the world i live in-海伦·凯勒自传(英文版)-第7部分

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I　cannot　represent　more　clearly　than　any　one　else　the　gradual　and　subtle
changes　from　first　impressions　to　abstract　ideas。　But　I　know　that　my
physical　ideas；　that　is；　ideas　derived　from　material　objects；　appear　to
me　first　an　idea　similar　to　those　of　touch。　Instantly　they　pass　into
intellectual　meanings。　Afterward　the　meaning　finds　expression　in　what　is
called　〃inner　speech。〃　When　I　was　a　child；　my　inner　speech　was　inner
spelling。　Although　I　am　even　now　frequently　caught　spelling　to　myself　on
my　fingers；　yet　I　talk　to　myself；　too；　with　my　lips；　and　it　is　true　that
when　I　first　learned　to　speak；　my　mind　discarded　the　finger…symbols　and
began　to　articulate。　However；　when　I　try　to　recall　what　some　one　has
said　to　me；　I　am　conscious　of　a　hand　spelling　into　mine。

It　has　often　been　asked　what　were　my　earliest　impressions　of　the　world
in　which　I　found　myself。　But　one　who　thinks　at　all　of　his　first
impressions　knows　what　a　riddle　this　is。　Our　impressions　grow　and　change
unnoticed；　so　that　what　we　suppose　we　thought　as　children　may　be　quite
different　from　what　we　actually　experienced　in　our　childhood。　I　only
know　that　after　my　education　began　the　world　which　came　within　my　reach
was　all　alive。　I　spelled　to　my　blocks　and　my　dogs。　I　sympathized　with
plants　when　the　flowers　were　picked；　because　I　thought　it　hurt　them；
and　that　they　grieved　for　their　lost　blossoms。　It　was　two　years　before　I
could　be　made　to　believe　that　my　dogs　did　not　understand　what　I　said；
and　I　always　apologized　to　them　when　I　ran　into　or　stepped　on　them。

As　my　experiences　broadened　and　deepened；　the　indeterminate；　poetic
feelings　of　childhood　began　to　fix　themselves　in　definite　thoughts。
Nature……the　world　I　could　touch……was　folded　and　filled　with　myself。　I　am
inclined　to　believe　those　philosophers　who　declare　that　we　know　nothing
but　our　own　feelings　and　ideas。　With　a　little　ingenious　reasoning　one
may　see　in　the　material　world　simply　a　mirror；　an　image　of　permanent
mental　sensations。　In　either　sphere　self…knowledge　is　the　condition　and
the　limit　of　our　consciousness。　That　is　why；　perhaps；　many　people　know
so　little　about　what　is　beyond　their　short　range　of　experience。　They
look　within　themselves……and　find　nothing！　Therefore　they　conclude　that
there　is　nothing　outside　themselves；　either。

However　that　may　be；　I　came　later　to　look　for　an　image　of　my　emotions
and　sensations　in　others。　I　had　to　learn　the　outward　signs　of　inward
feelings。　The　start　of　fear；　the　suppressed；　controlled　tensity　of　pain；
the　beat　of　happy　muscles　in　others；　had　to　be　perceived　and　pared
with　my　own　experiences　before　I　could　trace　them　back　to　the　intangible
soul　of　another。　Groping；　uncertain；　I　at　last　found　my　identity；　and
after　seeing　my　thoughts　and　feelings　repeated　in　others；　I　gradually
constructed　my　world　of　men　and　of　God。　As　I　read　and　study；　I　find
that　this　is　what　the　rest　of　the　race　has　done。　Man　looks　within
himself　and　in　time　finds　the　measure　and　the　meaning　of　the　universe。




THE　LARGER　SANCTIONS




XII

THE　LARGER　SANCTIONS


SO；　in　the　midst　of　life；　eager；　imperious　life；　the　deaf…blind　child；
fettered　to　the　bare　rock　of　circumstance；　spider…like；　sends　out
gossamer　threads　of　thought　into　the　measureless　void　that　surrounds
him。　Patiently　he　explores　the　dark；　until　he　builds　up　a　knowledge　of
the　world　he　lives　in；　and　his　soul　meets　the　beauty　of　the　world；　where
the　sun　shines　always；　and　the　birds　sing。　To　the　blind　child　the　dark
is　kindly。　In　it　he　finds　nothing　extraordinary　or　terrible。　It　is　his
familiar　world；　even　the　groping　from　place　to　place；　the　halting
steps；　the　dependence　upon　others；　do　not　seem　strange　to　him。　He　does
not　know　how　many　countless　pleasures　the　dark　shuts　out　from　him。　Not
until　he　weighs　his　life　in　the　scale　of　others'　experience　does　he
realize　what　it　is　to　live　forever　in　the　dark。　But　the　knowledge　that
teaches　him　this　bitterness　also　brings　its　consolation……spiritual
light；　the　promise　of　the　day　that　shall　be。

