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[科幻]宿主-第64部分
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”
I laughed。 “I doubt it。”
Ian tilted his head to one side； his expression speculative。
“Melanie Stryder？” he asked； addressing her。
We both started at the name。
Ian went on。 “I’d like the chance to speak with Wanda privately； if you don’t mind。 Is there any way that
could be arranged？”
Of all the nerve！ You tell him I said no chance in hell！ I donotlike this man。
My nose wrinkled up。
“What did she say？”
“She said no。” I tried to say the words as gently as they could be said。 “And that she doesn’t… like
you。”
Ian laughed。 “I can respect that。 I can respecther。 Well； it was worth a try。” He sighed。 “Kind of puts a
damper on things； having an audience。”
What things？Mel growled。
I grimaced。 I didn’t like feeling her anger。 It was so much more vicious than mine。
Get used to it。
Ian put his hand on my face。 “I’ll let you think about things； okay？ So you can decide how you feel。”
I tried to be objective about that hand。 It was soft against my face。 It felt… nice。 Not like when Jared
touched me。 But also different from the way it felt when Jamie hugged me。 Other。
“It might take a while。 None of this makes any sense； you know；” I told him。
He grinned。 “I know。”
I realized； when he smiled then； that I wanted him to like me。 The rest—the hand on my face； the fingers
on my arm—I still wasn’t sure at all about those。 But I wanted him to like me； and to think kind things
about me。 Which is why it was hard to tell him the truth。
“You don’t really feel that way aboutme； you know；” I whispered。 “It’s this body。… She’s pretty； isn’t
she？”
He nodded。 “She is。 Melanie is a very pretty girl。 Even beautiful。” His hand moved to touch my bad
cheek； to stroke the rough； scarring skin with gentle fingers。 “In spite of what I’ve done to her face。”
Normally； I would have denied that automatically。 Reminded him that the wounds on my face weren’t his
truth came out in a rush； more heated than I’d meant it to be。 “Youcouldn’t care about me。 If you could
hold me in your hand；me； you would be disgusted。 You would throw me to the ground and grind me
under your foot。”
His pale forehead creased as his black brows pulled together。 “I… not if I knew it was you。”
I laughed without humor。 “How would you know？ You couldn’t tell us apart。”
His mouth turned down。
“It’s just the body；” I repeated。
“That’s not true at all；” he disagreed。 “It’s not the face； but the expressions on it。 It’s not the voice； but
what you say。 It’s not how you look in that body； but the things you do with it。You are beautiful。”
He moved forward as he spoke； kneeling beside the bed where I lay and taking my hand again in both
of his。
“I’ve never known anyone like you。”
I sighed。 “Ian； what if I’d e here in Magnolia’s body？”
He grimaced and then laughed。 “Okay。 That’s a good question。 I don’t know。”
“Or Wes’s？”
“But you’re female—you yourself are。”
“And I always request whatever a planet’s equivalent is。 It seems more… right。 But I could be put into a
man and I would function just fine。”
“But you’re not in a man’s body。”
“See？ That’s my point。 Body and soul。 Two different things； in my case。”
“I wouldn’t want it without you。”
“You wouldn’t wantme withoutit。 ”
Ah； the finality of it。 Yes； I would die in this body。 The final death。
And I will never live in it again；Melanie whispered。
It’s not how either of us planned our future； is it？
No。 Neither of us planned to have no future。
“Another internal conversation？” Ian guessed。
“We’re thinking of our mortality。”
“You could live forever if you left us。”
“Yes； I could。” I sighed。 “You know； humans have the shortest life span of any species I’ve ever been；
except the Spiders。 You have so little time。”
“Don’t you think； then…” Ian paused and leaned closer to me so that I couldn’t seem to see anything
around his face； just snow and sapphire and ink。 “That maybe you should make the most of what time
you have？ That you shouldlive while you’re alive？”
I didn’t see it ing the way I had with Jared。 Ian was not as familiar to me。 Melanie realized what he
was going to do before I did； just a second before his lips touched mine。
No！
It wasn’t like kissing Jared。 With Jared； there was no thought； only desire。 No control。 A spark to
gasoline—inevitable。 With Ian； I didn’t even know what I felt。 Everything was muddled and confused。
His lips were soft and warm。 He pressed them only lightly to mine； and then brushed them back and
forth across my mouth。
“Good or bad？” he whispered against my lips。
Bad！ Bad； bad！
“I—I can’t think。” When I moved my mouth to speak； he moved his with it。
“That sounds… good。”
His mouth pressed down with more force now。 He caught my lower lip between his and pulled on it
gently。
