tg.stone of tears-第43部分

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he　best　of　the　Han　in　another。　Some　use　it　to　bring　out　the　best　in　themselves。　Some　use　it　to　control；　to　dominate　another。　It　can　heal　or　wound。
　
　‘Once　we　understand　how　the　gift　works　within　you；　how　you　use　it；　we　can　guide　you　through　exercises　called　forms。　The　forms　are　a　method　of　practice　that　will　help　you　learn　to　control　the　power　once　it　is　free　of　your　body。　But　for　now；　that　is　not　important。　First　you　must　learn　to　feel　the　Han　within　yourself；　before　you　can　project　it　anywhere　outside　your　body。
　
　After　you　are　able　to　touch　the　Han；　then　we　must　discover　what　it　is　you　can　do　with　it。　Every　wizard　is　different；　and　uses　Han　differently。　Some　can　use　it　only　through　the　use　of　mind；　like　wizards　who　study　the　prophecies。　The　use　of　their　Han　to　understand　prophecies　is　the　major　way　the　gift　manifests　itself　with　them。　It　is　their　unique　talent。　Some　can　only　use　their　Han　to　create　beautiful；　inspiring　objects。　Some　use　their　Han　to　create　things　invested　with　magic。　It　is　their　unique　talent；　how　they　are　able　to　express　Han。　Some　are　able　to　use　their　thoughts　to　influence　the　world　about　them；　as　I　showed　you　when　I　lifted　the　rock。　Some　can　do　other　things　with　Han。　Some　are　able　to　do　a　little　of　everything。’
　
　Her　frown　returned。　‘The　truth　is　of　the　utmost　importance　in　this；　Richard。　You　must　be　pletely　truthful　in　telling　us　how　the　Han　feels　within　you。　Lying　will　cause　grave　difficulty。’　She　relaxed　a　bit。　‘But　first；　you　must　be　able　to　call　upon　your　Han　before　we　can　discover　what　sort　of　wizard　you　are。’
　
　‘I　told　you：　I　don’t　want　to　be　a　wizard。　I　just　want　to　learn　to　control　the　gift　so　I　can　stop　the　headaches　and　get　this　collar　off　my　neck。　You　said　I　didn’t　have　to　be　a　wizard。’
　
　‘Controlling　Han；　with　the　gift；　is　what　it　means　to　be　a　wizard。　When　you　learn　to　control　it；　you　will　be　a　wizard。　That　is　the　very　essence　of　a　wizard。　But　wizard　is　only　a　word。　You　should　not　fear　a　word。　If　you　choose　not　to　use　the　gift；　that　is　your　business；　we　can’t　force　you；　but　a　wizard　you　will　be。’
　
　‘Teach　me　what　I　need　to　know；　but　I’ll　not　be　a　wizard。’
　
　‘It　is　not　something　evil；　Richard。　It　is　just　learning　to　know　yourself；　what　you　are　capable　of；　what　your　talents　are。’
　
　Richard　sighed。　Tine。　So　how　do　I　control　it？’
　
　Teaching　control　of　the　gift　is　a　process　taken　in　steps。　I　cannot　explain　it　to　you　all　at　once　because　you　would　be　unable　to　understand　steps　further　along。　Each　step　must　be　mastered　before　you　can　move　on　to　the　next。
　
　‘Before　we　can　show　you　how　to　project　the　Han　outside　yourself；　you　must　first　recognize　it；　and　then　be　able　to　touch　it；　join　with　it　within　yourself。　You　must　know　what　it　is。　You　must　be　able　to　feel　it。　You　must　be　able　to　reach；　for　it；　touch　it；　at　will。　You　understand　what　I　am　saying；　yes？’
　
　Richard　nodded。　‘A　little；　I　guess。　So　what　is　it？　How　will　I　know　it？　What　is　it　like　to　know　it；　to　touch　it？’
