简爱(英文版)-第10部分

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“Julia’s　hair　curls　naturally；”　returned　Miss　Temple；　still　more　quietly。
“Naturally！　Yes；　but　we　are　not　to　conform　to　nature；　I　wish　these　girls　to　be　the　children　of　Grace：　and　why　that　abundance？　I　have　again　and　again　intimated　that　I　desire　the　hair　to　be　arranged　closely；　modestly；　plainly。　Miss　Temple；　that　girl’s　hair　must　be　cut　off　entirely；　I　will　send　a　barber　to…morrow：　and　I　see　others　who　have　far　too　much　of　the　excrescence—that　tall　girl；　tell　her　to　turn　round。　Tell　all　the　first　form　to　rise　up　and　direct　their　faces　to　the　wall。”
Miss　Temple　passed　her　handkerchief　over　her　lips；　as　if　to　smooth　away　the　involuntary　smile　that　curled　them；　she　gave　the　order；　however；　and　when　the　first　class　could　take　in　；　they　obeyed。　Leaning　a　little　back　on　my　bench；　I　could　see　the　looks　and　grimaces　with　which　they　mented　on　this　man？uvre：　it　was　a　pity　Mr。　Brocklehurst　could　not　see　them　too；　he　would　perhaps　have　felt　that；　whatever　he　might　do　with　the　outside　of　the　cup　and　platter；　the　inside　was　further　beyond　his　interference　than　he　imagined。
He　scrutinised　the　reverse　of　these　living　medals　some　five　minutes；　then　pronounced　sentence。　These　words　fell　like　the　knell　of　doom—
“All　those　top…knots　must　be　cut　off。”
Miss　Temple　seemed　to　remonstrate。
“Madam；”　he　pursued；　“I　have　a　Master　to　serve　whose　kingdom　is　not　of　this　world：　my　mission　is　to　mortify　in　these　girls　the　lusts　of　the　flesh；　to　teach　them　to　clothe　themselves　with　shame…facedness　and　sobriety；　not　with　braided　hair　and　costly　apparel；　and　each　of　the　young　persons　before　us　has　a　string　of　hair　twisted　in　plaits　which　vanity　itself　might　have　woven；　these；　I　repeat；　must　be　cut　off；　think　of　the　time　wasted；　of—”
Mr。　Brocklehurst　was　here　interrupted：　three　other　visitors；　ladies；　now　entered　the　room。　They　ought　to　have　e　a　little　sooner　to　have　heard　his　lecture　on　dress；　for　they　were　splendidly　attired　in　velvet；　silk；　and　furs。　The　two　younger　of　the　trio　（fine　girls　of　sixteen　and　seventeen）　had　grey　beaver　hats；　then　in　fashion；　shaded　with　ostrich　plumes；　and　from　under　the　brim　of　this　graceful　head…dress　fell　a　profusion　of　light　tresses；　elaborately　curled；　the　elder　lady　was　enveloped　in　a　costly　velvet　shawl；　trimmed　with　ermine；　and　she　wore　a　false　front　of　French　curls。
These　ladies　were　deferentially　received　by　Miss　Temple；　as　Mrs。　and　the　Misses　Brocklehurst；　and　conducted　to　seats　of　honour　at　the　top　of　the　room。　It　seems　they　had　e　in　the　carriage　with　their　reverend　relative；　and　had　been　conducting　a　rummaging　scrutiny　of　the　room　upstairs；　while　he　transacted　business　with　the　housekeeper；　questioned　the　laundress；　and　lectured　the　superintendent。　They　now　proceeded　to　address　divers　remarks　and　reproofs　to　Miss　Smith；　who　was　charged　with　the　care　of　the　linen　and　the　inspection　of　the　dormitories：　but　I　had　no　time　to　listen　to　what　they　said；　other　matters　called　off　and　enchanted　my　attention。
