简爱(英文版)-第5部分

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y　breakfast　of　bread　and　milk　stood　on　the　table；　and　having　crumbled　a　morsel　of　roll；　I　was　tugging　at　the　sash　to　put　out　the　crumbs　on　the　window…　sill；　when　Bessie　came　running　upstairs　into　the　nursery。
“Miss　Jane；　take　off　your　pinafore；　what　are　you　doing　there？　Have　you　washed　your　hands　and　face　this　morning？”　I　gave　another　tug　before　I　answered；　for　I　wanted　the　bird　to　be　secure　of　its　bread：　the　sash　yielded；　I　scattered　the　crumbs；　some　on　the　stone　sill；　some　on　the　cherry…tree　bough；　then；　closing　the　window；　I　replied—
“No；　Bessie；　I　have　only　just　finished　dusting。”
“Troublesome；　careless　child！　and　what　are　you　doing　now？　You　look　quite　red；　as　if　you　had　been　about　some　mischief：　what　were　you　opening　the　window　for？”
I　was　spared　the　trouble　of　answering；　for　Bessie　seemed　in　too　great　a　hurry　to　listen　to　explanations；　she　hauled　me　to　the　washstand；　inflicted　a　merciless；　but　happily　brief　scrub　on　my　face　and　hands　with　soap；　water；　and　a　coarse　towel；　disciplined　my　head　with　a　bristly　brush；　denuded　me　of　my　pinafore；　and　then　hurrying　me　to　the　top　of　the　stairs；　bid　me　go　down　directly；　as　I　was　wanted　in　the　breakfast…room。
I　would　have　asked　who　wanted　me：　I　would　have　demanded　if　Mrs。　Reed　was　there；　but　Bessie　was　already　gone；　and　had　closed　the　nursery…door　upon　me。　I　slowly　descended。　For　nearly　three　months；　I　had　never　been　called　to　Mrs。　Reed’s　presence；　restricted　so　long　to　the　nursery；　the　breakfast；　dining；　and　drawing…rooms　were　bee　for　me　awful　regions；　on　which　it　dismayed　me　to　intrude。
I　now　stood　in　the　empty　hall；　before　me　was　the　breakfast…room　door；　and　I　stopped；　intimidated　and　trembling。　What　a　miserable　little　poltroon　had　fear；　engendered　of　unjust　punishment；　made　of　me　in　those　days！　I　feared　to　return　to　the　nursery；　and　feared　to　go　forward　to　the　parlour；　ten　minutes　I　stood　in　agitated　hesitation；　the　vehement　ringing　of　the　breakfast…room　bell　decided　me；　I　must　enter。
“Who　could　want　me？”　I　asked　inwardly；　as　with　both　hands　I　turned　the　stiff　door…handle；　which；　for　a　second　or　two；　resisted　my　efforts。　“What　should　I　see　besides　Aunt　Reed　in　the　apartment？—a　man　or　a　woman？”　The　handle　turned；　the　door　unclosed；　and　passing　through　and　curtseying　low；　I　looked　up　at—a　black　pillar！—such；　at　least；　appeared　to　me；　at　first　sight；　the　straight；　narrow；　sable…clad　shape　standing　erect　on　the　rug：　the　grim　face　at　the　top　was　like　a　carved　mask；　placed　above　the　shaft　by　way　of　capital。
Mrs。　Reed　occupied　her　usual　seat　by　the　fireside；　she　made　a　signal　to　me　to　approach；　I　did　so；　and　she　introduced　me　to　the　stony　stranger　with　the　words：　“This　is　the　little　girl　respecting　whom　I　applied　to　you。”
HE；　for　it　was　a　man；　turned　his　head　slowly　towards　where　I　stood；　and　having　examined　me　with　the　two　inquisitive…looking　grey　eyes　which　twinkled　under　a　pair　of　bushy　brows；　said　solemnly；　and　in　a　bass　voice；　“Her　size　is　small：　what　is　her　age？”
“Ten　years。”
