简爱(英文版)-第6部分

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“No；　Mrs。　Reed。”
“Is　there　anything　else　you　wish　for；　Jane？　I　assure　you；　I　desire　to　be　your　friend。”
“Not　you。　You　told　Mr。　Brocklehurst　I　had　a　bad　character；　a　deceitful　disposition；　and　I’ll　let　everybody　at　Lowood　know　what　you　are；　and　what　you　have　done。”
“Jane；　you　don’t　understand　these　things：　children　must　be　corrected　for　their　faults。”
“Deceit　is　not　my　fault！”　I　cried　out　in　a　savage；　high　voice。
“But　you　are　passionate；　Jane；　that　you　must　allow：　and　now　return　to　the　nursery—there’s　a　dear—and　lie　down　a　little。”
“I　am　not　your　dear；　I　cannot　lie　down：　send　me　to　school　soon；　Mrs。　Reed；　for　I　hate　to　live　here。”
“I　will　indeed　send　her　to　school　soon；”　murmured　Mrs。　Reed　sotto　voce；　and　gathering　up　her　ent。
I　was　left　there　alone—winner　of　the　field。　It　was　the　hardest　battle　I　had　fought；　and　the　first　victory　I　had　gained：　I　stood　awhile　on　the　rug；　where　Mr。　Brocklehurst　had　stood；　and　I　enjoyed　my　conqueror’s　solitude。　First；　I　smiled　to　myself　and　felt　elate；　but　this　fierce　pleasure　subsided　in　me　as　fast　as　did　the　accelerated　throb　of　my　pulses。　A　child　cannot　quarrel　with　its　elders；　as　I　had　done；　cannot　give　its　furious　feelings　uncontrolled　play；　as　I　had　given　mine；　without　experiencing　afterwards　the　pang　of　remorse　and　the　chill　of　reaction。　A　ridge　of　lighted　heath；　alive；　glancing；　devouring；　would　have　been　a　meet　emblem　of　my　mind　when　I　accused　and　menaced　Mrs。　Reed：　the　same　ridge；　black　and　blasted　after　the　flames　are　dead；　would　have　represented　as　meetly　my　subsequent　condition；　when　half…an…hour’s　silence　and　reflection　had　shown　me　the　madness　of　my　conduct；　and　the　dreariness　of　my　hated　and　hating　position。
Something　of　vengeance　I　had　tasted　for　the　first　time；　as　aromatic　wine　it　seemed；　on　swallowing；　warm　and　racy：　its　after…flavour；　metallic　and　corroding；　gave　me　a　sensation　as　if　I　had　been　poisoned。　Willingly　would　I　now　have　gone　and　asked　Mrs。　Reed’s　pardon；　but　I　knew；　partly　from　experience　and　partly　from　instinct；　that　was　the　way　to　make　her　repulse　me　with　double　scorn；　thereby　re…exciting　every　turbulent　impulse　of　my　nature。
I　would　fain　exercise　some　better　faculty　than　that　of　fierce　speaking；　fain　find　nourishment　for　some　less　fiendish　feeling　than　that　of　sombre　indignation。　I　took　a　book—some　Arabian　tales；　I　sat　down　and　endeavoured　to　read。　I　could　make　no　sense　of　the　subject；　my　own　thoughts　swam　always　between　me　and　the　page　I　had　usually　found　fascinating。　I　opened　the　glass…door　in　the　breakfast…room：　the　shrubbery　was　quite　still：　the　black　frost　reigned；　unbroken　by　sun　or　breeze；　through　the　grounds。　I　covered　my　head　and　arms　with　the　skirt　of　my　frock；　and　went　out　to　walk　in　a　part　of　the　plantation　which　was　quite　sequestrated；　but　I　found　no　pleasure　in　the　silent　trees；　the　falling　fir…cones；　the　congealed　relics　of　autumn；　russet　leaves；　swept　by　past　winds　in　heaps；　and　now　stiffened　together。　I　leaned　against　a　gate；　and　looked　into　an　empty　field　where　no　sheep　were　feeding；　where　the　short　grass　was　nipped　and　blanched。　It　was　a　very　grey　day；　a　most　opaque　sky；　“onding　on　snaw；”　canopied　all；　thence　flakes　felt　it　intervals；　which　settled　on　the　hard　path　and　on　the　hoary　lea　without　melting。　I　stood；　a　wretched　child　enough；　whispering　to　myself　over　and　over　again；　“What　shall　I　do？—what　shall　I　do？”
