[科幻]宿主-第55部分

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my　back　still　turned。

　“So…　um…　hmm…　the；　uh；　third　set　of　grandparents…　They　traditionally　serve　the　munity；　as　they　
see　it。　On　Earth；　they　would　be　the　breadwinners；　the　ones　who　leave　the　home　and　bring　back　
sustenance。　They　are　farmers；　for　the　most　part。　They　cultivate　a　plant…like　growth　that　they　milk　for　its　
sap。…”

　And　life　went　on。

　Jamie　tried　to　talk　me　out　of　sleeping　in　the　supply　corridor；　but　his　attempt　was　halfhearted。　There　just　
wasn’t　another　place　for　me。　Stubborn　as　usual；　he　insisted　on　sharing　my　quarters。　I　imagined　Jared　
didn’t　like　that；　but　as　I　didn’t　see　him　that　night　or　the　next　day；　I　couldn’t　verify　my　theory。

　It　was　awkward　again；　going　about　my　usual　chores；　with　the　six　raiders　home—just　like　when　Jeb　had　
first　forced　me　to　join　the　munity。　Hostile　stares；　angry　silences。　It　was　harder　for　them　than　it　was　for　
me；　though—Iwas　used　to　it。　They；　on　the　other　hand；　were　entirely　unaccustomed　to　the　way　everyone　
else　treated　me。　When　I　was　helping　with　the　corn　harvest；　for　example；　and　Lily　thanked　me　for　a　fresh　
basket　with　a　smile；　Andy’s　eyes　bulged　in　their　sockets　at　the　exchange。　Or　when　I　was　waiting　for　the　
bathing　pool　with　Trudy　and　Heidi；　and　Heidi　began　playing　with　my　hair。　It　was　growing；　always　
swinging　in　my　eyes　these　days；　and　I　was　planning　to　shear　it　off　again。　Heidi　was　trying　to　find　a　style　
for　me；　flipping　the　strands　this　way　and　that。　Brandt　and　Aaron—Aaron　was　the　oldest　man　who’d　gone　
on　the　long　raid；　someone　I　couldn’t　remember　having　seen　before　at　all—came　out　and　found　us　there；　
Trudy　laughing　at　some　silly　atrocity　Heidi　was　attempting　to　create　atop　my　head；　and　both　men　turned　a　
little　green　and　stalked　silently　past　us。

　Of　course；　little　things　like　that　were　nothing。　Kyle　roamed　the　caves　now；　and　though　he　was　obviously　
under　orders　to　leave　me　in　peace；　his　expression　made　it　clear　that　this　restriction　was　repugnant　to　him。　
I　was　always　with　others　when　I　crossed　his　path；　and　I　wondered　if　that　was　the　only　reason　he　did　
nothing　more　than　glower　at　me　and　unconsciously　curl　his　thick　fingers　into　claws。　This　brought　back　all　
the　panic　from　my　first　weeks　here；　and　I　might　have　succumbed　to　it—begun　hiding　again；　avoiding　the　
mon　areas—but　something　more　important　than　Kyle’s　murderous　glares　came　to　my　attention　that　
second　night。

　The　kitchen　filled　up　again—I’m　not　sure　how　much　was　interest　in　my　stories　and　how　much　was　
interest　in　the　chocolate　bars　Jeb　handed　out。　I　declined　mine；　explaining　to　a　disgruntled　Jamie　that　I　
couldn’t　talk　and　chew　at　the　same　time；　I　suspected　that　he　would　save　one　for　me；　obstinate　as　ever。　
Ian　was　back　in　his　usual　hot　seat　by　the　fire；　and　Andy　was　there—eyes　wary—beside　Paige。　None　of　
the　other　raiders；　including　Jared；　of　course；　was　in　attendance。　Doc　was　not　there；　and　I　wondered　if　he　
was　still　drunk　or　perhaps　hung…over。　And　again；　Walter　was　absent。

　Geoffrey；　Trudy’s　husband；　questioned　me　for　the　first　time　tonight。　I　was　pleased；　though　I　tried　not　to　
show　it；　that　he　seemed　to　have　joined　the　ranks　of　the　humans　who　tolerated　me。　But　I　couldn’t　answer　