“So　much？”　was　the　doubtful　answer；　and　he　prolonged　his　scrutiny　for　some　minutes。　Presently　he　addressed　me—“Your　name；　little　girl？”
“Jane　Eyre；　sir。”
In　uttering　these　words　I　looked　up：　he　seemed　to　me　a　tall　gentleman；　but　then　I　was　very　little；　his　features　were　large；　and　they　and　all　the　lines　of　his　frame　。
“Well；　Jane　Eyre；　and　are　you　a　good　child？”
Impossible　to　reply　to　this　in　the　affirmative：　my　little　world　held　a　contrary　opinion：　I　was　silent。　Mrs。　Reed　answered　for　me　by　an　expressive　shake　of　the　head；　adding　soon；　“Perhaps　the　less　said　on　that　subject　the　better；　Mr。　Brocklehurst。”
“Sorry　indeed　to　hear　it！　she　and　I　must　have　some　talk；”　and　bending　from　the　perpendicular；　he　installed　his　person　in　the　arm…　chair　opposite　Mrs。　Reed’s。　“e　here；”　he　said。
I　stepped　across　the　rug；　he　placed　me　square　and　straight　before　him。　What　a　face　he　had；　now　that　it　was　almost　on　a　level　with　mine！　what　a　great　nose！　and　what　a　mouth！　and　what　large　prominent　teeth！
“No　sight　so　sad　as　that　of　a　naughty　child；”　he　began；　“especially　a　naughty　little　girl。　Do　you　know　where　the　wicked　go　after　death？”
“They　go　to　hell；”　was　my　ready　and　orthodox　answer。
“And　what　is　hell？　Can　you　tell　me　that？”
“A　pit　full　of　fire。”
“And　should　you　like　to　fall　into　that　pit；　and　to　be　burning　there　for　ever？”
“No；　sir。”
“What　must　you　do　to　avoid　it？”
I　deliberated　a　moment；　my　answer；　when　it　did　e；　was　objectionable：　“I　must　keep　in　good　health；　and　not　die。”
“How　can　you　keep　in　good　health？　Children　younger　than　you　die　daily。　I　buried　a　little　child　of　five　years　old　only　a　day　or　two　since；—a　good　little　child；　whose　soul　is　now　in　heaven。　It　is　to　be　feared　the　same　could　not　be　said　of　you　were　you　to　be　called　hence。”
Not　being　in　a　condition　to　remove　his　doubt；　I　only　cast　my　eyes　down　on　the　two　large　feet　planted　on　the　rug；　and　sighed；　wishing　myself　far　enough　away。
“I　hope　that　sigh　is　from　the　heart；　and　that　you　repent　of　ever　having　been　the　occasion　of　disfort　to　your　excellent　benefactress。”
“Benefactress！　benefactress！”　said　I　inwardly：　“they　all　call　Mrs。　Reed　my　benefactress；　if　so；　a　benefactress　is　a　disagreeable　thing。”
“Do　you　say　your　prayers　night　and　morning？”　continued　my　interrogator。
“Yes；　sir。”
“Do　you　read　your　Bible？”
“Sometimes。”
“With　pleasure？　Are　you　fond　of　it？”
“I　like　Revelations；　and　the　book　of　Daniel；　and　Genesis　and　Samuel；　and　a　little　bit　of　Exodus；　and　some　parts　of　Kings　and　Chronicles；　and　Job　and　Jonah。”
“And　the　Psalms？　I　hope　you　like　them？”
“No；　sir。”
“No？　oh；　shocking！　I　have　a　little　boy；　younger　than　you；　who　knows　six　Psalms　by　heart：　and　when　you　ask　him　which　he　would　rather　have；　a　gingerbread…nut　to　eat　or　a　verse　of　a　Psalm　to　learn；　he　says：　‘Oh！　the　verse　of　a　Psalm！　angels　sing　Psalms；’　says　he；　‘I　wish　to　be　a　little　angel　here　below；’　he　then　gets　two　nuts　in　repense　for　his　infant　piety。”
“Psalms　are　not　interesting；”　I　remarked。
“That　proves　you　have　a　wicked　heart；　and　you　must　pray　to　God　to　change　it：　to　give　you　a　new　and　clean　one：　to　take　away　your　heart　of　stone　and　give　you　a　heart　of　flesh。”