All　at　once　I　heard　a　clear　voice　call；　“Miss　Jane！　where　are　you？　e　to　lunch！”
It　was　Bessie；　I　knew　well　enough；　but　I　did　not　stir；　her　light　step　came　tripping　down　the　path。
“You　naughty　little　thing！”　she　said。　“Why　don’t　you　e　when　you　are　called？”
Bessie’s　presence；　pared　with　the　thoughts　over　which　I　had　been　brooding；　seemed　cheerful；　even　though；　as　usual；　she　was　somewhat　cross。　The　fact　is；　after　my　conflict　with　and　victory　over　Mrs。　Reed；　I　was　not　disposed　to　care　much　for　the　nursemaid’s　transitory　anger；　and　I　was　disposed　to　bask　in　her　youthful　lightness　of　heart。　I　just　put　my　two　arms　round　her　and　said；　“e；　Bessie！　don’t　scold。”
The　action　was　more　frank　and　fearless　than　any　I　was　habituated　to　indulge　in：　somehow　it　pleased　her。
“You　are　a　strange　child；　Miss　Jane；”　she　said；　as　she　looked　down　at　me；　“a　little　roving；　solitary　thing：　and　you　are　going　to　school；　I　suppose？”
I　nodded。
“And　won’t　you　be　sorry　to　leave　poor　Bessie？”
“What　does　Bessie　care　for　me？　She　is　always　scolding　me。”
“Because　you’re　such　a　queer；　frightened；　shy　little　thing。　You　should　be　bolder。”
“What！　to　get　more　knocks？”
“Nonsense！　But　you　are　rather　put　upon；　that’s　certain。　My　mother　said；　when　she　came　to　see　me　last　week；　that　she　would　not　like　a　little　one　of　her　own　to　be　in　your　place。—Now；　e　in；　and　I’ve　some　good　news　for　you。”
“I　don’t　think　you　have；　Bessie。”
“Child！　what　do　you　mean？　What　sorrowful　eyes　you　fix　on　me！　Well；　but　Missis　and　the　young　ladies　and　Master　John　are　going　out　to　tea　this　afternoon；　and　you　shall　have　tea　with　me。　I’ll　ask　cook　to　bake　you　a　little　cake；　and　then　you　shall　help　me　to　look　over　your　drawers；　for　I　am　soon　to　pack　your　trunk。　Missis　intends　you　to　leave　Gateshead　in　a　day　or　two；　and　you　shall　choose　what　toys　you　like　to　take　with　you。”
“Bessie；　you　must　promise　not　to　scold　me　any　more　till　I　go。”
“Well；　I　will；　but　mind　you　are　a　very　good　girl；　and　don’t　be　afraid　of　me。　Don’t　start　when　I　chance　to　speak　rather　sharply；　it’s　so　provoking。”
“I　don’t　think　I　shall　ever　be　afraid　of　you　again；　Bessie；　because　I　have　got　used　to　you；　and　I　shall　soon　have　another　set　of　people　to　dread。”
“If　you　dread　them　they’ll　dislike　you。”
“As　you　do；　Bessie？”
“I　don’t　dislike　you；　Miss；　I　believe　I　am　fonder　of　you　than　of　all　the　others。”
“You　don’t　show　it。”
“You　little　sharp　thing！　you’ve　got　quite　a　new　way　of　talking。　What　makes　you　so　venturesome　and　hardy？”
“Why；　I　shall　soon　be　away　from　you；　and　besides”—I　was　going　to　say　something　about　what　had　passed　between　me　and　Mrs。　Reed；　but　on　second　thoughts　I　considered　it　better　to　remain　silent　on　that　head。
“And　so　you’re　glad　to　leave　me？”
