高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain-第10部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！


for　you。’
　　2　GABRIEL’S　PRAYERNow　I　been　introducedTo　the　Father　and　the　Son；　And　I　ain’tNot　stranger　now。
　　When　Florence　cried；　Gabriel　was　moving　outward　in　fiery　darkness；　talking　to　the　Lord。
　　Her　cry　came　to　him　from　afar；　as　from　unimaginable　depths；　and　it　was　not　his　sister’s　cry　heheard；　but　the　cry　of　the　sinner　when　he　is　taken　in　his　sin。　This　was　the　cry　he　had　heard　so　manydays　and　nights；　before　so　many　altars；　and　he　cried　to…night；　as　he　had　cried　before：　‘Have　yourway；　Lord！　Have　your　way！’
　　Then　there　was　only　silence　in　the　church。　Even　Praying　Mother　Washington　had　ceased　tomoan。　Soon　someone　would　cry　again；　and　the　voices　would　begin　again；　there　would　be　music　byand　by；　and　shouting；　and　the　sound　of　the　tambourines。　But　now　in　this　waiting；　burdened　silenceit　seemed　that　all　flesh　waited—paused；　transfixed　by　something　in　the　middle　of　the　air—for　thequickening　power。
　　This　silence；　continuing　like　a　corridor；　carried　Gabriel　back　to　the　silence　that　hadpreceded　his　birth　in　Christ。　Like　a　birth　indeed；　all　that　had　e　before　this　moment　waswrapped　in　darkness；　lay　at　the　bottom　of　the　sea　of　forgetfulness；　and　was　not　now　countedagainst　him；　but　was　related　only　to　that　blind；　and　doomed；　and　stinking　corruption　he　had　beenbefore　he　was　redeemed。
　　The　silence　was　the　silence　of　the　early　morning；　and　he　was　returning　from　the　harlot’shouse。　Yet　all　around　him　were　the　sounds　of　the　morning：　of　birds；　invisible；　praising　God；　ofcrickets　in　the　vine；　frogs　in　the　swamp；　of　dogs　miles　away　and　closed　at　hand；　roosters　on　theporch。　The　sun　was　not　yet　half　awake；　only　the　utmost　tops　of　trees　had　begun　to　tremble　at　histurning；　and　the　mist　moved　sullenly　before　Gabriel　and　all　around　him；　falling　back　before　thelight　that　rules　by　day。　Later；　he　said　of　that　morning　that　his　sin　was　on　him；　then　he　knew　onlythat　he　carried　a　burden　and　that　he　longed　to　lay　it　down。　This　burden　was　heavier　than　theheaviest　mountain　and　he　carried　it　in　his　heart。　With　each　step　that　he　took　his　burden　grewheavier；　and　his　breath　became　slow　and　harsh；　and；　of　a　sudden；　cold　sweat　stood　out　on　his　browand　drenched　his　back。
　　All　alone　in　the　cabin　his　mother　lay　waiting；　not　only　for　his　return　this　morning；　but　forhis　surrender　to　the　Lord。　She　lingered　only　for　this；　and　he　knew　it；　even　though　she　no　longerexhorted　him　as　she　had　in　days　but　shortly　gone　by。　She　had　placed　him　in　the　hands　of　the　Lord；and　she　waited　with　patience　to　see　how　He　would　work　the　matter。
　　For　she　would　live　to　see　the　promise　of　the　Lord　fulfilled。　She　would　not　go　to　her　restuntil　her　son；　the　last　of　her　children；　he　who　would　place　her　in　the　winding…sheet；　should　haveentered　the　munion　of　the　saints。　Now　she；　who　had　been　impatient　once；　and　violent；　who　hadcursed　and　shouted　and　contended　like　a　man；　moved　into　silence；　contending　only；　and　with　thelast　measure　of　her　strength；　with　God。　And　this；　too；　she　did　like　a　man：　knowing　that　she　hadkept　the　faith；　she　waited　for　Him　to　keep　His　promise。　Gabriel　knew　that　when　he　entered　shewould　not　ask　him　where　he　had　been；　she　would　not　reproach　him；　and　her　eyes；　even　when　sheclosed　her　lids　to　sleep；　would　follows　him　everywhere。
