[科幻]宿主-第29部分

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then—open　in　her　hands。　Her　hands　were　tiny；　her　fingers　stubby。　It　was　very　strange　to　remember　being　
a　child　in　this　body。

　They　were　on　the　first　page。

　“Do　you　remember　where　this　is？”　Dad　asks；　pointing　to　the　old　gray　picture　at　the　top　of　the　page。　The　
paper　looks　thinner　than　the　other　photographs；　as　if　it　has　worn　down—flatter　and　flatter　and　
flatter—since　some　great…great…grandpa　took　it。

　“It’s　where　we　Stryders　e　from；”　I　answer；　repeating　what　I’ve　been　taught。

　“Right。　That’s　the　old　Stryder　ranch。　You　went　there　once；　but　I　bet　you　don’t　remember　it。　I　think　you　
were　eighteen　months　old。”　Dad　laughs。　“It’s　been　Stryder　land　since　the　very　beginning。…”

　And　then　the　memory　of　the　picture　itself。　A　picture　she’d　looked　at　a　thousand　times　without　ever　
seeing　it。　It　was　black　and　white；　faded　to　grays。　A　small　rustic　wooden　house；　far　away　on　the　other　
side　of　a　desert　field；　in　the　foreground；　a　split…rail　fence；　a　few　equine　shapes　between　the　fence　and　the　
house。　And　then；　behind　it　all；　the　sharp；　familiar　profile…

　There　were　words；　a　label；　scrawled　in　pencil　across　the　top　white　border：

　Stryder　Ranch；　1904；　in　the　morning　shadow　of…

　“Picacho　Peak；”　I　said　quietly。　

　

　The　thought　had　her　so　filled　with　yearning　and　excitement　that　the　blank　wall　in　my　head　slipped　entirely。

　I　saw　the　whole　journey　now；　saw　her　and　Jared’s　and　Jamie’s　careful　trek　across　the　country；　always　
by　night　in　their　inconspicuous　stolen　vehicle。　It　took　weeks。　I　saw　where　she’d　left　them　in　a　wooded　
preserve　outside　the　city；　so　different　from　the　empty　desert　they　were　used　to。　The　cold　forest　where　
Jared　and　Jamie　would　hide　and　wait　had　felt　safer　in　some　ways—because　the　branches　were　thick　and　
concealing；　unlike　the　spindly　desert　foliage　that　hid　little—but　also　more　dangerous　in　its　unfamiliar　smells　
and　sounds。

　Then　the　separation；　a　memory　so　painful　we　skipped　through　it；　flinching。　Next　came　the　abandoned　
building　she’d　hidden　in；　watching　the　house　across　the　street　for　her　chance。　There；　concealed　within　the　
walls　or　in　the　secret　basement；　she　hoped　to　find　Sharon。

　I　shouldn’t　have　let　you　see　that；Melanie　thought。　The　faintness　of　her　silent　voice　gave　away　her　
fatigue。　The　assault　of　memories；　the　persuasion　and　coercion；　had　tired　her。You’ll　tell　them　where　to　
find　her。　You’ll　kill　her；　too。

　“Yes；”　I　mused　aloud。　“I　have　to　do　my　duty。”

　Why？she　murmured；　almost　sleepily。What　happiness　will　it　bring　you？

　I　didn’t　want　to　argue　with　her；　so　I　said　nothing。

　The　mountain　loomed　larger　ahead　of　us。　In　moments；　we　would　be　beneath　it。　I　could　see　a　little　rest　
stop　with　a　convenience　store　and　a　fast　food　restaurant　bordered　on　one　side　by　a　flat；　concrete　
space—a　place　for　mobile　homes。　There　were　only　a　few　in　residence　now；　with　the　heat　of　the　ing　
summer　making　things　unfortable。

　What　now？　I　wondered。　Stop　for　a　late　lunch　or　an　early　dinner？　Fill　my　gas　tank　and　then　continue　on　
to　Tucson　in　order　to　reveal　my　fresh　discoveries　to　the　Seeker？

