new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第35部分

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no　reason　to　start　myself　panicking；　Alice　had　promised。　
I　hurried　through　my　dinner；　not　tasting　it—just　feeling　the　ache　as　it　slid　
down　my　raw　throat。　Mostly　I　
was　thirsty；　I　must　have　drunk　a　half　gallon　of　water　by　the　time　I　was　
finished。　All　the　salt　in　my　system　
had　dehydrated　me。　
I　went　to　go　try　to　watch　TV　while　I　waited。　
Alice　was　already　there；　sitting　on　her　improvised　bed。　Her　eyes　were　a　liquid　
butterscotch。　She　smiled　
and　patted　the　pillow。　〃Thanks。〃　
〃You're　early；〃　I　said；　elated。　
I　sat　down　next　to　her　and　leaned　my　head　on　her　shoulder。　She　put　her　cold　
arms　around　me　and　
sighed。　
〃Bella。　What　are　we　going　to　do　with　you？〃　
〃I　don't　know；〃　I　admitted。　〃I　really　have　been　trying　my　hardest。〃　
〃I　believe　you。〃　
It　was　silent。　
〃Does—does　he〃　I　took　a　deep　breath。　It　was　harder　to　say　his　name　out　
loud；　even　though　I　was　
able　to　think　it　now。　〃Does　Edward　know　you're　here？〃　I　couldn't　help　asking。　
It　was　my　pain；　after　all。　
I'd　deal　with　it　when　she　was　gone；　I　promised　myself；　and　felt　sick　at　the　
thought。　
〃No。〃　
There　was　only　one　way　that　could　be　true。　〃He's　not　with　Carlisle　and　Esme？〃　
〃He　checks　in　every　few　months。〃　
〃Oh。〃　He　must　still　be　out　enjoying　his　distractions。　I　focused　my　curiosity　
on　a　safer　topic。　〃You　said　you　
flew　here　Where　did　you　e　from？〃　
〃I　was　in　Denali。　Visiting　Tanya's　family。〃　
〃Is　Jasper　here？　Did　he　e　with　your'〃　
She　shook　her　head。　〃He　didn't　approve　of　my　interfering。　We　promised〃　she　
trailed　off；　and　then　her　
tone　changed。　〃And　you　think　Charlie　won't　mind　my　being　here？〃　she　asked；　
sounding　worried。　
〃Charlie　thinks　you're　wonderful；　Alice。〃　
〃Well；　we're　about　to　find　out。〃　
Sure　enough；　a　few　seconds　later　I　heard　the　cruiser　pull　into　the　driveway。　I　
jumped　up　and　hurried　to　
open　the　door。　
Charlie　trudged　slowly　up　the　walk；　his　eyes　on　the　ground　and　his　shoulders　
slumped。　I　walked　forward　
to　meet　him；　he　didn't　even　see　me　until　I　hugged　him　around　the　waist。　He　
embraced　me　back　fiercely。　
〃I'm　so　sorry　about　Harry；　Dad。〃　
〃I'm　really　going　to　miss　him；〃　Charlie　mumbled。　
〃How's　Sue　doing？〃　
〃She　seems　dazed；　like　she　hasn't　grasped　it　yet。　Sam's　staying　with　her〃　
The　volume　of　his　voice　faded　
in　and　out。　〃Those　poor　kids。　Leah's　just　a　year　older　than　you；　and　Seth　is　
only　fourteen〃　He　shook　
his　head。　
He　kept　his　arms　tight　around　me　as　he　started　toward　the　door　again。　
〃Um；　Dad？〃　I　figured　I'd　better　warn　him。　〃You'll　never　guess　who's　here。〃　
He　looked　at　me　blankly。　His　head　swiveled　around；　and　he　spied　the　Mercedes　
across　the　street；　the　
porch　light　reflecting　off　the　glossy　black　paint。　Before　he　could　react；　
Alice　was　in　the　doorway。　
〃Hi；　Charlie；〃　she　said　in　a　subdued　voice。　〃I'm　sorry　I　came　at　such　a　bad　
time。〃　
〃Alice　Cullen？〃　he　peered　at　the　slight　figure　in　front　of　him　as　if　he　
doubted　what　his　eyes　were　telling　
him。　〃Alice；　is　that　you？〃　