　　　Later；　since　it　was　Sunday；　some　of　the　brothers　and　sisters　would　e　to　her；　to　sing　andpray　around　her　bed。　And　she　would　pray　for　him；　sitting　up　in　bed　unaided；　her　head　lifted；　hervoice　steady；　while　he；　kneeling　in　a　corner　of　the　room；　trembled　and　almost　wished　that　shewould　die；　and　trembled　again　at　this　testimony　to　the　desperate　wickedness　of　his　heart；　andprayed　without　words　to　be　forgiven。　For　he　had　no　words　when　he　knelt　before　the　throne。　And　hefeared　to　make　a　vow　before　Heaven　until　he　had　the　strength　to　keep　it。　And　yet　he　knew　that　untilhe　made　the　vow　he　would　never　find　the　strength。
　　For　he　desired　in　his　soul；　with　fear　and　trembling；　all　the　glories　that　his　mother　prayed　heshould　find。　Yes；　he　wanted　power—he　wanted　to　know　himself　to　be　the　Lord’s　anointed；　Hiswell…beloved；　and　worthy；　nearly；　of　that　snow…white　dove　which　had　been　sent　down　fromHeaven　to　testify　that　Jesus　was　the　son　of　God。　He　wanted　to　be　the　master；　to　speak　with　thatauthority　which　could　only　e　from　God。　It　was　later　to　bee　his　proud　testimony　that　hehated　his　sins—even　as　he　ran　toward　sin；　even　as　he　sinned。　He　hated　the　evil　that　lived　in　hisbody；　and　he　feared　it；　as　he　feared　and　heated　the　
Part　3　The　Threshing…floor
　　　　Then　said　I；　Woe　is　me！　for　I　amundone；　because　I　am　a　man　of　uncleanlips；　and　dwell　in　the　midst　of　apeople　of　unclean　lips；　for　mine　eyeshave　seen　the　king；　the　Lord　of　hosts。
　　Then　I　buckled　up　my　shoes；And　I　startedHe　knew；　without　knowing　how　it　had　happened；　that　he　lay　on　the　floor；　in　the　dusty　space　beforethe　altar　which　he　and　Elisha　had　cleaned；　and　knew　that　above　him　burned　the　yellow　light　whichhe　had　himself　switched　on。　Dust　was　in　his　nostrils；　sharp　and　terrible；　and　the　feet　of　saints；shaking　the　floor　beneath　him；　raised　small　clouds　of　dust　that　filmed　his　mouth。　He　heard　theircries；　so　far；　so　high　above　him–he　could　never　rise　that　far。　He　was　like　a　rock；　a　dead　man’sbody；　a　dying　bird；　fallen　from　an　awful　height；　something　that　had　no　power　of　itself；　any　more；to　turn。
　　And　something　moved　in　John’s　body　which　was　not　John。　He　was　invaded；　set　at　naught；possessed。　This　power　had　struck　John；　in　the　head　or　in　the　heart；　and；　in　a　moment；　wholly；filling　him　with　an　anguish　that　he　could　never　in　his　life　have　imagined；　that　he　surely　could　notendure；　that　even　now　he　could　not　believe；　had　opened　him　up；　had　cracked　him　open；　as　woodbeneath　the　axe　cracks　down　the　middle；　as　rocks　break　up；　had　ripped　him　and　felled　him　in　amoment；　so　that　John　had　not　felt　the　wound；　but　only　the　agony；　had　not　felt　the　fall；　but　only　thefear；　and　lay　here；　now；　helpless；　screaming；　at　the　very　bottom　of　darkness。
　　He　wanted　to　rise—a　malicious；　ironic　voice　insisted　that　he　rise—and；　at　once；　to　leave　histemple　and　go　out　into　the　world。