Melanie wanted to hit him—so much more than she’d wanted to punch Jared。 She wanted to shove him
away and then kick his face。 The image was horrible。 It conflicted jarringly with the sensation of Ian’s
kiss。
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。
“Yes？”
“Please stop。 I can’t think。 Please。”
He sat back at once； clasping his hands in front of him。 “Okay；” he said； his tone cautious。
I pressed my hands against my face； wishing I could push out Melanie’s anger。
“Well； at least nobody punched me。” Ian grinned。
“She wanted to do more than that。 Ugh。 I don’t like it when she’s mad。 It hurts my head。 Anger is so…
ugly。”
“Why didn’t she？”
“Because I didn’t lose control。 She only breaks free when I’m… overwhelmed。”
He watched as I kneaded my forehead。
Calm down；I begged her。He’s not touching me。
Has he forgotten that I’mhere？Doesn’t he care？ This is me； it’sme！
I tried to explain that。
What about you？ Have you forgotten Jared？
She threw the memories at me the way she’d done in the beginning； only this time they were like blows。
A thousand punches of his smile； his eyes； his lips on mine； his hands on my skin…
Of course not。 Have you forgotten that you don’t want me to love him？
“She’s talking to you。”
“Yelling at me；” I corrected。
“I can tell now。 I can see you concentrate on the conversation。 I never noticed before today。”
“She’s not always this vocal。”
“Iam sorry； Melanie；” he said。 “I know this must be impossible for you。”
Again； she visualized smashing her foot into his sculpted nose； leaving it crooked like Kyle’s。Tell him I
don’t want his apologies。
I winced。
Ian half smiled； half grimaced。 “She doesn’t accept。”
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。
“So she can break free？ If you’re overwhelmed？”
I shrugged。 “Sometimes； if she takes me by surprise and I’m too… emotional。 Emotion makes it hard to
concentrate。 But it’s been more difficult for her lately。 It’s like the door between us is locked。 I don’t
know why。 Itried to let her out when Kyle —” I stopped talking abruptly； grinding my teeth together。
“When Kyle tried to kill you；” he finished matter…of…factly。 “You wanted her free？ Why？”
I just stared at him。
“To fight him？” he guessed。
I didn’t answer。
He sighed。 “Okay。 Don’t tell me。 Why do you think the… door is locked？”
I frowned。 “I don’t know。 Maybe the time passing… It worries us。”
“But she broke through before； to punch Jared。”
“Yes。” I shuddered at the memory of my fist striking his jaw。
“Because you were overwhelmed and emotional？”
“Yes。”
“What did he do？ Just kiss you？”
I nodded。
Ian flinched。 His eyes tightened。
“What？” I asked。 “What’s wrong？”
“When Jared kisses you； you are… overwhelmed by emotion。”
I stared at him； worried by the expression on his face。 Melanie enjoyed it。That’s right！
He sighed。 “And when I kiss you… you aren’t sure if you like it。 You are not… overwhelmed。”
“Oh。” Ian was jealous。 How very strange this world was。 “I’m sorry。”
“Don’t be。 I told you I’d give you time； and I don’t mind waiting for you to think things through。 I don’t
mind that at all。”
“What do you mind？” Because he minded something very much。
He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly。 “I saw how you loved Jamie。 That was always really
He was looking away； staring at the wall over me。 I had to look away； too。 I stared at the sunlight where
it touched the red door。
“How much of that is Melanie？” he wanted to know。
“I don’t know。 Does it matter？”
I could barely hear his answer。 “Yes。 It does to me。” Without looking at me or seeming to notice what
he was doing； Ian took my hand again。
It was very quiet for a minute。 Even Melanie was still。 That was nice。
Then； as though a switch had been flipped； Ian was his normal self again。 He laughed。
“Time is on my side；” he said； grinning。 “We’ve got the rest of our lives in here。 One day you’ll wonder
what you ever saw in Jared。”
In your dreams。
I laughed with him； happy he was joking again。
“Wanda？ Wanda； can I e in？”
Jamie’s voice started from down the hall and； acpanied by the sound of his jogging steps； ended
right outside the door。
“Of course； Jamie。”
I already had my hand held out to him before he shrugged the door aside。 I hadn’t seen him nearly
enough lately。 Unconscious or crippled； I hadn’t been free to seek him out。
“Hey； Wanda！ Hey； Ian！” Jamie was all grins； his messy hair bouncing when he moved。 He headed for
my reaching hand； but Ian was in his way。 So he settled for sitting on the edge of my mattress and resting
his hand on my foot。 “How are you feeling？”
“Better。”
“Hungry yet？ There’s beef jerky and corn on the cob！ I could get you some。”
“I’m okay for now。 How are you？ I haven’t seen you much lately。”
Jamie made a face。 “Sharon gave me detention。”
I smiled。 “What did you do？”
