；　and　then　I　tromped　back　and　forth　across　the　empty　exercise　yard　until　the　guards　in　the　towers　must　have　thought　I　was　crazy。　But　by　the　time　my　shift　was　over；　I　was　starting　to　calm　down　again；　and　that　rustle　of　thoughts　in　my　head　…like　a　stirring　of　leaves；　it　was　…　had　pretty　much　quieted　down。　
Still；　halfway　home　that　morning；　it　came　back　strong。　The　way　my　urinary　infection　had。　I　had　to　park　my　Ford　by　the　side　of　the　road；　get　out；　and　sprint　nearly　half　a　mile；　head　down；　arms　pumping；　breath　tearing　in　and　out　of　my　throat　as　warm　as　something　that　you've　carried　in　your　armpit。　Then；　at　last；　I　began　to　feel　really　normal。　I　trotted　halfway　back　to　where　the　Ford　was　parked　and　walked　the　rest　of　the　way；　my　breath　steaming　in　the　chilly　air。　When　I　got　home；　I　told　Janice　that　John　Coffey　had　said　he　was　ready；　that　he　wanted　to　go。　She　nodded；　looking　relieved。　Was　she　really？　I　couldn't　say。　Six　hours　before；　even　three；　I　would　have　known；　but　by　then　I　didn't。　And　that　was　good。　John　had　kept　saying　that　he　was　tired；　and　now　I　could　understand　why。　It　would　have　tired　anyone　out；　what　he　had。　Would　have　made　anyone　long　for　rest　and　for　quiet。　
When　Janice　asked　me　why　I　looked　so　flushed　and　smelled　so　sweaty；　I　told　her　I　had　stopped　the　car　on　my　way　home　and　gone　running　for　awhile；　running　hard。　I　told　her　that　much　…　as　I　may　have　said　（there's　too　many　pages　here　now　for　me　to　want　to　look　back　through　and　make　sure）；　lying　wasn't　much　a　part　of　our　marriage　…　but　I　didn't　tell　her　why。　
And　she　didn't　ask。　
9。　
There　were　no　thunderstorms　on　the　night　it　came　John　Coffey's　turn　to　walk　the　Green　Mile。　It　was　seasonably　cold　for　those　parts　at　that　time　of　year；　in　the　thirties；　I'd　guess；　and　a　million　stars　spilled　across　used…up；　picked…out　fields　where　frost　glittered　on　fenceposts　and　glowed　like　diamonds　on　the　dry　skeletons　of　July's　corn。　
Brutus　Howell　was　out　front　for　this　one　…　he　would　do　the　capping　and　tell　Van　Hay　to　roll　when　it　was　time。　Bill　Dodge　was　in　with　Van　Hay。　And　at　around　eleven…twenty　on　the　night　of　November　20th；　Dean　and　Harry　and　I　went　down　to　our　one　occupied　cell；　where　John　Coffey　sat　on　the　end　of　his　bunk　with　his　hands　clasped　between　his　knees　and　a　tiny　dab　of　meatloaf　gravy　on　the　collar　of　his　blue　shirt。　He　looked　out　through　the　bars　at　us；　a　lot　calmer　than　we　felt；　it　seemed。　My　hands　were　cold　and　my　temples　were　throbbing。　It　was　one　thing　to　know　he　was　willing　…　it　made　it　at　least　possible　for　us　to　do　our　job　…　but　it　was　another　to　know　we　were　going　to　electrocute　him　for　someone　else's　crime。　
I　had　last　seen　Hal　Moores　around　seven　that　evening。　He　was　in　his　office；　buttoning　up　his　overcoat。　His　face　was　pale；　his　hands　shaking　so　badly　that　he　e　production　of　those　buttons。　I　almost　wanted　to　knock　his　fingers　aside　and　do　the　coat　up　myself；　like　you　would　with　a　little　kid。　The　irony　was　that　Melinda　had　looked　better　when　Jan　and　I　went　to　see　her　the　previous　weekend　than　Hal　had　looked　earlier　on　John　Coffey's　execution　evening。　
〃I　won't　be　staying　for　this　one；〃　he　had　said。　〃Curtis　will　be　there；　and　I　know　Coffey　will　be　in　good　hands　with　you　and　Brutus。〃　
〃Yes；　sir；　we'll　do　our　best〃；　I　said。　〃Is　there　any　word　on　Percy？〃　Is　he　ing　back　around？　is　what　I　meant；　of　course。　Is　he　even　now　sitting　in　a　room　somewhere　and　telling　someone　…　some　doctor；　most　likely　…　about　how　we　zipped　him　into　the　nut…coat　and　threw　him　into　the　restraint　room　like　any　other　problem　child　。。。　any　other　lugoon；　in　Percy's　language？　And　if　he　is；　are　they　believing　him？　
But　according　to　Hal；　Percy　was　just　the　same。　Not　talking；　and　not；　so　far　as　anyone　could　tell；　in　the　world　at　all。　He　was　still　at　Indianola　…　〃being　evaluated〃；　Hal　had　said；　looking　mystified　at　the　phrase　…　but　if　there　was　no　improvement；　he　would　be　moving　along　soon。　
〃How's　Coffey　holding　up？〃　Hal　had　asked　then。　He　had　finally　managed　to　do　up　the　last　button　of　his　coat。　
I　nodded。　〃He'll　be　fine；　Warden。〃　
He'd　nodded　back；　then　gone　to　the　door；　looking　old　and　ill。　〃How　can　so　much　good　and　so　much　evil　live　together　in　the　same　man？　How　could　the　man　who　cured　my　wife　be　the　same　man　who　killed　those　little　girls？　Do　you　understand　that？〃　
I　had　told　him　I　didn't；　the　ways　of　God　were　mysterious；　there　was　good　and　evil　in　all　of　us；　ours　not　to　reason　why；　…hotcha；　hotcha；　row…dee…dow。　Most　of　what　I　told　him　were　things　I'd　learned　in　the　church　of　Praise　Jesus；　The　Lord　Is　Mighty；　Hal　nodding　the　whole　time　and　looking　sort　of　exalted。　He　could　afford　to　nod；　couldn't　he？　Yes。　And　look　exalted；　too。　There　was　a　deep　sadness　on　his　face　…　he　was　shaken；　all　right；　I　never　doubted　it　…　but　there　were　no　tears　this　time；　because　he　had　a　wife　to　go　home　to；　his　panion　to　go　home　to；　and　she　was　fine。　Thanks　to　John　Coffey；　she　was　well　and　fine　and