The　blind　child……the　deaf…blind　child……has　inherited　the　mind　of　seeing
and　hearing　ancestors……a　mind　measured　to　five　senses。　Therefore　he　must
be　influenced；　even　if　it　be　unknown　to　himself；　by　the　light；　colour；
song　which　have　been　transmitted　through　the　language　he　is　taught；　for
the　chambers　of　the　mind　are　ready　to　receive　that　language。　The　brain
of　the　race　is　so　permeated　with　colour　that　it　dyes　even　the　speech　of
the　blind。　Every　object　I　think　of　is　stained　with　the　hue　that　belongs
to　it　by　association　and　memory。　The　experience　of　the　deaf…blind
person；　in　a　world　of　seeing；　hearing　people；　is　like　that　of　a　sailor
on　an　island　where　the　inhabitants　speak　a　language　unknown　to　him；
whose　life　is　unlike　that　he　has　lived。　He　is　one；　they　are　many；　there
is　no　chance　of　promise。　He　must　learn　to　see　with　their　eyes；　to
hear　with　their　ears；　to　think　their　thoughts；　to　follow　their　ideals。

If　the　dark；　silent　world　which　surrounds　him　were　essentially　different
from　the　sunlit；　resonant　world；　it　would　be　inprehensible　to　his
kind；　and　could　never　be　discussed。　If　his　feelings　and　sensations　were
fundamentally　different　from　those　of　others；　they　would　be
inconceivable　except　to　those　who　had　similar　sensations　and　feelings。
If　the　mental　consciousness　of　the　deaf…blind　person　were　absolutely
dissimilar　to　that　of　his　fellows；　he　would　have　no　means　of　imagining
what　they　think。　Since　the　mind　of　the　sightless　is　essentially　the　same
as　that　of　the　seeing　in　that　it　admits　of　no　lack；　it　must　supply　some
sort　of　equivalent　for　missing　physical　sensations。　It　must　perceive　a
likeness　between　things　outward　and　things　inward；　a　correspondence
between　the　seen　and　the　unseen。　I　make　use　of　such　a　correspondence　in
many　relations；　and　no　matter　how　far　I　pursue　it　to　things　I　cannot
see；　it　does　not　break　under　the　test。

As　a　working　hypothesis；　correspondence　is　adequate　to　all　life；　through
the　whole　range　of　phenomena。　The　flash　of　thought　and　its　swiftness
explain　the　lightning　flash　and　the　sweep　of　a　et　through　the
heavens。　My　mental　sky　opens　to　me　the　vast　celestial　spaces；　and　I
proceed　to　fill　them　with　the　images　of　my　spiritual　stars。　I　recognize
truth　by　the　clearness　and　guidance　that　it　gives　my　thought；　and；
knowing　what　that　clearness　is；　I　can　imagine　what　light　is　to　the　eye。
It　is　not　a　convention　of　language；　but　a　forcible　feeling　of　the
reality；　that　at　times　makes　me　start　when　I　say；　〃Oh；　I　see　my
mistake！〃　or　〃How　dark；　cheerless　is　his　life！〃　I　know　these　are
metaphors。　Still；　I　must　prove　with　them；　since　there　is　nothing　in　our
language　to　replace　them。　Deaf…blind　metaphors　to　correspond　do　not
exist　and　are　not　necessary。　Because　I　can　understand　the　word　〃reflect〃
figuratively；　a　mirror　has　never　perplexed　me。　The　manner　in　which　my
imagination　perceives　absent　things　enables　me　to　see　how　glasses　can
magnify　things；　bring　them　nearer；　or　remove　them　farther。

Deny　me　this　correspondence；　this　internal　sense；　confine　me　to　the
fragmentary；　incoherent　touch…world；　and　lo；　I　bee　as　a　bat　which
wanders　about　on　the　wing。　Suppose　I　omitted　all　words　of　seeing；
hearing；　colour；　light；　landscape；　the　thousand　phenomena；　instruments
and　beauties　connected　with　them。　I　should　suffer　a　great　diminution　of
the　wonder　and　delight　in　attaining　knowledge；　also……more　dreadful
loss……my　emotions　would　be　blunted；　so　that　I　could　not　be　touched　by
things　unseen。

Has　anything　arisen　to　disprove　the　adequacy　of　correspondence？　Has　any
chamber　of　the　blind　man's　brain　been　opened　and　found　empty？　Has　any
psychologist　explored　the　mind　of　the　sightless　and　been　able　to　say；
〃There　is　no　sensation　here〃？