〃It's　me；〃　she　confirmed。　〃I　was　in　the　neighborhood。〃　
〃Is　Carlisle？〃　
〃No；　I'm　alone。〃　
Both　Alice　and　I　knew　he　wasn't　really　asking　about　Carlisle。　His　arm　
tightened　over　my　shoulder。　
〃She　can　stay　here；　can't　she？〃　I　pleaded。　〃I　already　asked　her。〃　
〃Of　course；〃　Charlie　said　mechanically。　〃We'd　love　to　have　you；　Alice。〃　
〃Thank　you；　Charlie。　I　know　it's　horrid　timing。〃　
〃No；　it's　fine；　really。　I'm　going　to　be　really　busy　doing　what　I　can　for　
Harry's　family；　it　will　be　nice　for　
Bella　to　have　some　pany。〃　
〃There's　dinner　for　you　on　the　table；　Dad；〃　I　told　him。　
〃Thanks；　Bell。〃　He　gave　me　one　more　squeeze　before　he　shuffled　toward　the　
kitchen。　
Alice　went　back　to　the　couch；　and　I　followed　her。　This　time；　she　was　the　one　
to　pull　me　against　her　
shoulder。　
〃You　look　tired。〃　
〃Yeah；〃　I　agreed；　and　shrugged。　〃Near…death　experiences　do　that　to　me　So；　
what　does　Carlisle　think　
of　you　being　here？〃　
〃He　doesn't　know。　He　and　Esme　were　on　a　hunting　trip。　I'll　hear　from　him　in　a　
few　days；　when　he　gets　
back。〃　
〃You　won't　tell　him；　though　when　he　checks　in　again？〃　I　asked。　She　knew　I　
didn't　mean　Carlisle　now。　
〃No。　He'd　bite　my　head　off；〃　Alice　said　grimly。　
I　laughed　once；　and　then　sighed。　
I　didn't　want　to　sleep。　I　wanted　to　stay　up　all　night　talking　to　Alice。　And　it　
didn't　make　sense　for　me　to　be　
tired；　what　with　crashing　on　Jacob's　couch　all　day。　But　drowning　really　had　
taken　a　lot　out　of　me；　and　my　
eyes　wouldn't　stay　open。　I　rested　my　head　on　her　stone　shoulder；　and　drifted　
into　a　more　peaceful　
oblivion　than　I　had　any　hope　of。　
I　woke　early；　from　a　deep　and　dreamless　sleep；　feeling　well…rested；　but　stiff。　
I　was　on　the　couch　tucked　
under　the　blankets　I'd　laid　out　for　Alice；　and　I　could　hear　her　and　Charlie　
talking　in　the　kitchen。　It　
sounded　like　Charlie　was　fixing　her　breakfast。　
〃How　bad　was　it；　Charlie？〃　Alice　asked　softly；　and　at　first　I　thought　they　
were　talking　about　the　
Clearwaters。　
Charlie　sighed。　〃Real　bad。〃　
〃Tell　me　about　it。　I　want　to　know　exactly　what　happened　when　we　left。〃　
There　was　a　pause　while　a　cupboard　door　was　closed　and　a　dial　on　the　stove　was　
clicked　off。　I　waited；　
cringing。　
〃I've　never　felt　so　helpless；〃　Charlie　began　slowly。　〃I　didn't　know　what　to　
do。　That　first　week—I　thought　I　
was　going　to　have　to　hospitalize　her。　She　wouldn't　eat　or　drink；　she　wouldn't　
move。　Dr。　Gerandy　was　
throwing　around　words　like　'catatonic；'　but　I　didn't　let　him　up　to　see　her。　I　
was　afraid　it　would　scare　her。〃　
〃She　snapped　out　of　it　though？〃　
〃I　had　Renee　e　to　take　her　to　Florida。　I　just　didn't　want　to　be　the　one　
if　she　had　to　go　to　a　hospital　
or　something。　I　hoped　being　with　her　mother　would　help。　But　when　we　started　
packing　her　clothes；　she　
woke　up　with　a　vengeance。　I've　never　seen　Bella　throw　a　fit　like　that。　She　was　
never　one　for　the　
tantrums；　but；　boy；　did　she　fly　into　a　fury。　She　threw　her　clothes　everywhere　
and　screamed　that　we　
couldn't　make　her　leave—and　then　she　finally　started　crying。　I　thought　that　
would　be　the　turning　point。　I　
didn't　argue　when　she　insisted　on　staying　here　and　she　did　seem　to　get　