　The　thought　was　so　repellent　that　my　jaw　locked　against　the　sudden　heave　of　my　empty　stomach。　I　
slammed　on　the　brake　reflexively；　screeching　to　a　stop　in　the　middle　of　the　lane。　I　was　lucky；　there　were　
no　cars　to　hit　me　from　behind。　There　were　also　no　drivers　to　stop　and　offer　their　help　and　concern。　For　
this　moment；　the　highway　was　empty。　The　sun　beat　down　on　the　pavement；　making　it　shimmer；　disappear　
in　places。

　This　shouldn’t　have　felt　like　a　betrayal；　the　idea　of　continuing　on　my　right　and　proper　course。　My　first　
language；　the　true　language　of　the　soul　that　was　spoken　only　on　our　planet　of　origin；　had　no　word　for　
betrayal　ortraitor。　Or　evenloyalty　—because　without　the　existence　of　an　opposite；　the　concept　had　no　
meaning。

　And　yet　I　felt　a　deep　well　of　guilt　at　the　very　idea　of　the　Seeker。　It　would　be　wrong　to　tell　her　what　I　
knew。Wrong；　how？　I　countered　my　own　thought　viciously。　If　I　stopped　here　and　listened　to　the　
seductive　suggestions　of　my　host；　I　would　truly　be　a　traitor。　That　was　impossible。　I　was　a　soul。

　And　yet　I　knew　what　I　wanted；　more　powerfully　and　vividly　than　anything　I　had　ever　wanted　in　all　the　

　

　I　could　not　separate　myself　from　this　body’s　wants。　It　was　me；　more　than　I’d　ever　intended　it　to　be。　Did　
I　want　or　did　it　want？　Did　that　distinction　even　matter　now？

　In　my　rearview　mirror；　the　glint　of　the　sun　off　a　distant　car　caught　my　eye。

　I　moved　my　foot　to　the　accelerator；　starting　slowly　toward　the　little　store　in　the　shadow　of　the　peak。　
There　was　really　only　one　thing　to　do。

　CHAPTER　10

　Turned

　The　electric　bell　rang；　announcing　another　visitor　to　the　convenience　store。　I　started　guiltily　and　ducked　
my　head　behind　the　shelf　of　goods　we　were　examining。

　Stop　acting　like　a　criminal；Melanie　advised。

　I’m　not　acting；I　replied　tersely。

　The　palms　of　my　hands　felt　cold　under　a　thin　sheen　of　sweat；　though　the　small　room　was　quite　hot。　The　
wide　windows　let　in　too　much　sun　for　the　loud　and　laboring　air…conditioning　unit　to　keep　up。

　Which　one？I　demanded。

　The　bigger　one；she　told　me。

　I　grabbed　the　larger　pack　of　the　two　available；　a　canvas　sling　that　looked　well　able　to　hold　more　than　I　
could　carry。　Then　I　walked　around　the　corner　to　where　the　bottled　water　was　shelved。

　We　can　carry　three　gallons；she　decided。That　gives　us　three　days　to　find　them。

　I　took　a　deep　breath；　trying　to　tell　myself　that　I　wasn’t　going　along　with　this。　I　was　simply　trying　to　get　
more　coordinates　from　her；　that　was　all。　When　I　had　the　whole　story；　I　would　find　someone—a　different　
Seeker；　maybe；　one　less　repulsive　than　the　one　assigned　to　me—and　pass　the　information　along。　I　was　
just　being　thorough；　I　promised　myself。

　My　awkward　attempt　to　lie　to　myself　was　so　pathetic　that　Melanie　didn’t　pay　any　attention　to　it；　felt　no　
worry　at　all。　It　must　be　too　late　for　me；　as　the　Seeker　had　warned。　Maybe　I　should　have　taken　the　
shuttle。