“Nothing。 I was totally framed。” His innocent expression was a bit overdone； and he quickly changed the
subject。 “Guess what？ Jared was saying at lunch that he didn’t think it was fair for you to have to move
“I’ll bet he did；” Ian murmured。
“So what do you think； Wanda？ We get to be roomies again！”
“But Jamie； where will Jared stay？”
“Wait—let me guess；” Ian interrupted。 “I bet he said the room was big enough for three。 Am I right？”
“Yeah。 How did you know？”
“Lucky guess。”
“So that’s good； isn’t it； Wanda？ It will be just like before we came here！”
It felt sort of like a razor sliding between my ribs when he said that—too clean and precise a pain to be
pared to a blow or a break。
Jamie analyzed my tortured expression with alarm。 “Oh。 No； I mean but with you； too。 It will be nice。
The four of us； right？”
I tried to laugh through the pain； it didn’t hurt any worse than not laughing。
Ian squeezed my hand。
“The four of us；” I mumbled。 “Nice。”
Jamie crawled up the mattress； worming his way around Ian； to put his arms around my neck。
“Sorry。 Don’t be sad。”
“Don’t worry about it。”
“You know I love you； too。”
So sharp； so piercing； the emotions of this planet。 Jamie had never said those words to me before。 My
whole body suddenly felt a few degrees warmer。
So sharp；Melanie agreed； wincing at her own pain。
“Will you e back？” Jamie begged against my shoulder。
I couldn’t answer right away。
“What does Mel want？” he asked。
“She wants to live with you；” I whispered。 I didn’t have to check to know that。
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”
“Do you want me to live with you？”
“You know I do； Wanda。 Please。”
I hesitated。
“Please？”
“If that’s what you want； Jamie。 Okay。”
“Woo hoo！” Jamie crowed in my ear。 “Cool！ I’m gonna go tell Jared！ I’ll get you some food； too；
okay？” He was already on his feet； bouncing the mattress so that I felt it in my ribs。
“Okay。”
“You want something； Ian？”
“Sure； kid。 I want you to tell Jared he’s shameless。”
“Huh？”
“Never mind。 Go get Wanda some lunch。”
“Sure。 And I’ll ask Wes for his extra bed。 Kyle can e back in here； and everything will be like it
should be！”
“Perfect；” Ian said； and though I didn’t look at his face； I knew he was rolling his eyes。
“Perfect；” I whispered； and felt the razor’s edge again。
CHAPTER 39
Worried
Perfect；I grumbled to myself。Just perfect。
Ian was ing to join me for lunch； a big smile glued into place on his face。 Trying to cheer me up…
again。
I think you’re overdoing the sarcasm lately；Melanie told me。
I’ll keep that in mind。
I hadn’t heard from her much in the past week。 Neither of us was good pany right now。 It was
better if we avoided social interaction； even with each other。
“Hey； Wanda；” Ian greeted me； hopping up onto the counter beside me。 He had a bowl of tomato soup
in one hand； still steaming。 Mine was beside me； cooled and half full。 I was toying with a piece of roll；
ripping it into tiny pieces。
“Oh； e on。” He put his hand on my knee。 Mel’s angry reaction was lethargic。 She was too used to
this kind of thing to really work up a good fit anymore。 “They’ll be back today。 Before sunset； without a
doubt。”
“You said that three days ago； and two days ago； and again yesterday；” I reminded him。
“I have a good feeling about today。 Don’t sulk—it’s so human；” he teased。
“I’m not sulking。” Iwasn’t。 I was so worried I could barely think straight。 It didn’t leave me energy to do
anything else。
“This isn’t the first raid Jamie’s gone on。”
“That makes me feel so much better。” Again with the sarcasm。 Melanie was right—I really was
overusing it。
“He’s got Jared and Geoffrey and Trudy with him。 And Kyle’shere。 ” Ian laughed。 “So there’s no way
they’ll get into any trouble。”
“I don’t want to talk about it。”
“Okay。”
He turned his attention to his food and let me stew。 Ian was nice that way—always trying to give me
what I wanted； even when what I wanted was unclear to either of us。 His insistent attempts to distract me
from the present anxiety excepted； of course。 I knew I didn’t wantthat。 I wanted to worry； it was the
only thing I could do。
It had been a month since I’d moved back into Jamie and Jared’s room。 For three weeks of that time；
the four of us had lived together。 Jared slept on a mattress wedged above the head of the bed where
Jamie and I slept。
I’d gotten used to it—the sleeping part； at least； I was having a hard time sleeping now in the empty
room。 I missed the sound of two other bodies breathing。
I hadn’t gotten used to waking up every morning with Jared there。 It still took me a second too long to
return his morning greeting。 He was not at ease； either； but he was always polite。 We were both very
polite。
It was almost scripted at this point。
“Good morning； Wanda； how did you sleep？”
“Fine； thank you； and you？”
�
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