better　at　first〃　
Charlie　trailed　off。　It　was　hard　listening　to　this；　knowing　how　much　pain　I'd　
caused　him。　
〃But？〃　Alice　prompted。　
〃She　went　back　to　school　and　work；　she　ate　and　slept　and　did　her　homework。　She　
answered　when　
someone　asked　her　a　direct　question。　But　she　was　empty。　Her　eyes　were　blank。　
There　were　lots　of　
little　things—she　wouldn't　listen　to　music　anymore；　I　found　a　bunch　of　CDs　
broken　in　the　trash。　She　didn't　
read；　she　wouldn't　be　in　the　same　room　when　the　TV　was　on；　not　that　she　
watched　it　so　much　before。　I　
finally　figured　it　out—she　was　avoiding　everything　that　might　remind　her　of　
him。　
〃We　could　hardly　talk；　I　was　so　worried　about　saying　something　that　would　
upset　her—the　littlest　things　
would　make　her　flinch—and　she　never　volunteered　anything。　She　would　just　
answer　if　I　asked　her　
something。　
〃She　was　alone　all　the　time。　She　didn't　call　her　friends　back；　and　after　a　
while；　they　stopped　calling。　
〃It　was　night　of　the　living　dead　around　here。　I　still　hear　her　screaming　in　
her　sleep〃　
I　could　almost　see　him　shuddering。　I　shuddered；　too；　remembering。　And　then　I　
sighed。　I　hadn't　fooled　him　
at　all；　not　for　one　second。　
〃I'm　so　sorry；　Charlie；〃　Alice　said；　voice　glum。　
〃It's　not　your　fault。〃　The　way　he　said　it　made　it　perfectly　clear　that　he　was　
holding　someone　responsible。　
〃You　were　always　a　good　friend　to　her。〃　
〃She　seems　better　now；　though。〃　
〃Yeah。　Ever　since　she　started　hanging　out　with　Jacob　Black；　I've　noticed　a　
real　improvement。　She　has　
some　color　in　her　cheeks　when　she　es　home；　some　light　in　her　eyes。　She's　
happier。〃　He　paused；　and　
his　voice　was　different　when　he　spoke　again。　〃He's　a　year　or　so　younger　than　
her；　and　I　know　she　used　
to　think　of　him　as　a　friend；　but　I　think　maybe　it's　something　more　now；　or　
headed　that　direction；　anyway。〃　
Charlie　said　this　in　a　tone　that　was　almost　belligerent。　It　was　a　warning；　not　
for　Alice；　but　for　her　to　pass　
along。　〃Jake's　old　for　his　years；〃　he　continued；　still　sounding　defensive。　
〃He's　taken　care　of　his　father　
physically　the　way　Bella　took　care　of　her　mother　emotionally。　It　matured　him。　
He's　a　good…looking　kid；　
too—takes　after　his　mom's　side。　He's　good　for　Bella；　you　know；〃　Charlie　
insisted。　
〃Then　it's　good　she　has　him；〃　Alice　agreed。　
Charlie　sighed　out　a　big　gust　of　air；　folding　quickly　to　the　lack　of　
opposition。　〃Okay；　so　I　guess　that's　
overstating　things。　I　don't　know　even　with　Jacob；　now　and　then　I　see　
something　in　her　eyes；　and　I　
wonder　if　I've　ever　grasped　how　much　pain　she's　really　in　It's　not　normal；　
Alice；　and　it　it　frightens　me。　
Not　normal　at　all。　Not　like　someone　left　her；　but　like　someone　died。〃　His　
voice　cracked。　
It　was　like　someone　had　died—like　I　had　died。　Because　it　had　been　more　than　
just　losing　the　truest　of　
true　loves；　as　if　that　were　not　enough　to　kill　anyone。　It　was　also　losing　a　
whole　future；　a　whole　
family—the　whole　life　that　I'd　chosen　
Charlie　went　on　in　a　hopeless　tone。　〃I　don't　know　if　she's　going　to　get　over　
it—I'm　not　sure　if　it's　in　her　
