tg.stone of tears-第57部分

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ge；　trying　to　catch　his　breath。　His　head　sunk　into　his　hands　as　tears　welled　up。　He　must　be　losing　his　mind。　What　in　the　world　was　he　doing？　He　was　risking　his　life　for　nothing。　No；　not　for　nothing。
　
　He　raised　his　head。　The　little　gar　was　standing　in　the　blood　where　its　mother　had　been；　its　trembling　wings　held　out　limply；　its　shoulders　slumped；　and　its　tufted　ears　wilted。　Big　green　eyes　watched　him。　They　stared　at　each　other　for　a　long　moment。
　
　‘I’m　sorry；　little　one；’　he　whispered。
　
　It　took　a　tentative　step　toward　him。　Tears　ran　down　the　gar’s　face。　Tears　ran　down　his。　It　took　another　small；　shaky　step。
　
　Richard　held　his　arms　out。　It　watched；　and　then　with　a　miserable　wail；　fell　into　them。
　
　It　clutched　its　long；　skinny　arms　to　him。　Warm　wings　wrapped　around　his　shoulders。　Richard　hugged　it　tightly　to　himself。
　
　Gently　stroking　its　coarse　fur；　he　hushed　it　with　forting　whispers。　Richard　rarely　had　seen　a　creature　in　such　misery；　a　creature　so　in　need　of　fort　that　it　would　even　accept　it　from　the　one　who　had　caused　its　pain。　Maybe；　he　thought；　it　was　only　recognizing　him　as　the　one　who　had　saved　it　from　being　eaten　by　two　huge　monsters。　Maybe；　given　the　terrible　choice；　it　chose　to　see　him　as　a　savior。　Maybe　the　last　impression；　of　saving　it　from　being　eaten；　was　simply　the　strongest。
　
　The　little　gar　felt　like　nothing　more　than　a　furry　sack　of　bones。　It　was　half　starved。　He　could　hear　its　stomach　grumbling。　Its　faint　musky　odor；　while　not　pleasant；　was　not　repulsive　either。　He　cooed　succor　as　the　thing’s　whimpering　slowed。
　
　When　it　had　at　last　quieted　with　a　heavy；　tired　sigh；　Richard　stood。　Sharp　little　claws　tugged　at　his　pant　leg　as　it　looked　up　to　his　face。　He　wished　he　had　some　food　to　leave　with　the　pup；　but　he　hadn’t　brought　his　pack　and　had　nothing　to　offer。
　
　He　pulled　the　claw　from　his　pants。　‘I　have　to　go。　Those　two　won’t　e　back　now。　Try　to　find　yourself　a　rabbit　or　something。　You’ll　have　to　do　the　best　you　can　on　your　own　now。　Go　on。’
　
　It　blinked　up　at　him；　its　wings　and　one　leg　slowly　stretching　as　it　yawned。　Richard　turned　and　started　off。　He　looked　over　his　shoulder。　The　little　gar　followed　after。
　
　Richard　stamped　to　a　halt。　‘You　can’t　e　with　me。’　He　held　his　arms　out　and　shooed　it　away。　‘Go　on。　Be　off　with　you。’　He　started　walking　backward。　The　gar　followed。　He　stopped　again　and　shooed　it　more　firmly。　‘Go！　You　can’t　e　with　me！　Go　on！’
　
　The　wings　wilted　again。　It　took　a　few　shaking　steps　back　as　Richard　started　off　again。　This　time　it　stayed　put　as　he　went　on　his　way。
　
　Richard　had　the　woman’s　body　to　bury；　and　he　needed　to　get　back　to　camp　before　Sister　Verna　decided　to　use　the　collar　to　bring　him　back。　He　had　no　desire　to　give　her　an　excuse；　he　knew　she　would　find　one　soon　enough。　He　glanced　behind　to　make　sure　the　gar　hadn’t　followed。　He　was　alone。
　