　

spoke；　and　I　didn’t　recognize　the　voice。　
“Yes；　that’s　true；”　I　agreed　evenly。　
“So　you　don’t　know　what　they　use　to　cure　diseases；　then？”　Geoffrey　pressed。　“What’s　in　their　

medications？”　
I　shook　my　head。　“I’m　sorry；　I　don’t。　It　wasn’t　something　I　was　interested　in；　back　when　I　had　access　to　
the　information。　I’m　afraid　I　took　it　for　granted。　Good　health　is　simply　a　given　on　every　planet　I’ve　lived　
on。”　
Geoffrey’s　red　cheeks　flushed　brighter　than　usual。　He　looked　down；　an　angry　set　to　his　mouth。　What　had　

I　said　to　offend　him？　
Heath；　sitting　beside　Geoffrey；　patted　his　arm。　There　was　a　pregnant　silence　in　the　room。　
“Uh—about　the　Vultures…”　Ian　said—the　words　were　forced；　a　deliberate　subject　change。　“I　don’t　

know　if　I　missed　this　part　sometime；　but　I　don’t　remember　you　ever　explaining　about　them　being　

‘unkind’…　？”　
It　wasn’t　something　Ihad　explained；　but　I　was　pretty　sure　he　wasn’t　really　that　interested—this　was　just　
the　first　question　he’d　been　able　to　think　of。

　My　informal　class　ended　earlier　than　usual。　The　questions　were　slow；　and　most　of　them　supplied　by　

Jamie　and　Ian。　Geoffrey’s　questions　had　left　everyone　else　preoccupied。　
“Well；　we’ve　got　an　early　one　tomorrow；　tearing　down　the　stalks…”　Jeb　mused　after　yet　another　
awkward　silence；　making　the　words　a　dismissal。　People　rose　to　their　feet　and　stretched；　talking　in　low　
voices　that　weren’t　casual　enough。

　“What　did　I　say？”　I　whispered　to　Ian。　
“Nothing。　They’ve　got　mortality　on　their　minds。”　He　sighed。　
My　human　brain　made　one　of　those　leaps　in　understanding　that　they　called　intuition。　
“Where’s　Walter？”　I　demanded；　still　whispering。　
Ian　sighed　again。　“He’s　in　the　south　wing。　He’s…　not　doing　well。”　
“Why　didn’t　anyone　tell　me？”　


　

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”　
I　shook　my　head　impatiently　at　that　consideration。　“What’s　wrong　with　him？”　
Jamie　was　there　beside　me　now；　he　took　my　hand。　
“Some　of　Walter’s　bones　snapped；　they’re　so　brittle；”　he　said　in　a　hushed　voice。　“Doc’s　sure　it’s　


cancer—final　stages；　he　says。”　
“Walt　must　have　been　keeping　quiet　about　the　pain　for　a　long　while　now；”　Ian　added　somberly。　
I　winced。　“And　there’s　nothing　to　be　done？　Nothing　at　all？”　
Ian　shook　his　head；　keeping　his　brilliant　eyes　on　mine。　“Not　for　us。　Even　if　we　weren’t　stuck　here；　there　


would　be　no　help　for　him　now。　We　never　cured　that　one。”　
I　bit　my　lip　against　the　suggestion　I　wanted　to　make。　Of　course　there　was　nothing　to　do　for　Walter。　Any　


of　these　humans　would　rather　die　slowly　and　in　pain　than　trade　their　mind　for　their　body’s　cure。　I　could　
understand　that…　now。　
“He’s　been　asking　for　you；”　Ian　continued。　“Well；　he　says　your　name　sometimes；　it’s　hard　to　tell　what　he　

means—Doc’s　keeping　him　drunk　to　help　with　the　pain。”　
“Doc　feels　real　bad　about　using　so　much　of　the　alcohol　himself；”　Jamie　added。　“Bad　timing；　all　around。”　
“Can　I　see　him？”　I　asked。　“Or　will　that　make　the　others　unhappy？”　
Ian　frowned　and　snorted。　“Wouldn’t　that　be　just　like　some　people；　to　get　worked　up　over　this？”　He　