nature　to　heal　from　something　like　this。　She's　always　been　such　a　constant　
little　thing。　She　doesn't　get　past　
things；　change　her　mind。〃　
〃She's　one　of　a　kind；〃　Alice　agreed　in　a　dry　voice。　
〃And　Alice〃　Charlie　hesitated。　〃Now；　you　know　how　fond　I　am　of　you；　and　I　
can　tell　that　she's　happy　
to　see　you；　but　I'm　a　little　worried　about　what　your　visit　will　do　to　her。〃　
〃So　am　I；　Charlie；　so　am　I。　I　wouldn't　have　e　if　I'd　had　any　idea。　I'm　
sorry。〃　
〃Don't　apologize；　honey。　Who　knows？　Maybe　it　will　be　good　for　her。〃　
〃I　hope　you're　right。〃　
There　was　a　long　break　while　forks　scraped　plates　and　Charlie　chewed。　I　
wondered　where　Alice　was　
hiding　the　food。　
〃Alice；　I　have　to　ask　you　something；〃　Charlie　said　awkwardly。　
Alice　was　calm。　〃Go　ahead。〃　
〃He's　not　ing　back　to　visit；　too；　is　he？〃　I　could　hear　the　suppressed　anger　
in　Charlie's　voice。　
Alice　answered　in　a　soft；　reassuring　tone。　〃He　doesn't　even　know　I'm　here。　The　
last　time　I　spoke　with　
him；　he　was　in　South　America。〃　
I　stiffened　as　I　heard　this　new　information；　and　listened　harder。　
〃That's　something；　at　least。〃　Charlie　snorted。　〃Well；　I　hope　he's　enjoying　
himself。〃　
For　the　first　time；　Alice's　voice　had　a　bit　of　steel　in　it。　〃I　wouldn't　make　
assumptions；　Charlie。〃　I　knew　
how　her　eyes　would　flash　when　she　used　that　tone。　
A　chair　scooted　from　the　table；　scraping　loudly　across　the　floor。　I　pictured　
Charlie　getting　up；　there　was　
no　way　Alice　would　make　that　kind　of　noise。　The　faucet　ran；　splashing　against　
a　dish。　
It　didn't　sound　like　they　were　going　to　say　anything　more　about　Edward；　so　I　
decided　it　was　time　to　
wake　up。　
I　turned　over；　bouncing　against　the　springs　to　make　them　squeak。　Then　I　yawned　
loudly。　
All　was　quiet　in　the　kitchen。　
I　stretched　and　groaned。　
〃Alice？〃　I　asked　innocently；　the　soreness　rasping　in　my　throat　added　nicely　to　
the　charade。　
〃I'm　in　the　kitchen；　Bella；〃　Alice　called；　no　hint　in　her　voice　that　she　
suspected　my　eavesdropping。　But　she　
was　good　at　hiding　things　like　that。　
Charlie　had　to　leave　then—he　was　helping　Sue　Clearwater　with　the　funeral　
arrangements。　It　would　have　
been　a　very　long　day　without　Alice。　She　never　spoke　about　leaving；　and　I　
didn't　ask　her。　I　knew　it　was　
inevitable；　but　I　put　it　out　of　my　mind。　
Instead；　we　talked　about　her　family—all　but　one。　
Carlisle　was　working　nights　in　Ithaca　and　teaching　part　time　at　Cornell。　Esme　
was　restoring　a　seventeenth　
century　house；　a　historical　monument；　in　the　forest　north　of　the　city。　Emmett　
and　Rosalie　had　gone　to　
Europe　for　a　few　months　on　another　honeymoon；　but　they　were　back　now。　Jasper　
was　at　Cornell；　too；　
studying　philosophy　this　time。　And　Alice　had　been　doing　some　personal　
research；　concerning　the　
information　I'd　accidentally　uncovered　for　her　last　spring。　She'd　successfully　
tracked　down　the　asylum　
where　she'd　spent　the　last　years　of　her　human　life。　The　life　she　had　no　memory　
of。　
〃My　name　was　Mary　Alice　Brandon；〃　she　told　me　quietly。　〃I　had　a　little　sister　
named　Cynthia。　Her　
daughter—my　niece—is　still　alive　in　Biloxi。〃　