Hitherto；　while　gathering　up　the　discourse　of　Mr。　Brocklehurst　and　Miss　Temple；　I　had　not；　at　the　same　time；　neglected　precautions　to　secure　my　personal　safety；　which　I　thought　would　be　effected；　if　I　could　only　elude　observation。　To　this　end；　I　had　sat　well　back　on　the　form；　and　while　seeming　to　be　busy　with　my　sum；　had　held　my　slate　in　such　a　manner　as　to　conceal　my　face：　I　might　have　escaped　notice；　had　not　my　treacherous　slate　somehow　happened　to　slip　from　my　hand；　and　falling　with　an　obtrusive　crash；　directly　drawn　every　eye　upon　me；　I　knew　it　was　all　over　now；　and；　as　I　stooped　to　pick　up　the　two　fragments　of　slate；　I　rallied　my　forces　for　the　worst。　It　came。
“A　careless　girl！”　said　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　and　immediately　after—“It　is　the　new　pupil；　I　perceive。”　And　before　I　could　draw　breath；　“I　must　not　forget　I　have　a　word　to　say　respecting　her。”　Then　aloud：　how　loud　it　seemed　to　me！　“Let　the　child　who　broke　her　slate　e　forward！”
Of　my　own　accord　I　could　not　have　stirred；　I　was　paralysed：　but　the　two　great　girls　who　sit　on　each　side　of　me；　set　me　on　my　legs　and　pushed　me　towards　the　dread　judge；　and　then　Miss　Temple　gently　assisted　me　to　his　very　feet；　and　I　caught　her　whispered　counsel—
“Don’t　be　afraid；　Jane；　I　saw　it　was　an　accident；　you　shall　not　be　punished。”
The　kind　whisper　went　to　my　heart　like　a　dagger。
“Another　minute；　and　she　will　despise　me　for　a　hypocrite；”　thought　I；　and　an　impulse　of　fury　against　Reed；　Brocklehurst；　and　Co。　bounded　in　my　pulses　at　the　conviction。　I　was　no　Helen　Burns。
“Fetch　that　stool；”　said　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　pointing　to　a　very　high　one　from　which　a　monitor　had　just　risen：　it　was　brought。
“Place　the　child　upon　it。”
And　I　was　placed　there；　by　whom　I　don’t　know：　I　was　in　no　condition　to　note　particulars；　I　was　only　aware　that　they　had　hoisted　me　up　to　the　height　of　Mr。　Brocklehurst’s　nose；　that　he　was　within　a　yard　of　me；　and　that　a　spread　of　shot　orange　and　purple　silk　pelisses　and　a　cloud　of　silvery　plumage　extended　and　waved　below　me。
Mr。　Brocklehurst　hemmed。
“Ladies；”　said　he；　turning　to　his　family；　“Miss　Temple；　teachers；　and　children；　you　all　see　this　girl？”
Of　course　they　did；　for　I　felt　their　eyes　directed　like　burning…　glasses　against　my　scorched　skin。
“You　see　she　is　yet　young；　you　observe　she　possesses　the　ordinary　form　of　childhood；　God　has　graciously　given　her　the　shape　that　He　has　given　to　all　of　us；　no　signal　deformity　points　her　out　as　a　marked　character。　Who　would　think　that　the　Evil　One　had　already　found　a　servant　and　agent　in　her？　Yet　such；　I　grieve　to　say；　is　the　case。”
A　pause—in　which　I　began　to　steady　the　palsy　of　my　nerves；　and　to　feel　that　the　Rubicon　was　passed；　and　that　the　trial；　no　longer　to　be　shirked；　must　be　firmly　sustained。
