高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain-第5部分

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ls；　said　his　aunt；　she　had　known　his　father；　and　shared　his　father’s　house。
　　She　had　loved　his　father。　She　had　known　his　father　when　lightning　flashed　and　thunder　rolledthrough　Heaven；　and　his　father　said：　‘Listen。　God　is　talking。’　She　had　known　him　in　the　morningsof　that　far…off　country　when　his　father　turned　on　his　bed　and　opened　his　eyes；　and　she　had　lookedinto　those　eyes；　seeing　what　they　held；　and　she　had　not　been　afraid。　She　had　seen　him　baptized；kicking　like　a　mule　and　howling；　and　she　had　seen　him　weep　when　his　mother　died；　he　was　a　rightyoung　man　then；　Florence　said。　Because　she　had　looked　into　those　eyes　before　they　had　looked　onJohn；　she　knew　that　John　would　never　know—the　purity　of　his　father’s　eyes　when　John　was　notreflected　in　their　depths。　She　could　have　told　him—had　he　but　been　able　form　his　hiding…place　toask！–how　to　make　his　father　love　him。　But　now　it　was　too　late。　She　would　not　speak　before　thejudgment　day。　And　among　those　many　voices；　the　stammering　with　his　own；　John　would　care　nolonger　for　her　testimony。
　　When　he　had　finished　and　the　room　was　ready　for　Sunday；　John　felt　dusty　and　weary　andsat　down　beside　the　window　in　his　father’s　easy　chair。　A　glacial　sun　filled　the　streets；　and　a　highwind　filled　the　air　with　scraps　of　paper　and　frost　dust；　and　banged　the　hanging　signs　of　stores　andstore…front　churches。　It　was　the　end　of　winter；　and　the　garbage…filled　snow　that　had　been　bankedalong　the　edges　of　pavements　was　melting　now　and　filling　the　gutters。　Boys　were　playing　stickballin　the　damp；　cold　streets；　dressed　in　heavy　woolen　sweaters　and　heavy　trousers；　they　danced　and　shouted；　and　the　ball　went　crack　as　the　stick　struck　it　and　sent　I　speeding　through　the　air。　One　ofthem　wore　a　bright…red　stocking　cap　with　a　great　ball　of　wool　hanging　down　behind　that　bouncedas　he　jumped；　like　a　bright　omen　above　his　head。　The　cold　sun　made　their　faces　like　copper　andbrass；　and　through　the　closed　window　John　heard　their　coarse；　irreverent　voices。　And　he　wanted　tobe　one　of　them；　playing　in　the　streets；　unfrightened；　moving　with　such　grace　and　power；　but　heknew　this　could　not　be。　Yet；　if　he　could　not　play　their　games；　he　could　do　something　they　could　notdo；　he　was　able；　as　one　of　his　teachers　said；　to　think。　But　this　brought　him　little　in　the　way　ofconsolation；　for　to…day　he　was　terrified　of　his　thoughts。　He　wanted　to　be　with　these　boys　in　thestreet；　headless　and　thoughtless；　wearing　out　his　treacherous　and　bewildering　body。
　　But　now　it　was　eleven　o’clock；　and　in　two　hours　his　father　would　be　home。　And　then　theymight　eat；　and　then　his　father　would　lead　them　in　prayer；　and　then　he　would　give　them　a　Biblelesson。　By　and　by　it　would　be　evening　and　he　would　go　to　clean　the　church；　and　remained　for　tarryservice。　Suddenly；　sitting　at　the　window；　and　with　a　violence　unprecedented；　there　arose　in　John　aflood　of　fury　and　tears；　and　he　bowed　his　head；　fists　clenched　against　the　window…pane；　crying；with　teeth　on　edge：　‘What　shall　I　do？　What　shall　I　do？’