　　He　wanted　to　obey　the　voice；　which　was　the　only　voice　that　spoke　to　him；　he　tried　to　assurethe　voice　that　he　would　do　his　best　to　rise；　he　would　only　lie　here　a　moment；　after　his　dreadful　fall；and　catch　his　breath。　It　was　at　this　moment；　precisely；　that　he　found　he　could　not　rise；　something　had　happened　to　his　arms；　his　legs；　his　feet—ah；　something　had　happened　to　John！　and　he　began　toscream　again　in　his　great；　bewildered　terror；　and　felt　himself；　indeed；　begin　to　move—not　upward；toward　the　light；　but　down　again；　a　sickness　in　his　bowels；　a　tightening　in　his　loin…strings；　he　felthimself　turning；　again　and　again；　across　the　dusty　floor；　as　though　God’s　toe　had　touched　himlightly。　And　the　dust　made　him　cough　and　retch；　in　his　turning　the　centre　of　the　whole　earthshifted；　making　of　space　a　sheer　void　and　a　mockery　of　order；　and　balance；　and　time。　Nothingremained：　all　was　swallowed　up　in　chaos。　And：　Is　this　it？　John’s　terrified　soul　inquired—What　isit？—to　no　purpose；　receiving　no　answer。　Only　the　ironic　voice　insisted　yet　once　more　that　he　risefrom　the　filthy　floor　if　he　did　not　want　to　bee　like　all　the　other　niggers。
　　Then　he　anguish　subsided　for　a　moment；　as　water　withdraws　briefly　to　dash　itself　oncemore　against　the　rocks：　he　knew　that　it　subsided　only　to　return。　And　he　coughed　and　sobbed　in　thedusty　space　before　the　altar；　lying　on　his　face。　And　still　he　was　going　down；　farther　and　fartherfrom　the　joy；　the　singing；　and　the　light　above　him。
　　He　tried；　but　in　such　despair！—the　utter　darkness　does　not　present　any　point　of　departure；contains　no　beginning；　and　no　end—to　rediscover；　and；　as　it　were；　to　trap　and　hold　tightly　in　thepalm　of　his　hand；　the　moment　preceding　his　fall；　his　change。　But　that　moment　was　also　locked　indarkness；　was　wordless；　and　should　not　e　forth。　He　remembered　only　the　cross：　he　had　turnedagain　to　kneel　at　the　altar；　and　had　faced　the　golden　cross。　And　the　Holy　Ghost　was　speaking—seeming　to　say；　as　John　spelled　out　the　so　abruptly　present　and　gigantic　legend　adorning　the　cross：
　　Jesus　Saves。　He　had　stared　to　this；　an　awful　bitterness　in　his　heart；　wanting　to　curse—and　the　Spiritspoke；　and　spoke　in　him。　Yes：　there　was　Elisha；　speaking　from　the　floor；　and　his　father；　silent；　athis　back。　In　his　heart　there　was　a　sudden　yearning　tenderness　for　holy　Elisha；　desire；　sharp　andawful　as　a　reflecting　knife；　to　usurp　the　body　of　Elisha；　and　lie　where　Elisha　lay；　to　speak　intongues；　as　Elisha　spoke；　and；　with　that　authority；　to　confound　his　father。　Yet　this　had　not　been　themoment；　it　was　as　far　back　as　he　could　go；　but　the　secret；　the　turning；　the　abysmal　drop　was　fartherback；　in　darkness。　As　he　cursed　his　father；　as　he　loved　Elisha；　he　had；　even　then；　been　weeping；　hehad　already　passed　his　moment；　was　already　under　the　power；　had　been　struck；　and　was　goingdownAh；　down！—and　to　what　purpose；　where？　To　the　bottom　of　the　sea；　the　bowels　of　the　earth；to　the　heart　of　the　fiery　furnace？　Into　a　dungeon　deeper　than　Hell；　into　a　madness　louder　than　thegrave？　What　trumpet　sound　would　awaken　him；　what　hand　would　lift　him　up？　For　he　knew；　as　hewas　struck　again；　and　screamed　again；　his　throat　like　burning　ashes；　and　as　he　turned　again；　hisbody　hanging　from　him　like　a　useless　weight；　a　heavy；　rotting　carcass；　that　if　he　were　not　lifted　hewould　never　rise。
