tg.stone of tears-第36部分

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　She　put　a　hand　protectively　on　Richard　as　she　sat　facing　Denna。　‘How　do　you　know　who　I　am？’
　
　Denna　grinned；　almost　laughed。　To　know　Richard　is　to　know　who　Kahlan　is。’
　
　‘He　told　you　about　me？’
　
　Denna’s　smile　faded。　‘In　a　way。　I　heard　your　name　countless　times。　When　I　hurt　him　until　he　was　delirious；　he　cried　your　name。　Never　another。　Not　his　mother’s；　nor　his　father’s。　Only　yours。　I　hurt　him　until　he　didn’t　know　his　own　name；　but　he　always　knew　yours。　I　knew　he　would　find　a　way　to　be　with　you　despite　your　Confessor’s　power。’　A　little　of　her　smile　came　back。　‘I　think　Richard　could　find　a　way　to　make　the　sun　rise　at　midnight。’
　
　‘Why　are　you　telling　me　this？’
　
　‘Because　I　am　going　to　ask　you　to　help　him；　and　I　want　you　to　understand　exactly　how　much　you　will　be　hurting　him　before　you　agree　to　it。　You　must　understand　what　it　is　you　will　have　to　do　in　order　to　save　him。　I　won’t　trick　you　into　doing　it。　It　must　be　with　your　full　knowledge。　Only　in　that　way　will　you　know　how　to　save　him。　If　you　don’t　understand；　you　could　fail。
　
　‘He　is　in　danger　from　more　than　this　mark。　He　is　sick　with　a　madness；　madness　I　put　there。　It　will　kill　him　as　surely　as　will　the　Keeper’s　mark。’
　
　‘Richard　is　probably　the　most　sane　person　I　know。　He　has　no　madness。　It　is　the　mark　we　must　remove。’
　
　‘He　is　marked　in　other　ways：　he　has　the　gift。　I　knew　from　the　moment　he　came　to　kill　me。　I　can　see　it　in　him　now；　the　aura　of　it。　I　know　it　is　killing　him；　and　I　know　his　time　is　very　short。　I　don’t　know　how　long；　only　that　there　is　not　much　time　left。　We　can’t　save　him　from　the　Keeper　just　to　have　him　die　anyway　from　the　gift。’
　
　Kahlan　nodded　as　she　wiped　her　nose　on　the　back　of　her　hand。　The　Sisters　of　the　Light　say　they　can　save　him。　They　say　he　must　put　a　collar　on　to　save　himself。　Richard　will　not　put　it　on。　He　told　me　what　you　did　to　him；　why　he　won’t　wear　a　collar。　But　Richard　is　not　crazy。　He　will　see　in　the　end　what　must　be　done；　and　do　it。　That　is　the　way　he　is。　He　will　see　the　truth。’
　
　Denna　shook　her　head。　‘What　he　told　you　does　not　scratch　the　surface　of　it。　You　cannot　imagine　what　he　has　not　told　you。　I　know　his　madness。　He　will　not　tell　you　the　rest　of　it。　I　must。’
　
　Kahlan’s　anger　boiled。　‘I　don’t　think　it　would　be　wise　for　you　to　tell　me。　If　he　doesn’t　want　to　tell　me；　then　I　don’t　think　I　should　know　it。’
　
　‘You　must。　You　must　understand　him　if　you　are　to　help　him。　In　some　ways；　I　understand　him　better　than　you。　I　have　taken　him　to　the　edge　of　madness；　and　beyond。　I　have　seen　him　in　a　wasteland　of　insanity。
　
　‘I　have　stood　over　him　and　held　him　there。’
　
　Kahlan　glared。　She　recognized　the　look　in　Denna’s　eyes　when　she　looked　at　Richard。　She　didn’t　trust　her。　‘You　love　him。’
　