　　Then　his　mother　called　him；　and　he　remembered　that　she　was　in　the　kitchen　washingclothes　and　probably　had　something　for　him　to　do。　He　rose　sullenly　and　walked　into　the　kitchen。
　　She　stood　over　the　wash…tub；　her　arms　wet　and　soapy　to　the　elbows　and　sweat　standing　on　herbrow。　Her　apron；　improvised　from　an　old　sheet；　was　wet　where　she　had　been　leaning　over　thescrubbing…board。　As　he　came　in；　she　straightened；　drying　her　hands　on　the　edge　of　the　apron。
　　‘You　finish　your　work；　John？’　she　askedHe　said：　‘Yes’m；’　and　thought　how　oddly　she　looked　at　him；　as　though　she　were　looking　atsomeone　else’s　child。
　　‘That’s　a　good　boy；’　she　said。　She　smiled　a　shy；　strained　smile。　‘You　know　you’re　yourmother’s　right…hand　man？’
　　He　said　nothing；　and　he　did　not　smile；　but　watched　her；　wandering　to　what　task　thispreamble　led。
　　She　turned　away；　passing　one　damp　hand　across　her　forehead；　and　went　to　the　cupboard。
　　Her　back　was　to　him；　and　he　watched　her　while　she　took　down　a　bright；　figured　vase；　filled　withflowers　only　on　the　most　special　occasions；　and　emptied　the　contents　into　her　palm。　He　heard　thechink　of　money；　which　meant　that　she　was　going　to　send　him　to　the　store。　She　put　the　vase　backand　turned　to　face　him；　her　palm　loosely　folded　before　her。
　　‘I　didn’t　never　ask　you；’　she　said；　‘what　you　wanted　for　your　birthday。　But　you　take　this；son；　and　go　out　and　get　yourself　something　you　think　you　want。’
　　And　she　opened　his　palm　and　put　the　money　into　it；　warm　and　wet　from　her　hand。　In　themoment　that　he　felt　the　warm；　smooth　coins　and　her　hand　on　his；　John　stared　blindly　at　her　face；　sofar　above　him。　His　heart　broke　and　he　wanted　to　put　his　head　on　her　belly　where　the　wet　spot　was；and　cry。　But　he　dropped　his　eyes　and　looked　at　his　palm；　at　the　small　pile　of　coins。
　　‘It　ain’t　much　there；’　she　said。
　　　‘That’s　all　right。’　Then　he　looked　up；　and　she　bent　down　and　kissed　him　on　the　forehead。
　　‘You　getting　to　be；’　she　said；　putting　her　hand　beneath　his　chin　and　holding　his　face　awayfrom　her；　‘a　right　big　boy。　You　going　to　be　a　mighty　fine　man；　you　know　what？　Your　mama’scounting　on　you。’
　　And　he　knew　again　that　she　was　not　saying　everything　she　meant；　in　a　kind　of　secretlanguage　she　was　telling　him　to…day　something　that　he　must　remember　and　understand　to…morrow。
　　He　watched　her　face；　his　heart　swollen　with　love　for　her　and　with　an　anguish；　not　yet　his　own；　buthe　did　not　understand　and　that　frightened　him。
　　‘Yes；　Ma；’　he　said；　hoping　that　she　would　realize；　despite　his　stammering　tongue；　the　depthof　his　passion　to　please　her。
　　‘I　know；’　she　said；　with　a　smile；　releasing　him　and　rising；　‘there’s　a　whole　lot　of　things　youdon’t　understand。　But　don’t　you　fret。　The　Lord’ll　reveal　to　you　in　His　own　good　time　everythingHe　wants　you　to　know。　You　put　your　faith　in　the　Lord；　Johnny；　and　He’ll　surely　bring　you　out。
　　Everything　works　together　for　good　for　them　that　love　the　Lord。’