　　His　father；　his　mother；　his　aunt；　Elisha—all　were　far　above　him；　waiting；　watching　historment　in　the　pit。　They　hung　over　the　golden　barrier；　singing　behind　them；　light　around　theirheads；　weeping；　perhaps；　for　John；　struck　down　so　early。　And；　no；　they　could　not　help　him　anymore—nothing　could　help　him　any　more。　He　struggled；　struggle　to　rise　up；　and　meet　them—hewanted　wings　to　fly　upward　and　meet　them　in　that　morning；　that　morning　where　they　were。　But　hisstruggles　only　thrust　him　downward；　his　cries　did　not　go　upward；　but　rang　in　his　own　skull。
　　Yet；　though　he　scarcely　saw　their　faces；　he　knew　that　they　were　there。　He　felt　them　move；every　movement　causing　a　trembling；　an　astonishment；　a　horror　in　the　heart　of　darkness　where　he　lay。　He　could　not　know　if　they　wished　him　to　e　to　them　as　passionately　as　he　wished　to　rise。
　　Perhaps　they　did　not　help　him　because　they　did　not　care—because　they　did　not　love　him。
　　Then　his　father　returned　to　him；　in　John’s　changed　and　low　condition；　and　John　thought；but　for　a　moment　only；　that　his　father　had　e　to　help　him。　In　the　silence；　then；　that　filled　thevoid；　John　looked　on　his　father。　His　father’s　face　was　black—like　a　sad；　eternal　night；　yet　in　hisfather’s　face　there　burned　a　fire—a　fire　eternal　in　an　eternal　night。　John　trembled　where　he　lay；feeling　no　warmth　from　him　from　this　fire；　tremble；　and　could　not　take　his　eyes　away。　A　wind　blewover　him；　saying：　‘Whosoever　loveth　and　maketh　a　lie。’　Only：　‘Whosoever　loveth　and　maketh　alie。’　And　he　knew　that　he　had　been　thrust　out　of　the　holy；　the　joyful；　the　blood…washed　munity；that　his　father　had　thrust　him　out。　His　father’s　will　was　stronger　than　John’s　own。　His　power　wasgreater　because　he　belonged　to　God。　Now；　John　felt　no　hatred；　nothing；　only　a　bitter；　unbelievingdespair：　all　prophecies　were　true；　salvation　was　finished；　damnation　was　real！
　　Then　Death　is　real；　John’s　soul　said；　and　Death　will　have　his　moment。
　　‘Set　thine　house　in　order；’　said　his　father；　‘for　thou　shalt　die　and　not　live。’
　　And　then　the　ironic　voice　spoke　again；　saying：　‘Get　up；　John。　Get　up；　boy。　Don’t　let　himkeep　you　here。　You　got　everything　your　daddy　got。’
　　John　tried　to　laugh—John　thought　that　he　was　laughing—but　found；　instead；　that　his　mouthwas　filled　with　salt；　his　ears　were　full　of　burning　water。　Whatever　was　happening　in　his　distantbody　now；　he　could　not　change　or　stop；　his　cheat　heaved；　his　laugher　rose　and　bubbled　at　hismouth；　like　blood。
　　And　his　father　looked　on　him。　His　father’s　eyes　looked　down　on　him；　and　John　began　toscream。　His　father’s　eyes　stripped　him　naked；　and　hated　what　they　saw。　And　as　he　turned；screaming；　in　the　dust　again；　trying　to　escape　his　father’s　eyes；　those　eyes；　that　face；　and　all　theirfaces；　and　the　far…off　yellow　light；　all　departed　from　his　vision　as　though　he　had　gone　blind。　Hewas　going　down　again。　There　is；　his　soul　cried　out　again；　no　bottom　to　the　darkness！