　Denna　stared　at　her。　‘He　loves　you。　I　used　that　love　to　hurt　him。　I　took　him　to　the　brink　of　death　and　held　him　there；　on　the　cusp。　Others　would　bring　a　man　to　the　edge　faster；　but　they　couldn’t　hold　him　there。　They　always　went　one　step　too　far；　too　quickly；　and　killed　them；　ending　it　before　they　could　extract　the　most　exquisite　pain；　inflict　the　crudest　of　the　insanity。　Darken　Rahl　chose　me　because　I　had　a　talent　for　keeping　them　alive　and　giving　them　that　pain；　and　then　more；　and　then　even　more。　Darken　Rahl　himself　taught　me。
　
　‘I　had　to　sit　for　hours；　sometimes；　and　wait；　knowing　that　if　I　touched　him　just　once　more　with　the　Agiel；　it　would　be　one　touch　too　many；　it　would　kill　him。　As　I　sat；　waiting　for　him　to　recover　enough　so　that　I　might　hurt　him　more；　he　would　whisper　your　name；　over　and　over；　for　hours。　He　wasn’t　even　aware　he　was　doing　it。
　
　‘You　were　the　thread　that　kept　him　alive。　It　was　the　one　thread　that　allowed　me　to　give　him　that　extra　pain。　Allowed　me　to　take　him　further　toward　death；　deeper　into　madness。　I　used　his　love　for　you　to　punish　him　beyond　anything　otherwise　possible。
　
　‘As　I　would　sit　there；　listening　to　him　whisper　your　name；　I　wished　it　would　once；　just　once；　have　been　my　name　he　called　out。　It　never　was。　I　hurt　him　more　for　that　than　for　anything　else。’
　
　Tears　ran　down　Kahlan’s　cheeks；　falling　from　her　face。　‘Please；　Denna；　I　don’t　want　to　hear　any　more。　I　can’t　bear　to　hear　any　more　…　to　know　I　made　it　possible　for　you　to　do　what　you　did。’
　
　‘You　must。　I　have　not　yet　even　begun　to　tell　you　what　you　must　hear　if　you　want　to　help　him。　You　must　understand　how　I　used　magic　against　him；　why　he　hates　the　magic　within　himself。　I　understand；　because　what　I　did　to　him　was　also　done　to　me；　by　Darken　Rahl。’
　
　As　Kahlan　sat　shaking；　staring　blankly　at　nothing；　almost　in　a　trance；　Denna　began　telling　her　what　she　had　done　to　Richard。　How　she　used　the　Agiel。　She　flinched　at　the　description　of　every　kind　of　touch；　at　everything　it　could　do。
　
　Kahlan　remembered　all　too　well　what　its　touch　felt　like；　the　maddening　pain。　She　learned　that　what　she　had　felt　was　the　least　of　it。
　
　She　cried　as　Denna　told　her　how　Richard　had　hung　in　shackles　as　she　pulled　his　head　back　by　his　hair　and　made　him　stay　perfectly　still　while　she　pushed　the　Agiel　in　his　ear；　or　risk　damage　inside　his　head。　And　how　he　had　been　able　to　do　it　because　of　his　love　for　Kahlan。　She　shook；　when　she　heard　the　horrifying　description　of　what　it　did　to　him；　what　the　magic　did　to　him；　what　his　own　magic　did　to　him。　She　couldn’t　look　at　Denna　as　the　other　spoke。　Couldn’t　meet　her　eyes。　And　that　was　only　the　beginning。
　
　She　clutched　her　stomach　and　held　a　trembling　hand　to　her　mouth　to　keep　from　vomiting　as　Denna　described　one　unspeakable　act　after　another。　Kahlan　couldn’t　make　herself　stop　crying。　She　gagged　as　she　closed　her　eyes　tight。
　
　As　she　listened；　she　prayed　to　the　good　spirits　that　Denna　wouldn’t　tell　her　the　one　thing　she　knew　she　couldn’t　bear　to　hear。
　
　But　then　Denna　told　her。　Told　her　what　a　Mord…Sith　did　to　her　mate；　why　their　mates　didn’t　live　long。　Every　intimate　detail。　And　what　she　had　done　to　Richard　that　she　had　done　to　no　other　mate。
　