　He　found　the　body；　laid　on　its　back；　where　he　had　left　it。　He　noted　with　relief　that　there　were　no　blood　flies　about。　He　had　to　find　either　a　patch　of　ground　soft　enough　to　dig　a　hole；　or　else　a　deep　crevice　of　some　sort　to　hide　her　body　in。　Sister　Verna　had　been　explicit　about　hiding　it　well。
　
　As　he　was　surveying　the　scene；　there　was　a　soft　flutter　of　wings　and　the　little　gar　thumped　to　the　ground　nearby。　He　muttered　a　quiet　lament　as　the　creature　folded　its　wings　and　squatted　fortably　before　him；　peering　up　with　big　green　eyes。
　
　Richard　tried　to　shoo　it　away　again。　It　didn’t　move。　He　put　his　hands　on　his　hips。
　
　‘You　can’t　e　with　me。　Go　away！’
　
　It　tottered　to　him　and　clutched　his　legs。　What　was　he　going　to　do？　He　couldn’t　have　a　gar　tagging　after　him。
　
　‘Where　are　your　flies？　You　don’t　even　have　any　blood　flies　of　your　own。　How　can　you　expect　to　catch　your　dinner　without　your　own　blood　flies？’　He　gave　a　rueful　shake　of　his　head。　‘Well；　it’s　not　my　concern。’
　
　The　small；　wrinkled　face　peeked　around　his　legs。　A　low　growl　came　from　its　throat　as　its　lips　pulled　back　to　reveal　sharp　little　fangs。　Richard　looked　around。　It　was　growling　at　the　dead　woman。　He　closed　his　eyes　with　a　groan。　The　pup　was　hungry。　If　he　buried　the　body；　the　gar　would　dig　it　up。
　
　Richard　watched　as　the　gar　hopped　over　to　the　body；　pawing　at　it　as　its　growls　grew　louder。　Richard　tried　to　swallow　back　the　dryness　in　his　throat；　or　maybe　the　things　he　was　thinking。
　
　Sister　Verna　had　said　to　get　rid　of　the　body。　They　mustn’t　know　how　the　woman　had　died；　she　had　said。　He　couldn’t　stand　the　thought　of　the　remains　being　eaten。　But　even　if　he　buried　it；　it　would　be　eaten　anyway　…　by　worms。　Why　were　worms　better　than　a　gar？　Another　ghastly　thought　came　to　him：　who　was　he　to　judge　…　he　had　eaten　human　flesh。　Why　was　that　any　different？　Was　he　any　better？
　
　And　besides；　if　the　pup　was　busy　eating；　he　could　be　off；　and　they　would　be　gone　before　it　had　time　to　follow。　It　would　be　on　its　own　then。　He　would　be　rid　of　it。
　
　Richard　watched　as　the　little　gar　cautiously　inspected　the　body。　It　experimentally　tugged　at　an　arm　with　its　teeth。　The　pup　wasn’t　experienced　enough　to　know　what　to　do　with　a　kill。　It　growled　louder。　The　sight　made　Richard　sick。
　
　The　teeth　dropped　the　arm　and　the　gar　looked　at　him；　as　if　to　ask　for　help。　The　wings　fluttered　with　excitement。　It　was　hungry。
　
　Two　problems　at　once。
　
　What　difference　did　it　make？　She　was　dead。　Her　spirit　had　departed　her　body　and　wouldn’t　miss　it。　It　would　solve　two　problems　at　once。　Gritting　his　teeth　at　the　task　in　mind；　he　drew　the　sword。
　
　Pushing　back　the　hungry　gar　with　a　leg；　Richard　took　a　mighty　swing；　slashing　open　a　great　rent。　The　little　gar　pounced。
　
　Richard　walked　quickly　away　without　looking　back。　The　sounds　turned　his　stomach。　Who　was　he　to　judge？　Lightheaded；　he　broke　into　a　trot　back　to　the　camp。　Sweat　soaked　his　shirt。　The　sword　had　never　felt　so　heavy　at　his　hip。　He　tried　to　put　the　whole　incident　out　of　his　head。　He　thought　about　the　Hartland　Woods　and　wished　he　were　home。　He　wished　he　could　still　be　who　he　had　once　been。