　　He　did　not　where　he　was。　There　was　silence　everywhere—only　a　perpetual；　distant；　fainttrembling　far　beneath　him—the　roaring　perhaps；　of　the　fires　of　Hell；　over　which　he　was　suspended；or　the　echo；　persistent；　invincible　still；　of　the　moving　feet　of　the　saints。　He　thought　of　themountain…top；　where　he　longed　to　be；　where　the　sun　would　cover　him　like　a　cloth　of　gold；　wouldcover　his　head　like　a　crown　of　fire；　and　in　his　hands　he　would　hold　a　living　rod。　But　this　was　nomountain　where　John　lay；　here；　no　robe；　no　crown。　And　the　living　rod　was　uplifted　in　other　hands。
　　‘I’m　going　to　beat　sin　out　of　him。　I’m　going　to　beat　it　out。’
　　Yes；　he　had　sinned；　and　his　father　was　looking　for　him。　Now；　John　did　not　make　a　sound；and　did　not　move　at　all；　hoping　that　his　father　would　pass　him　by。
　　‘Leave　him　be。　Leave　him　alone。　Let　him　pray　to　the　Lord。’
　　‘Yes；　Mama。　I’m　going　to　try　to　love　the　Lord。’
　　‘He　done　run　off　somewhere。　I’m　going　to　find　him。　I’m　going　to　beat　it　out。’
　　Yes；　he　had　sinned：　one　morning；　alone；　in　the　dirty　bathroom；　in　the　square；　dirt…graycupboard　room　that　was　filled　with　the　stink　of　his　father。　Sometimes；　leaning　over　the　cracked；　‘tattle…tale　gray’　bath…tub；　he　scrubbed　his　father’s　back；　and　looked；　as　the　accursed　son　of　Noahhad　looked；　on　his　father’s　hideous　nakedness。　It　was　secret；　like　sin；　and　slimy；　like　the　serpent；and　heavy；　like　the　rod。　Then　he　hated　his　father；　and　longed　for　the　power　to　cut　his　father　down。
　　Was　this　why　he　lay　here；　thrust　out　from　all　human　or　heavenly　help　to…night？　This；　andnot　the　other；　his　deadly　sin；　having　looked　on　his　father’s　nakedness　and　mocked　and　cursed　himin　his　heart？　Ah；　that　son　of　Noah’s　had　been　cursed；　down　to　the　present　groaning　generation：　Aservant　of　servants　shall　be　unto　his　brethren。
　　Then　the　ironic　voice；　terrified；　it　seemed；　of　no　depth；　no　darkness；　demanded　of　John；scornfully；　if　he　believed　that　he　was　cursed。　All　niggers　had　been　cursed；　the　ironic　voicereminded　him；　all　niggers　had　e　from　this　most　undutiful　of　Noah’s　sons。　How　could　John　becursed　for　having　seen　in　a　bath…tub　what　another　man—if　that　other　man　had　ever　lived—had　seenten　thousand　years　ago；　lying　in　an　open　tent？　Could　a　curse　e　down　so　many　ages？　Did　it　livein　time；　or　in　the　moment？　But　John　found　no　answer　for　this　voice；　for　he　was　in　the　moment；　andout　of　time。
　　And　his　father　approached。　‘I’m　going　to　beat　sin　out　of　him。　I’m　going　to　beat　it　out。’　Allthe　darkness　rocked　and　wailed　as　his　father’s　feet　came　closer；　feet　whose　tread　resounded　likeGod’s　tread　in　the　garden　of　Eden；　searching　the　covered　Adam　and　Eve。　Then　his　father　stood　justabove　him；　looking　down。　Then　John　knew　that　a　curse　was　renewed　from　moment　to　moment；from　father　to　son。　Time　was　indifferent；　like　snow　and　ice；　but　the　heart；　crazed　wanderer　in　thedriving　waste；　carried　the　curse　for　ever。
　　‘John；’　said　his　father；　‘e　with　me。’
　　Then　they　were　in　a　straight　street；　a　narrow；　narr