“My　dear　children；”　pursued　the　black　marble　clergyman；　with　pathos；　“this　is　a　sad；　a　melancholy　occasion；　for　it　bees　my　duty　to　warn　you；　that　this　girl；　who　might　be　one　of　God’s　own　lambs；　is　a　little　castaway：　not　a　member　of　the　true　flock；　but　evidently　an　interloper　and　an　alien。　You　must　be　on　your　guard　against　her；　you　must　shun　her　example；　if　necessary；　avoid　her　pany；　exclude　her　from　your　sports；　and　shut　her　out　from　your　converse。　Teachers；　you　must　watch　her：　keep　your　eyes　on　her　movements；　weigh　well　her　words；　scrutinise　her　actions；　punish　her　body　to　save　her　soul：　if；　indeed；　such　salvation　be　possible；　for　（my　tongue　falters　while　I　tell　it）　this　girl；　this　child；　the　native　of　a　Christian　land；　worse　than　many　a　little　heathen　who　says　its　prayers　to　Brahma　and　kneels　before　Juggernaut—this　girl　is—a　liar！”
Now　came　a　pause　of　ten　minutes；　during　which　I；　by　this　time　in　perfect　possession　of　my　wits；　observed　all　the　female　Brocklehursts　produce　their　pocket…handkerchiefs　and　apply　them　to　their　optics；　while　the　elderly　lady　swayed　herself　to　and　fro；　and　the　two　younger　ones　whispered；　“How　shocking！”　Mr。　Brocklehurst　resumed。
“This　I　learned　from　her　benefactress；　from　the　pious　and　charitable　lady　who　adopted　her　in　her　orphan　state；　reared　her　as　her　own　daughter；　and　whose　kindness；　whose　generosity　the　unhappy　girl　repaid　by　an　ingratitude　so　bad；　so　dreadful；　that　at　last　her　excellent　patroness　was　obliged　to　separate　her　from　her　own　young　ones；　fearful　lest　her　vicious　example　should　contaminate　their　purity：　she　has　sent　her　here　to　be　healed；　even　as　the　Jews　of　old　sent　their　diseased　to　the　troubled　pool　of　Bethesda；　and；　teachers；　superintendent；　I　beg　of　you　not　to　allow　the　waters　to　stagnate　round　her。”
With　this　sublime　conclusion；　Mr。　Brocklehurst　adjusted　the　top　button　of　his　surtout；　muttered　something　to　his　family；　who　rose；　bowed　to　Miss　Temple；　and　then　all　the　great　people　sailed　in　state　from　the　room。　Turning　at　the　door；　my　judge　said—
“Let　her　stand　half…an…hour　longer　on　that　stool；　and　let　no　one　speak　to　her　during　the　remainder　of　the　day。”
There　was　I；　then；　mounted　aloft；　I；　who　had　said　I　could　not　bear　the　shame　of　standing　on　my　natural　feet　in　the　middle　of　the　room；　was　now　exposed　to　general　view　on　a　pedestal　of　infamy。　What　my　sensations　were　no　language　can　describe；　but　just　as　they　all　rose；　stifling　my　breath　and　constricting　my　throat；　a　girl　came　up　and　passed　me：　in　passing；　she　lifted　her　eyes。　What　a　strange　light　inspired　them！　What　an　extraordinary　sensation　that　ray　sent　through　me！　How　the　new　feeling　bore　me　up！　It　was　as　if　a　martyr；　a　hero；　had　passed　a　slave　or　victim；　and　imparted　strength　in　the　transit。　I　mastered　the　rising　hysteria；　lifted　up　my　head；　and　took　a　firm　stand　on　the　stool。　Helen　Burns　asked　some　slight　question　about　her　work　of　Miss　Smith；　was　chidden　for　the　triviality　of　the　inquiry；　returned　to　her　place；　and　smiled　at　me　as　she　again　went　by。　What　a　smile！　I　remember　it　now；　and　I　know　that　it　was　the　effluence　of　fine　intellect；　of　true　courage；　it　lit　up　her　marked　lineaments；　her　thin　face；　her　sunken　grey　eye；　like　a　reflection　from　the　aspect　of　an　angel。　Yet　at　that　moment　Helen　Burns　wore　on　her　arm　“the　untidy　badge；”　scarcely　an　hour　ago　I　had　heard　her　condemned　by　Miss　Scatcherd　to　a　dinner　of　bread　and　water　on　the　morrow　because　she　had　blotted　an　exercise　in　copying　it　out。　Such　is　the　imperfect　nature　of　man！　such　spots　are　there　on　the　disc　of　the　clearest　pla；　and　eyes　like　Miss　Scatcherd’s　can　only　see　those　minute　defects；　and　are　blind　to　the　full　brightness　of　the　orb。