　
　Sister　Verna　had　just　finished　currying　Jessup　and　was　lifting　on　his　saddle。　She　eyed　him　with　a　sidelong　glance　before　moving　to　her　horse’s　head；　speaking　softly　and　privately　to　him　as　she　scratched　his　chin。　Richard　took　up　the　curry　b　and　brushed　quickly　at　Geraldine’s　back；　cautioning　her　sharply　to　stand　still　and　quit　turning　about。　He　wanted　to　be　away　quickly。
　
　‘Did　you　make　sure　they　wouldn’t　find　the　body？’
　
　His　hand　with　the　b　froze　on　Geraldine’s　flanks。　‘If　they　find　what’s　left；　they　won’t　know　what　happened。　I　was　attacked　by　gars。　They　got　the　body。’
　
　She　thought　this　over　silently　for　a　moment。　‘I　thought　I　heard　gars。　Well；　I　guess　that　will　do。’　He　went　back　to　brushing　as　she　spoke　again。　‘Did　you　kill　them？’
　
　‘I　killed　one。’　He　considered　not　telling　her；　but　decided　it　didn’t　matter。　‘There　was　a　baby　gar。　I　didn’t　kill　it。’
　
　‘Gars　are　murderous　beasts。　You　should　have　killed　it。　Perhaps　you　should　go　back　and　finish　it。’
　
　‘I　can’t。　It　。。。　won’t　let　me　get　close　enough。’
　
　With　a　little　grunt　she　pulled　the　girth　strap　tight。　‘You　have　a　bow。’
　
　‘What　difference　does　it　make？　Let’s　just　be　off。　All　by　itself；　it　will　probably　die　anyway。’
　
　She　bent；　checking　that　the　strap　wasn’t　pinching　her　horse。　‘Perhaps　you’re　right。　It　would　be　best　if　we　were　away　from　here。’
　
　‘Sister？　Why　haven’t　the　gars　bothered　us　before？’
　
　‘Because　I　shield　against　them　with　my　Han。　You　were　too　far　away；　beyond　my　shields；　and　so　they　came　for　you。’
　
　‘So　this　shield　will　keep　all　gars　away　from　us？’
　
　‘Yes。’
　
　Well；　at　least　there　was　one　thing　the　Han　was　good　for。
　
　‘Doesn’t　that　take　a　lot　of　power？　Gars　are　big　beasts。　Isn’t　it　hard？’
　
　The　question　brought　a　small　smile　to　her　lips。　‘Yes；　gars　are　big；　and　there　are　other　beasts　I　must　shield　against；　too。　All　this　would　take　much　power。　You　must　always　search　for　the　way　to　acplish　the　task　using　the　least　amount　of　Han。’
　
　She　stroked　her　horse’s　neck　as　she　went　on。　‘I　keep　the　gars　away　not　by　repelling　the　beasts　themselves；　but　by　shielding　against　their　blood　flies。　It’s　much　easier。　If　the　flies　can’t　get　through　the　shield；　the　gars　won’t　think　there　is　anything　worthwhile　and　so　won’t　e　to　us　either。　It　uses　little　of　my　strength　this　way；　yet　achieves　my　aim。’
　
　‘Why　didn’t　you　use　this　shield　against　the　people　here？　Against　the　woman　tonight？’
　
　‘Some　of　the　people　in　the　wilds　have　charms　against　our　power。　That’s　why　many　Sisters　die　trying　to　cross。　If　we　knew　how　these　charms　or　spells　worked；　we　might　be　able　to　counter　them；　but　we　don’t。　It’s　a　mystery　to　us。’
　
　Richard　finished　saddling　Geraldine　and　Bonnie　in　silence。　The　Sister　waited　patiently。　He　thought　she　had　more　to　say；　about　their　argument　before　he　had　gone　to　bury　the　woman；　but　she　remained　silent。　He　decided　to　speak　first；　and　get　it　over　with。
　