　
　Sister　Verna’s　eyes　became　distant；　seeming　to　go　out　of　focus。　‘You　will　know　it；’　she　whispered。　‘It　is　like　seeing　the　light　given　off　by　the　Creator。　It　is　almost　like　joining　with　Him。’
　
　Richard　watched　her　glazed　expression。　She　seemed　enthralled　by　what　she　was　seeing　within　herself。
　
　‘So　how　do　I　find　it？’　he　asked　at　last。
　
　Her　eyes　focused　on　him。　‘You　must　search　for　it；　within　yourself。’
　
　‘How？’
　
　‘You　simply　sit；　and　search　within。　You　put　all　other　thoughts　aside；　and　seek　the　quiet；　the　calm；　within　yourself。　At　first；　it　is　helpful　if　you　close　your　eyes；　breathe　slowly；　evenly；　and　let　yourself　find　the　peace　of　nothingness。　In　the　beginning；　it　helps　to　focus　on　a　single　thing；　in　order　to　exclude　all　distracting　thoughts。’
　
　‘A　single　thing？　Like　what？’
　
　She　shrugged。　‘Whatever　you　wish。　It　is　only　a　device　to　help　you　reach　the　end；　not　the　end　in　itself。　Everyone　is　different。　Some　use　a　single　word；　repeating　it　over　and　over　to　the　exclusion　of　all　else。　Some　use　a　mental　picture　of　a　simple　object；　using　it　to　bring　their　mind　into　focus。　Eventually；　after　you　learn　to　recognize　the　power；　to　touch　it　and　bee　one　with　it；　you　won’t　need　to　focus　on　a　device　first。　You　will　know　the　nature　of　Han；　and　be　able　to　reach　directly　for　it。　It　will　bee　second　nature　to　you。　I　know　it　sounds　strange　and　difficult　to　you　now；　Richard；　but　in　time　you　will　find　it　as　easy　as　it　is　for　you　to　call　forth　the　magic　of　your　sword。’
　
　Richard　had　the　uneasy　feeling　that　he　already　knew　what　she　was　talking　about。　He　could　almost　understand　what　she　was　saying。　The　words　seemed　strange；　but　they　described　something　that　was　somehow　familiar；　yet　different。
　
　‘So　you　just　wish　me　to　sit　and　close　my　eyes　and　seek　the　quiet　within？’
　
　She　nodded。　‘Yes。’　Sister　Verna　pulled　her　heavy　brown　cloak　tighter　around　her　shoulders。　‘You　may　begin。’
　
　Richard　let　out　a　breath。　‘All　right。’
　
　He　closed　his　eyes。　It　seemed　his　thoughts　were　scattering　in　all　directions　at　once。　He　tried　to　herd　them　away。　He　tried　to　think　of　a　word　or　a　picture　to　focus　on。　He　thought　of　Kahlan’s　name　before　anything　else。　He　let　it　flow　like　liquid　through　his　mind。　Kahlan。　He　rejected　the　idea。　He　hated　his　magic；　and　didn’t　want　to　associate　her　with　anything　he　hated。　Besides；　the　thought　of　her　only　brought　pain；　the　pain　of　loving　her　enough　to　give　her　what　she　wanted；　of　having　set　her　free。
　
　He　thought　of　simple　words；　simple　objects；　but　none　held　any　interest　for　him。　He　calmed　his　mind　and　relaxed　his　breathing。　He　sought　peace　within　himself；　a　calm　center；　the　way　he　had　always　done　when　he　needed　to　think　of　a　solution　to　a　problem。　In　the　quiet；　he　tried　to　think　of　an　image　he　could　use。　It　popped　into　his　mind；　almost　of　its　own　accord。
　
　The　Sword　of　Truth。
　
　It　was　already　magic；　and　therefore　he　wouldn’t　be　tainting　it。　It　was　a　simple　image。　It　seemed　to　fit　the　requirements。　It　was　settled。　It　would　be　the　Sword　of　Truth。