shook　his　head。　“Who　cares；　though；　right？　If　it’s　Walt’s　final　wish…”　
“Right；”　I　agreed。　The　wordfinal　had　my　eyes　burning。　“If　seeing　me　is　what　Walter　wants；　then　I　guess　
it　doesn’t　matter　what　anyone　else　thinks；　or　if　they　get　mad。”　
“Don’t　worry　about　that—I’m　not　going　to　let　anybody　harass　you。”　Ian’s　white　lips　pressed　into　a　thin　
line。　
I　felt　anxious；　like　I　wanted　to　look　at　a　clock。　Time　had　ceased　to　mean　much　to　me；　but　suddenly　I　felt　

the　weight　of　a　deadline。　“Is　it　too　late　to　go　tonight？　Will　we　disturb　him？”　
“He’s　not　sleeping　regular　hours。　We　can　go　see。”　
I　started　walking　at　once；　dragging　Jamie　because　he　still　gripped　my　hand。　The　sense　of　passing　time；　of　

endings　and　finality；　propelled　me　forward。　Ian　caught　up　quickly；　though；　with　his　long　stride。

　In　the　moonlit　garden　cavern；　we　passed　others　who　for　the　most　part　paid　us　no　mind。　I　was　too　often　
in　the　pany　of　Jamie　and　Ian　to　cause　any　curiosity；　though　we　weren’t　headed　for　the　usual　tunnels。　
The　one　exception　was　Kyle。　He　froze　midstride　when　he　saw　his　brother　beside　me。　His　eyes　flashed　

down　to　see　Jamie’s　hand　in　mine；　and　then　his　lips　twisted　into　a　snarl。　

　

　When　we　were　in　the　blackness　of　the　long　tunnel　south；　I　tried　to　free　that　hand。　Ian　gripped　it　tighter。

　“I　wish　you　wouldn’t　make　him　angrier；”　I　muttered。

　“Kyle　is　wrong。　Being　wrong　is　sort　of　a　habit　with　him。　He’ll　take　longer　than　anyone　else　to　get　over　it；　

but　that　doesn’t　mean　we　should　make　allowances　for　him。”

　“He　frightens　me；”　I　admitted　in　a　whisper。　“I　don’t　want　him　to　have　more　reasons　to　hate　me。”

　Ian　and　Jamie　squeezed　my　hands　at　the　same　time。　They　spoke　simultaneously。

　“Don’t　be　afraid；”　Jamie　said。

　“Jeb’s　made　his　opinion　very　clear；”　Ian　said。

　“What　do　you　mean？”　I　asked　Ian。

　“If　Kyle　can’t　accept　Jeb’s　rules；　then　he’s　no　longer　wele　here。”

　“But　that’s　wrong。　Kyle　belongs　here。”

　Ian　grunted。　“He’s　staying…　so　he’ll　just　have　to　learn　to　deal。”

　We　didn’t　talk　again　through　the　long　walk。　I　was　feeling　guilty—it　seemed　to　be　a　permanent　emotional　

state　here。　Guilt　and　fear　and　heartbreak。　Why　had　I　e？

　Because　you　do　belong　here；　oddly　enough；Melanie　whispered。　She　was　very　aware　of　the　warmth　of　
Ian’s　and　Jamie’s　hands；　wrapped　around　and　twined　with　mine。Where　else　have　you　ever　had　this？

　Nowhere；I　confessed；　feeling　only　more　depressed。But　it　doesn’t　make　me　belong。　Not　the　way　you　

do。

　We’re　a　package　deal；　Wanda。

　As　if　I　needed　reminding。…

　I　was　a　little　surprised　to　hear　her　so　clearly。　She’d　been　quiet　the　last　two　days；　waiting；　anxious；　hoping　
to　see　Jared　again。　Of　course；　I’d　been　similarly　occupied。