　‘Sister　Verna；　I’m　sorry　about　Sisters　Grace　and　Elizabeth。’　He　idly　stroked　Bonnie’s　shoulder　as　he　studied　the　ground。　‘I　said　a　prayer　over　their　graves。　I　just　wanted　you　to　know　that。　A　prayer　to　the　good　spirits　to　watch　over　them　and　treat　them　well。　I　didn’t　want　them　to　die。　You　may　think　otherwise；　but　I　don’t　want　anyone　to　die。　I’m　sick　of　death。　I　can’t　even　eat　meat　anymore　because　I　can’t　stand　the　thought　of　anything　having　to　die　just　to　feed　me。’
　
　‘Thank　you　for　the　prayer；　Richard；　but　you　must　learn　that　it　is　only　the　Creator　we　must　pray　to。　It　is　His　light　that　guides。　Praying　to　spirits　is　heathenish。’　She　seemed　to　think　better　of　her　harsh　tone；　and　softened　it。　‘But　you　are　unschooled；　and　would　not　know　that。　I　can’t　fault　you　for　doing　the　best　you　could。　I’m　sure　the　Creator　heard　your　prayer；　and　understood　its　benevolent　intent。’
　
　Richard　didn’t　like　her　narrow…minded　attitude。　He　thought　that　perhaps　he　knew　more　about　spirits　than　she　did。　He　didn’t　know　much　about　this　Creator　of　hers；　but　he　had　seen　spirits　before；　both　good　and　bad。　He　knew　you　ignored　them　at　your　own　peril。
　
　Her　dogmas　seemed　as　foolish　to　him　as　the　superstitions　of　the　country　people　he　knew　when　he　had　been　a　guide。　They　had　been　full　of　stories　of　how　people　came　to　be。　Each　remote　area　he　had　visited　had　its　own　version　of　man　created　from　this　or　that　animal　or　plant。　Richard　had　liked　listening　to　the　stories。　They　were　filled　with　wonder　and　magic。　But　they　were　just　stories；　rooted　in　a　need　to　understand　how　the　teller　fit　into　the　world。　He　was　not　going　to　accept　on　faith　the　things　the　Sisters　said。
　
　He　did　not　think　that　the　Creator　was　like　some　king；　sitting　upon　a　throne；　listening　to　every　petty　prayer　to　e　his　way。　Spirits　had　been　alive　once；　and　they　understood　the　needs　of　mortals；　understood　the　exigencies　of　living　flesh　and　blood。
　
　Zedd　had　taught　him　that　the　Creator　was　simply　another　name　for　the　force　of　balance　in　all　things；　and　not　some　wise　man　sitting　in　judgment。
　
　But　what　did　it　matter？　He　knew　people　held　tightly　to　their　doctrines　and　were　closed…minded　about　it。　Sister　Verna　believed　what　she　did　and　he　wasn’t　going　to　change　it。　He　had　never　faulted　people　for　the　beliefs　they　held；　he　was　not　about　to　start　now。　Such　beliefs；　true　or　not；　could　be　a　balm。
　
　He　pulled　the　baldric　off　over　his　head　and　held　the　sword　out　to　her。　‘I’ve　thought　about　the　things　you　said　before。　I’ve　decided　I　don’t　want　the　sword　anymore。’
　
　Her　hands　came　up　and　he　laid　the　weight　of　the　sword；　scabbard；　and　baldric　in　them。
　
　She　showed　no　emotion。　‘Do　you　really　mean　this？’
　
　He　nodded。　‘I　do。　I　am　finished　with　it。　The　sword　is　yours　now。’
　
　He　turned　to　check　his　saddle。　Even　without　the　sword　at　his　hip；　he　could　still　feel　the　tingle　of　its　magic。　He　could　give　up　the　sword；　but　the　magic　was　still　within　him；　he　was　the　true　Seeker；　and　could　not　be　rid　of　that。　At　least　he　could　be　rid　of　the　blade；　and　thereby　the　things　he　did　with　it。
　
　‘You　are　a　very　dangerous　man；　Richard；’　she　whispered。