　
　Richard　pictured　it　floating　by　itself　on　a　field　of　black。　He　studied　the　details　he　knew　so　well：　the　polished　blade　with　the　fuller　down　its　length；　the　aggressive；　downswept　crossguards；　the　hilt　covered　in　fine；　twisted　silver　wire　with　twisted　gold　wire　woven　through　it　forming　the　raised　letters　of　the　word　Truth。
　
　As　he　pictured　it；　fixing　it　in　his　mind；　floating　on　a　black　background；　something　fought　him。　It　was　the　background；　not　the　sword。　Around　the　edge　of　the　black　was　white；　forming　the　black　into　a　square。　Richard　remembered　it　from　before。
　
　It　was　one　of　the　instructions　in　the　Book　of　Counted　Shadows；　the　book　he　had　memorized　when　he　was　a　boy。　Clear　your　mind　of　all　thought；　and　in　its　place　put　nothing　but　the　image　of　white　with　a　square　of　black　in　its　center。　It　was　part　of　the　instructions　for　removing　the　covers　from　the　boxes　of　Orden　and　using　the　magic　of　the　book。　He　had　used　that　magic　to　show　Darken　Rahl　how　to　remove　the　cover　from　a　box　to　prove　to　him　he　truly　did　know　the　book。　But　why　would　it　be　in　his　mind　now？　Just　a　random　memory　forcing　its　way　to　the　surface；　he　decided。
　
　It　was　as　good　a　background　as　any　to　put　the　sword　on。　After　all；　he　was　trying　to　use　magic。　If　his　mind　wanted　to　use　it；　it　made　no　difference　to　him；　he　would　let　it　be。　At　that　thought；　the　image　of　the　sword　and　a　square　black　background　with　white　around　it　solidified　and　became　still。
　
　Richard　concentrated　on　the　mental　image　of　the　sword　against　the　black　square　with　the　white　border。　He　concentrated　as　hard　as　he　could。　Something　began　to　happen。
　
　The　sword；　the　black　square；　and　the　white　border　all　began　to　shimmer　as　if　seen　through　heat　waves。　The　solid　form　of　the　sword　softened。　It　became　transparent；　and　then　it　was　gone。　The　background　dissolved。　He　was　looking　into　a　place　he　knew。
　
　The　Garden　of　Life；　at　the　People’s　Palace。
　
　Richard　thought　it　odd；　and　somewhat　annoying；　that　he　wasn’t　able　to　hold　his　concentration　enough　to　keep　the　image　of　the　sword　in　his　mind。　The　memory　of　the　place　where　he　killed　Darken　Rahl　must　have　been　so　strong　that　it　forced　its　way　into　his　mind　while　he　was　relaxed。
　
　He　was　about　to　try　to　force　the　image　of　the　sword　to　e　back　when　he　smelled　something。　Burned　flesh。　The　stench　made　his　nostrils　flare。　He　almost　gagged。　His　stomach　turned　sickeningly。
　
　He　searched　the　image　of　the　Garden　of　Life。　It　was　like　looking　through　a　dirty　windowpane。　There　were　bodies　lying　over　the　short　walls；　fallen；　partly　hidden；　in　bushes；　and　sprawled　on　the　grass。　All　were　hideously　burned。　Some　held　weapons；　swords　or　battle…axes；　in　charred　fists。　Others　lay　with　open　hands；　their　weapons　resting　where　they　had　tumbled　as　their　owners　fell　dead。　Choking　apprehension　swelled　in　Richard’s　chest。
　
　Richard　saw　the　back　of　a　white；　glowing　figure　standing　before　the　stone　altar；　before　the　three　boxes　of　Orden。　One　of　the　boxes　stood　open；　as　Richard　remembered。　The　white　figure　with　long　blond　hair　lifted　his　face　away　from　the　boxes。