　　He　had　heard　her　say　this　before—it　was　her　text；　as　Set　thine　house　in　order　was　hisfather’s—but　he　knew　that　to…day　she　was　saying　it　to　him　especially；　she　was　trying　to　help　himbecause　she　knew　he　was　in　trouble。　And　this　trouble　was　also　her　own；　which　she　would　never　tellto　John。　And　even　though　he　was　certain　that　they　could　not　be　speaking　of　the　same　things—forthen；　surely；　she　would　be　angry　and　no　longer　proud　of　him—this　perception　on　her　part　and　hisavowal　of　her　love　for　him　lent　to　John’s　bewilderment　a　reality　that　terrified　and　a　dignity　thatconsoled　him。　Dimly；　he　felt　that　he　ought　to　console　her；　and　he　listened；　astounded；　at　the　wordsthat　now　fell　from　his　lips：
　　‘Yes；　Mama。　I’m　going　to　try　to　love　the　Lord。’
　　At　this　there　sprang　into　his　mother’s　face　something　startling；　beautiful；　unspeakably　sad—as　though　she　were　looking　far　beyond　him　at　a　long；　dark　road；　and　seeing　on　that　road　atraveler　in　perpetual　danger。　Was　it　he；　the　traveler？　or　herself？　or　was　she　thinking　of　the　cross　ofJesus？　She　turned　back　to　the　wash…tub；　still　with　this　strange　sadness　on　her　face。
　　‘You　better　go　on　now；’　she　said；　before　your　daddy　gets　home。’
　　In　Central　Park　the　snow　had　not　yet　melted　on　his　favorite　hill。　This　hill　was　in　the　center　of　thepark；　after　he　had　left　the　circ　le　of　the　reservoir；　where　he　always　found；　outside　the　high　wall　ofcrossed　wire；　ladies；　white；　in　fur　coats；　walking　their　great　dogs；　or　old；　white　gentlemen　withcanes。　At　a　point　that　he　knew　by　instinct　and　by　the　shape　of　the　buildings　surrounding　the　park；he　struck　out　on　a　steep　path　overgrown　with　trees；　and　climbed　a　short　distance　until　he　reachedthe　clearing　that　led　to　the　hill。　Before　him；　then；　the　slope　stretched　upward；　and　above　it　thebrilliant　sky；　and　beyond　it；　cloudy；　and　far　away；　he　saw　the　skyline　of　New　York。　He　did　notknow　why；　but　there　arose　in　him　an　exultation　and　a　sense　of　power；　and　he　ran　up　the　hill　like　anengine；　or　a　madman；　willing　to　throw　himself　headlong　into　the　city　that　glowed　before　him。
　　　But　when　he　reached　the　summit　he　paused；　he　stood　on　the　crest　of　the　hill；　hands　claspedbeneath　his　chin；　looking　down。　Then　he；　John；　felt　like　a　giant　who　might　crumble　this　city　withhis　anger；　he　felt　like　a　tyrant　who　might　crush　this　city　beneath　his　heel；　he　felt　like　a　long…awaited　conqueror　at　whose　feet　flowers　would　be　strewn；　and　before　whom　multitudes　cried；Hosanna！　He　would　be；　of　all；　the　mightiest；　the　most　beloved；　the　Lord’s　anointed；　and　he　wouldlive　in　this　shining　city　which　his　ancestors　had　seen　with　longing　from　far　away。　For　it　was　his；the　inhabitants　of　the　city　had　told　him　it　was　his；　he　had　but　to　run　down；　crying；　and　they　wouldtake　him　to　their　hearts　and　shoe　him　wonders　his　eyes　had　never　seen。
　　And　still；　on　the　summit　of　that　hill　he　paused。　He　remembered　the　people　he　had　seen　inthat　city；　whose　eyes　held　no　love　for　him。　And　he　thought　of　their　feet　so　swift　and　brutal；　and　thedark　gray　clothes　they　wore；　and　how　when　they　passed　they　did　not　see　him；　or；　if　they　saw　him；they　smirked。　And　how　the　lights；　unceasing；　crashed　on　and　off　above　him；　and　how　he　was　astranger　there。　Then　he　remembered　his　father　and　his　mother；　and　all　the　arms　stretched　out　tohold　him　back；　to　save　him　from　this　city　where；　they　said；　his　soul　would　find　perdition。