“Not　at　all；　Bessie；　indeed；　just　now　I’m　rather　sorry。”
“Just　now！　and　rather！　How　coolly　my　little　lady　says　it！　I　dare　say　now　if　I　were　to　ask　you　for　a　kiss　you　wouldn’t　give　it　me：　you’d　say　you’d　rather　not。”
“I’ll　kiss　you　and　wele：　bend　your　head　down。”　Bessie　stooped；　we　mutually　embraced；　and　I　followed　her　into　the　house　quite　forted。　That　afternoon　lapsed　in　peace　and　harmony；　and　in　the　evening　Bessie　told　me　some　of　her　most　enchaining　stories；　and　sang　me　some　of　her　sweetest　songs。　Even　for　me　life　had　its　gleams　of　sunshine。
Chapter　5
Five　o’clock　had　hardly　struck　on　the　morning　of　the　19th　of　January；　when　Bessie　brought　a　candle　into　my　closet　and　found　me　already　up　and　nearly　dressed。　I　had　risen　half…an…hour　before　her　entrance；　and　had　washed　my　face；　and　put　on　my　clothes　by　the　light　of　a　half…moon　just　setting；　whose　rays　streamed　through　the　narrow　window　near　my　crib。　I　was　to　leave　Gateshead　that　day　by　a　coach　which　passed　the　lodge　gates　at　six　a。m。　Bessie　was　the　only　person　yet　risen；　she　had　lit　a　fire　in　the　nursery；　where　she　now　proceeded　to　make　my　breakfast。　Few　children　can　eat　when　excited　with　the　thoughts　of　a　journey；　nor　could　I。　Bessie；　having　pressed　me　in　vain　to　take　a　few　spoonfuls　of　the　boiled　milk　and　bread　she　had　prepared　for　me；　wrapped　up　some　biscuits　in　a　paper　and　put　them　into　my　bag；　then　she　helped　me　on　with　my　pelisse　and　bon；　and　wrapping　herself　in　a　shawl；　she　and　I　left　the　nursery。　As　we　passed　Mrs。　Reed’s　bedroom；　she　said；　“Will　you　go　in　and　bid　Missis　good…bye？”
“No；　Bessie：　she　came　to　my　crib　last　night　when　you　were　gone　down　to　supper；　and　said　I　need　not　disturb　her　in　the　morning；　or　my　cousins　either；　and　she　told　me　to　remember　that　she　had　always　been　my　best　friend；　and　to　speak　of　her　and　be　grateful　to　her　accordingly。”
“What　did　you　say；　Miss？”
“Nothing：　I　covered　my　face　with　the　bedclothes；　and　turned　from　her　to　the　wall。”
“That　was　wrong；　Miss　Jane。”
“It　was　quite　right；　Bessie。　Your　Missis　has　not　been　my　friend：　she　has　been　my　foe。”
“O　Miss　Jane！　don’t　say　so！”
“Good…bye　to　Gateshead！”　cried　I；　as　we　passed　through　the　hall　and　went　out　at　the　front　door。
The　moon　was　set；　and　it　was　very　dark；　Bessie　carried　a　lantern；　whose　light　glanced　on　wet　steps　and　gravel　road　sodden　by　a　recent　thaw。　Raw　and　chill　was　the　winter　morning：　my　teeth　chattered　as　I　hastened　down　the　drive。　There　was　a　light　in　the　porter’s　lodge：　when　we　reached　it；　we　found　the　porter’s　wife　just　kindling　her　fire：　my　trunk；　which　had　been　carried　down　the　evening　before；　stood　corded　at　the　door。　It　wanted　but　a　few　minutes　of　six；　and　shortly　after　that　hour　had　struck；　the　distant　roll　of　wheels　announced　the　ing　coach；　I　went　to　the　door　and　watched　its　lamps　approach　rapidly　through　the　gloom。
“Is　she　going　by　herself？”　asked　the　porter’s　wife。
“Yes。”
“And　how　far　is　it？”
“Fifty　miles。”
“What　a　long　way！　I　wonder　Mrs。　Reed　is　not　afraid　to　trust　her　so　far　alone。”