　Too　late？　I　wish！Melanie　grumbled。I　can’t　make　you　do　anything　you　don’t　want　to　do。　I　can’t　
even　raise　my　hand！　Her　thought　was　a　moan　of　frustration。

　I　looked　down　at　my　hand；　resting　against　my　thigh　rather　than　reaching　for　the　water　as　she　wanted　to　
do　so　badly。　I　could　feel　her　impatience；　her　almost　desperate　desire　to　be　on　the　move。　On　the　run　
again；　just　as　if　my　existence　were　no　more　than　a　short　interruption；　a　wasted　season　now　behind　her。　

　

　With　a　sigh；　I　pulled　the　largest　shrink…wrapped　flat　of　water　bottles　from　the　shelf。　It　nearly　hit　the　floor　
before　I　caught　it　against　a　lower　shelf　edge。　My　arms　felt　as　though　they’d　popped　halfway　out　of　their　
sockets。

　“You’re　kidding　me！”　I　exclaimed　aloud。

　Shut　up！

　“Excuse　me？”　a　short；　stooped　man；　the　other　customer；　asked　from　the　end　of　the　aisle。　
“Uh—nothing；”　I　mumbled；　not　meeting　his　gaze。　“This　is　heavier　than　I　expected。”　
“Would　you　like　some　help？”　he　offered。　
“No；　no；”　I　answered　hastily。　“I’ll　just　take　a　smaller　one。”　
He　turned　back　to　the　selection　of　potato　chips。　
No；　you　will　not；Melanie　assured　me。I’ve　carried　heavier　loads　than　this。　You’ve　let　us　get　all　soft；　


Wanderer；　she　added　in　irritation。　
Sorry；I　responded　absently；　bemused　by　the　fact　that　she　had　used　my　name　for　the　first　time。　
Lift　with　your　legs。


　I　struggled　with　the　flat　of　water；　wondering　how　far　I　could　possibly　be　expected　to　carry　it。　I　managed　
to　get　it　to　the　front　register；　at　least。　With　great　relief；　I　edged　its　weight　onto　the　counter。　I　put　the　bag　
on　top　of　the　water；　and　then　added　a　box　of　granola　bars；　a　roll　of　doughnuts；　and　a　bag　of　chips　from　
the　closest　display。

　Water　is　way　more　important　than　food　in　the　desert；　and　we　can　only　carry　so　much　—　
I’m　hungry；I　interrupted。And　these　are　light。　
It’s　your　back；　I　guess；she　said　grudgingly；　and　then　she　ordered；Get　a　map。　
I　placed　the　one　she　wanted；　a　topographical　map　of　the　county；　on　the　counter　with　the　rest。　It　was　no　


more　than　a　prop　in　her　charade。　
The　cashier；　a　white…haired　man　with　a　ready　smile；　scanned　the　bar　codes。　
“Doing　some　hiking？”　he　asked　pleasantly。　
“The　mountain　is　very　beautiful。”　
“The　trailhead　is　just　up　that　—”　he　said；　starting　to　gesture。　


　

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“Head　down　before　it　gets　dark；　sweetie。　You　don’t　want　to　get　lost。”　
“I　will。”　
Melanie　was　thinking　sulfurous　thoughts　about　the　kind　old　man。　
He　was　being　nice。　He’s　sincerely　concerned　about　my　welfare；I　reminded　her。　
You’re　all　very　creepy；she　told　me　acidly。Didn’t　anyone　ever　tell　you　not　to　talk　to　strangers？　
I　felt　a　deep　tug　of　guilt　as　I　answered。There　areno　strangers　among　my　kind。　
I　can’t　get　used　to　not　paying　for　things；she　said；　changing　the　subject。What’s　the　point　of　scanning　


them？　
Inventory；　of　course。　Is　he　supposed　to　remember　everything　we　took　when　he　needs　to　order　