　　And　certainly　perdition　sucked　at　the　feet　of　the　people　who　walked　there；　and　cried　in　thelights；　in　the　gigantic　towers；　the　marks　of　Satan　could　be　found　in　the　faces　of　the　people　whowaited　at　the　doors　of　movie　houses；　his　words　were　printed　on　the　great　movie　posters　that　invitedpeople　to　sin。　It　was　the　roar　of　the　damned　that　filled　Broadway；　where　motor…cars　and　buses　andthe　hurrying　people　disputed　every　inch　with　death。　Broadway：　the　way　that　led　to　death　wasbroad；　and　many　could　be　found　thereon；　but　narrow　was　the　way　that　led　to　life　eternal；　and　fewthere　were　who　found　it。　But　he　did　not　long　for　the　narrow　way；　where　all　his　people　walked；where　the　houses　did　not　rise；　piercing；　as　it　seemed；　the　unchanging　clouds；　but　huddled；　flat；ignoble；　close　to　the　filthy　ground；　where　the　streets　and　the　hallways　and　the　rooms　were　dark；and　where　the　unconquerable　odor　was　of　dust；　and　sweat；　and　urine；　and　home…made　gin。　In　thenarrow　way；　the　way　of　the　cross；　there　awaited　him　only　humiliation　for　ever；　there　awaited　him；one　day；　a　house　like　his　father’s　house；　and　a　church　like　his　father’s；　and　a　job　like　his　father’s；where　he　would　grow　old　and　black　with　hunger　and　toil。　The　way　of　the　cross　had　given　him　abelly　filled　with　wind　and　had　bent　his　mother’s　back；　they　had　never　worn　fine　clothes；　but　here；where　the　buildings　contested　God’s　power　and　where　the　men　and　women　did　not　fear　God；　herehe　might　eat　and　drink　to　his　heart’s　content　and　clothe　his　body　with　wondrous　fabrics；　rich　to　theeye　and　pleasing　to　the　touch。　And　then　what　of　his　soul；　which　would　one　day　e　to　die　andstand　naked　before　the　judgment　bar？　What　would　his　conquest　of　the　city　profit　him　on　that　day？
　　To　hurl　away；　for　a　moment　of　ease；　the　glories　of　eternity！
　　These　glories　were　unimaginable—but　the　city　was　real。　He　stood　for　a　moment　on　themelting　snow；　distracted；　and　then　began　to　run　down　the　hill；　feeling　himself　fly　as　the　descentbecame　more　rapid；　and　thinking：　‘I　can　climb　back　up。　If　it’s　wrong；　I　can　always　climb　back　up。’
　　At　the　bottom　of　the　hill；　where　the　ground　abruptly　leveled　off　on　to　a　gravel　path；　he　nearlyknocked　down　an　old　white　man　with　a　white　beard；　who　was　walking　very　slowly　and　leaning　onhis　cane。　They　both　stopped；　astonished；　and　looked　at　one　another。　John　struggled　to　catch　hisbreath　and　apologize；　but　old　man　smiled。　John　smiled　back。　It　was　as　though　he　and　the　old　manhad　between　them　a　great　secret；　and　the　old　man　moved　on。　The　snow　glittered　in　patches　all　overthe　park。　Ice；　under　the　pale；　strong　sun；　melted　slowly　on　the　branches　and　trunks　of　trees。