The　coach　drew　up；　there　it　was　at　the　gates　with　its　four　horses　and　its　top　laden　with　passengers：　the　guard　and　coachman　loudly　urged　haste；　my　trunk　was　hoisted　up；　I　was　taken　from　Bessie’s　neck；　to　which　I　clung　with　kisses。
“Be　sure　and　take　good　care　of　her；”　cried　she　to　the　guard；　as　he　lifted　me　into　the　inside。
“Ay；　ay！”　was　the　answer：　the　door　was　slapped　to；　a　voice　exclaimed　“All　right；”　and　on　we　drove。　Thus　was　I　severed　from　Bessie　and　Gateshead；　thus　whirled　away　to　unknown；　and；　as　I　then　deemed；　remote　and　mysterious　regions。
I　remember　but　little　of　the　journey；　I　only　know　that　the　day　seemed　to　me　of　a　preternatural　length；　and　that　we　appeared　to　travel　over　hundreds　of　miles　of　road。　We　passed　through　several　towns；　and　in　one；　a　very　large　one；　the　coach　stopped；　the　horses　were　taken　out；　and　the　passengers　alighted　to　dine。　I　was　carried　into　an　inn；　where　the　guard　wanted　me　to　have　some　dinner；　but；　as　I　had　no　appetite；　he　left　me　in　an　immense　room　with　a　fireplace　at　each　end；　a　chandelier　pendent　from　the　ceiling；　and　a　little　red　gallery　high　up　against　the　wall　filled　with　musical　instruments。　Here　I　walked　about　for　a　long　time；　feeling　very　strange；　and　mortally　apprehensive　of　some　one　ing　in　and　kidnapping　me；　for　I　believed　in　kidnappers；　their　exploits　having　frequently　figured　in　Bessie’s　fireside　chronicles。　At　last　the　guard　returned；　once　more　I　was　stowed　away　in　the　coach；　my　protector　mounted　his　own　seat；　sounded　his　hollow　horn；　and　away　we　rattled　over　the　“stony　street”　of　L…。
The　afternoon　came　on　wet　and　somewhat　misty：　as　it　waned　into　dusk；　I　began　to　feel　that　we　were　getting　very　far　indeed　from　Gateshead：　we　ceased　to　pass　through　towns；　the　country　changed；　great　grey　hills　heaved　up　round　the　horizon：　as　twilight　deepened；　we　descended　a　valley；　dark　with　wood；　and　long　after　night　had　overclouded　the　prospect；　I　heard　a　wild　wind　rushing　amongst　trees。
Lulled　by　the　sound；　I　at　last　dropped　asleep；　I　had　not　long　slumbered　when　the　sudden　cessation　of　motion　awoke　me；　the　coach…　door　was　open；　and　a　person　like　a　servant　was　standing　at　it：　I　saw　her　face　and　dress　by　the　light　of　the　lamps。
“Is　there　a　little　girl　called　Jane　Eyre　here？”　she　asked。　I　answered　“Yes；”　and　was　then　lifted　out；　my　trunk　was　handed　down；　and　the　coach　instantly　drove　away。
I　was　stiff　with　long　sitting；　and　bewildered　with　the　noise　and　motion　of　the　coach：　Gathering　my　faculties；　I　looked　about　me。　Rain；　wind；　and　darkness　filled　the　air；　nevertheless；　I　dimly　discerned　a　wall　before　me　and　a　door　open　in　it；　through　this　door　I　passed　with　my　new　guide：　she　shut　and　locked　it　behind　her。　There　was　now　visible　a　house　or　houses—for　the　building　spread　far—with　many　windows；　and　lights　burning　in　some；　we　went　up　a　broad　pebbly　path；　splashing　wet；　and　were　admitted　at　a　door；　then　the　servant　led　me　through　a　passage　into　a　room　with　a　fire；　where　she　left　me　alone。