Chapter　8
Ere　the　half…hour　ended；　five　o’clock　struck；　school　was　dismissed；　and　all　were　gone　into　the　refectory　to　tea。　I　now　ventured　to　descend：　it　was　deep　dusk；　I　retired　into　a　corner　and　sat　down　on　the　floor。　The　spell　by　which　I　had　been　so　far　supported　began　to　dissolve；　reaction　took　place；　and　soon；　so　overwhelming　was　the　grief　that　seized　me；　I　sank　prostrate　with　my　face　to　the　ground。　Now　I　wept：　Helen　Burns　was　not　here；　nothing　sustained　me；　left　to　myself　I　abandoned　myself；　and　my　tears　watered　the　boards。　I　had　meant　to　be　so　good；　and　to　do　so　much　at　Lowood：　to　make　so　many　friends；　to　earn　respect　and　win　affection。　Already　I　had　made　visible　progress：　that　very　morning　I　had　reached　the　head　of　my　class；　Miss　Miller　had　praised　me　warmly；　Miss　Temple　had　smiled　approbation；　she　had　promised　to　teach　me　drawing；　and　to　let　me　learn　French；　if　I　continued　to　make　similar　improvement　two　months　longer：　and　then　I　was　well　received　by　my　fellow…pupils；　treated　as　an　equal　by　those　of　my　own　age；　and　not　molested　by　any；　now；　here　I　lay　again　crushed　and　trodden　on；　and　could　I　ever　rise　more？
“Never；”　I　thought；　and　ardently　I　wished　to　die。　While　sobbing　out　this　wish　in　broken　accents；　some　one　approached：　I　started　up—　again　Helen　Burns　was　near　me；　the　fading　fires　just　showed　her　ing　up　the　long；　vacant　room；　she　brought　my　coffee　and　bread。
“e；　eat　something；”　she　said；　but　I　put　both　away　from　me；　feeling　as　if　a　drop　or　a　crumb　would　have　choked　me　in　my　present　condition。　Helen　regarded　me；　probably　with　surprise：　I　could　not　now　abate　my　agitation；　though　I　tried　hard；　I　continued　to　weep　aloud。　She　sat　down　on　the　ground　near　me；　embraced　her　knees　with　her　arms；　and　rested　her　head　upon　them；　in　that　attitude　she　remained　silent　as　an　Indian。　I　was　the　first　who　spoke—
“Helen；　why　do　you　stay　with　a　girl　whom　everybody　believes　to　be　a　liar？”
“Everybody；　Jane？　Why；　there　are　only　eighty　people　who　have　heard　you　called　so；　and　the　world　contains　hundreds　of　millions。”
“But　what　have　I　to　do　with　millions？　The　eighty；　I　know；　despise　me。”
“Jane；　you　are　mistaken：　probably　not　one　in　the　school　either　despises　or　dislikes　you：　many；　I　am　sure；　pity　you　much。”
“How　can　they　pity　me　after　what　Mr。　Brocklehurst　has　said？”
“Mr。　Brocklehurst　is　not　a　god：　nor　is　he　even　a　great　and　admired　man：　he　is　little　liked　here；　he　never　took　steps　to　make　himself　liked。　Had　he　treated　you　as　an　especial　favourite；　you　would　have　found　enemies；　declared　or　covert；　all　around　you；　as　it　is；　the　greater　number　would　offer　you　sympathy　if　they　dared。　Teachers　and　pupils　may　look　coldly　on　you　for　a　day　or　two；　but　friendly　feelings　are　concealed　in　their　hearts；　and　if　you　persevere　in　doing　well；　these　feelings　will　ere　long　appear　so　much　the　more　evidently　for　their　temporary　suppression。　Besides；　Jane”—she　paused。