I　was　about　to　propound　a　question；　touching　the　manner　in　which　that　operation　of　changing　my　heart　was　to　be　performed；　when　Mrs。　Reed　interposed；　telling　me　to　sit　down；　she　then　proceeded　to　carry　on　the　conversation　herself。
“Mr。　Brocklehurst；　I　believe　I　intimated　in　the　letter　which　I　wrote　to　you　three　weeks　ago；　that　this　little　girl　has　not　quite　the　character　and　disposition　I　could　wish：　should　you　admit　her　into　Lowood　school；　I　should　be　glad　if　the　superintendent　and　teachers　were　requested　to　keep　a　strict　eye　on　her；　and；　above　all；　to　guard　against　her　worst　fault；　a　tendency　to　deceit。　I　mention　this　in　your　hearing；　Jane；　that　you　may　not　attempt　to　impose　on　Mr。　Brocklehurst。”
Well　might　I　dread；　well　might　I　dislike　Mrs。　Reed；　for　it　was　her　nature　to　wound　me　cruelly；　never　was　I　happy　in　her　presence；　however　carefully　I　obeyed；　however　strenuously　I　strove　to　please　her；　my　efforts　were　still　repulsed　and　repaid　by　such　sentences　as　the　above。　Now；　uttered　before　a　stranger；　the　accusation　cut　me　to　the　heart；　I　dimly　perceived　that　she　was　already　obliterating　hope　from　the　new　phase　of　existence　which　she　destined　me　to　enter；　I　felt；　though　I　could　not　have　expressed　the　feeling；　that　she　was　sowing　aversion　and　unkindness　along　my　future　path；　I　saw　myself　transformed　under　Mr。　Brocklehurst’s　eye　into　an　artful；　noxious　child；　and　what　could　I　do　to　remedy　the　injury？
“Nothing；　indeed；”　thought　I；　as　I　struggled　to　repress　a　sob；　and　hastily　wiped　away　some　tears；　the　impotent　evidences　of　my　anguish。
“Deceit　is；　indeed；　a　sad　fault　in　a　child；”　said　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　“it　is　akin　to　falsehood；　and　all　liars　will　have　their　portion　in　the　lake　burning　with　fire　and　brimstone；　she　shall；　however；　be　watched；　Mrs。　Reed。　I　will　speak　to　Miss　Temple　and　the　teachers。”
“I　should　wish　her　to　be　brought　up　in　a　manner　suiting　her　prospects；”　continued　my　benefactress；　“to　be　made　useful；　to　be　kept　humble：　as　for　the　vacations；　she　will；　with　your　permission；　spend　them　always　at　Lowood。”
“Your　decisions　are　perfectly　judicious；　madam；”　returned　Mr。　Brocklehurst。　“Humility　is　a　Christian　grace；　and　one　peculiarly　appropriate　to　the　pupils　of　Lowood；　I；　therefore；　direct　that　especial　care　shall　be　bestowed　on　its　cultivation　amongst　them。　I　have　studied　how　best　to　mortify　in　them　the　worldly　sentiment　of　pride；　and；　only　the　other　day；　I　had　a　pleasing　proof　of　my　success。　My　second　daughter；　Augusta；　went　with　her　mama　to　visit　the　school；　and　on　her　return　she　exclaimed：　‘Oh；　dear　papa；　how　quiet　and　plain　all　the　girls　at　Lowood　look；　with　their　hair　bed　behind　their　ears；　and　their　long　pinafores；　and　those　little　holland　pockets　outside　their　frocks—they　are　almost　like　poor　people’s　children！　and；’　said　she；　‘they　looked　at　my　dress　and　mama’s；　as　if　they　had　never　seen　a　silk　gown　before。’”
“This　is　the　state　of　things　I　quite　approve；”　returned　Mrs。　Reed；　“had　I　sought　all　England　over；　I　could　scarcely　have　found　a　system　more　exactly　fitting　a　child　like　Jane　Eyre。　Consistency；　my　dear　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　I　advocate　consistency　in　all　things。”