　With　a　wail；　Kahlan　turned　away；　crawled　a　short　distance；　and　started　throwing　up。　With　one　hand　holding　herself　up；　and　the　other　across　her　abdomen；　she　cried　and　heaved　and　gagged。　Denna’s　hands　were　there；　holding　her　hair　back　as　Kahlan　emptied　the　contents　of　her　stomach　onto　the　dirt。　She　vomited　until　her　insides　were　heaved　dry。
　
　She　felt　Denna’s　warm　tingling　touch　on　her　back。　She　wanted　to　call　forth　the　lightning；　but　was　too　sick　to　find　the　power。　She　was　torn　between　wanting　to　throw　herself　on　Richard　and　fort　him；　and　ripping　this　woman　apart　with　the　magic　of　the　Con　Dar；　the　Blood　Rage。
　
　Between　gagging；　and　panting；　and　crying；　Kahlan　managed　to　get　the　words　out。　‘Take　。。。　your　hands　。。。　off　me。’　The　hand　holding　her　hair　slipped　away。　The　one　on　her　back　lifted。　Her　stomach　heaved　again　in　a　dry　convulsion。　‘How　many　times　did　you　do　that　to　him？’
　
　‘Enough。　It　does　not　matter。’
　
　Kahlan　turned　in　a　rage；　clenching　her　fists　as　she　screamed。　‘How　many　times！’
　
　Denna’s　voice　was　soft　and　calm。　‘I’m　sorry；　Kahlan；　I　don’t　know。　I　didn’t　keep　a　tally。　But　he　was　with　me　a　long　time。　Longer　than　any　other　mate。　I　did　it　almost　every　night。　The　things　I　did；　I　did　to　no　other；　because　none　had　the　strength　Richard　did；　the　strength　of　his　love　for　you。　The　others　would　have　died　the　first　time。　He　fought　me；　for　a　long　time。　I　did　it　enough；　that’s　all。　Enough。’
　
　‘Enough！　Enough　for　what！’
　
　‘Enough　to　drive　a　part　of　him　mad。’
　
　‘He’s　not　mad！　He’s　not！　He’s　not！’
　
　Denna　watched　as　Kahlan　shook　with　pain　and　rage。　‘Kahlan；　listen　to　me。　Anyone　else　would　have　been　broken　by　what　I　did。　Richard　saved　himself　by　partitioning　his　mind。　He　locked　the　core　of　himself　away　where　I　couldn’t　get　to　it；　where　the　magic　couldn’t　get　to　it。　He　used　the　gift　to　do　that。　It　saved　the　core　of　himself　from　the　insanity。　But　in　the　darkest　corners　of　his　mind　lurks　madness。　I　used　his　magic　against　him；　to　drive　him　insane。　He　couldn’t　protect　all　of　himself　from　the　things　I　did。
　
　‘I　told　you　what　I　did　so　you　could　see　the　truth　of　his　madness。　He　had　to　sacrifice　that　part　to　save　the　rest。　To　save　the　rest　for　you。　I　wish　I　could　have　done　the　same　when　it　was　done　to　me。’
　
　Kahlan　lifted　Richard’s　hand　in　hers；　holding　the　back　of　it　to　her　heart。　‘How　could　you　do　those　things？’　she　cried。　‘Oh；　my　poor　Richard。　How　could　you？　How　could　you　do　that　to　anyone？’
　
　‘We　all　have　our　own　little　bits　of　insanity。　Some　more　than　others。　My　life　was　a　darkness　of　it。’
　
　‘Then　how　could　you！　How　could　you；　knowing　what　it　was　like！’
　
　Denna　watched　her　from　under　her　eyebrows。　‘You　have　done　terrible　things　too。　You　have　used　your　power　to　hurt　people。’
　
　‘But　they　were　people　guilty　of　horrible　crimes！’
　
　‘All　of　them？’　she　asked　quietly。　‘Every　one？’
　
　Kahlan’s　breath　caught　with　the　memory　of　using　her　power　against　Brophy。
　
　‘No；’　she　whispered。　‘But　I　didn’t　do　it　because　I　wanted　to。　I　had　to。　It　is　my　job。　Who　I　am。　What　I　am。’