I　stood　and　warmed　my　numbed　fingers　over　the　blaze；　then　I　looked　round；　there　was　no　candle；　but　the　uncertain　light　from　the　hearth　showed；　by　intervals；　papered　walls；　carpet；　curtains；　shining　mahogany　furniture：　it　was　a　parlour；　not　so　spacious　or　splendid　as　the　drawing…room　at　Gateshead；　but　fortable　enough。　I　was　puzzling　to　make　out　the　subject　of　a　picture　on　the　wall；　when　the　door　opened；　and　an　individual　carrying　a　light　entered；　another　followed　close　behind。
The　first　was　a　tall　lady　with　dark　hair；　dark　eyes；　and　a　pale　and　large　forehead；　her　figure　was　partly　enveloped　in　a　shawl；　her　countenance　was　grave；　her　bearing　erect。
“The　child　is　very　young　to　be　sent　alone；”　said　she；　putting　her　candle　down　on　the　table。　She　considered　me　attentively　for　a　minute　or　two；　then　further　added—
“She　had　better　be　put　to　bed　soon；　she　looks　tired：　are　you　tired？”　she　asked；　placing　her　hand　on　my　shoulder。
“A　little；　ma’am。”
“And　hungry　too；　no　doubt：　let　her　have　some　supper　before　she　goes　to　bed；　Miss　Miller。　Is　this　the　first　time　you　have　left　your　parents　to　e　to　school；　my　little　girl？”
I　explained　to　her　that　I　had　no　parents。　She　inquired　how　long　they　had　been　dead：　then　how　old　I　was；　what　was　my　name；　whether　I　could　read；　write；　and　sew　a　little：　then　she　touched　my　cheek　gently　with　her　forefinger；　and　saying；　“She　hoped　I　should　be　a　good　child；”　dismissed　me　along　with　Miss　Miller。
The　lady　I　had　left　might　be　about　twenty…nine；　the　one　who　went　with　me　appeared　some　years　younger：　the　first　impressed　me　by　her　voice；　look；　and　air。　Miss　Miller　was　more　ordinary；　ruddy　in　plexion；　though　of　a　careworn　countenance；　hurried　in　gait　and　action；　like　one　who　had　always　a　multiplicity　of　tasks　on　hand：　she　looked；　indeed；　what　I　afterwards　found　she　really　was；　an　under…teacher。　Led　by　her；　I　passed　from　partment　to　partment；　from　passage　to　passage；　of　a　large　and　irregular　building；　till；　emerging　from　the　total　and　somewhat　dreary　silence　pervading　that　portion　of　the　house　we　had　traversed；　we　came　upon　the　hum　of　many　voices；　and　presently　entered　a　wide；　long　room；　with　great　deal　tables；　two　at　each　end；　on　each　of　which　burnt　a　pair　of　candles；　and　seated　all　round　on　benches；　a　congregation　of　girls　of　every　age；　from　nine　or　ten　to　twenty。　Seen　by　the　dim　light　of　the　dips；　their　number　to　me　appeared　countless；　though　not　in　reality　exceeding　eighty；　they　were　uniformly　dressed　in　brown　stuff　frocks　of　quaint　fashion；　and　long　holland　pinafores。　It　was　the　hour　of　study；　they　were　engaged　in　conning　over　their　to…　morrow’s　task；　and　the　hum　I　had　heard　was　the　bined　result　of　their　whispered　repetitions。
Miss　Miller　signed　to　me　to　sit　on　a　bench　near　the　door；　then　walking　up　to　the　top　of　the　long　room　she　cried　out—
“Monitors；　collect　the　lesson…books　and　put　them　away！　Four　tall　girls　arose　from　different　tables；　and　going　round；　gathered　the　books　and　removed　them。　Miss　Miller　again　gave　the　word　of　mand—
“Monitors；　fetch　the　supper…trays！”
The　tall　girls　went　out　and　returned　presently；　each　bearing　a　tray；　with　portions　of　something；　I　knew　not　what；　arranged　thereon；　and　a　pitcher　of　water　and　mug　in　the　middle　of