“Consistency；　madam；　is　the　first　of　Christian　duties；　and　it　has　been　observed　in　every　arrangement　connected　with　the　establishment　of　Lowood：　plain　fare；　simple　attire；　unsophisticated　acmodations；　hardy　and　active　habits；　such　is　the　order　of　the　day　in　the　house　and　its　inhabitants。”
“Quite　right；　sir。　I　may　then　depend　upon　this　child　being　received　as　a　pupil　at　Lowood；　and　there　being　trained　in　conformity　to　her　position　and　prospects？”
“Madam；　you　may：　she　shall　be　placed　in　that　nursery　of　chosen　plants；　and　I　trust　she　will　show　herself　grateful　for　the　inestimable　privilege　of　her　election。”
“I　will　send　her；　then；　as　soon　as　possible；　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　for；　I　assure　you；　I　feel　anxious　to　be　relieved　of　a　responsibility　that　was　being　too　irksome。”
“No　doubt；　no　doubt；　madam；　and　now　I　wish　you　good　morning。　I　shall　return　to　Brocklehurst　Hall　in　the　course　of　a　week　or　two：　my　good　friend；　the　Archdeacon；　will　not　permit　me　to　leave　him　sooner。　I　shall　send　Miss　Temple　notice　that　she　is　to　expect　a　new　girl；　so　that　there　will　he　no　difficulty　about　receiving　her。　Good…bye。”
“Good…bye；　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　remember　me　to　Mrs。　and　Miss　Brocklehurst；　and　to　Augusta　and　Theodore；　and　Master　Broughton　Brocklehurst。”
“I　will；　madam。　Little　girl；　here　is　a　book　entitled　the　Child’s　Guide；　read　it　with　prayer；　especially　that　part　containing　‘An　account　of　the　awfully　sudden　death　of　Martha　G　—；　a　naughty　child　addicted　to　falsehood　and　deceit。’”
With　these　words　Mr。　Brocklehurst　put　into　my　hand　a　thin　pamphlet　sewn　in　a　cover；　and　having　rung　for　his　carriage；　he　departed。
Mrs。　Reed　and　I　were　left　alone：　some　minutes　passed　in　silence；　she　was　sewing；　I　was　watching　her。　Mrs。　Reed　might　be　at　that　time　some　six　or　seven　and　thirty；　she　was　a　woman　of　robust　frame；　square…shouldered　and　strong…limbed；　not　tall；　and；　though　stout；　not　obese：　she　had　a　somewhat　large　face；　the　under　jaw　being　much　developed　and　very　solid；　her　brow　was　low；　her　chin　large　and　prominent；　mouth　and　nose　sufficiently　regular；　under　her　light　eyebrows　glimmered　an　eye　devoid　of　ruth；　her　skin　was　dark　and　opaque；　her　hair　nearly　flaxen；　her　constitution　was　sound　as　a　bell—illness　never　came　near　her；　she　was　an　exact；　clever　manager；　her　household　and　tenantry　were　thoroughly　under　her　control；　her　children　only　at　times　defied　her　authority　and　laughed　it　to　scorn；　she　dressed　well；　and　had　a　presence　and　port　calculated　to　set　off　handsome　attire。
Sitting　on　a　low　stool；　a　few　yards　from　her　arm…chair；　I　examined　her　figure；　I　perused　her　features。　In　my　hand　I　held　the　tract　containing　the　sudden　death　of　the　Liar；　to　which　narrative　my　attention　had　been　pointed　as　to　an　appropriate　warning。　What　had　just　passed；　what　Mrs。　Reed　had　said　concerning　me　to　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　the　whole　tenor　of　their　conversation；　was　recent；　raw；　and　stinging　in　my　mind；　I　had　felt　every　word　as　acutely　as　I　had　heard　it　plainly；　and　a　passion　of　resentment　fomented　now　within　me。