　Maybe　he’s　with　Walter。　Maybe　that’s　where　he’s　been；Melanie　thought　hopefully。

　That’s　not　why　we’re　going　to　see　Walter。

　No。　Of　course　not。Her　tone　was　repentant；　but　I　realized　that　Walter　did　not　mean　as　much　to　her　as　he　
did　to　me。　Naturally；　she　was　sad　that　he　was　dying；　but　she　had　accepted　that　oute　from　the　
beginning。　I；　on　the　other　hand；　could　not　bring　myself　to　accept　it；　even　now。　Walter　was　my　friend；　not　
hers。　I　was　the　one　he’d　defended。　

　

　I　hated　this　room。　In　the　darkness；　with　the　odd　shadows　thrown　by　the　weak　glow；　it　seemed　only　

more　forbidding。　There　was　a　new　smell—the　room　reeked　of　slow　decay　and　stinging　alcohol　and　bile。　
Two　of　the　cots　were　occupied。　Doc’s　feet　hung　over　the　edge　of　one；　I　recognized　his　light　snore。　On　
the　other；　looking　hideously　withered　and　misshapen；　Walter　watched　us　approach。

　“Are　you　up　for　visitors；　Walt？”　Ian　whispered　when　Walter’s　eyes　drifted　in　his　direction。

　“Ungh；”　Walter　moaned。　His　lips　drooped　from　his　slack　face；　and　his　skin　gleamed　wetly　in　the　low　
light。　
“Is　there　anything　you　need？”　I　murmured。　I　pulled　my　hands　free—they　fluttered　helplessly　in　the　air　

between　me　and　Walter。　
His　loosely　rolling　eyes　searched　the　darkness。　I　took　a　step　closer。　
“Is　there　anything　we　can　do　for　you？　Anything　at　all？”　
His　eyes　roamed　till　they　found　my　face。　Abruptly；　they　focused　through　the　drunken　stupor　and　the　

pain。　
“Finally；”　he　gasped。　His　breath　wheezed　and　whistled。　“I　knew　you　would　e　if　I　waited　long　
enough。　Oh；　Gladys；　I　have　so　much　to　tell　you。”

　CHAPTER　31

　Needed

　Ifroze　and　then　looked　quickly　over　my　shoulder　to　see　if　someone　was　behind　me。　
“Gladys　was　his　wife；”　Jamie　whispered　almost　silently。　“She　didn’t　escape。”　
“Gladys；”　Walter　said　to　me；　oblivious　to　my　reaction。　“Would　you　believe　I　went　and　got　cancer？　What　


are　the　odds；　eh？　Never　took　a　sick　day　in　my　life…”　His　voice　faded　out　until　I　couldn’t　hear　it；　but　his　
lips　continued　to　move。　He　was　too　weak　to　lift　his　hand；　his　fingers　dragged　themselves　toward　the　edge　
of　the　cot；　toward　me。

　Ian　nudged　me　forward。　
“What　should　I　do？”　I　breathed。　The　sweat　beading　on　my　forehead　had　nothing　to　do　with　the　humid　
heat。　
“。　。　。　grandfather　lived　to　be　a　hundred　and　one；”　Walter　wheezed；　audible　again。　“Nobody　ever　had　
cancer　in　my　family；　not　even　the　cousins。　Didn’t　your　aunt　Regan　have　skin　cancer；　though？”　
He　looked　at　me　trustingly；　waiting　for　an　answer。　Ian　poked　me　in　the　back。　

　