I　tread　the　solid　earth；　I　breathe　the　scented　air。　Out　of　these　two
experiences　I　form　numberless　associations　and　correspondences。　I
observe；　I　feel；　I　think；　I　imagine。　I　associate　the　countless　varied
impressions；　experiences；　concepts。　Out　of　these　materials　Fancy；　the
cunning　artisan　of　the　brain；　welds　an　image　which　the　sceptic　would
deny　me；　because　I　cannot　see　with　my　physical　eyes　the　changeful；
lovely　face　of　my　thought…child。　He　would　break　the　mind's　mirror。　This
spirit…vandal　would　humble　my　soul　and　force　me　to　bite　the　dust　of
material　things。　While　I　champ　the　bit　of　circumstance；　he　scourges　and
goads　me　with　the　spur　of　fact。　If　I　heeded　him；　the　sweet…visaged　earth
would　vanish　into　nothing；　and　I　should　hold　in　my　hand　nought　but　an
aimless；　soulless　lump　of　dead　matter。　But　although　the　body　physical　is
rooted　alive　to　the　Promethean　rock；　the　spirit…proud　huntress　of　the
air　will　still　pursue　the　shining；　open　highways　of　the　universe。

Blindness　has　no　limiting　effect　upon　mental　vision。　My　intellectual
horizon　is　infinitely　wide。　The　universe　it　encircles　is　immeasurable。
Would　they　who　bid　me　keep　within　the　narrow　bound　of　my　meagre　senses
demand　of　Herschel　that　he　roof　his　stellar　universe　and　give　us　back
Plato's　solid　firmament　of　glassy　spheres？　Would　they　mand　Darwin
from　the　grave　and　bid　him　blot　out　his　geological　time；　give　us　back　a
paltry　few　thousand　years？　Oh；　the　supercilious　doubters！　They　ever
strive　to　clip　the　upward　daring　wings　of　the　spirit。

A　person　deprived　of　one　or　more　senses　is　not；　as　many　seem　to　think；
turned　out　into　a　trackless　wilderness　without　landmark　or　guide。　The
blind　man　carries　with　him　into　his　dark　environment　all　the　faculties
essential　to　the　apprehension　of　the　visible　world　whose　door　is　closed
behind　him。　He　finds　his　surroundings　everywhere　homogeneous　with　those
of　the　sunlit　world；　for　there　is　an　inexhaustible　ocean　of　likenesses
between　the　world　within；　and　the　world　without；　and　these　likenesses；
these　correspondences；　he　finds　equal　to　every　exigency　his　life　offers。

The　necessity　of　some　such　thing　as　correspondence　or　symbolism　appears
more　and　more　urgent　as　we　consider　the　duties　that　religion　and
philosophy　enjoin　upon　us。

The　blind　are　expected　to　read　the　Bible　as　a　means　of　attaining
spiritual　happiness。　Now；　the　Bible　is　filled　throughout　with　references
to　clouds；　stars；　colours；　and　beauty；　and　often　the　mention　of　these　is
essential　to　the　meaning　of　the　parable　or　the　message　in　which　they
occur。　Here　one　must　needs　see　the　inconsistency　of　people　who　believe
in　the　Bible；　and　yet　deny　us　a　right　to　talk　about　what　we　do　not　see；
and　for　that　matter　what　_they_　do　not　see；　either。　Who　shall　forbid　my
heart　to　sing：　〃Yea；　he　did　fly　upon　the　wings　of　the　wind。　He　made
darkness　his　secret　place；　his　pavilion　round　about　him　were　dark　waters
and　thick　clouds　of　the　skies〃？

Philosophy　constantly　points　out　the　untrustworthiness　of　the　five
senses　and　the　important　work　of　reason　which　corrects　the　errors　of
sight　and　reveals　its　illusions。　If　we　cannot　depend　on　five　senses；　how
much　less　may　we　rely　on　three！　What　ground　have　we　for　discarding
light；　sound；　and　colour　as　an　integral　part　of　our　world？　How　are　we　to
know　that　they　have　ceased　to　exist　for　us？　We　must　take　their　reality
for　granted；　even　as　the　philosopher　assumes　the　reality　of　the　world
without　being　able　to　see　it　physically　as　a　whole。