Mrs。　Reed　looked　up　from　her　work；　her　eye　settled　on　mine；　her　fingers　at　the　same　time　suspended　their　nimble　movements。
“Go　out　of　the　room；　return　to　the　nursery；”　was　her　mandate。　My　look　or　something　else　must　have　struck　her　as　offensive；　for　she　spoke　with　extreme　though　suppressed　irritation。　I　got　up；　I　went　to　the　door；　I　came　back　again；　I　walked　to　the　window；　across　the　room；　then　close　up　to　her。
Speak　I　must：　I　had　been　trodden　on　severely；　and　must　turn：　but　how？　What　strength　had　I　to　dart　retaliation　at　my　antagonist？　I　gathered　my　energies　and　launched　them　in　this　blunt　sentence—
“I　am　not　deceitful：　if　I　were；　I　should　say　I　loved　you；　but　I　declare　I　do　not　love　you：　I　dislike　you　the　worst　of　anybody　in　the　world　except　John　Reed；　and　this　book　about　the　liar；　you　may　give　to　your　girl；　Georgiana；　for　it　is　she　who　tells　lies；　and　not　I。”
Mrs。　Reed’s　hands　still　lay　on　her　work　inactive：　her　eye　of　ice　continued　to　dwell　freezingly　on　mine。
“What　more　have　you　to　say？”　she　asked；　rather　in　the　tone　in　which　a　person　might　address　an　opponent　of　adult　age　than　such　as　is　ordinarily　used　to　a　child。
That　eye　of　hers；　that　voice　stirred　every　antipathy　I　had。　Shaking　from　head　to　foot；　thrilled　with　ungovernable　excitement；　I　continued—
“I　am　glad　you　are　no　relation　of　mine：　I　will　never　call　you　aunt　again　as　long　as　I　live。　I　will　never　e　to　see　you　when　I　am　grown　up；　and　if　any　one　asks　me　how　I　liked　you；　and　how　you　treated　me；　I　will　say　the　very　thought　of　you　makes　me　sick；　and　that　you　treated　me　with　miserable　cruelty。”
“How　dare　you　affirm　that；　Jane　Eyre？”
“How　dare　I；　Mrs。　Reed？　How　dare　I？　Because　it　is　the　truth。　You　think　I　have　no　feelings；　and　that　I　can　do　without　one　bit　of　love　or　kindness；　but　I　cannot　live　so：　and　you　have　no　pity。　I　shall　remember　how　you　thrust　me　back—roughly　and　violently　thrust　me　back—into　the　red…room；　and　locked　me　up　there；　to　my　dying　day；　though　I　was　in　agony；　though　I　cried　out；　while　suffocating　with　distress；　‘Have　mercy！　Have　mercy；　Aunt　Reed！’　And　that　punishment　you　made　me　suffer　because　your　wicked　boy　struck　me—knocked　me　down　for　nothing。　I　will　tell　anybody　who　asks　me　questions；　this　exact　tale。　People　think　you　a　good　woman；　but　you　are　bad；　hard…　hearted。　You　are　deceitful！”
Ere　I　had　finished　this　reply；　my　soul　began　to　expand；　to　exult；　with　the　strangest　sense　of　freedom；　of　triumph；　I　ever　felt。　It　seemed　as　if　an　invisible　bond　had　burst；　and　that　I　had　struggled　out　into　unhoped…for　liberty。　Not　without　cause　was　this　sentiment：　Mrs。　Reed　looked　frightened；　her　work　had　slipped　from　her　knee；　she　was　lifting　up　her　hands；　rocking　herself　to　and　fro；　and　even　twisting　her　face　as　if　she　would　cry。
“Jane；　you　are　under　a　mistake：　what　is　the　matter　with　you？　Why　do　you　tremble　so　violently？　Would　you　like　to　drink　some　water？”
“No；　Mrs。　Reed。”
“Is　there　anything　else　you　wish　for；　Jane？　I　assure　you；　I　desire　to　be　your　friend。”
“Not　you。