　
　Darken　Rahl　turned　and　looked　right　into　Richard’s　eyes。　His　blue　eyes　glowed。　A　smile　spread　slowly　on　his　lips。　It　seemed　as　if　Richard　was　helplessly　pulled　closer。　Closer　to　the　grinning　face。
　
　Darken　Rahl　lifted　a　hand　to　his　mouth　and　licked　the　tips　of　his　fingers。　‘Richard；’　he　hissed。　‘I’m　waiting　for　you。　e　watch　while　I　tear　the　veil。’
　
　Unable　to　draw　a　breath；　Richard　slammed　the　image　of　the　sword　back　into　his　mind；　like　slamming　a　door。　He　held　it　there；　rigidly；　without　the　background；　as　he　tried　to　make　himself　breathe。
　
　It　was　just　a　stray　memory；　and　his　fear；　making　him　see　the　image；　he　told　himself。　He　concentrated　on　the　sword　as　he　finally　decided　that　what　he　had　seen　wasn’t　real；　but　maybe　a　manifestation　of　his　heartache　over　Kahlan；　and　his　lack　of　sleep。
　
　That’s　what　it　had　to　be。　It　couldn’t　have　been　real。　That　would　be　impossible。　He　would　have　to　be　insane　to　believe　it　had　been　real。
　
　He　opened　his　eyes。　Sister　Verna　was　sitting　calmly　watching　him。　She　gave　a　heavy　sigh　…　he　thought　maybe　out　of　displeasure。
　
　Richard　swallowed。　‘I’m　sorry。　Nothing　happened。’
　
　‘Don’t　be　discouraged；　Richard。　I　did　not　expect　anything　to　happen。　It　takes　a　long　time　to　learn　to　touch　the　Han。　It　will　happen　when　it　happens。　There　is　no　way　to　rush　it。　It　does　no　good　to　push　too　hard；　it　es　from　finding　the　inner　peace　and　not　by　force。　That　is　long　enough　for　today。’
　
　‘A　few　minutes？　That’s　all　you　want　me　to　try？’
　
　She　lifted　an　eyebrow。　‘You　have　had　your　eyes　closed　for　over　an　hour。’
　
　He　stared　at　her；　and　then　glanced　to　the　sun。　It　seemed　to　have　jumped　up　into　the　sky。　Over　an　hour。　How　was　that　possible？　A　tingle　of　apprehension　spread　through　him。
　
　She　cocked　her　head。　‘It　seemed　only　a　few　minutes　to　you？’
　
　Richard　stood。　He　didn’t　like　the　frown　on　her　face。　‘I　don’t　know。　I　wasn’t　paying　any　attention。　I　guess　it　did　feel　like　an　hour。’
　
　
　He　started　packing　the　few　things　he　had　taken　out。　The　more　he　thought　about　what　he　had　seen；　the　more　unreal　it　seemed。　It　began　to　feel　like　a　dream　after　waking；　the　fear；　the　hard　edges；　the　reality；　fading。　He　began　to　feel　foolish　for　being　so　frightened　by　a　dream。
　
　A　dream？　He　hadn’t　been　sleeping。　How　could　he　have　been　dreaming　when　he　was　awake？
　
　Maybe　he　hadn’t　been　awake。　He　had　been　dead　tired。　Maybe　while　he　was　sitting　there　concentrating　on　the　sword；　he　had　fallen　asleep。　That’s　how　he　went　to　sleep；　sometimes：　by　concentrating　on　something　until　he　drifted　off。　That　was　the　only　explanation　for　the　time　going　so　fast。　He　was　asleep；　and　the　rest　of　it　had　been　a　dream。
　
　He　let　out　a　heavy　breath。　He　felt　silly　for　having　been　so　frightened；　but　he　felt　relieved；　too。　When　he　turned；　Sister　Verna　was　still　watching　him。
　
　‘Do　you　wish　to　shave　now？　Now　that　I　have　shown　you　I　only　wish　to　help　you。’
　
　Richard　straightened。　‘I　told　you：　prisoners　don’t　shave。’
　
　‘You　are　not　a　prisoner；　Richard。’