more？　Besides；　what’s　the　point　of　money　when　everyone　is　perfectly　honest？I　paused；　feeling　the　
guilt　again　so　strongly　that　it　was　an　actual　pain。Everyone　but　me；　of　course。　
Melanie　shied　away　from　my　feelings；　worried　by　the　depth　of　them；　worried　that　I　might　change　my　

mind。　Instead　she　focused　on　her　raging　desire　to　be　away　from　here；　to　be　moving　toward　her　objective。　
Her　anxiety　leaked　through　to　me；　and　I　walked　faster。　
I　carried　the　stack　to　the　car　and　set　it　on　the　ground　beside　the　passenger　door。　
“Let　me　help　you　with　that。”　
I　jerked　up　to　see　the　other　man　from　the　store；　a　plastic　bag　in　his　hand；　standing　beside　me。　
“Ah…　thank　you；”　I　finally　managed；　my　pulse　thudding　behind　my　ears。　
We　waited；　Melanie　tensed　as　if　to　run；　while　he　lifted　our　acquisitions　into　the　car。

　There’s　nothing　to　fear。　He’s　being　kind；　too。

　She　continued　to　watch　him　distrustfully。　
“Thank　you；”　I　said　again　as　he　shut　the　door。　
“My　pleasure。”　
He　walked　off　to　his　own　vehicle　without　a　backward　glance　at　us。　I　climbed　into　my　seat　and　grabbed　


the　bag　of　potato　chips。　
Look　at　the　map；she　said。Wait　till　he’s　out　of　sight。　
No　one　is　watching　us；I　promised　her。　But；　with　a　sigh；　I　unfolded　the　map　and　ate　with　one　hand。　It　


was　probably　a　good　idea　to　have　some　sense　of　where　we　were　headed。　


　

　Look　around；she　manded。If　we　can’t　see　it　here；　we’ll　try　the　south　side　of　the　peak。

　See　what？

　She　placed　the　memorized　image　before　me：　a　ragged　zigzagging　line；　four　tight　switchbacks；　the　fifth　
point　strangely　blunt；　like　it　was　broken。　Now　I　saw　it　as　I　should；　a　jagged　range　of　four　pointed　
mountain　peaks　with　the　broken…looking　fifth…

　I　scanned　the　skyline；　east　to　west　across　the　northern　horizon。　It　was　so　easy　it　felt　false；　as　though　I’d　
made　the　image　up　onlyafter　seeing　the　mountain　silhouette　that　created　the　northeast　line　of　the　horizon。

　That’s　it；Melanie　almost　sang　in　her　excitement。Let’s　go！　She　wanted　me　to　be　out　of　the　car；　on　my　
feet；　moving。

　I　shook　my　head；　bending　over　the　map　again。　The　mountain　ridge　was　so　far　in　the　distance　I　couldn’t　
guess　at　the　miles　between　us　and　it。　There　was　no　way　I　was　walking　out　of　this　parking　lot　and　into　the　
empty　desert　unless　I　had　no　other　option。

　Let’s　be　rational；I　suggested；　tracing　my　finger　along　a　thin　ribbon　on　the　map；　an　unnamed　road　that　
connected　to　the　freeway　a　few　miles　east　and　then　continued　in　the　general　direction　of　the　range。

　Sure；she　agreed　placently。The　faster　the　better。

　We　found　the　unpaved　road　easily。　It　was　just　a　pale　scar　of　flat　dirt　through　the　sparse　shrubbery；　
barely　wide　enough　for　one　vehicle。　I　had　a　feeling　that　the　road　would　be　overgrown　with　lack　of　use　in　
a　different　region—some　place　with　more　vital　vegetation；　unlike　the　desert　plants　that　needed　decades　to　
recover　from　such　a　violation。　There　was　a　rusted　chain　stretched　across　the　entrance；　screwed　into　a　
wooden　post　on　one　end；　looped　loosely　around　another　post　at　the　other。　I　moved　quickly；　pulling　the　
chain　free　and　piling　it　at　the　base　of　the　first　post；　hurrying　back　to　my　running　car；　hoping　no　one　would　
pass　and　stop　to　offer　me　help。　The　highway　stayed　clear　as　I　drove　onto　the　dirt　and　then　rushed　back　
to　refasten　the　chain。