Ancient　philosophy　offers　an　argument　which　seems　still　valid。　There　is
in　the　blind　as　in　the　seeing　an　Absolute　which　gives　truth　to　what　we
know　to　be　true；　order　to　what　is　orderly；　beauty　to　the　beautiful；
touchableness　to　what　is　tangible。　If　this　is　granted；　it　follows　that
this　Absolute　is　not　imperfect；　inplete；　partial。　It　must　needs　go
beyond　the　limited　evidence　of　our　sensations；　and　also　give　light　to
what　is　invisible；　music　to　the　musical　that　silence　dulls。　Thus　mind
itself　pels　us　to　acknowledge　that　we　are　in　a　world　of　intellectual
order；　beauty；　and　harmony。　The　essences；　or　absolutes　of　these　ideas；
necessarily　dispel　their　opposites　which　belong　with　evil；　disorder　and
discord。　Thus　deafness　and　blindness　do　not　exist　in　the　immaterial
mind；　which　is　philosophically　the　real　world；　but　are　banished　with　the
perishable　material　senses。　Reality；　of　which　visible　things　are　the
symbol；　shines　before　my　mind。　While　I　walk　about　my　chamber　with
unsteady　steps；　my　spirit　sweeps　skyward　on　eagle　wings　and　looks　out
with　unquenchable　vision　upon　the　world　of　eternal　beauty。




THE　DREAM　WORLD




XIII

THE　DREAM　WORLD


EVERYBODY　takes　his　own　dreams　seriously；　but　yawns　at　the
breakfast…table　when　somebody　else　begins　to　tell　the　adventures　of　the
night　before。　I　hesitate；　therefore；　to　enter　upon　an　account　of　my
dreams；　for　it　is　a　literary　sin　to　bore　the　reader；　and　a　scientific
sin　to　report　the　facts　of　a　far　country　with　more　regard　to　point　and
brevity　than　to　plete　and　literal　truth。　The　psychologists　have
trained　a　pack　of　theories　and　facts　which　they　keep　in　leash；　like　so
many　bulldogs；　and　which　they　let　loose　upon　us　whenever　we　depart　from
the　straight　and　narrow　path　of　dream　probability。　One　may　not　even　tell
an　entertaining　dream　without　being　suspected　of　having　liberally　edited
it；……as　if　editing　were　one　of　the　seven　deadly　sins；　instead　of　a
useful　and　honourable　occupation！　Be　it　understood；　then；　that　I　am
discoursing　at　my　own　breakfast…table；　and　that　no　scientific　man　is
present　to　trip　the　autocrat。

I　used　to　wonder　why　scientific　men　and　others　were　always　asking　me
about　my　dreams。　But　I　am　not　surprised　now；　since　I　have　discovered
what　some　of　them　believe　to　be　the　ordinary　waking　experience　of　one
who　is　both　deaf　and　blind。　They　think　that　I　can　know　very　little　about
objects　even　a　few　feet　beyond　the　reach　of　my　arms。　Everything　outside
of　myself；　according　to　them；　is　a　hazy　blur。　Trees；　mountains；　cities；
the　ocean；　even　the　house　I　live　in　are　but　fairy　fabrications；　misty
unrealities。　Therefore　it　is　assumed　that　my　dreams　should　have　peculiar
interest　for　the　man　of　science。　In　some　undefined　way　it　is　expected
that　they　should　reveal　the　world　I　dwell　in　to　be　flat；　formless；
colourless；　without　perspective；　with　little　thickness　and　less
solidity……a　vast　solitude　of　soundless　space。　But　who　shall　put　into
words　limitless；　visionless；　silent　void？　One　should　be　a　disembodied
spirit　indeed　to　make　anything　out　of　such　insubstantial　experiences。　A
world；　or　a　dream　for　that　matter；　to　be　prehensible　to　us；　must；　I
should　think；　have　a　warp　of　substance　woven　into　the　woof　of　fantasy。
We　cannot　imagine　even　in　dreams　an　object　which　has　no　counterpart　in
reality。　Ghosts　always　resemble　somebody；　and　if　they　do　not　appear
themselves；　their　presence　is　indicated　by　circumstances　with　which　we
are　perfectly　familiar。

During　sleep　we　enter　a　strange；　mysterious　realm　which　science　has　thus
far　not　explored。　Beyond　the　border…line　of　slumber　the　investigator　may
not　pass　with　his　mon…sense　rule　and　test。　Sleep　with　softest　touch
locks　all　the　gates　of　our　physical　senses　and　lulls　to　rest　the
conscious　will……the　disciplinarian　of　our　waking　thoughts。　Then　the
spirit　wrenches　itself　free　from　the　sinewy　arms　of　reason　and　like　a
winged　courser　spurns　the　firm　green　earth　and　speeds　away　upon　wind
and　cloud；　leaving　neither　trace　nor　footprint　by　which　science　may
track　its　flight　and　bring　us　knowledge　of　t