　
　He　looked　back　over　his　shoulder。　That’s　why　I’m　giving　you　the　sword。　I　don’t　want　it　any　longer；　and　you　do；　so　it’s　yours。　We’ll　see　now　how　you　like　killing　with　it。’
　
　He　tucked　the　end　of　the　girth　strap　through　the　buckle　and　drew　it　tight。　He　gave　Bonnie　a　gentle　pat　before　turning　around。　Sister　Verna　was　still　holding　out　the　sword。
　
　‘Until　now　I　had　no　idea　just　how　dangerous　you　are。’
　
　‘Not　anymore。　You　have　the　sword　now。’
　
　‘I　cannot　accept　it；’　she　whispered。　‘It　was　my　duty　to　take　the　sword　from　you　when　you　came　back　…　to　test　you。　There　was　only　one　thing　you　could　have　done　to　prevent　losing　it。　And　you　have　done　it。’　She　lifted　the　sword　to　him。　‘There　is　no　man　more　dangerous　than　one　who　is　unpredictable。　There　is　no　way　to　forecast　what　you　will　do　when　pushed。　It　is　going　to　be　great　trouble。　For　you。　For　us。’
　
　Richard　didn’t　know　what　she　was　talking　about。　‘There’s　nothing　unpredictable　about　it。　You　wanted　the　sword；　and　I’m　weary　of　the　things　I　do　with　it；　so　I　gave　it　to　you。’
　
　‘You　understand；　because　it　is　the　way　you　think。　Others　don’t　think　that　way。　You’re　an　enigma。　Worse；　your　inexplicable　behavior　es　at　the　times　you　need　it　most。　That　is　the　gift　at　work。　You’re　using　your　Han　without　understanding　what　you　are　doing。　That　is　dangerous。’
　
　‘One　reason　for　the　collar　is　to　open　my　mind　to　the　gift。　That’s　what　you　said。　If　I’m　using　the　gift；　which　is　what　you　want　me　to　do；　and　if　it　is　what　I　need；　then　I　don’t　see　how　that　is　dangerous。’
　
　‘What　you　need　and　what’s　right　are　not　necessarily　the　same。　Just　because　you　want　something；　that　does　not　make　it　right。’　She　nodded　to　the　sword。　Take　it　back。　I　cannot　accept　it　now。　You　must　keep　it。’
　
　‘I　told　you；　I　don’t　want　it。’
　
　Then　throw　it　in　the　fire。　I　cannot　take　it。　It’s　tainted。’
　
　Richard　snatched　it　out　of　her　hands。　‘I’m　not　throwing　it　in　the　fire。’　He　put　his　head　through　the　baldric　and　straightened　the　scabbard　at　his　hip。　‘I　think　you’re　too　superstitious；　Sister。　It’s　just　a　sword。　It　is　not　tainted。’
　
　She　was　wrong。　It　was　the　magic　that　was　tainted；　and　he　had　not　offered　that　to　her。　Even　if　he　wanted　to　be　rid　of　its　magic；　all　magic；　he　could　not。　It　was　part　of　him。　Kahlan　had　seen　that；　and　she　had　rid　herself　of　it。　Of　him。
　
　She　turned　from　him　and　mounted　Jessup。　Her　voice　was　cold　and　distant。　‘We　must　be　on　our　way。’
　
　Richard　settled　into　his　saddle　and　followed　after。　He　hoped　the　little　gar　would　have　a　chance　at　life；　after　the　meal　it　had　needed。　He　said　a　silent　good…bye　to　it　as　he　rode　into　the　night　behind　Sister　Verna。
　
　Though　he　had　meant　what　he　said　about　giving　her　the　sword；　he　felt　strangely　relieved　to　have　it　back。　It　belonged　with　him；　and　somehow　made　him　whole。　Zedd　had　given　it　to　him；　it　was　what　had　changed　him；　but　it　was　also　all　he　had　to　remind　him　of　his　friend　and　home。
　
　
　CHAPTER　25
　
　The　horse　was　exhausted；　but　still　ran　with　wild　abandon。　Adie　held　a　tight　grip　on　Zedd’s