　We　both　relaxed　when　the　pavement　disappeared　behind　us。　I　was　glad　that　there　was　apparently　no　
one　left　I　would　have　to　lie　to；　whether　with　words　or　silence。　Alone；　I　felt　less　of　a　renegade。

　Melanie　was　perfectly　at　home　here　in　the　middle　of　nothing。　She　knew　the　names　of　all　the　spiny　plants　
around　us。　She　hummed　their　names　to　herself；　greeting　them　like　old　friends。

　Creosote；　ocotillo；　cholla；　prickly　pear；　mesquite…

　Away　from　the　highway；　the　trappings　of　civilization；　the　desert　seemed　to　take　on　a　new　life　for　
Melanie。　Though　she　appreciated　the　speed　of　the　jolting　car—our　vehicle　didn’t　have　the　ground　
clearance　necessary　for　this　off…road　trip；　as　the　shocks　reminded　me　with　every　pit　in　the　dirt—she　
itched　to　be　on　her　feet；　loping　through　the　safety　of　the　baking　desert。

　We　would　probably　have　to　walk；　and　all　too　soon　for　my　taste；　but　when　that　time　came；　I　doubted　it　
would　satisfy　her。　I　could　feel　the　real　desire　beneath　the　surface。　Freedom。　To　move　her　body　to　the　
familiar　rhythm　of　her　long　stride　with　only　her　will　for　guidance。　For　a　moment；　I　allowed　myself　to　see　
the　prison　that　was　life　without　a　body。　To　be　carried　inside　but　unable　to　influence　the　shape　around　you。　

　

　I　shuddered　and　refocused　on　the　rough　road；　trying　to　stave　off　the　mingled　pity　and　horror。　No　other　
host　had　made　me　feel　such　guilt　for　what　I　was。　Of　course；　none　of　the　others　had　stuck　around　to　
plain　about　the　situation。

　The　sun　was　close　to　the　tips　of　the　western　hills　when　we　had　our　first　disagreement。　The　long　shadows　
created　strange　patterns　across　the　road；　making　it　hard　to　avoid　the　rocks　and　craters。

　There　it　is！Melanie　crowed　as　we　caught　sight　of　another　formation　farther　east：　a　smooth　wave　of　rock；　
interrupted　by　a　sudden　spur　that　swung　a　thin；　long　finger　out　against　the　sky。

　She　was　all　for　turning　immediately　into　the　brush；　no　matter　what　that　did　to　the　car。

　Maybe　we’re　supposed　to　go　all　the　way　to　the　first　landmark；I　pointed　out。　The　little　dirt　road　
continued　to　wind　in　more　or　less　the　right　direction；　and　I　was　terrified　to　leave　it。　How　else　would　I　find　
my　way　back　to　civilization？　Wasn’t　I　going　back？

　I　imagined　the　Seeker　right　at　this　moment；　as　the　sun　touched　the　dark；　zigzagging　line　of　the　western　
horizon。　What　would　she　think　when　I　didn’t　arrive　in　Tucson？　A　spasm　of　glee　made　me　laugh　out　loud。　
Melanie　also　enjoyed　the　picture　of　the　Seeker’s　furious　irritation。　How　long　would　it　take　her　to　go　back　
to　San　Diego　to　see　if　this　had　all　been　a　ploy　to　get　rid　of　her？　And　then　what　steps　would　she　take　
when　I　wasn’t　there？　When　I　wasn’t　anywhere？

　I　just　couldn’t　picture　very　clearly　whereI　would　be　at　that　point。

　Look；　a　dry　wash。　It’s　wide　enough　for　the　car—let’s　follow　it；Melanie　insisted。

　I’m　not　sure　we’re　supposed　to