　
　‘But　you　did　it。　And　what　of　Demmin　Nass？’
　
　The　words　cut　through　her。　Her　mind　flooded　with　the　memory；　the　sweet　memory；　of　castrating　that　beast　of　a　man。　She　sank　forward　with　a　wail。　‘Oh；　dear　spirits；　am　I　no　better　than　you？’
　
　‘We　all　do　what　we　must；　whatever　the　reasons。’　Her　glowing；　diaphanous　fingers　lifted　Kahlan’s　chin。　‘I　do　not　tell　you　these　things　to　hurt　you；　Kahlan。　The　telling　of　them　wounds　me　more　than　you　can　know。　I　tell　you　because　I　want　to　save　Richard；　so　that　he　doesn’t　die　before　his　rightful　time；　and　so　that　the　Keeper　does　not　escape。’
　
　Kahlan　clutched　Richard’s　hand　tighter　to　her　breast　as　she　wept。　‘I’m　sorry；　Denna　。。。　but　I　don’t　have　it　in　me　to　forgive　you。　I　know　Richard　does　。。。　but　I　do　not。　I　hate　you。’
　
　‘I　would　not　expect　you　to　forgive　me。　I　only　wish　you　to　understand　the　truth　of　what　I　am　telling　you；　the　truth　of　Richard’s　madness。’
　
　‘Why！　To　what　purpose！’
　
　‘So　that　you　will　understand　what　you　must　do。　Wearing　a　collar　is　the　core　of　that　insanity。　It　symbolizes　everything　I　did　to　him。　In　his　mind；　magic　is　madness；　torture。　A　collar　is　madness；　torture。　Insanity。
　
　The　thought　of　having　a　collar　around　his　neck　brings　that　madness　out　of　the　darkest　corners　of　his　being；　brings　out　his　deepest　fears。　He　is　not　exaggerating　when　he　says　he　would　rather　die　than　put　a　collar　around　his　neck。　He　will　not　do　it　to　save　himself。　If　he　doesn’t；　he　will　die。　There　is　only　one　thing　in　the　world　that　will　make　him　put　on　the　collar。’
　
　Kahlan’s　head　snapped　up。　Her　eyes　were　wide。　‘You　want　me　to　ask　him　to　put　a　collar　around　his　neck。’　She　went　weak　with　dread。　‘You　would　have　me　do　that　to　him？　After　what　you　have　told　me？’
　
　Denna　nodded。　‘He　will　do　it　if　you　tell　him　to。　He　will　not　do　it　for　any　other　reason。　None。’
　
　Richard’s　limp　arm　slipped　from　Kahlan’s　shaking　hands。　Her　fingers　covered　her　mouth。　Denna　was　right。　After　what　she　knew　now；　what　she　had　heard；　she　knew　Denna　was　right。
　
　She　knew　now　what　it　had　been　that　she　had　seen　in　Richard’s　eyes　when　he　looked　at　the　collar　the　Sisters　held　out　to　him。　It　had　been　madness。　Richard　would　never　put　a　collar　around　his　neck　of　his　own　accord。　Never。　She　knew　that　now。　Really　knew　it。
　
　A　small　cry　escaped　her　throat。　‘If　I　make　him　put　on　the　collar；　he　will　think　I　have　betrayed　him。　In　his　madness；　he　will　think　I　want　to　hurt　him。’　Pain　welled　up　inside　her；　and　she　started　to　cry　all　over　again。　‘He　will　hate　me。’
　
　Denna’s　voice　came　in　a　soft　whisper。　‘I　am　sorry；　Kahlan。　That　could　be　the　truth　of　it。　We　can’t　know　for　sure；　but　he　may　very　well　see　it　that　way。　I　don’t　know　how　much　the　madness　will　take　over　when　he　knows　he　must　put　on　the　collar；　when　you　tell　him　he　must。　But　he　loves　you　more　than　life　itself；　and　will　put　it　on　for　no　other　reason。’
　
　‘Denna；　I　don’t　know　if　I　could　do　that　to　him。　Not　after　what　you　have　told　me。’
　