　　　He　came　out　of　the　park　at　Fifth　Avenue　where；　as　always；　the　old…fashioned　horse…carriages　were　lined　along　the　kerb；　their　drivers　sitting　on　the　high　seats　with　rugs　around　theirknees；　or　standing　in　twos　and　threes　near　the　horses；　stamping　their　feet　and　smoking　pipes　andtalking。　I　summer　he　had　seen　people　riding　in　these　carriages；　looking　like　people　out　of　books；　orout　of　movies　in　which　everyone　wore　old…fashioned　clothes　and　rushed　at　nightfall　over　frozenroad；　hotly　pursued　by　their　enemies　who　wanted　to　carry　them　back　to　death。　‘Look　back；　lookback；’　had　cried　a　beautiful　woman　with　long　blonde　curls；　‘and　see　if　we　are　pursued！—and　shehad　e；　as　John　remembered；　to　a　terrible　end。　Now　he　stared　at　the　horses；　enormous　andbrown　and　patient；　stamping　every　now　and　again　a　polished　hoof；　and　he　thought　of　what　it　wouldbe　like　to　have　one　day　a　horse　of　his　own。　He　would　call　it　Rider；　and　mount　it　at　morning　whenthe　grass　was　wet；　and　from　the　horse’s　back　look　out　over　great；　sun…filled　fields；　his　own。　Behindhim　stood　his　house；　great　and　rambling　and　very　new；　and　in　the　kitchen　his　wife；　a　beautifulwoman；　made　breakfast；　and　the　smoke　rose　out　of　the　chimney；　melting　into　the　morning　air。
　　They　had　children；　who　called　him　Papa　and　for　whom　at　Christmas　he　bought　electric　trains。　Andhe　had　turkeys　and　cows　and　chickens　and　geese；　and　other　horses　besides　Rider。　They　had　a　closetfull　of　whisky　and　wine；　they　had　cars—but　what　church　did　they　go　to　and　what　would　he　teachhis　children　when　they　gathered　around　him　in　the　evening？　He　looked　straight　ahead；　down　FifthAvenue；　where　graceful　women　in　fur　coats　walked；　looking　into　the　windows　that　held　silkdresses；　and　watches；　and　rings。　What　church　did　they　go　to？　And　what　were　their　houses　like　inthe　evening　they　took　off　these　coats；　and　these　silk　dresses；　and　put　their　jewelery　in　a　box；　andleaned　back　in　soft　beds　to　think　for　a　moment　before　they　slept　of　the　day　gone　by？　Did　they　reada　verse　from　the　Bible　every　night　and　fall　on　their　knees　to　pray？　But　no；　for　their　thoughts　werenot　of　God；　and　their　way　was　not　God’s　way。　They　were　in　the　world；　and　of　the　world；　and　theirfeet　laid　hold　on　Hell。
　　Yet　in　school　some　of　them　had　been　nice　to　him；　and　it　was　hard　to　think　of　them　burningin　Hell　for　ever；　they　who　were　so　gracious　and　beautiful　now。　Once；　one　winter　when　he　had　beenvery　sick　with　a　heavy　cold　that　would　not　leave　him；　one　of　his　teachers　had　bought　him　a　bottleof　cod…liver　oil；　especially　prepared　with　heavy　syrup　so　that　it　did　not　taste　so　bad：　this　was　surelya　Christian　act。　His　mother　had　said　that　God　would　bless　that　woman；　and　he　had　got　better。　Theywere　kind—he　was　sire　that　they　were　kind—and　on　the　day　that　he　would　bring　himself　to　theirattention　they　would　surely　love　and　honor　him。　This　was　not　his　father’s　opinion。　His　father　saidthat　all　white　people　were　wicked；　and　that　God　was　going　to　bring　them　low。　He　said　that　whitepeople　were　never　to　be　trusted；　and　that　they　told　nothing　but　lies；　and　that　no　one　of　them　hadever　loved　a　nigger。　He；　John；　was　a　nigger；　and　he　would　find　out；　as　soon　as　he　got　a　little　older；how　evil　white　people　could　be。　John　had　read　about　the　things　white　people　did　to　colored　people；how；　in　the　South；　where　his　parents　came　from；　white　people　cheated　them　of　their　wages；　andburn