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。　
“Maybe　that　was　Bill’s　aunt；”　Walter　allowed。　
I　shot　a　panicked　glance　at　Ian；　who　shrugged。　“Help；”　I　mouthed　at　him。　
He　motioned　for　me　to　take　Walter’s　searching　fingers。　
Walter’s　skin　was　chalk　white　and　translucent。　I　could　see　the　faint　pulse　of　blood　in　the　blue　veins　on　


the　back　of　his　hand。　I　lifted　his　hand　gingerly；　worried　about　the　slender　bones　that　Jamie　had　said　were　


so　brittle。　It　felt　too　light；　as　if　it　were　hollow。　
“Ah；　Gladdie；　it’s　been　hard　without　you。　It’s　a　nice　place　here；　you’ll　like　it；　even　when　I’m　gone。　
Plenty　of　people　to　talk　to—I　know　how　you　need　to　have　your　conversation。…”　The　volume　of　his　
voice　sank　until　I　couldn’t　make　out　the　words　anymore；　but　his　lips　still　shaped　the　words　he　wanted　to　
share　with　his　wife。　His　mouth　kept　moving；　even　when　his　eyes　closed　and　his　head　lolled　to　the　side。

　Ian　found　a　wet　cloth　and　began　wiping　Walter’s　shining　face。　
“I’m　not　good　at…　at　deception；”　I　whispered；　watching　Walter’s　mumbling　lips　to　make　sure　he　wasn’t　


listening　to　me。　“I　don’t　want　to　upset　him。”　
“You　don’t　have　to　say　anything；”　Ian　reassured　me。　“He’s　not　lucid　enough　to　care。”　
“Do　I　look　like　her？”　
“Not　a　bit—I’ve　seen　her　picture。　Stocky　redhead。”　
“Here；　let　me　do　that。”　
Ian　gave　me　the　rag；　and　I　cleaned　the　sweat　off　Walter’s　neck。　Busy　hands　always　made　me　feel　more　


fortable。　Walter　continued　to　mumble。　I　thought　I　heard　him　say；　“Thanks；　Gladdie；　that’s　nice。”


　I　didn’t　notice　that　Doc’s　snores　had　stopped。　His　familiar　voice　was　suddenly　there　behind　me；　too　
gentle　to　startle。　
“How　is　he？”　
“Delusional；”　Ian　whispered。　“Is　that　the　brandy　or　the　pain？”　
“More　the　pain；　I　would　think。　I’d　trade　my　right　arm　for　some　morphine。”　
“Maybe　Jared　will　produce　another　miracle；”　Ian　suggested。　
“Maybe；”　Doc　sighed。　
I　wiped　absently　at　Walter’s　pallid　face；　listening　more　intently　now；　but　they　didn’t　speak　of　Jared　

again。　
Not　here；Melanie　whispered。　

　

　Alone；she　added。

　I　thought　about　the　last　time　I’d　seen　him—the　kiss；　the　belief…He　probably　wanted　some　time　to　

himself。

　I　hope　he　isn’t　out　there　convincing　himself　that　you’re　a　very　talented　actress…slash…Seeker　
again。…

　That’s　possible；　of　course。

　Melanie　groaned　silently。　
Ian　and　Doc　murmured　in　quiet　voices　about　inconsequential　things；　mostly　Ian　catching　Doc　up　on　what　


was　going　on　in　the　caves。


　“What　happened　to　Wanda’s　face？”　Doc　whispered；　but　I　could　still　hear　him　easily。


　“More　of　the　same；”　Ian　said　in　a　tight　voice。


　Doc　made　an　unhappy　noise　under　his　breath　and　then　clicked　his　tongue。


　Ian　told　him　a　bit　about　tonight’s　awkward　class；　about　Geoffrey’s　questions。


　“It　would　have　been　convenient　if　Melanie　had　been　possessed　by　a　Healer；”　Doc　mused。


　I　flinched；　but　they　were　behind　me　and　probably　didn’t　notice。


　“We’re　lucky　it　was　Wanda；”　Ian　murmured　in　my　defense。　“No　one　else　—”


　“I　know；”　Doc　interrupted；　good…natured　as　always。　“I　guess　I　should　say；　it’s　too　bad　Wanda　didn’t　


have　more　of　an　interest　in　medicine。”


　“I’m　sorry；”　I　murmured。　Iwas　careless　to　reap　the　benefits　of　perfect　health　without　ever　being　curious　
about　the　cause。


　A　hand　touched　my　shoulder。　“You　have　nothing　to　apologize　for；”　Ian　said。


　Jamie　was　being　very　quiet。　I　looked　around　and　saw　that　he　was　curled