〃Did　you　find　out　why　they　put　you　in　that　place？〃　What　would　drive　parents　
to　that　extreme？　Even　if　
their　daughter　saw　visions　of　the　future　
She　just　shook　her　head；　her　topaz　eyes　thoughtful。　〃I　couldn't　find　much　
about　them。　I　went　through　all　
the　old　newspapers　on　microfiche。　My　family　wasn't　mentioned　often；　they　
weren't　part　of　the　social　
circle　that　made　the　papers。　My　parents'　engagement　was　there；　and　Cynthia's。〃　
The　name　fell　uncertainly　
from　her　tongue。　〃My　birth　was　announced　and　my　death。　I　found　my　grave。　I　
also　filched　my　
admissions　sheet　from　the　old　asylum　archives。　The　date　on　the　admission　and　
the　date　on　my　tombstone　
are　the　same。〃　
I　didn't　know　what　to　say；　and；　after　a　short　pause；　Alice　moved　on　to　lighter　
topics。　
The　Cullens　were　reassembled　now；　with　the　one　exception；　spending　Cornell's　
spring　break　in　Denali　
with　Tanya　and　her　family。　I　listened　too　eagerly　to　even　the　most　trivial　
news。　She　never　mentioned　the　
one　I　was　most　interested　in；　and　for　that　I　was　grateful。　It　was　enough　to　
listen　to　the　stories　of　the　family　
I'd　once　dreamed　of　belonging　to。　
Charlie　didn't　get　back　until　after　dark；　and　he　looked　more　worn　than　he　had　
the　night　before。　He　would　
be　headed　back　to　the　reservation　first　thing　in　the　morning　for　Harry's　
funeral；　so　he　turned　in　early。　I　
stayed　on　the　couch　with　Alice　again。　
Charlie　was　almost　a　stranger　when　he　came　down　the　stairs　before　the　sun　was　
up；　wearing　an　old　suit　
I'd　never　seen　him　in　before。　The　jacket　hung　open；　I　guessed　it　was　too　tight　
to　fasten　the　buttons。　His　
tie　was　a　bit　wide　for　the　current　style。　He　tiptoed　to　the　door；　trying　not　
to　wake　us　up。　I　let　him　go；　
pretending　to　sleep；　as　Alice　did　on　the　recliner。　
As　soon　as　he　was　out　the　door；　Alice　sat　up。　Under　the　quilt；　she　was　fully　
dressed。　
〃So；　what　are　we　doing　today？〃　she　asked。　
〃I　don't　know—do　you　see　anything　interesting　happening？〃　
She　smiled　and　shook　her　head。　〃But　it's　still　early。〃　
All　the　time　I'd　been　spending　in　La　Push　meant　a　pile　of　things　I'd　been　
neglecting　at　home；　and　I　
decided　to　catch　up　on　my　chores。　I　wanted　to　do　something；　anything　that　
might　make　life　easier　for　
Charlie—maybe　it　would　make　him　feel　just　a　little　better　to　e　home　to　a　
clean；　organized　house。　I　
started　with　the　bathroom—it　showed　the　most　signs　of　neglect。　
While　I　worked；　Alice　leaned　against　the　doorjamb　and　asked　nonchalant　
questions　about　my；　well；　our　
high　school　friends　and　what　they　been　up　to　since　she'd　left。　Her　face　stayed　
casual　and　emotionless；　but　
I　sensed　her　disapproval　when　she　realized　how　little　I　could　tell　her。　Or　
maybe　I　just　had　a　guilty　
conscience　after　eavesdropping　on　her　conversation　with　Charlie　yesterday　
morning。　
I　was　literally　up　to　my　elbows　in　et；　scrubbing　the　floor　of　the　bathtub；　
when　the　doorbell　rang。　
I　looked　to　Alice　at　once；　and　her　expression　was　perplexed；　almost　worried；　
which　was　strange；　Alice　
was　never　taken　by　surprise。　
〃Hold　on！〃　I　shouted　in　the　general　dire