“Well；　Helen？”　said　I；　putting　my　hand　into　hers：　she　chafed　my　fingers　gently　to　warm　them；　and　went　on—
“If　all　the　world　hated　you；　and　believed　you　wicked；　while　your　own　conscience　approved　you；　and　absolved　you　from　guilt；　you　would　not　be　without　friends。”
“No；　I　know　I　should　think　well　of　myself；　but　that　is　not　enough：　if　others　don’t　love　me　I　would　rather　die　than　live—I　cannot　bear　to　be　solitary　and　hated；　Helen。　Look　here；　to　gain　some　real　affection　from　you；　or　Miss　Temple；　or　any　other　whom　I　truly　love；　I　would　willingly　submit　to　have　the　bone　of　my　arm　broken；　or　to　let　a　bull　toss　me；　or　to　stand　behind　a　kicking　horse；　and　let　it　dash　its　hoof　at　my　chest—”
“Hush；　Jane！　you　think　too　much　of　the　love　of　human　beings；　you　are　too　impulsive；　too　vehement；　the　sovereign　hand　that　created　your　frame；　and　put　life　into　it；　has　provided　you　with　other　resources　than　your　feeble　self；　or　than　creatures　feeble　as　you。　Besides　this　earth；　and　besides　the　race　of　men；　there　is　an　invisible　world　and　a　kingdom　of　spirits：　that　world　is　round　us；　for　it　is　everywhere；　and　those　spirits　watch　us；　for　they　are　missioned　to　guard　us；　and　if　we　were　dying　in　pain　and　shame；　if　scorn　smote　us　on　all　sides；　and　hatred　crushed　us；　angels　see　our　tortures；　recognise　our　innocence　（if　innocent　we　be：　as　I　know　you　are　of　this　charge　which　Mr。　Brocklehurst　has　weakly　and　pompously　repeated　at　second…hand　from　Mrs。　Reed；　for　I　read　a　sincere　nature　in　your　ardent　eyes　and　on　your　clear　front）；　and　God　waits　only　the　separation　of　spirit　from　flesh　to　crown　us　with　a　full　reward。　Why；　then；　should　we　ever　sink　overwhelmed　with　distress；　when　life　is　so　soon　over；　and　death　is　so　certain　an　entrance　to　happiness—　to　glory？”
I　was　silent；　Helen　had　calmed　me；　but　in　the　tranquillity　she　imparted　there　was　an　alloy　of　inexpressible　sadness。　I　felt　the　impression　of　woe　as　she　spoke；　but　I　could　not　tell　whence　it　came；　and　when；　having　done　speaking；　she　breathed　a　little　fast　and　coughed　a　short　cough；　I　momentarily　forgot　my　own　sorrows　to　yield　to　a　vague　concern　for　her。
Resting　my　head　on　Helen’s　shoulder；　I　put　my　arms　round　her　waist；　she　drew　me　to　her；　and　we　reposed　in　silence。　We　had　not　sat　long　thus；　when　another　person　came　in。　Some　heavy　clouds；　swept　from　the　sky　by　a　rising　wind；　had　left　the　moon　bare；　and　her　light；　streaming　in　through　a　window　near；　shone　full　both　on　us　and　on　the　approaching　figure；　which　we　at　once　recognised　as　Miss　Temple。
“I　came　on　purpose　to　find　you；　Jane　Eyre；”　said　she；　“I　want　you　in　my　room；　and　as　Helen　Burns　is　with　you；　she　may　e　too。”
We　went；　following　the　superintendent’s　guidance；　we　had　to　thread　some　intricate　passages；　and　mount　a　staircase　before　we　reached　her　apartment；　it　contained　a　good　fire；　and　looked　cheerful。　Miss　Temple　told　Helen　Burns　to　be　seated　in　a　low　arm…chair　on　one　side　of　the　hearth；　and　herself　taking　another；　she　called　me　to　her　side。
“Is　it　all　over？”　she　asked；　looking　down　at　my　face。　“Have　you　cried　your　grief　aw