　
　He　stuffed　his　blanket　into　his　pack；　tucking　in　the　corners　to　make　it　fit。　‘Will　you　remove　the　collar？’
　
　Her　answer　was　slow　in　ing；　but　firm。　‘No。　Only　when　it　is　time。’
　
　‘May　I　leave；　and　go　where　I　wish？’
　
　She　sighed　impatiently。　‘No。　You　must　go　with　me。’
　
　‘And　if　I　don’t；　if　I　try　to　leave　you？’
　
　Her　eyes　narrowed　a　little。　Then　I　would　be　forced　to　prevent　it。　You　would　find　you　did　not　like　that。’
　
　Richard　nodded　solemnly。　‘That　fits　my　definition　of　a　prisoner。　As　long　as　I’m　a　prisoner；　I　will　not　shave。’
　
　The　horses　nickered　at　his　approach；　their　ears　pricking　toward　him。　Sister　Verna　eyed　them　suspiciously。　He　returned　the　greeting　with　gentle　words　and　a　stiff　scratch　to　the　side　of　each　horse’s　neck。　Taking　out　the　brushes；　he　gave　each　a　quick　grooming；　paying　particular　attention　to　their　backs。
　
　Sister　Verna　folded　her　arms。　‘Why　are　you　doing　that？　You　groomed　them　last　night。’
　
　‘Because　horses　like　to　roll　in　the　dirt。　They　could　have　something　under　where　the　saddle　goes。　Feels　kind　of　like　walking　around　with　a　rock　in　your　boot；　only　worse；　it　could　give　them　a　sore；　and　then　we　won’t　be　able　to　ride　them。　So；　I　like　to　check　them　over　before　I　put　their　saddles　on。’
　
　When　he　finished；　he　cleaned　the　brushes　against　each　other。　‘What　are　their　names？’
　
　Sister　Verna　gave　a　sour　frown。　‘They　don’t　have　names。　They　are　just　horses。　We　don’t　give　names　to　dumb　animals。’
　
　He　pointed　with　the　curry　brush　at　the　chestnut　gelding。　‘You　don’t　even　give　your　own　a　name？’
　
　‘He　is　not　my　own。　They　all　belong　to　the　Sisters　of　the　Light。　I　ride　whichever　one　is　available。　The　bay　you　rode　yesterday　is　the　one　I　rode　before　you　came　with　me；　but　it　makes　no　difference。　I　simply　ride　whichever　one　is　available。’
　
　‘Well；　from　now　on；　they’re　going　to　have　names。　Avoids　confusion。　Yours　is　the　chestnut；　and　he　will　be　Jessup；　my　bay　will　be　Bonnie；　and　the　other　bay　will　be　Geraldme。’
　
　‘Jessup；　Bonnie；　and　Geraldine；’　she　huffed。　‘No　doubt　from　The　Adventures　of　Bonnie　Day。’
　
　‘Glad　to　hear　you　read　something　other　than　prophecies；　Sister　Verna。’
　
　‘As　I　told　you　before；　ones　with　the　gift　who　e　to　the　palace　are　brought　when　they　are　young。　One　boy　brought　The　Adventures　of　Bonnie　Day　with　him。　I　read　it　to　see　if　it　was　appropriate　for　young　minds；　and　to　see　if　it　was　of　good　moral　teachings。　I　found　it　to　be　a　preposterous　story　of　three　people　who　would　have　had　no　troubles　if　a　one　of　them　had　been　blessed　with　brains。’
　
　Richard　smiled　a　little。　‘Perfect　names　for　‘dumb　animals’　then。’
　
　She　scowled　at　him。　‘It　was　a　book　of　no　intellectual　value。　No　value　of　any　kind。　I　destroyed　it。’
　
　Richard’s　smile　tried　to　fade；　but　he　didn’t　let　it。　‘My　father　。。。　well；　the　man　who　raised　me　as　his　son；　and　who　I　think　of　as　my　father；　George　Cypher；　well；　he　traveled　often。　One　time；　when　he　came　home；　he　brought　me　The　Adventures　of　Bonnie　Day；　as　a　gift　for　learning　to　read。　It　was　the　first　book　I　ever