　‘You　must；　or　he　will　die。　If　you　love　him　enough；　you　must　do　this。　You　must　be　strong　enough　in　your　love　for　him　to　force　him　to　do　it；　knowing　the　pain　it　will　bring　him。　You　may　have　to　act　as　I　would　have　acted；　to　frighten　him　enough　to　do　as　you　say。　You　may　have　to　bring　the　madness　to　full　flower；　make　him　think　the　way　he　did　when　he　was　with　me；　when　he　would　have　done　anything　he　was　told。
　
　‘You　may　lose　his　love。　He　may　hate　you　forever。　But　if　you　really　love　him；　you　will　see　that　you　are　the　only　one　who　can　help　him；　the　only　one　who　can　save　him。’
　
　Kahlan　snatched　desperately　for　a　way　out。　‘But　in　the　morning；　we　were　going　to　go　to　Zedd；　a　wizard；　who　might　be　able　to　help　him　control　the　gift。　Richard　thinks　Zedd　will　know　what　to　do；　that　he　will　be　able　to　help　him。’
　
　‘That　may　be　true。　I’m　sorry；　Kahlan；　I　don’t　know　the　answer　to　that。　It　may　work。　But　I　do　know　that　the　Sisters　of　the　Light　have　the　power　to　save　him。　If　they　e；　and　he　turns　them　down　for　the　third　time；　he　will　forever　lose　the　opportunity　to　get　their　help。　If　it　turns　out　that　this　wizard　can’t　help　Richard；　then　he　will　die。　His　time　is　short；　days　at　most。
　
　‘Do　you　understand　what　that　means；　Kahlan？　He　won’t　just　die；　the　Keeper　will　have　him；　have　everyone。　Richard　is　the　only　one　who　can　close　the　veil。’
　
　‘How？　Do　you　know　how　he　can　close　it？’
　
　‘I’m　sorry；　I　don’t。　I　know　only　that　it　must　be　torn　the　rest　of　the　way　from　this　side。　That　is　why　the　Keeper　has　agents　on　this　side。　That　is　why　Darken　Rahl　came　here。　Somehow；　Richard　is　the　only　one　who　can　stop　them；　and　also　the　only　one　with　the　power　to　repair　what　has　been　rent。
　
　‘If　he　turns　the　Sisters　down；　and　this　wizard　can’t　help　him；　then　he　dies；　soon；　and　it　will　be　as　if　the　mark　itself　took　him　to　the　Keeper。　If　he　can　get　to　this　wizard　before　he　turns　the　Sisters　down　for　the　third　time；　he　can　learn　whether　he　can　be　helped　without　them　。。。　without　the　collar。　But　if　they　e　before　he　can　get　to　Zedd；　I　must　have　your　promise　you　will　do　what　must　be　done　to　save　him。’
　
　There　is　time。　The　Sisters　won’t　be　back　for　at　least　a　few　days。　We　can　get　to　Zedd　first。　There　is　time！’
　
　‘I　hope　you　are　right；　I　really　do。　I’m　sure　you　won’t　believe　me；　but　I　don’t　want　Richard　to　ever　have　to　wear　a　collar；　to　ever　face　that　madness　again。　But　if　you　can’t　get　to　Zedd；　then　you　must　promise　me　you　won’t　allow　him　to　miss　the　chance　at　life　the　Sisters　offer。’
　
　Tears　streamed　from　Kahlan’s　burning　eyes。　Richard　would　hate　her　if　she　made　him　put　on　the　collar；　she　knew　he　would。　He　would　think　she　had　betrayed　him。
　
　‘But　what　of　the　mark？　He　still　has　the　mark　on　him。’
　
　Denna　watched　her　a　long　time。　Her　voice　came　so　softly　Kahlan　could　scarcely　hear　it。　‘I　will　take　the　mark。　I　will　go　to　the　Keeper　in　his　place。’　A　shimmering　tear　ran　down　her　cheek。　‘But　I　will　only　do　it；　I　will　only　give　up　my　soul；　if　I　know　it　gives　him　a　chance。’
　
　Kahlan　stared　incredulously。　‘You　would　do　that　for　him？’　she　whispered。　‘Why？’
　
　‘Because　after